Of the 2000s, its. Different mentally, different, they develop faster due to information you see, there is a lot of information, they have a fear of remaining poor, you know, i think that they dont even think about it, we thought about it, they just take it and do it, thats what you said at the very beginning, they they just do it, they have a lot of examples, we had limitations, no information, everyone lived about the same, you know, thats all, i went to school, everyone was and before their eyes they had examples of dozens and hundreds of successful peers, they understand that, in principle, they, not gods, burn pots, yes, as we say, they can do the same thing, but for this you need to do something, then you already blame yourself, well, im like that, because i dont, im not like this blogger, i dont get up every morning, i dont take selfies there, i dont go, i dont tell different stories, naturally , before their eyes, before their eyes there are a lot of these examples that we rely on and what arises inside a person, this is the feeling of envy that drives us, that i also want it so general blackness of my native card i like to play for cash, again dumbles , ill ask for cash, grigory lukyanovich, give it up, give it up now, well and remember, hear, we will leave here, by the centenary, running on saturday on the first, that brother, the trumpet with you is the end, and what a lovely fight it was, i then won the white gurka in a screw, this is an easy money podcast and i am its host, mikhail khanov , today my guest is clinical psychologist svetlana nazoeva, you can see all episodes of the podcast easy money on the website of the First Channel, one more question, this is an interesting one, it is. Very close to me, thats why i would like to ask it, there is such a daning kruenig effect, when people, highly educated, experienced, professionals, they devalue themselves, they devalue their knowledge, opinions, it seems to them, well, whats wrong with that, well, everyone knows that, yes, when i express my opinion , i always consider the people around me that they are on at the same level, well, and im partly ashamed to lecture them there, yes, on the other hand, i think, well, whats the big deal here , from the information i m talking about, and then youre faced with. That on the other side people they say wow, you know so much, and so on, and you say such things, how do you know this, on the other hand on the other hand, people who are at a lower stage of development, yes, than you, and they, well, they are like this, they categorically declare that you know, like a fool has his own truth, so they say it, categorically, you you think, well, if a person is so confident, its probably true, yes, this is the socalled dunning kruenig effect , which many successful people suffer from, among your patients there are such, in simple terms, this is the impostor effect, well, there you go a specific example, yes, here i am talking to myself, yes, whats wrong with that, im talking about this program, i host this podcast, but its nothing complicated, very smart people, professionals come to me, i just ask them, i try to figure out the situation for myself, wow, how smart he must be, hes sitting on tv, yes there or on youtube, yes, heres how to deal with this, how to raise your own selfesteem, we, we dont recognize our victories, why, ill explain, came to me. Not just one patient who, but you call them that patient, well, well, let there be a patient, so the patient came, okay, the patient came, yes, and he came to me with such a request, impostor syndrome, i say what it is, i dont appreciate what ive grown to, why where does this come from, yes, because our parents never celebrated our victories, i got an a on the head i stroked it, everything is fine, you know, no matter how stuck it is. To celebrate for ourselves, that is, we Pay Attention to this for ourselves, how to get out of this, yes, we start to celebrate that we celebrate our victories, that there is a way out of this situation, that is, we need all our victories. Maybe start saying more often i, i will do this, i did this, i did this, then there is when we we all were taught to say we, that is, this is us, this is the merits of the team, that is, it turns out that more often you need to say i, this is what i do, i know how to do this for myself, maybe use it, you know, as a life hack from the most famous manual from the bible, yes, where i generally think that the bible is the most beautiful manual on how to live on this planet, and there is absolutely a wonderful phrase there love your neighbor as yourself, as yourself, i interpret it as follows way that if you dont know how to love yourself, where are you from . You know how to love others and what love for others is in general, that is, it turns out that first you really need to start treating yourself with respect and love, not devaluing your merits, your achievements, then learn to broadcast this to a greater, lets say, degree empathy, yes participation, more you will understand better. Those who surround you, naturally, excellent , they wrote it down, yes, because there was also a request, a patient came, and with such a request that i dont feel love for anyone, yeah , no one me doesnt love me, i dont know why, but what is she talking about, yes, that i dont love myself, i dont have this love, and when i dont have this love, what can i give, heres the shirt im wearing, its the only one if i her. I wont have this shirt, specifically, here is svetlana, they came to you, there were cases when a patient comes to you, well, well, lets say, he paid almost his last money for your consultation, got an appointment with you and he comes with a simple and clear request svetlana, i am a poor man, and this is the money he paid, this is the last money, how can i become rich, thats what you told such people, were there such patients, which happens from time to time, that they write to me, today i even received a message that i. Come to you to break through the financial ceiling . Well, thats enough, i say yes, a consultation costs this much, and the girl tells me this is very expensive for me, but i will find this money, we can solve this issue in one request, yes, in one consultation, in an hour and a half, i say, i can write stepbystep instructions if you do it, yes, its just a matter of time, we we can help our audience reveal secrets, now well give you a few steps without. The first is to understand how i will make money, what i can do, what skills i have, a patient came to me and said im a musician, im good i sing, but i want to have more money, what should i do, i want my own business, i say, lets open a vocal studio, but we need to rent a room, yes, i say, what do you have, what are the available means . Is there or where can you find investors who can invest in you, yes, you have skills, another person there is money, they connected, he opened one vocal studio , here you