Transcripts For 1TV Klub 20240703

Good evening, good evening, dear friends, hello, my name is dmitry khrustav, this is the major league of the club of cheerful resourceful people, you know. Does not stand still, progress moves forward, theater, cinema, television, everything changes, but one thing remains unchanged when we get together at home, together, as a family, we turn on the tv, watch a club of cheerful resourceful people, we are enjoying this game, and despite the fact that time passes, we have new lineups every time, this season too only. Friends, on this stage now stands a magnificent five, which will soon turn into a magnificent four, which will complement the final list of the quarter finalists for this season, and i am sure that today we will have an exciting game. So, the next team is so confident in its abilities that it decided to represent the whole continent, the kvn team eurasia, chelyabinsk. The next one is very experienced. Team from moscow, because this is this will be their third season of the major league, the kvn team ivan ivanov, reo named after plekhanov, moscow, well, for dessert, they are so energetic that they can easily give a head start to any young team, twice vicechampions are peoples favorites. And the kvn team, rovenki, Orel State University named after Ivan Sergeevich turgenev, the city of orel, friends, today we again. See three competitions, one of which will be improvisational, but since humor should be understandable to everyone , evaluate the performance of the teams, we invited very, very different people, nevertheless they they are all objective, they are all legends. Attention, the legend of russian basketball, european champion, president of the russian basketball federation, andrei kirilenko. The legend of russian figure skating, World Champion, wonderful and beautiful evgenia medvedeva, and the legend of kvn, champion of belarus in rock, paper, scissors, our good friend vadim galygin. How i didnt imagine him just this season, but today, come on, valdis, no joke, a real legend of our television, valdis pelsh, and the chairman of the jury, the legendary general director channel one, konstantin ernst. Well, it seems like everyone is represented, nothing prevents us from starting, so i want to say traditionally, good luck teams, thank you, greetings to the competition, according to tradition, lets start with it, the first to appear on this stage will be the kvn team eurasia, the city of chelyabinsk, lets go, chelyabinsk is on the border. Europe and asia, therefore the Musical Instrument is asian, the words are russian, shame is spanish. There are so many different beautiful songs in the country, beautiful, powerful songs in our country, they can be sung like this, like this, but, but in each its the only thing that sounds on the hit parade, smoke went across the room, smoke. You could have cut off the kvatolok, you could, well, what can i say, ray, were in heaven, hello. But its cool, i told you, the beginning of the season is a holiday, and what would a holiday be without us asians, maslenitsa, oh well, theres only one, ivan kupala, hey, good, i say, apple saved, so gleb, slow down, in the fall rainy gray day, a forest deer ran into the church. And another ram ran in after him, only they escaped , eid aladha, oh, why are you crying, why in the end were they caught, slaughtered, skinned, ate, hopin, but we have a miniature about the jury members, but there is only one small nuance, its not scary, show behind. Hello, im a former prime minister, and im an even more former prime minister, but wait, wait , and what a nuance, we read it wrong, we thought kiriyenko and medvedev would be in the fat, after such jokes he will give you three rubles and you will throw away your skates, so gleb, well, good, but what about me right away, you have a man standing there, in general doesnt do anything, who is this . Zambian who . And what can he do . Gleb, are you a moron . And you have a mother walking . This is nordic walking so guys, are you sick or what . After all, we live in order to die tomorrow, ugh, there are people here, meet me, this is aigera, shes studying to become an aunt from the registry, wait, what does a doctor do on our team, something doesnt add up in my head, now i ll roll your head into a cast, everything will heal there, and by the way, you have skin problems, what is it . Well, she looks like a freak, but era, what are you saying . In general, can there be children in the hall . I hate children, why . Well, because these are little people. Listen what do you need from us . I actually have a gift for you, a box of chocolates with cognac. Oh, sweets, oh, cognac oh, box, oh, foil. So asians, you better show why you came to moscow, no problem. Dear friends, not everyone knows, but asians come to moscow to build their own courier. At a young age, men come to russia. And immediately at the border everyone hands over backpacks, soaring steeper than a bentley, no matter the obstacles, winged alpeks, flying, flying, flying. I remember once i ordered, ordered delivery, and the courier was waiting for delivery he said that he had come up, i went out onto the porch, i didnt see him, now im calling him, where are you standing now, and he answers me, near your house, where the girls are standing, they are standing everywhere, near your house, where the bonny and where the dove flew, youre completely sick, near the house. Its where the cloud is above, okay, i understand, to the store, alibek nurlan, gaibdullo, aidar, adilkhon tahir, bek zubayda, dont repeat, dont repeat, dont repeat, couriers never. What can i say, cool number, take it, put it here, tomorrow with 7 to 8 in the morning bring it to my work, aera, youre mad because you dont understand music, but i dont, i actually saw a bow on an xray, dont ask, aera, just let us play. Yes, i know im telling you guys, now youll win your kvn, then popularity, autographs, girls will hang themselves around your neck, alcohol, promiscuous sex, god, what a cool game Alexander Vasilyevich created, they come from different cities to make you laugh, but the major leagues took a long time, you have to surprise because we are from far away. Dont you look, we perform from the heart, because we chelyabensky, razski nave, my soul hurts. Nailed it, summer rain, summer rain, let there be music. Shoka, a product of the stellor group, rum, castro, a product of the stellor group, vodka veda, a product of the stellar group, well, from the Ural Mountains we are moving to the seven moscow hills, reo named after plekhanov, moscow, kvn team, ivan ivanov, ivan ivanov straight from place. Performance, do you recognize any of these people . No, just like that, and the guys have been playing for the third season in the major league, but at least you recognize me . Yes, youre standing over there, so what . Happening here . This is him, this is him. so you broke the robot vacuum cleaner, i thought the scales came to me, thank you for your help, the investigation, you can leave, but what about harassment, i almost forgot, hold on, well, lets get into place, stage ivan ivanov, named after plekhanov, who came up with this, like who petya and vasya, petya and vasya, people who. Sing, you know what ill tell you, lets start, every 2 seconds 10,000 brain cells die, well, youre ripe for the next miniature. And we believe that mistrust is growing in society. And maybe soon this situation