(Screencap via YouTube.)
Florida Man has quickly become everything so much of the rest of the country wishes it still was after this last year: Fun and at-large.
Before we get to the good stuff, a quick apology for missing last week’s Florida Man Friday. I worked through the morning with a vicious little head cold, but by the time I was done with Insanity Wrap and had collected all my FMF headlines, there was no more denying that I needed a dose-and-a-half of DayQuil.
The DayQuil did its usual job, too. I was able to:
A) Breathe
B) Kind of not drool while staring blankly at the computer screen
(Mugshot courtesy of local authorities.)
Some weeks it’s difficult to pick Florida Man Friday’s lead story, just because Florida’s best-in-the-nation sunshine law serves up a smorgasbord to rival the Bacchanal Buffet at Caesar’s Palace.
Other weeks, one story stands out I mean really stands out so far in front of the others that it makes my job easier than the breeze in some old Jimmy Buffett song.
This is one of those weeks.
So without further ado, come sail away on another thrilling…
Florida Man Friday!
The Most Florida Man Story Ever (This Week)
When you saw the photo you knew this would be the lead story, didn’t you?
(Screencap courtesy of News4Jax.)
Gather ’round the fire made by all these burning copies of the Constitution, and forget the winter of your discontent on the biggest-ever…
Florida Man Friday!
The Most Florida Man Story Ever (This Week)
(Images via social media, local authorities.)
When I first saw this headline in a Twitter link, my fakenewsdar went “PING!”
But as it turns out, the link went to a legitimate major media news site, assuming that’s still a thing.
For his part, Florida Man is too legit to quit:
Keith Morris Smith Jr., 29, is wanted in Clay County for violating the conditions of his release. Deputies say Smith bonded out of the Clay County Jail and cut off his ankle monitor.
Why is this so difficult for some people?
Anyway, Florida Woman is on top of things:
A waitress in Orlando, Florida has been credited with saving the life of a young boy who was being abused by his parents During a press conference Thursday, Flavaine Carvalho told the story of how she noticed something strange at one of her tables on New Year’s eve.
“I just thought that I need to do something,” she stated. “I could not sit by, going away, without any help.”
While the two adults and two children were eating, the man at the table reportedly wouldn’t let the 11-year-old boy touch any of the food. When Carvalho noticed the boy was covered in bruises, she held up a note that read: Do you need help? The boy nodded in response.
AP Photo/Jacquelyn Martin
I had this idea more of a fantasy, really a couple of weeks ago that I’d squeeze a Florida Man Friday column in between Bloody Marys and conversations and presents on Christmas Eve Day.
Clearly, that didn’t happen.
But then I figured that since my wife and I had to cancel our annual New Year’s gala, that I’d be primed to do Florida Man Friday on New Year’s Day.
That fantasy ran head-first into the hangover I had on New Year’s Day despite the canceled gala.
Oops.
In the week that followed, none of us has ever needed some breezy news more than we do right now.