go, the process has begun, then the development of events, i have money coming for needs, what are the needs, step two, yes, step two, the task is to increase your needs, because there is such a phrase , yes, if im not thirsty, i wont look for the source, well, everything is simple here, you just say what you like, you cant buy there right away, i dont know, mercedes, but you can right away, little by little, little by little we start increase your standards, that is, right now, where am i i can increase my standard, choose your next goal , and then you start, not exactly where, yes, but in all segments of life , and little by little, first i start with food, i understand what i like, i improve the quality of my own, which means table, yes, if i ate bread for 50 rubles, i start. For example, it costs 100 rubles, but its more tasty, i start with the price, or is it really tastier, i just dont know, well, i mean, its not a question of price, but a question of taste, then, for example, i want soft towels, yes, i buy one, the second as needed of my capabilities, little by little i am increasing my capabilities, little by little, this is step number two for us, yes it turns out, the next story, yes, so that there is more money, yes money comes through new things, my knowledge, i look at what i should do next to develop this music studio, i take partners, a team, i go on to study, yes, i do this, due to this , yeah, of course, there are hundreds of examples of those same ones, yes, they are probably subject to, well, deep, well, one might say, clinical study, when people from very poor families became, like you said, deafeningly rich, which you constantly bring up, that is, there are some, well, well, more than one. Qualities, and several, thats quality, consume more information, learn, look for examples, try to find, when a person is there looking for examples, looking for ways to achieve the same goals that his examples, the people from his examples, have achieved, not yet giving up, perseverance , this is the most important quality, yes, which defines all successful people, he does not give up, the same example with the frog, yes, which frothed the milk into the oil and got out, but he didnt give up. He walks, sees the goal, sees no obstacles, you understand, how to become like this, this is thinking , this is the image of us, this can be brought up, or one can be brought up with this, its a matter of thinking, yes, when we start, regulate our feelings, fear, fear that prevents you from moving forward, yes, for example, i am afraid of becoming poor, i ask the question, what are you losing, do you have something to lose, he says, well, in general, no , i say, then if you are now afraid of becoming poor, then you have something to lose. I have nothing to lose, then go ahead, yes, these are supports that i can lean on, yes, which i create for myself. So, you and i agreed that there are the first steps that will lead you to solving the problem of this transition from a state of poverty to a state of wealth. The first is an awareness of what is happening and a search for information about best practices, yes, best practice, examples that were before your eyes or in history or are now near you, we study them. Happened and what do i need to do, yes, to go the same way, second, we will never we carefully consider, we understand how we give up, that is, we are not afraid of temporary difficulties, we consider all difficulties to be temporary, i see the goal, i dont see the obstacles, this is a growth zone, i grow, and as we solve it, and the third point, all our successes we we record them first of all for ourselves, we record them also for others and do not allow anyone to belittle us. In order to remain in a state of comfort with myself, understanding that what i do brings happiness not only to me, yes, but also to try to make it bring happiness to others. This is a light podcast money and i am its host, mikhail khanov. Today my guest is clinical psychologist svetlana nazoeva. There is such a term, recently it was banned in our country, but lets call it marathons, i dont know, there is happiness, desire, whatever else, successful success, yes, the sale of successful success. Here are all these trainers, coaches, ignoramuses, as i call them, yes, as they say, there, get out of your comfort zone, i say, yes, let me at least enter this comfort zone in order to understand where to get out of, tell me, is there at least one healthy grain there, or is it still this is more window dressing, this is more marketing, this is more of the same info , infocharlatanism, infofraud, when you have a sauce, with very clear nlp neurolinguistic programming technologies, with the aim of. Seizing, taking money from the population, they sell you some information , which you come out and say, and that it was for the most part, or not, or am i wrong . Now if i step on your foot with my heel , very hard, i will stand, i will stand on your foot, the pain will be hellish, i will say, lets pump you up financial ceiling, how this will work, there is no way, because the focus of attention will go to. What hurts you, and you will tell me, get off your feet, it hurts me, this is not up to the financial ceiling, and when a person has a certain kind of problem , yes, its difficult for him to think about financial ceilings and so on, hes thinking about how to solve this problem for me, and if he found some kind of speaker, yes, who talks about the ceiling and so on and so on, and at least a small part of him something caught his eye and helped him, god willing. You see, this is the story here there are no speakers that can say some things , your patients who achieved success went through all these marathons of desires , growth schools there, well, this information, i dont know there, information business, and what they say, well, they came to me in the end treat your problems, your pain, which, that is, you say, walk, walk, then you will come to me more often and naturally, this is such a story, what is this, what are these marathons, is this like motivation . To motivate, you know, to motivate for something, but one person has a leadership such a charismatic component, the other one, no, he doesnt need it, he needs Something Else , you understand, everything is individual, marathons are generally accepted information, yes, as a belief, yes, how to see something, some example, how can maybe a push, a push, in part, but everything is very individual. There is theory, but there is practice, we go to cut out the appendix to a practitioner, and not to a theorist at the institute, so that he will cut out our lives, svetlana, our whole concept of increasing the level in various spheres of life, doesnt it lead to poverty of consciousness, that is, we become richer materially, we actually become consumers, we push ourselves to a higher level of consumption, and spiritual poverty, isnt there behind all this, there is no time