will happen hello, treat me to a cigarette, and i have the last one, and the last one, and show me the pack, well, i threw it in the trash, well, take it out of the trash, well, yes, ha, look, the garbage truck took the whole dump, took it away, taxi in a taxi, follow that garbage truck, you can smoke if you want, yes, if you want, you can smoke, come on, joke, but we believe that mistrust is growing in society, and so on the street, life, excuse me, not treat cigarette, funny, yes, of course, here you go, what a bastard you girls are, and we think that some soviet social experiments. Where they persuaded all the children except one, they were quite cruel, many of our actions are objectively explained by suggestion, although we dont notice it, boy, what color are these pyramids, both are white, well done, girl, what color are these pyramids, both are white. Well done, now you boy, what color are these pyramids, both are white, youre blind, so lets do it one more time, what color . These pyramids, both white, youre stupid, you cant see, one is white, the other is black, why do you say that both are white, you said it yourself, that im a decoy, i must say, both are white, thats it, well done, well done, quiet, quiet, sit silently, okay, boy, what color are these pyramids . And youre from another experiment, you know, we wont wait for the finale to introduce you to our parents, so beloved mothers, come out on stage. Whats this . Mommies . Doesnt anything bother you two . No, but is it okay that the twins have two mothers . Parents dont choose. We got out of these, listen, we must end with a smart, kind, correct thought, well, lets do it as planned, call your mothers more often, ivan ivanov, ray in the name of plekhanov, thank you, you scolded me, i tore everyone apart when levran was in line to speak in greeting. Team representing Synergy University, its called a section, welcome, brothers, save us, russian folk art is dying there. Hello everyone, my name is sasha, my father betrayed me as a child, i still remember this phrase balalaika is almost the same as a guitar, son, my music school was in the basement or. Its called optimists, ground floor, this is seryozha, and he lashkar, they recognized the melody, thats right, nirvana, the numbers on romans chest are not a key bet in a couple of years, this is. Abolition of serfdom, guys, sit down, ill open it. Well, no one asks victoria bonnie, although ill ask roma. Why do you need this whistle . Yes, thanks to such whistles, the ancient slavs drove away evil spirits. Rum there are no evil spirits. Do not thank. We found out here that pushkin and lermontov were removed from the unified state examination, and i think its right, i lost a duel to a pon from the unified state examination. Who joke even during the transfer to the plane, no, but what, it seems they should have done it before saratov is on a plane to fly, but we are going by bus, well, the man who is always free on easter, nijat, this is your tambourine, this is a goval, a traditional azerbaijani instrument, or as yuri laza would say, oh, a globe. In general, russian culture is folk instruments, and to hold it over while pregnant at 16, when you yourself are 16, and your mother is 32, oh, girls, maybe so, well figure it out. Guys, are we burying banes jacket in kostroma . These are the people who didnt shy away from grandmas kisses. Meet lera, my girlfriend. Damn, well i just forgot. Whats going on, what kind of balalaika . 2024, by the way. Polalaika is our specialty. Our trick is to prove that you are nothing more. Listen, were actually cool, seryozha, you actually have the word cool, god took it away, dont you understand, playing the balalaika is not easy work, ive been practicing since i was 6 years old, i played 7 hours a day, if its still on the whistle can. Get married, hello, im from the Culture Committee and we are banning this event, what are you doing here, by the way, we have kvn, the major league, we are promoting russian culture, yes. And this and this and angie are playing games, and probably today this and this khakhmach, you probably wanted to say the word, probably, probably even exactly, but im from the ministry of culture, and the ministry of culture is like shes only . Now, while you are not there, hear you, hear you, smart guy with a globe, okay, if you want to laugh, recently in the state duma he proposed introducing a tax on hiccups, and they laughed, they always laugh at first. In short, stay tuned. In general, we want to glorify balalaika on channel one. Maybe on the First Channel. Only one russian folk instrument, who else are you . I am the host of the program game and harmony, my beloved, zakhar zavolokin, and you cant check it, this channel is too small for the two of us you, too, are not afraid now, as if the ufc is shown on the spas tv channel, finally the First Channel can not be interrupted by advertising, you can show it right on top of it. Looks like one sucker got the better of an older sucker. Listen, zakhar, it turned out cool, maybe we can play together, guys, i have to admit, im not zakhar zavolokin, im stas malyshev, the World Champion in digital button accordion, but you cant check, i hope we were able to prove to you that russian folk culture lives in us, unites us and makes us who we are. Who we are, so sincerely, poor jury members, how they will evaluate the national idea, section, thank you, me in 1954, the first secretary of the cpsu central committee, Nikita Sergeevich khrushchev, decided to transfer crimea to ukraine from the barsky shoulder. He was sure, like the first bolsheviks, that none of this would matter. A fanatic, a madman himself. There is no, as he likes to say, an attempt to invest in the ukrainian bureaucracy or even a gift from my mother, who was born in western ukraine. The protocol was strangely signed by nemalenkov. Which presided, for some reason khrushchev, a crime was committed, a violation of three constitutions by bodies that were not authorized to transfer the territory, accuses khrushchev of transferring crimea, after all, he transferred crimea not to romania, not bulgaria, not great britain, not france, all this happened within the framework of the union state, when the processes of the collapse of the soviet union had already begun, we suddenly felt that we could find ourselves behind outside of their homeland, the entire area was. Big story, how khrushchev surrendered the crimea, tomorrow after the program time, Alexander Ivanovna, forgive me, but what are you doing here, dont believe me, i was passing by purely by chance, i looked at our bus, i think ill come in and say hello, otherwise its not intelligent, i know that i am not guilty, and you need to prove it. You have 24 hours for this, its time to discuss the assault plan with the cathedral, first we need to distract him, you are here unofficially and are not a hostage specialist, the bloodhound is new series from monday on the first, so the petals grew, and dont forget on the bed, they also had a heart on the bed, Alexander Ivanov with a regular heart, im aware of ilya, thank you for the usual heart, understood here too, yes, call me, lets continue on. Our train from moscow is moving to the transbaikal territory, on this stage in the competition, greetings to the kvn team without boundaries, we meet, we will play and take content, we will lift everyones spirits, well, hello, before you are