and so, it was devastating. we did everything we could to try to save his life. we went up to children s hospital in philadelphia, and had intrauterine surgery to try to fix the problem. and it ended up karen got an infection and delivered our little boy and he lived for two hours. and i thought, you know, what are you doing? why are you doing this? and god, why, why, why? the greatest question everybody who goes through tragedy, why why did this happen to me? and what happened, my wife it was not me, it was my wife who made it all come together. she, every time every time we got pregnant karen would have a diary to describe the pregnancye so she could share with the kids to say, oh, this is what it was like and share these notes. she was a neonatal intensive care nurse, so pregnancy was just a really joyful time.