left, this is a very accurately noted fact, what is psychology, this is the science of the soul, we live in a society, yes, contact and Emotional Intelligence are important to us. What is this achievement, consumerism, aimed at . Yes, what . To buy a new thing, yes, to earn more money, but what about you, what about you yourself, that is, we simply include Spiritual Development in one of the zones of growth points, that is, we necessarily include an increase in the level of consumption in our Spiritual Development too, that is, we begin to go to theaters, museums, study the history of cities, culture, architecture, this a mandatory point of the program, this is mandatory, this is observation, this understanding, yes, that there is Something Else, some kind of observation is a good term, yes, tell me, svetlana, do you have such advice, thats what we said, our life hacks, and you tell people, write it all down, you recommend that they write it all down so that they can read it sometimes , its mandatory, because we come back, what is it, a person has a neural connection, what is it, experiments . Experience, yes, on which i rely, and i periodically look at how i should do it, and how i should think, yes, but the most important thing that i recommend to everyone is to pause between feeling and action, think, check this box, yes , think, this is what i really need, this is how i want to do it, or i dont want to do it, maybe write down my emotion, just this will be the very necessary pause. At the same time, realize it, as you said, write it down, you know how to come, write it down, yes, you can do that, but at the moment when some situations happen, yes, for example, someone told you, you didnt think you go into effect, fly out of yourself, and start doing some actions, and when you stop, think about what to say, who are rich people, these are truly rich people, these are happy people, this is the state inside every person, how you feel, if i think, i drive, who offended me, who im upset, im all in these thoughts in fears, i serve these fears and thoughts, all my energy goes there, point, realize the emotion, stop and not take action, put it first, at zero, before information, yes, yes, 100 , to realize what is happening to me now, what i want is to stop, this is slowing down. Allows you to feel the feelings arising in the body, yes, that sucks in the pit of the stomach, for example, yes , this is a feeling, this is a state in the body, a sensation, and a feeling of what kind of hunger, and a need to eat, so slowing down is a stop, that stopping within yourself to feel this feeling, how do i feel now, and how do i feel next to this person, and am i comfortable with him, or am i stepping on my own throat, or am i betraying myself . Everything, and when i give myself over, i start swallowing it all, swallowing it, swallowing it all, and the glass overflows, everything ends up in effect, great, lets sum it up briefly then, that is, the most important advice is not to act in a state of effect, that is, everything try to analyze your emotions, sort them into shelves, determine where they come from, and most importantly, where they are going can lead, yes, but through understanding the other, why this happened, because everything happens in interaction this is point number zero, then the steps of transition from poverty to wealth, the first step is an information drink, observation, that is, we observe, we are saturated with information , examples, each of them we try on ourselves, the second step, after the zero and the first we do not see obstacles, we perceive each obstacle as a point of growth and continue to move forward and never give up, point number three, we record all our successes, not we allow ourselves to belittle them and we do not allow others to belittle them. Naturally, rely on your opinion, knowledge, vision of yourself, and yes, do not settle for less. And the last key point, yes, is to cultivate a specialist within yourself. The task is to be the best in your field, then you will be in demand, then you will have money. On this wonderful note, i propose to end our program, because the topic is truly immense, like psychology, like the human brain. Thank you very much for opening up to us today and they gave the first three steps and zero, and some final point, how to come to wealth, how to go from that state of, well. Poverty and lack of satisfaction in which you are now to the path to success and prosperity, thank you very much you, for inviting me, school is like stress for parents, for children, how to actually endure it, how to properly adapt kids to first grade, and mothers too, to all grades at once. Our expert today knows what we are talking about, he is a father of three children, he is a family psychologist, doctor of science, andrey sberovsky. Hello, andrey, hello, hello, hello, anastasia, congratulations on the start of the school year, yes, thank you very much , as i understand it, this is not your First Experience as a parent, is this not the first time youve sent your children to school . Yes, thats right, i have two children. And in fact, my eldest daughter is already in sixth grade, so ive already passed first grade, i already have some experience in this matter, this year, this year, and this year my youngest daughter is going to first grade, shes 7 years old , but in general, i actually came to for transmission to you precisely in order to possibly receive some hints regarding, yes, how can i live this experience again, because, as i understand it, it will be a little different, based on what kind of younger daughter they are, because they are very different. With the eldest, and the youngest she is very emotional, she takes everything to heart and sometimes even if we are at some kind of nonbirthday, for example, when emotions are overwhelming, yes, even if these are positive emotions, and in the evening, and very often it happens to her that she needs a what has overwhelmed her during the day, unload, and this usually happens in the form of some kind of hysterics, and absolutely out of the blue, actually, mm, because. When a child goes to school, his life completely changes, yes, then there appears a certain routine, the load on the child is large, emotional, mental , including, yes, in addition, my children also do additional sports acrobatics, that is , there will be this load, these are evening classes and we have different classes , so heres how make sure that the child, this is your youngest girl, no, this is the older one , she just went to first grade, this is. Then a photograph was taken, this is the youngest girl, cool girls, these are them are engaged in sports acrobatics, and what are you worried about, well, im generally worried about these possible evening hysterics, that is, the likelihood of them, but how balanced she will be, yes, how calm she will be, her emotional background worries me very much, well and actually mine