students, and we are the same people, which, if they suddenly forget teacher, they immediately address him like this, well, hello viktoriyarovna, a message from the ministry of emergency situations from the far east to. A sexual hurricane is approaching in 3, 2, 1, all this beauty, without you, without you, meet, this is egor viktorovich, vicerector for youth policy of our university, think about it, its funny, right . Egor viktorovich, why are you behaving like this, this is moscow, why is it all moscow, moscow, well, ive been here all day, i havent even seen anyone here in such a suit, seriously, well. And dim, hello, hairstyle, shine, egor viktorovich, what the jokes, in fact, the whole of russia watches the major league, well, russia, russia, yes, it is in africa, yes, russia, we have the finest political humor there, in principle, you can participate in some political talk shows, well there time will show. Kostya, brother, hello, yegor viktorovich, why are you talking to konstantin lvovich like that, well, man, the general director of channel one, im the deputy rector for youth policy, but he and i are somewhere on the same level, just like that, oh , okay, what did you do today, and we are today, and today im Walking Around moscow, that means im literally walking, walking with a light springy gait, theres no way to meet me. Sergei semyonovich sobyanin, hes like , hello to me, i say, hello, i ask him, sergey semyonovich, how are you . He says listen, we are extending the russia exhibition at vdnkh until july, and his eyes are so sad , hes kind of thoughtful, i say, sergey semenovich, what happened . He says listen, i cant figure out how to kick russia out of moscow, this is a joke, in short, okay, what do we have, parodies . This is the youth hall, look, you should something for them, well, i can do it, come on, heres asphalt 8, she has it, shes lighting a cigarette, i quit, i dont have time, old man, i dont have time, but moscow, no one here has time for anything, oh god, remove me from the court for inattention, look who we have on the jury today, this is my brightest, the phenomenon of chita basketball, a unique opportunity to present to you the most promising player of the chetinsky chitago bulls, lyoshka ivannikov, meet. Alexei if izhevsk gave the country the president of the basketball federation, then look what it gave chita Basketball Academy to humanity alexey, how old are you . Two . How much is left . 43, your height, 157. Legs 57, you see, the little man is growing forward, yeah, okay, lets move on to the most intriguing part of our presentation, working with the sword, please, maestro, well, as you understand, the little man with the head, thats yours head, okay, run, swim, crawl, or how you move, listen, and so it turns out, we manage to perform . Egor viktorovich, we also came up with a good final idea, can we tell you . Of course, tell this but your speech, i dont get involved in it at all. We noticed that the transbaikal territory has such a glorious kven tradition. How . Every 7 years, a team from transbaikalia enters the kvn major league. What are you doing . Look, 2011, kvn team gurana. Nice guys. 2017, kvn team. Team of the transbaikal region, little yellow guys, here is 2024, the kvn team without boundaries, well, this is the wheel of samsara, i understand, do it in spite of, do it by hand, take the world, return it, the sky, think about it, and he also knows how to do what li, bone, but its exactly the same, they said us its too late to save, its too late to treat, i dont care, because our children will be better than. So you can find a voice better than us ziverd dont call better than dima will change clothes when the moment comes over them, its unlikely. These five people and a thousand other people will put us, its easy to change places, the borderless line has come, the circulation of people is on the first, the kvngizrani team, think about what will happen next, holy, distant, mink, the capital, meet us, and we will try real belarusian potato pancakes, of course, finally some kind of meshtal closed my door, and you know how potatoes will be in belarusian, how bulba, the first pair in belarus is made with horseradish, i want to make stewed ribs with baked beets and marinate. Ill make flatbreads and wrap just a poached chicken thigh in it, we wont waste a second of time. Premiere, chefs on wheels, tomorrow on the first day, how is the mood, class, mood, oh mariupol, like a seagull with a broken wing, their uniforms have been thrown away, that is , they mostly came to the surface out of shape, the guys will work according to. So, you and i, friends, are moving to oryol State University, kvn team, little ones, welcome hello friends, hello, listen, seriously, in general, we have already played two finals and lost twice, so we think that this is a curse, yes, and the curse must be lifted, in short, its your own fault, sacrifices. I look into the eyes of a goat, but i dont feel sorry for the kazoo, its sleek, playful, but we need a medal, the animal is innocent, and theres no problem, the goats life will be interrupted. We want to win the game, and not return guzman to the jury, okay, okay, thats it, we sacrifice it in a different way, it means, goat, now youre twice vicechampion of the major league of kvn, yes, well done, goat, here we are, men, lets start with a clean slate, well, people, lets fight, youre poor. Friends, listen, well, its a new season, and weve already told you everything about the ravenkas, shown everything, all thats left is to smell the ravenki, here it is, the rovenky air, and you feel, 2 of field wormwood, youre humorous lyokha, you should do standup, its easy, and what should be done there . Well , tell me about my problems, i understand everything, im listed as lyokha, im 35 years old, i dont have a job, i have problems with my wife, my mother is old, i dont have time to come fix the fence, i havent seen my father for a long time, but the funny thing is, i havent seen him yet, what are you doing . Laugh like that, but what are you, fuck, well, oh, what, guys, how are we going to earn victory today, holy saints, who are you . The head of the rovenkovo ​​election commission, who is here to spoil the victory, woman, come on . You are yelling at me, there are 40 of you, and i am alone, the mood, there are two of you, well, give or take, what difference does it make, you went to elections in general, you always did before, now you have switched to electronic ones, to electronic ones, what are you going to give up and what, i im sorry, but this whos with you . Independent. And what smells of cognac from him . Ok, addict, are you satisfied . And what, hes direct, if he notices some kind of violation, he stops right away, communicates where necessary, and is he a stopper for you, or is he a reporter, hes an observer, well, in the youthful way, i understand. From the soap, he says, he says, there were zaslutsky stuffings, big ones, but no, theres Something Like that, a candy wrapper, a cigarette butt, oh, okay, lets go, we also need to get rid of unnecessary voices, some unnecessary voices, well , those that if in his head they tell him to hurt himself, okay, shishkanov . Blackboard, weeks pass, years pass, they talk about it on the benches, revel in melancholy, no, brother, never, well just kick back as usual, im giving you adren, legends can be made about ravenkovos generosity in the