Sorry, coach. Were so bummed we cant learn how to bump, set and spike [ laughter ] the only thing we spike is heroin, coach [ laughter ] im sorry i yelled at you, coach. Basically, what we know about iowa is that Bernie Sanders won the popular vote Pete Buttigieg slightly edged him out in the delegates, thanks to obscure rules and Elizabeth Warren came in third. And the Iowa Democratic party is having trouble keeping things together in some cases, together literally. The chair of the iowa party held a press conference on monday to update the media on the results and this happened. The seats are assigned not only by the precinct chair and the precinct secretary [ crash [ laughter ] uh seth oh man, did you did you use an app for your podium, as well . [ laughter ] was the app called metaphor . [ laughter and applause and you can tell [ cheers and applause you can tell that we have moved on from iowa to New Hampshire, because it seemed like virtually every candidate showed up to greet the
Tonight, one stone overturned. Plus, stephen welcomes julia louisdreyfus. And musical guest moses sumney. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey you look good dont they look good . So good cheers and applause beautiful hey nice, i like it. Thank you so much, everybody. Please, have a seat. My friends, good to see you. Welcome. Welcome, one and all, to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. The 2020 election applause everybody is excited. You know why, jon . Its because the 2020 election is finally under way. Jon its going. Stephen yeah, today was the New Hampshire primary. So after a year of campaigning, we only have nine months to go. laughter ill give you all the latest in tonights edition of. I have a plan for that. A progressive agenda. horn beeping youre a lying dogfaced pony soldier. I think they will end up being the losers. Fury road to the white house,
Tonight, join jimmy and his guests Rosario Dawson logan lerman musical guest Megan Thee Stallion, anfeaturing the legendary roots crew questlove 1209 steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause [ cheers and applause jimmy oh oh, my goodness, hi thats a hot crowd that is a hot crowd tonight [ cheers and applause welcome, everybody welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. [ cheers and applause youre here. You made it. Thank you. Guys, it seems like theres so much going on right now. The democratic primary is in full swing tomorrow is valentines day. [ cheers and applause what else . Samsung just introduced their new folding phone, i dont know if you saw that. And carls jr. Is rolling out its new thickburger. [ cheers ] that has an entire patty of fried cheese [ audience ohs ] theres a lot to go over lets just jump in and cover it all at once. Its time for newsmash. [ cheers and applause jimmy first up, the democratic primary right now, Bernie Sanders is riding hig
[ laughter ] for me the biggest takeaway on election day is how can anybody possibly have such a clean garage . I dont understand it. I go into these old peoples homes, and i think wheres your stuff . California has more delegates than any state. And i dont know if it was like this where you live, but we have been overwhelmed by advertising, mostly from mike bloomberg. The amount of mail weve been getting from mike bloomberg, its unbelievable. He is the Bed Bath Beyond of candidates. One of our writers came home from work last night to find this hanging on his door. This is another ad for mike bloomberg. Even his ads are too short to reach above the doorknob. Mike bloomberg has poured more than 500 million of his own money into this campaign. If he didnt have a good night tonight, he basically spent the cost of an avatar movie to find out nobody likes him. He did win he won American Samoa today, the election there. Biden won North Carolina and virginia. Bernie took vermont and expected
Primary was today. Not to be confused with super tuesday which was, i think, 11 years ago [ light laughter ] thats right, the mini tuesday primary was today, where six states held their primaries. So after tonight, we might finally know once and for all whether Tulsi Gabbard can take a hint [ laughter and applause well see what the math says after tonight. President trump told reporters today that he has not been tested for the coronavirus but just to be safe, the virus has decided to selfquarantine [ laughter and applause according to a political analyst, president Trumps Campaign strategy is to paint his potential opponent, former Vice President joe biden as senile what you cant just call your opponent the thing that you are. [ light laughter ] i mean, that would be like saying that Hillary Clinton was crooked. Oh oh, crap, oh [ light laughter ] hes going to win again, oh, no. Thats right, President Trump wants to paint joe biden as senile by highlighting his recent verbal blunders u