too, because well, the load a big one goes to the parents, too, yes, even despite the fact that i have an older daughter, shes already. In class, nevertheless, i still supervise some lessons, and there, send something from some parent chats, for her information, some, yes, which she cannot get from other sources except from me, and why are you controlling, well, because i am raising children, in addition, i also have and there is work, now it has appeared, but from this year due to the changed marital status, yes, we can get divorced, and you divorced, that is, the child has additional stress associated with the fact that they were divorced. Well, i think that today our psychologist will have something to talk to you about, ill listen to you, but first i wanted to ask this question andrey, thats why the beginning of the school year and going to school in general is such a radical measure, such a radical a turn, just 180. That is , the child lives his normal human life, but gets up later, plays, goes to some clubs, then suddenly, that means, here. It rushes gelyatina september 1st of the first grade, well, everything is turning upside down, all the children put on their uniforms, packed their briefcase , went to school by eight, brushed their teeth on the go without waking up, brought homework, parent chats, all this is a bunch of wishes from class teachers and so on, but what about you cant gradually take your children to school, but why, why are we doing this to ourselves, our parents and our children . Why cant this emotional meat grinder be Done Gradually . Well, look, this stress, which undoubtedly takes place, is connected with the fact that the child a preschooler, he has a limited set of social contacts, he has a teacher, a nanny, well, one or two people, the group is small, respectively, that is, the child is still isolated, he does not communicate with children from another group, actually other teachers, that is, the child is in a kind of soap bubble, and in such a. Well, its as if everything is there , there is a physical education teacher, in fact, there are substitute teachers who come if a teacher is sick, in fact, there are just other teachers who make comments child, there are children from parallel classes, there are older children, and even now , although we are reducing conflict and , accordingly, stress by separating primary school, this is already a separate progress that has happened over the last 20 years, as it were, when we removed children, firstgraders there, from communicating with eleventh graders there or ninth graders, lets say, this is already relieving a certain amount of negative stress there, at least there are children smoking there or drinking around the corner of the school, but unfortunately, it happens there in reality, so a certain minimization of risks occurs, but the number of uncontrollable social contacts becomes greater, and a change in the childs regime requires a change in the parents regime, adaptation , plus, most importantly, because the worst thing for us parents is the uncontrollability of the environment around the child, when we pick up the child at six oclock from kindergarten, we understand that the child is there, he is from the phone, he did not correspond with anyone there on some incomprehensible. In many countries of the world, in private kindergartens they are still trying conduct at the level of the preparatory period, several teachers who come and the child already understands that there can be different teachers, yes, that is, they expand social contact, but of course, the transition from kindergarten to school is still huge. A story for a child, and here, of course, it is very important to immediately give our parents advice so that we parents do not increase this pressure of stress on the child with our intimidation, look, you went to school, now no one will feed you here, you will not sleep, they will ask you more harshly there, look, they will offend you, yes, you have grown up and now they will offend you there, its like a child, he is already often intimidated by his wives, parents at this stage and intimidating the child, seeing the frightened eyes of the child, we parents are also frightened further, although we ourselves are the source of this intimidation, so it is very important, of course, to treat this as calmly as possible, to say, dear child, this is a plus, not a minus for you, yes, that is, it shows that thats it, everything will be worse for you , on the contrary, youve done well, youve grown, youve grown, in this in this case, our beautiful mashenka is going to school, and accordingly, mashenka , youre doing great, we need to present school as some kind of conquest, an achievement of the child, and the child, of course, we have reached a new level in the game, right . Yes, and were like, well done, youve gotten to this point, its straightforward, youll get better and better, youll become more and more mature and the presentation is absolutely right, you understand correctly, thats why a positive presentation is not a loss of something, sleep lunch and the notorious legendary casserole, as if yes, this immediately gives the child optimism, in addition, you need to show that you will have more friends, because there is a parallel class, outline some for the child so that he understands what he will get as a result of the fact that his whole life will change completely, namely the advantages, that is, it is necessary, as they say, there is a concept, its right to sell a school, but such marketing is so parental, that is, the school must be presented correctly, and of course, we understand that there are many difficulties, there are disadvantages, but we need to show the advantages and the child will go for it optimistic, positive, well, this will increase his own mental reserves, and this, of course, will be a big plus for you as a mother, you can tell your stories that i also studied there in the first grade, there was something. In your maternal voice, it will give optimism to the child, you very vividly and vividly described that state of that trepidation, tremor , and so on, parents who stress themselves out more than their children, cheat their children , and so on, where does this fear of our Childs School come from, and what is it . What like this . If my child comes with a bad grade, but you know, we are adults, having already gone through life, in this case, here anastasia turns out to be going to first grade for the third time, she herself once left, the eldest daughter, respectively, the youngest, so we perceive it, of course, im going to the first grade, for the third time, or even the fourth time, we parents are very afraid that having picked up, say, cs there, or god forbid, ds at the beginning of the school year, the child will form a wrong idea about himself with the teacher, this will affect in the future perception of the child by the teacher and the child will occupy some