clinic, hello, doctor, hello, and this is the shaft , this is not for me, this is for the laboratory, put it on the table, take off the lid, im giving you adrenaline, yes, what have you lost. Somewhere in the Eldorado Service Center in rovenki. Man, what kind of perdemonocle is this . Akasia happened, god forgive me, what do you say . What kind of forgings are these 7 8 . So what happened . This is your station, alice, she doesnt understand a word that i tell her. Kill me, crazy woman, im giving you adrenaline, a nightmare from a ravenna peasant, great, nonsense, biden, biden, what did you say about me, nothing. You put an offensive sticker on me, what do you need to prove that im straight . No need, in short, just one more word, i ll come to an agreement with mikhalych, hell forbid you from catching crayfish on the lake, i understand, i understand, thats it, goodbye, well, come here, bitch, and i ll drag him off my feet, oh my, more slutsky found out that i didnt vote for him, returned the ldpr tshirt, she at the dacha, i returned the tshirt. Listen, friends, well, we didnt manage to win two times in a row, yes, okay, lets try again, you know, the bus from moscow takes 16 hours, during all this time there hasnt been. A single stop, believe me, the residents of ravna know how to endure , hey maskva, you are a beautiful woman, our meetings with you are rare, for the sake of them, at the parade we shaved, dressed, glazheniki, our song for you, and. Make me laugh, you are obsolete, and if you dont rush, you will still be useful, we thank the government. Organizing kvn games, this is the first competition, competition greetings are over, before i ask the distinguished members of the jury to prepare to show the scores to the teams for this competition, i am the teams on the stage and call the teams to the stage. So. Scores for the greeting competition, the first to appear on this stage was the kvn team eurasia, the city of chelyabinsk, their scores, please, maximum five points, 5, 4, 4, 5, 5, average score 4. 6 points, then ivan ivanov, reo. Four points exactly for this team for this competition, further Section University synergy 5 5 5 4 5 4. 8 points, the average score for this competition for this team, further without. 4. 4 points, finally, level, oryol State University, all judges 5 points, hereditary. A former employee of the British Intelligence services, the head of a special department for identifying soviet Intelligence Officers in great britain, he had , of course, an exceptional gift, he didnt tell anything, but they told him everything, kim philby, a brilliant agent of soviet intelligence, neither churchel nor rooseville they knew what stalin knew, and he knew almost everything, thanks to whom. 30 years on the verge of exposure, 4 years of continuous interrogation, everything i could to do is to gather courage. Long years of separation from children after a forced escape, and one main meeting of a lifetime, gifted by moscow. I want to marry you, filming from my personal archive and the true story give it away. Learn to shoot down some spy immediately, flights must be suspended, the situation cannot be escalated, the likelihood that the plane will be shot down is negligible, a ram at such a height is certain death, if you were in the pilots place, what would you do . Im fifty two, ready in advance, interrupted flight. Harry powers next saturday on the first. So, friends, we are moving on to the second competition, which can be an excellent opportunity for teams to either correct the situation, or , conversely, strengthen their leadership. Blitz warmup. The blitz warmup will take place in two stages. The first stage is question and answer. I ask a short question and. The teams quickly answer it, of course they should, which was funny. So, the first question the most unexpected text message from the ministry of emergency situations. So, guys, the most unexpected text message from the ministry of emergency situations. Christ is risen. So, section. The most unexpected text message from the ministry of emergency situations, you are sleeping. And that was it. So without limits, the most unexpected text message from the ministry of emergency situations, the ministry of emergency situations is now on telegram, not bad, equals, another option, the most unexpected text message from mcs, forwarded this sms to 10 of your friends, or there will be 15, so far so good, ivan ivanov, the most unexpected text message from ministry of emergency situations, with your map list. For 2,000 rubles. Great, the most unexpected text message from the ministry of emergency situations, voice, that s all, there is, next question, guys, what is written on dzhigans Business Card . Its already funny. So, ivan ivanov, what is written on his Business Card . Dzhigan . This is a Business Card. Exactly what is written on dzhigans Business Card . Card three, section, what is written on dzhigans Business Card . If you are lost, call this number. So, finally, it matches what is written on dzhigans Business Card ill buy hair, its expensive. Next question the strangest event at the zoo . Eurasia, the strangest event at the zoo, visit the python from the inside. So the next question is what should kharitonov do now . Section, section, section, what should kharitonov do now . What was he doing before that . Ivan ivanov, what should kharitonov do now . Exhale . Alright, what should kharitonov do now . Slogan, now the name of the service, company, office and an unfinished slogan will appear on this screen, and sometimes there will be no slogan at all, so you will need to either complete it or come up with it, so, attention, look at the screen, listen to me, nonalcoholic rock we have a festival without. Eurasia a nonalcoholic rock festival we have whooping cough ivan ivanov a nonalcoholic rock festival we have a cancellation of the festival so the nonalcoholic rock festival will not catch on with us. Thats it, the next slogan attention, look at the screen, listen. I have a magazine called hillbilly with a slogan, but i dont have a fashion magazine written on it, a fashion magazine called a hillbilly right on the roll ivan ivanov, a fashion magazine called a hillbilly, we have fillies on the spreader. All the magazines have come out, the fashion magazine is a hillbilly, here is the editorial staff, i also participated in kvn, so the next slogan is samo courses, you are in the previous magazine, but you can try this one, maybe it will match, come on, lets match, come on, come on, maybe perhaps, scanword courses, rovenki, selfdefense courses for selfdefense for pensioners, we have one pensioners, my grandmother is demolishing the booth, my grandmother is demolishing the booth, come on, give me a couple more, ivan ivanov, selfdefense courses for pensioners. Well teach you how to defend yourself against shelepin, ravens, selfdefense courses for pensioners, thats what kharitonov did. Eurasia selfdefense courses for pensioners, fuck you, not an apartment, there, friends, thats it, this is the blitz warmup, dear members of zhiri, please prepare your assessments to show them, teams, get up. And first i will ask you to prepare to show the scores for the ivan ivanov team. 4 4 4 4 4 exactly and the total score is eight for two competitions for this team, then the kvn team without edge blitz warmup 4 3 3 4 4 is 3. 