kind of not very comfortable niche in the class, accordingly he will be considered a c student or a d student, or suddenly the child there, say, has a mobile phone or there sneakers will be cheaper than someone else in the class and he this one will fall into the category of losers there, yes, lets talk separately about sneakers about phones, lets now focus on teachers, well, firstly, this is also a question for the teacher, who, if he sees that a child comes unprepared or is bored or not is mastering the material or sitting under his desk with a book, then actually the question to the teacher is, have you interested the child enough . And it seems to me that it would be good for a parent to be his childs lawyer in this situation, but he seems to lack some kind of selfconfidence, and what do we do instead. So that instead of being our childs lawyer, we we think, whats the right thing for us, maybe we should buy curtains for the classroom, maybe we should write Something Like this, not for the teacher, something, yes, that is, we seem to be trying to arrange for the child relationship with the teacher, so that the teacher would look at us , what a diligent mother i am, what a wonderful, helpful dad i am, and would transfer the relationship to me, such a positive one to my child, it seems to me, not very honest and not very useful, or me. Well, we must understand that children still do not have the social experience of adaptation that we have, so when a parent tries, we can soften the entry of their child into the class, when the child can really adapt for a very long time, as children, of course, do, and there should also be some kind of complicity of the parent in the teachers acceptance of the child, but of course, it is very important for the parent to stir up the child socially a little, in this regard, that with some of the children in their Kindergarten Group , a new school completely unfamiliar there is acceptable, and in this regard, if the child is completely in a new school, your task as a mother is to get to know other mothers , as a rule, the picture is the same, lets say the mothers gather by the time the children finish their studies there, standing near the school and talking, your task. Be sociable to get to know other mothers, including, and accordingly, to make friends with your child, your girl with other children, and that is , communication through the parent is better for you in the beginning, because not all children are so called equally active, even the first month, sometimes even 2 months, many children, they walk around in class lost, they dont remember anyones name, they havent played with anyone there yet, havent made friends, because again , in play in kindergarten the child gets closer faster, in school games its like not there toys there at recess, you cant go wild with this, so in this regard, our parental task is to help the child get acquainted by name, at least there masha, antasha, lena, seryozha, with other children, already visualize them, see that my mother communicates well with another mother, and a child in whose class there are already at least two or three people close to him, and him, he will already feel more comfortable, he will not be shy at the blackboard, he will not be afraid of the teacher there, because he will feel in a small society, this is what we can do, of course, we need to help our child adapt. To school and the child who goes to school, runs to school, knows that he has friends there from literally the first weeks of school, and not at the end of the first grade there, as is usually the case it happens, he, of course, feels more comfortable, and the childs comfort increases the comfort for you, well, yes, that is, there will be a greater desire just to go to school, and that is, not purely for lessons, yes, precisely for communication, this , because School Psychology in pedagogy has such a concept, a leading type of activity, is Still Necessary for a child, lets be honest, but knowledge is important, but for a child, its not leading, play or communication, for a child, say, your girls age, the first years there are still a game, then closer to adolescence, to 10 years and older, communication, ignorance, unfortunately, we must understand this, in this regard, the faster we can make friends with other children, the more time he will have to gain knowledge, this is a psychic podcast my name is natalia loseveva, i am a journalist, our todays expert, family psychologist, doctor of science, andrei sberovsky our hero anastasia, with whom we talk about school as stress, we very often encounter that good schools suffer from such achievement, when children literally from the first grade are drilled for future olympiads, for some then yes, the grades are correct, and it is very difficult for a parent to resist this, because. Well, you yourself sent the child to this good school, yes, that now you seem to be complaining, but you see that the child is not up to the task, so the parent needs in this situation, take and for yourself some decisions, and somehow correct ones, to enter correctly, build a dialogue with the school, what is necessary, and at the same time remain calm yourself, you will not be irritated with the child in response there somehow or react negatively, in order not to become a christian yourself, here it is important to take two points into account, here is the first point, if we talk specifically about your child, about high emotionality, then high emotionality is relieved firstly, but by physical activity, but your child again goes to the section, but as i understand it, yes, but after all, not five times a week, that is, on those school days, so on those days when the child does not go to acrobatics, i still advise giving some active form of physical activity, running together, taking a walk, this is the first, second , this, of course, is to give the child the opportunity to speak out, that is, to question the child, because it is a huge problem. And the parents that the parents sent the child to school, its clear that our parents have enough problems of their own, and we dont seem to be interested in the childs life, and the child feels that school is only my business, no one else needs this, as if there is not enough time, but still , in order to ask a child about what happened at school, about friends, girlfriends, it is actually 15 minutes, 15 minutes if we keep the timing, if we we will clearly control and regulate this problem, its not really difficult to do, and the third, of course, advice is tactility, because children who are prone to emotional breakdowns, tactility, when you bruised the childs back, gave a massage, this gives exactly the feeling discharge, so help with discharge it is necessary and definitely important, and as for this, it has been achieved. Now, unfortunately, over the last decade there has been a huge problem that our listeners, our parents, dear ones, should