6 and also 8 points. Five points exactly for this competition, for two competitions they have a maximum of 10 points. As far as i understand, so far three teams, ivan ivanov, eurasia bezgranie, are in last place, but there is still a whole competition ahead, difficult, musical homework, everything can change dramatically, i suggest the teams go and prepare for this competition, good luck third competition musical homework. I hope that in this competition the teams will use all their talent and, of course, music. So. Performers from the soviet union never participated in eurovision, although there was an attempt in 1985, dk, time. Soviet modern irony, hello, my name is sasha, and this is my vocal and instrumental ensemble the champions, abbreviated as the champions, this is max, we call him our lipetsk john lenon, because he once saw a japanese woman, and this is our lipetsk victor rybin, and as you know, lipetsky viktor rybin is victor rybin. And now we are performing in the finals of the allunion vocal competition leysia rnb 85, ​​where our main rival is about to perform. I want to sing a song about how Vladimir Lenin saved the kitten. And valya smirnova won the competition. Everyone already, everything is clear, unfortunately, we were shot for losing the competition, but we did not despair ; the very next day we met again in the garage, well, dont be upset, comrades, for communists second place is an honor, shut up, kharitonov, hello, comrades, i am a famous producer, i provided to you by the state, my name is harry alebasov, maiden name is aksyuta, dont worry, i have many successful projects, have you heard anything about the buranovsky girls, no, you will hear soon, in short, you are going to eurovision, but we need to hurry, because we need to win eurovision before comrade chernenko died, why, well, at least some event should happen with him. By the way, here s Something Else the state provided you with a guitar, winner of the grushin festival, who played it . Nobody played, just the one for a year everyone got so drunk that the guitar just won. Okay, lets sing your best song so that they dont sing anything unnecessary. In general, i do whatever i want, implants, i want, i call the doctor, and i. But i wont respond to the hate if you dont have money, but if you still have money, then for money, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, for money, of course, yes, great text, music by. I completely forgot, the state also provided you with a woman, heres valya smirnova, wait, youre the same girl who beat us at the competition with a song about lenins kitten, but how did you grow up so quickly, its just that the chairman of the party wished me rapid growth, and im responsible, thats it, introduce yourself, come on, val, show what you can do, leave me alone. Sausage, no, of course, oh, forgive me , for my ignorance, i started from the wrong place, how are you doing, how are you feeling, how many submarines do you have . Well, we wont tell you anything, congratulations, well done, you passed the test on the first soviet lie detector, in general, i walked around here, looked at what other countries were singing, the poles, Something Like pshekishmeki, these the french, im saying something, this is my own, fina actually wrote something there, kakala, well, that s all, in general, we have a chance, we are the only ones who sing in a noninvented language, so lets all Work Together for our homeland, for chernenko, oh my, they didnt have time for the little one, so just for the homeland, with a buzz, i went into the hall, so, well, what are we going to sing, lets sing the song with which i beat you at the competition, i was sitting on a green tree, unhappy. Kitten, he shouted comrades, im in trouble and whined loudly, kitten, he was not a communist and not an october child, Vladimir Ilyich is on an armored car equally drove up, lenin volodya, lenin volodya handed him a stick, guys, its a disaster, but this is generally terrible, it turns out that you need to sing a song in english, does anyone here know english, i know, like this, thanks to a wellcoordinated multiyear kgb operation, we identified a foreign intelligence agent, we, of course, won the eurovision in 2008. Perhaps everything was a little wrong, or completely wrong, or it didnt happen at all, but it s also funnier, vladimir midinsky, or not vladimir midinsky, but also funnier. The kvn team, section thanks the Synergy University represented by the president of the synergy corporation, vadim georgievich lobov, as well as the rector of the Synergy University Artyom Igorevich vasiliev. We continue our musical homework with the kvn team performing. We want to dedicate our musical homework to the film joker, since this is the favorite work of our vicerector for youth policy yegor viktorovich. So, meet the student production of joker. This is gotham. Batman, im here, about such consequences i didnt suspect coronavirus, so why in my production are you batman, because im afraid of crime in this city, alone without a speech therapist, well, lets try, okay, why are you so serious . Son, i need your clothes, aubibek, and that is, you dont know the script yet, laughter, remember, its cool, maybe this day will come in handy, lord, yegor viktorovich, maybe ill put on a mask to intimidate, but dzhigurdas armpit is a thing, he says, look ka, go change your clothes again, this is bad, the evil one is here. Joker, so meet him this is the joker, for real, yes, yes, but do you know where i got these scars from, huh . Burger, sir, no, thank you, i wont be the second one, where is batman, im here, who is it under our mask, and mask, mask, mask, and vladimir kuzmin, no, igor nikolaev, also no, its me, yes no, its a chupachup from the carpet. Next, what happened, commissioner gordon, someone robbed a bank, who was it, some inadequate guy with colored hair, artemy lebedev, no, its the joker, here i am, im caught, batman, now ill kill you, yes react somehow already, well. What next scene . Catwoman . Are you there . Go straight to her. Outside the window, bullfinches are warming a cloudberry bush, there is a lot of joy on the jokers face. Today he spent the night with a woman and a cat, so his suit is covered in fur. Where is it . Batmans hasty, where is the catwoman, there is a nulliparous woman, youth, gathering stage, i cant understand, why is this happening, well, why do i have some of you, so untalented, well, first batman. Now its a catwoman, well, but we have another catwoman, run, its dangerous here, here we go. You got caught, joker, and i was lucky enough to get caught, today ill solve the main problem, the demographic one, joker, youre keeping the goths at bay, ill arrest you, oh, you still have handcuffs, wow, thats it, why are you nervous, kysa, everything is fine, its march, here i am, leave me alone from my beloved, the catwoman and i are together, give up, kuklachov, why am i a kuklachov, well, like a clown cat, but its a good joke, look what it is, ha ha ha, really, if only there was a normal batman, that would be all. Someone here called batman, well here, here, i will destroy you, joker, is this just a real batman, or something, this is the joker, and whats happening, i cant breathe, big batman, unwind him, come on, come on, come on im the vicerector, you wont pass my test, your last wish, joker, give me the guitar, everything bad will be crushed. Will remain in trouble, the wind of friendship, the wind of inspiration, the wind of kvn, ive finished playing, friends, what we wanted to say to our musical homework the major league needs a new hero, kvn team without boundaries, gotem city, thank you we give it to you, we give it to you, but you, was silent. The kvnn bezgraniy team thanks the government of the transbaikal territory in the person of governor Alexander Mikhailovich osipov, as well. Youth palace of the transbaikal territory. We continue, and i remind you, we have the third musical homework competition and the third performance in this competition, kvn team eurasia, chelyabensk. I watched the film challenge, konstantin lvovich, of course, did a great job, but if someone from my clinic, for example, me, had gone into space, the film would have looked completely different. Moscow, roscosmos office. Dear doctors, an astronaut on the iss has a heart attack, and to save him, we need one of you. But ill tell you right away, this is a very dangerous mission. Most likely, you will die, perhaps burn out due to overload. So why did you stay . Well, hes assigned to my clinic, so is he having a heart attack . Yes, thats why you will train me for 2 months, train me for a month, then i ll fly for another week, well, yes, but i thought, im a creature, my respect, okay, lets go, wait, wont you lose your job . No, i left a sign, walked away for 5 minutes, cosmodrome baikanur, kazakhstan, and that this is real before you become an astronaut, you played kvn in russia or something, well, yes, there is no market, by the way, the russians are generally great, gagarin is tough, they sent him into space right on cosmonautics day, think about it. And if you are gone for a whole year, i only have one sign, and colleagues, hello, this is a doctor, she will fly with you, uh, kazakhstan has arrived, speak our language, uh, oh, boy, its a doctor, she will move with you, i understand, it will be done, bro, and souls, spiritually in the shower, and also, take this with you, icon, seriously, well, yes, what if you manage to get an autograph, good luck, well, ill introduce you to the most important person, this is the designer of your rocket, bauzhan muratovich, and the door is from you, come in already, but can i have another rocket, dont worry, we have completely simulated your flight on the latest equipment, interesting to see. Than i agreed to this, this is roughly what our flight will look like, no, bro, i would also add lamb here, but what is he doing, dont pay attention, rocket fuel, no, i wont fly anywhere like that, wait, you owe it to us help, you they gave it to hippocrates, damn it, i knew that he would tell everyone, okay, lets continue, first you need to pass a medical examination, oh, this is for you, oh, you passed the medical examination, listen, it seems to me that nothing will work out for me, i an ordinary person, so you are not the first ordinary person who flew into space, yulia will overcome it herself. I was able to fly, my own daughter followed in her footsteps, flew through the windows, okay, okay, i agree, the last question is how do i recognize the patient, and the heart, it will look Something Like this, lets go into the rocket, good luck 3 hours later on the iss. Eh, are you going ahead . You climb on me, i almost suffocated there. And you moved your loaves, you fool. What you said . Clean your ears, you brainless sheep. No one has ever said such nice words to me. Yes, because you are an aggressive animal. Hey, everyone, get out. Patient, what makes you think this is a patient . And the heart, yes, its definitely him, whats wrong with it . It is impossible for him to save prematurely, you idiot, on what basis . Okay, lets start the operation, lets get a policy, were in space, i dont have a policy, oh, goodbye, what are you saying . Im here in space alone, like in American Films about space, im one of my own among strangers, and now what happens is, im a stranger among my own, and its true that its me, i cant help a person, thank you, especially since ill pay you a lot of money, but i dont need that, i think i should get good money not only the one who played the doctor, but the one who works for him. Friends, take care of doctors, your clear pulse is important to them , strong strings of the soul, i am always in a hurry to see you, please, just breathe, and the cities stretch on, in them we suffer above us, appreciate who helps, and help yourself too, may life be full surprises, everything. People take off from below, and if you accepted the challenge, game to the end game, game to the end game, team nurasia with love, rakhmet. The kvnn eurasia chelyabinsk team thanks the government of the chelyabinsk region represented by governor alexey leonidovich teksler, the administration of the city of chelyabinsk represented by the head Natalia Petrovna kotova, as well as the south ural State University represented by the rector alexander rudolfovich wagner. Several at once. In cities in Eastern Ukraine , rallies were held against the new government in kiev. This is a war, a war against the people of donbass. Donetsk the peoples republic will respond to the challenge. The key motive of the maidan was the denial of us, yes, as a community, as people, as citizens. To admit that the heroes of ukraine are stepan bendera, henchmen of the fascists, well, we would definitely never admit this. And this is precisely what we rose up against. We became free from the kiev junta. I wonder what the kvn team ivan ivanov, reu named after plekhanov will show us in the musical homework competition, and now we will find out, good evening again, we will have a good light story, so, School Number 7 its just an ordinary graduation party, guys listen, everything is fine in my life, i dont even use a vpn to update the summer, im going to spain, its great, of course, that this time we decided to immediately start showing off, but petya has nothing to show off with, just think, hes in this he works as an obezheshnik at school, seriously, seriously, he hasnt achieved anything at all in obzheshnik, hes a complete mess, finished, listen, were all successful, and youre an obezheshnik, how come, were graduates of the eleventh grade. How did you even become a burner . Okay, ive had too much to drink the previous one, and you are still just as beautiful, do you remember when i pulled your pigtail . Well, i remember, but i still keep it. Petya, i will never date a burner, its like a fire alarm, its strange, i dont smoke now, attention, urgent but. A new virus, killer or zombie virus is rapidly spreading across the united states. The apocalypse has arrived, we will keep you informed of events, if of course we ourselves remain alive. Well, finally, ive been waiting for this all my life, and especially for this occasion i wrote a song night, moon, low places are not visible, zombies are needed, only your brains, will you survive if youre a blockhead, its a pity that im not. Well, how do you like it, how will this zombie help, then, listen to my command, the safest place is the doorway, so we parted ways, im the first, im an it specialist, i have benefits, but how will this work . Its very simple, while the zombies are eating him, we will run away to a safe place, to my home yes, i live in the physical safety office. So, what should we do . Good news, we have 30 kalashnikovs. Excellent, bad, they can only be assembled and disassembled. Whats the plan, one of you needs to go for reconnaissance . I cant, i have telegram