know, look, schooling is still carried out according to textbooks, and accordingly, what is a textbook, its a book, right, that is, the child goes with books, but the trouble is that over the last decade , the children of our parents dont see us with books, we stopped reading them, because we have tablets, smartphones, like many parents in in principle, those who themselves are not very good at reading, in the end it turns out that we require the child to read, we demand that the child. With books, we ourselves do not give an example of this, we must understand that a child before adolescence, he is built on imitation, his psyche, he imitates his parents , and why should we imitate if we dont count, so it is very important that you, as a mother, set an example for the children, at least for 5, 10, 15 minutes, or take a book, or read something together, or for the child to see, that you at least have a book, maybe you can you rarely open it, you open it like that for the sake of decency, but we must show the child that his story with the book is close to us, how. Therefore we cannot control and cannot persuade the child to read if we ourselves do not read, as and bs a child is still the result of reading, thats right, we should show this reading, well, besides reading, textbooks that need to be read, children, you know, like a dad himself, are handed over to do some projects, and presentations, a child, 7 years old, what kind of presentation in general, well , at the beginning after all, lets be honest, this its not yet like they collect herbariums there, of course, they peck leaves, as if yes, and again we do this as parents. Which means shes divorced now, shes carrying everything, shes working, and she has two children , she needs to collect herbariums, read another book when you have the opportunity, you know, we have a tradition of reading books before bed, but to be honest, i dont always want to do this, because sometimes youre sitting its just that, without strength , the children carry these books, well, because you know, its like a reflex, probably developed by you, you accomplished a feat according to ours times that your children carry books, by the way, the most valuable thing you can give a child is to show that if the child reads, if he enjoys it, if you choose the right books, then the child will be motivated to do this further on your own, without your participation, without involving you there in the school curriculum, i hope it will be exactly the same, what about. Go to the teacher, if she understands, something needs to be discussed, some issues need to be discussed, thats the same quite a complex dialogue, you understand that your child depends on the teacher, if the teacher doesnt like him, the teacher will be angry, the child will suffer, that is, you need to somehow build a dialogue correctly, how to properly build a dialogue for young parents with such venerable teachers, here i will give some such practical advice, in firstly, it is very important that parents support the authority of the teacher, because unfortunately, as a practical psychologist, i constantly deal with situations where parents discuss in front of the child, but there the teachers are like that, dont listen, so i remember from mine, we didnt have very good ones there, but who is she there, and shes been there for a yearless week, and shes just young, because like our parents, either the teacher is young, i dont perceive him, or she the pepper shaker is already old, its generally already there, the knowledge of it is there a hundred years ago, that is, that is why we ourselves, parents, often teach our children frivolously. Attitude towards teachers is disrespectful, so its important to say, listen, you have such a good teacher, shes great, listen, please, follow her recommendations, her instructions, so its correct mood for the child, that is, in a positive way only, well, because we all have some kind of negative experience, we have something to deal with, but we must proceed from the presumption of the goodness of teachers, after all, lets treat it this way, in this plan, you need to set up the child that please, the child listens to the teacher, she is good, this is the first, but if the teacher is objective, lets say so, now i will say the second, respectively, the second, if you know the characteristics of your child, that the child is emotional too much, for example, or he may shy away from the board, approach in advance, that is, do not sort things out later, when the problem has started, but approach, say, dear, and there is sergei petrovich, it doesnt matter how, accordingly, you know, my child has such features, if possible, please take them into account, in this regard, the teacher, who , especially, already has some work experience, he will of course be there somewhere, please dont ask my there is afraid first, if possible, there, please, let the child think a little there, but because there are teachers, which demands, so immediately, not all children immediately begin to answer, yes, someone needs to gather, concentrate, someone clamped down, clamped down, Something Else. Here it is very important to give these instructions, in addition, now School Psychologists are also appearing in schools , some are well trained, whom you can also approach, you have every right as a mother to say, you know, my child is very worried there the child has difficulties in communicating with peers, and either he is afraid of the teacher, if you can play there, if you can, play along, if you can just go up to the child, because the same school psychologist, just going up to your child to say, mashenka, how are you, i like everything, everything is fine, and the child knows that there is someone who. Can show attention to the child , will already feel comfortable, strictly speaking, so your task is to show that the child has allies, there are those who might be suitable, again by talking with adults, you will still form the right attitude towards your child in advance and we will avoid a headon conflict , because to find out already with teacher, oh you are bad there, oh you dont perceive my child that way, confrontation is the last thing that can happen at school, because again, teachers with a lot of practice will think, well, listen, well, how could i work here for 10 years or 20, pedagogically there is incompetence, there is Something Else there, there are teachers, of course, who sometimes, well, are somehow categorical or pedagogically unprofessional, there are such, in this regard, if you see a blatant, lets say, situation related there with teacher incompetence or when he crossed the border, he crossed the childs cash, but unfortunately this happens, rarely, but it does happen, you shouldnt be afraid to go to the School Principal and talk to him, so to speak, so you can actually defend yourself, but any. But here i would like to clarify, because sometimes it happens that the conflict is really not resolved within the class, and then the parents have this choice either take the child out of school, or go to the director, or, and the director can support the teacher, simply based on Something Like that, well quasi pseudo professional solidarity, then you need to go higher, here the parents give up, because they think, okay, i ll go now. Ill write a complaint, yes, ill now try to influence the situation, and then it will come back to haunt my child, especially if there is nowhere to transfer him, so how to psychologically build tactics correctly in a conflict situation . You know, still understand that the School Administration, also the director or teacher, they are not interested in the conflict developing, most often it is possible to find some a compromise point, that the teacher there changes something in his approach to a particular child , but the parents also take their child somewhere under more control, so that the child better fulfills those standards, those norms that he obliged to perform as a schoolboy. Correct negotiations are always a compromise, that there we hear you, you will hear us, both of them take on some obligations, this is such a form of conversation, it usually ends positively , in general, the parties are all happy, but if we we see some kind of frontal conflict situation, where you are definitely completely. Confident in your rightness, like a mother, yes, then of course we must move on, there is an education administration, in fact, there is always a mayors office, that is, there are people who authority to resolve the situation, because i actually, of course, dont really like , as a psychologist, transferring children from school to school, because in fact, any transfer is a rather, rather difficult story, everything needs to be done all over again, especially since teachers many people there usually know there can call the school from school, why was there a conflict situation there between the parents, lets say, somewhere they will also be tense, and maybe ill also add, it seems to me that here, in any case , the situation is a loser from the childs position, because either the child perceives the situation that i lost, so we have no other choice but to transfer, or he develops his own why this happened, i wanted to and they transferred me, well, this is like manipulation , yes, probably, but these are teenagers, children, thats why i, as a psychologist, of course dont like translations, i. When a large number of classmates are involved, that is, its already difficult to fix it, with a teacher, in fact, if its a changeable person, in the majority we still have teachers theyre sane people, lets still treat them with understanding, it is possible to reach an agreement, it is important that no one raises the issue on principle, that there is a discussion platform. This is a podcast psyche, my name is natalya loseva, i am a journalist, our expert today, family psychologist, doctor of science, andrey sberovsky, our hero anastasia, with whom we talk about school as stress. There are still some things that confused me in anastasias story, i would like to discuss this with you, friends. When anastasia spoke about her eldest daughter, i heard two things that alarmed me. The first is anastasias control over her daughter. Which is already 12 years old, the second parental pain of our time has slipped through this is a parent chat, lets first talk about control, up to what grade you need to do homework with your child. Before what class do you need to go into the electronic diary to look at, which means that the child has been assigned . I like it when they start to find out, parents start sending each other, which means messages in instant messengers that we were assigned today in history or mathematics, this happens very often, but not children, parents, well , you know, i am of course for trusting the child, but we must understand that a child before adolescence will not always cope with this trust, so our control is parental. Then what about the childs academic performance, and is everything there . Done there for homework, respectively, for the next lesson, we still have to do it, that is, in this regard, i am a supporter of control, it should be soft, it should be control that is not offensive to the child, yes, when we are not we doubt it, its impossible to even rely on you so that these phrases dont sound, as if yes, after all, we must control, but he says that to control, but to praise, every Home Building successfully made there, every success. It has always, unfortunately, existed and will exist, apparently for a long time, in the fact that we take fours and fives for granted and dont say anything to the child, as it were, but twos and threes, of course, evoke negative emotions in us, as a result, the child gradually develops an association with school and communication with dad and mom only through negativity, because we only react to negativity, so ill emphasize this. We must give a reaction to any grades , including fours, fives, not take it for granted, but say what a great guy you are, what a great guy you are, our words, what a great guy you are, they better motivate the child to responsibility, accordingly reduce our need for further control, so there must be control, but not only for the purpose of identifying those same twos and threes, but how to react to them is the question, because its right here that honestly anger takes over, when you look at this electronic diary, you see this three , in psychology there are two types of reinforcement positive and negative, thats right, that s why i theorize, of course, yes, because as a practitioner, of course, i also react very im very angry about bad grades, its true, but in theory i understand that we need to praise a b for a b, even if we understand that it s a b in physical education and against a c in mathematics, we should praise it even more for an a, but a c for a d , as in the top three, you need to. Help and understand, i emphasize, not immediately from the position of accusations there, hatred, irritation, so let s see what was difficult there, listen, well, its not so difficult, in fact, lets solve one well solve two equations there or one or two similar problems, then that is, that is, we should still try to look for ways out, or maybe say, listen, what do you think, maybe well try to hire a tutor for lessons, thats the question for tutors, because not everyone always has enough time for their parents to do this. Of course, tutors this is especially true now, our online time is a serious argument and many parents, of course , take advantage of this and i dont see any negative in this, because again, there are parents who, well, dont have enough patience or time, after all, parents can also be very different, but to be honest i dont in general, i like to do homework with children, just with everything, unless its simply a lack of ability, because explaining