premium. And what . Well, why is it needed . And i am a woman, i am needed for procreation. Its true. And im a man, im also needed for procreation, no, come on, i cant, im myopic, its okay, theyre just close, whats going on, this is a conference of the World Organization of all the burners in the world, like him, yes, but its not useless, it seems that someone cut through the internet cable, its either zombies or. Or zombie houthis, guys, i checked, there are no zombies at all, but you definitely not infected, but everything is fine, dont you watch tv at all, you talk like a zombie, do you even have brains, yes, we have brains, then come here, do something, did you kill sasha, yes, but for now pencil. If you dont improve, ill circle you with a pen. They can get through the window, someone needs to board it up. Let me, but if i dont come back alive, promise that you will fulfill my wish. I promise, nobly, for the eleventh s. You cant run with scissors. Poor seryozha. This is his last wish. Nobly, to us we need to get onto the roof, the rescuer will see the inscription sos will save us. Why should we draw it . A week ago i quarreled with the headmistress, in general, there is already the necessary inscription on the roof, you just need to remove the extra letters. Well, lets run, in fact, i came to meet you only for your sake. Can you close your eyes . Yes, now. I had it somewhere, now, but i was already bitten, then we dont have much time, dear katya, you, you are the most beautiful and sweetest in the world, i need your brains, im ready for a serious relationship. And if were not meant to be together people, lets be zombies together, marry me, its strange why i didnt turn into a zombie, well, apparently you have some kind of special blood, and it wasnt you who turned into a zombie, but i became a burner, lets. Lets check how to act during a fire, who the hell knows, you re my burner, thanks to petyas special blood, all the zombies on the planet turned into burners, and it was the safest world. With this number we wanted to say what is around. We have many people whom we remember precisely in those moments when they there was an urgent need. Doctors, emergency services, couriers. What, why are they . And there should be no exceptions to this list. Appreciate the work of everyone named plekhanov, thank you. The kvn team, ivan ivanov, reo named after plekhanov, thanks the leadership of the Russian University of economics for their support. Oryol State University thanks the governor of the oryol region, Andrey Evgenievich klychkov, as well as the rector of the university, Alexander Anatolyevich fedotov, for their support, and now the final performance will show. Musical home assignment, kvn team rovenki, oryol State University. The height of the cold war, the secret soviet bureau, having done everything in america. Comrade general, thats it, semakin ate a dead cat. So, thats it, lets get down to business, here is the latest development of the americans, who can tell me why they already have a rotating board, we dont, and how are we going to respond . Lets just go through them. General, here is a device for erasing memory, have you come up with anything . Yes, comrade , its some kind of stupidity, shoot, have you come up with anything . Who, me, no, so what do you have, and how do you want nanopants that are not nano . Erase is not nano, then the ampoule, we tell our agent in the tooth, so, so, so, and if he was declassified, he did it like this, that he did it like that, very interesting, finalize it, nothing is clear, over to you, this , well, heres a bungee, well, you can ride back and forth on it, its fun. Very much, this is what we need, we will be the first in the world to launch a person on a bungee, in a feature film the movement up into the river, prepare the launch, and you are looking for a volunteer, we were born to bend americans, well, tell me who, if not us, if not us, then someone else, then others will have to bend, while in the secret offices the mature idea of ​​tarzanka, in the rovenkovo ​​khrushchev building the engineer nikolai has long since matured and has even begun to rot a little. Oh, kolenka, you are so humorous, its not for nothing that i married you, such a funny joke about khrushchev. Major fetishov thank you, neighbor, kolya, for the salt, i dont know you, congratulations, your husband was chosen for a secret experiment, again, how to test gamma rays, so kolya is like a lynx poison, here he is again, and he used to be a twometer mulad, but in general they will call me an avenue, an avenue, no, he promised a dead end in syzran. I agree, well, thats nice, oh, and you already come without knocking, youre wrong, theyve been knocking on you for a long time, nikolai, sign the papers, my dear, it seems to me that you are signing your own death warrant, the wrong piece of paper, say goodbye to your wife, oh, my dear, weve been living with you for 20 years, and its still unpleasant, pindostan, in the very heart of pindosia, superimpose, the russians want to launch the first communist, they want stop washing lenin, you didnt listen to the end, the russians want to launch the first communist starzanka, what it is, we ourselves dont know, but there are audio recordings of the tests. This is some serious weapon, we must win the torzachin race, we are returning to the soviet union, but lets get back to our homework, 5 minutes before the jump, comrades, meet our hero, grief kolya, kolya, well, son, did you come up with a phrase to say before the flight, you cant, you cant, the only thing you can do from all this is your mouth, but can i go home, i dont know how to swim, but no dont worry, its up to your neck, oh, ha, be brave, you ll be given the highest award. A onetime coupon for sex, yes, only you will have one like this from comrade malinkov, the main thing is that you dont cross paths anywhere, yes, thats it, kolya, its time, this is a small step for a person, but a huge one for you, its time, kolya, its time, kolya, kolya , little girl, wait, dear, you i forgot the cross, lets take it off, otherwise youll drown, then dive for me, look for it, mouth nikolai, kolya, everything is fine with you there, you broke everything except this finger, russians, you are late, we let in a man from torzanka before you, apa, we bought it, and the bungee is a distracting maneuver, while you were distracted by it, we bent you over in space, but we are the first in the bungee. We are the first in the bungee, and we . And you are a nation that loves lgbt people. Ok. Friends, in our task we showed the absurdity, but many people simply still do not understand that patriotism is not a race, who is faster, not shouting, who is stronger, this is all window dressing, patriotism is about having a fence near the house. Paint, or plant a tree, but we think so, last season we decided to leave, and we we were honest with you, we went to work on the fence, but i need piercers, e there is a planet on earth, we will live here, there is a planet on earth, thank you, friends, we have just watched the last competition not only of this game, but of the entire stage of one. Final and before we hear the opinion of the respected judges, we will look at their scores, of course, i wanted to call all the teams on stage, teams well, friends, just a minute, attention, the state Corporation Rosatom has established a special prize for the best team that has proven itself in the competition. Blitz warmup. Humor is an inversion of common sense, a smile of reason, so to speak. And today the prize, the smile of reason, goes to the kvn team. Well, now we will intrigue a little more, keep the teams in the dark, and i will ask the respected members of the panel of judges to. Of course, i wish you good luck in the future, i will watch, i will worry about you. Thank you, andrey, thank you, zhenya medvedeva, please, you could see the rivalry today, it seems to me that you were right on par, and i myself am very interested in which of you will win, i wish you great luck, now in the future. Thank you, little wife. Vadim golygin. Good evening friends. Eh, as for todays game, i would like to note the leveling in the warmup, it was brilliant, i would like to note euradio a very singing team, very musical, such a readymade musical group. I liked the section team today, because ive known the boys for a long time, i love them, and i was pleased with the section today. In exactly three competitions 12 exactly eurasia. Ivan ivanov. 4 4 4 4 3 points. 3. 8 points, and the total score for the three competitions is 11. 8 points. No edge, four. 5 5 4 3 points 4. 2 average score 12. 2 points for this team for three competitions, the kvn section team for musical homework, 4, 5, 4, 4, andrey, three, four points, exactly, average score for the team for three competitions 13 points exactly, well, finally, even, musical homework task, 5, 5, 4, 4, 5, 4. 6 and the total score is 14. 6 points, the kvn team wins todays game. And from fourth place is the kvn team, eurasia. Chelyabinsk. Unfortunately, the ivan ivanov team is leaving us this season, but we really hope that we will definitely see them again. Friends, at this stage 1 8 of the season the major league of the twentyfourth year is completed. See you on one 4, i was with you. Dmitry khrustalev, see you on channel one, bye. Thats it, then on your own, from here to the house through the forest 100 km, what do you see, there are objections, dad, what are you doing, im not doing anything, now you do everything yourself, as agreed. Along the edge of the panades, on the edge, im riding, im shaking, im squeezing, im screaming that i dont have enough air. Thats it, lunch is over, take this, in short, petrov, follow me everyone, come on, quickly, the main thing is, and you are down on the preparation, orep, what are you, what are you stop, damn it, come on, are you really quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet. Come to your senses, quietly, dont shake, dont shake, idiot, hold, mine, plane, plane, oleg, come on ritka, how are you, boy, congratulations, what problems do you have here . Building, temporary difficulties. Man, you cant stand here, stop, man, do you hear, stop, you cant come here, theres an intensive care unit here, whats wrong with my child. During childbirth, asphyxia occurred, we managed to bring him back to life, but damage occurred in the cerebral cortex. What does it mean . There is a high probability of occurrence childrens cerebral treatment. Who is guilty . Nobody. Well, two children out of a thousand are born like this. Well, what will happen to him next, what will happen. Its hard to say for now, time will tell, but in any case. Impairment of the musculoskeletal system, arms, legs, in addition, strabismus, hearing impairment, speech impairment, in such a situation you can abandon the child, this is normal and no one will judge, you mean . You are the father, thank you very much, thats it, lets continue on our own, im going to the factory, as to the factory, as to the factory. Even today, well, i have a shift, but here in the courtyards its easier for me go ahead, go already. Mom, well, hold the child, dont touch him, father, father, amen, and son, amen, holy one, stretch, stretch, stretch, still, stretch, so, dad, hold the child, lets stretch, stretch, stretch, stretch, come on, pull, pull, look, theres still a little, a little left, well done, lets hit with little worlds, a healthy person cant reach here, but hes like the horizon, and why did you decide that he has a different horizon, right . Somehow from a healthy one, i decided, sleigh, how do you like the chair, like on a racing car, oh well, i have nothing to do with it, in general, lets drink to the new year so that everything bad remains in that year, why are you taking so long, we are waiting for you, waiting, waiting, waiting, what is this, a food package for the holiday, they didnt give us to the factory, to the factory they didnt give it to you, but they gave it to you, hi, dad, look what a gift kolya gave us, its not like i knocked it out through the provkom, its secondhand, of course, but its imported and itll be convenient for me, why are you silent, little ol, okay, guys , ill go, i still need to be there, whats going on . How are you going to walk . Thats it, crazy, what have you done . I havent done anything yet, ill do it necessarily. Enough reading, let s try, yeah, come on, its hard, lets try again, it should work, ill still find another chair, well, you know what ill do with it. Why are you torturing him, its useless, he ll still live with us, ill always be there, no, rita, hell live with us until he grows up, and when he grows up, the plug will fly out of here and live on his own, like a real man, if you want to read, pick it up. Mom, look how i can, sashunechka, you make me feel so strong. Thats it, not for work, carry on, and you watched a movie about electronics, and the boy has a large robot, he put everything into the store. He also had a red dog, well, its not interesting to play with you, you win every time, this robot himself wanted to become a man, uh, small fry, when you grow up, what will you be, vitka, an astronaut, no, im a boxer, crazy, boxer this is not a profession, but you, lenochka, and i am the chief doctor, take lenochkas example, will you go to her . By acquaintance , bandage your head, and you, and when you wash, you dont ask, beware of the car, youre lying down, so and that the guy is smart, just not like everyone else, well, thats okay, well lift you up, well help him, who are you planning to lift up, that he wont be able to wipe his pants on his butt in the office, like you, for example, while everyone is working, lets go home, dad. Help, come on, come on, be careful, son, from this day on you will take care of yourself, help your mother, like all normal people, what are you saying, how can he help himself with his illness, this is a temporary difficulty, if you do something forget, i will remind you by hand. Go home. Our company. Soup first, ill pick it up, no you have to pick it up and wash it yourself, or its dirty. Responsibility, masculine charm and masculine selfconfidence, your man lifts dumbbells every morning, its a great pleasure, ill tell you, this is the gym, its amazing, he works out, he keeps in shape, hes very efficient, yes he gets tired, but he cant live without it, i believe in omens, probably all actors believe, but in the black eye, so you have to spit. Will you buy me ice cream . Ill buy you ice cream if we have time to go to the cinema, and youll buy two, and ill buy two, lets hurry up, hell do it himself hell tie it up, lets go, well wait downstairs, but hows he feeling, wait, ill talk to dad now. Thats it, you dont have to stop, were late, the movie already started 20 minutes ago. Do you remember about garbage