can be much more difficult than doing it yourself. Therefore, very often it turns out that the parent, instead of explaining to the child, he simply does not know how, he says , yes, ill decide, take it already, yes, or do it like this, just do it like this, and why, do it like this, and we do bad to the child in this situation, there is a small life hack, but in this situation, those parents who, say, have free time during the day, well, lets say, now, again, many parents there work remotely or your schedule allows you to be at home with your child some days, its just that the main problem with lessons is that parents try to help the child do homework or do it together in the evening , when parents you are already tired during the day, when the child has already forgotten a lot, the childs memory is not so long there, so i advise, if there is an opportunity to be with the child at home during the day, at least there, even if not every day, try to still practice so that you do your homework immediately after coming home from school, as if, of course, if the child there is hungry, we will feed him, give him 15 minutes to rest, but it is better to do his homework right away, while. He is still involved in the educational process by inertia, when he has not yet forgotten, such an opportunity , that not everyone has it, again, when i come home, all the same, i say that its better to do my homework right away and then have dinner, even if its not at 6, not at 7, but at 9 for everyone, but deciding to hand in homework right away , because when the parents arrived, they ate there, rested, fell asleep around 89, you have lessons there, thats when the most important thing happens, the rule is this we choose the time for lessons as much as possible. As early as the work schedule allows, while the child is not yet tired and the parent is not tired, if this is possible, after all, parent chats, lets talk in the end, it seems to me that this is not the source. there are a lot of these chats, even if the child is alone, a chat with parents, yes, a chat with a teacher, but there are very few parent chats, as far as i know, in which it is possible to hold such an even constructive discussion, yes, it often slips, it is very important here, the position of the teacher, the position of the School Administration is very important, because school chats are, of course, a huge problem now. Because as a psychologist, during the school year, i observe there almost every week not just some kind of conflicts between parents , but insults from the news, threats that even resulted in death, moms fighting, dads fighting, and it comes down to criminal cases , including serious stories it comes therefore it is very important for me in this case i try everything when when i work with parents say, dear parents, you will agree with the teacher, your class teacher with the School Administration, that there are strict standards of behavior in the chat , no one discusses anyone personally, on topics not related to the school, no one rushes off, certain strict limits when we are just touching here lessons, heres the topic, heres the essays and nothing more, wait, how can i donate money for graduation, yes please, but there are fights where well hold the graduation, for the second grade, excuse me, yes, yes, so its very important that teachers and school the administration was not lost. Chat, because as soon as they lose, a dominant mommy, a dominant female, a dominant male will appear, who will be there , in fact, threats will already come and pressure, and what is weak, and what are you poor people there, begins, in this situation, children, like usually get involved in this story, and the child feels that we are poorer than others in the class or, on the contrary, richer, i can behave arrogantly in class or towards a parent, it is very important to agree with a healthy core of parents get support from School Administration. The committee controls more chats, i think you need to generally be in the chat where the class teacher is, say that everything else, please inform me individually, and here is my advice to you as a mother, that it is advisable that in the class you anyway, you got yourself one, two, three girlfriends, so that in some difficult situations, you have an agreed position that your children, again, were such a core of friendship among themselves, in this regard, you need to understand that the life of a child is not only in school passes, if you can, again, as a mother of two or three children, make friends with them there after school, sometimes two or three children go for a walk together, and two or three mothers go together, respectively, to the cinema there on weekends, there are some sessions together, so this gives the child a feeling of comfort in the classroom and you, as a mother, will be calmer and, again , you will break down less, you will send your child to school as a safe, comfortable place for yourself, this also matters, i advise you to go to meetings, i advise sometimes come at least to the teacher to get to know him personally, because. In fact, its always good when a particular parent calls, now not with an attack, not with pressure, but just hello, im there, heres my telephone, if anything, keep in mind there , again there are some nuances, as it were, of a child, in this regard, when i analyze stories of a childs discomfort at school, i always ask the parents, do you even know the teacher, the subject teacher there , often they dont know him at all, as if yes, such people already arise difficulties with the fact that we dont even understand with whom the child communicates there, so involvement in school, albeit within reasonable limits, of course, knowledge, at least there, what the director looks like, what the teacher looks like, allows the parent to take it more seriously to school, and a parents serious attitude to school creates a serious attitude to school in a child, so control, we remind you that we return to the issue of control, there must be control, but correct, gentle, wellwisher and i emphasize on the positive, after all, a carrot, it still works better than knu. Well, i dont know, anastasia, how are you, but i somehow felt better, andrey has built some kind of correct internal strategy for me, even the picture, but the picture doesnt look so catastrophic, so unurotizing, friends, today we talked about school as stress, both for parents and for children, our expert today, doctor of science, psychologist, family psychologist, andrei sberovsky showed us a different perspective and a different strategy for relating to school and building relationships with the school. This is the psyche podcast, all the podcasts are you you can watch on the website of the First Channel 1tv. Ru. Russia, sacred, is our power. Russia is our beloved country, a great yala. Glory, your heritage is for everyone, the words all the fatherland, a free knife, a holiday of peoples,