Pills. I dont know exactly which ones, but we all need to be on something if were going to make it to november without this man being held accountable for his lifelong criminal spree. Ask your doctor about pills. Hell say which pills are you talking about . You say i dont know. All of them . Just give me pills. Is it legal to make a commercial advertising all pills . Probably not, but apparently you can break the law and get away with it. I took pills right before recording this commercial, and oh, ive never felt better. Pills. Easier to swallow than reality. Nightnight. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight. Stall and order plus, stephen welcomes from dune part two Rebecca Ferguson and Denis Villeneuve featuring louis cato and the late show band. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert [cheers and applause] is a comusical stephen beautiful. Please have a seat. Thank you very much. Youre very kind. Whats up . Welcome v
Priorities right now. This valentines day, more people are choosing to be single. Thats why were proud to introduce ill always have me, a romantic song compilationon celebrbrating being alonone on valentines d day, performed by the not having sextet. [singing to the tune of the power of love] these songs are the perfect way to let your special someone know that the special someone is some. You. [singing to the tune of thats amore] so what are you waiting for . Pick up ill always have me, because its the only thing you want to pick up tonight. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight. Love from new york. First, stephen welcomes Patrick Stewart. And ke huy quan. With a special appearance by boyz ii men. Featuring louis cato and the late show band. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert. Stephen hey you look absolutely beautiful. Beautiful. Hello. Lovely to see you. Happy tuesday. Happy tuesday. Happy tuesday. Happy, happy
This epidemic sweeping across our world. Monkeys whove had their genitals regions scorched clean. For years, monkeys have walked among us but never with any j junk. We now know that j j. D. Vanceces behind a campaign to incinerate every primates privates. No wonder king kong is always so pissed off. J. D. Vance could easily cut ties with his controversial company, unless he doesnt have the balls. So thihis novembeber, tell j. J. O keep hisis hands off of your macque. Im tim ryan and i neuter monkeys announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight. Yeezy come, yeezy go. An exclusive look at this years best halloween movie. First, stephen welcomes kerry washington. And musical guest joe walsh. Featuring louis cato and the late show band. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert [cheers and applause] stephen hey, everybody. Please have a seat, everybody. Very nice. Ive got to tell you. Man, i tell you. With a greeting that powerful,
That is me. I am in a beautiful landscape, the water flows like my tears down my cheek into my mouth. Salty and sweet. I could really use a snack. Maybe some reeses Peanut Butter cups. The combination of chocolate and Peanut Butter. I was not hungry but now my mouth acts as an independent entity consuming the treat. My tongue differentiates the chocolate from the Peanut Butter. My body is going all fishy. How long have i been talking . Maybe 1,000 years. Can you tell that i am high . You can tell, right . Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight first, stephen welcomes wojosh brolin and a performancey a poet and cellist. Featuring louis cato and the late show band. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert. Stephen please have a seat. Thank you. Hello, my friends. Welcome to the late show. I am your host, Stephen Colbert. Today is the michigan primary for the democrats and the republicans, right . Before we tape this, befo
Another uncomfortable conversation with a you should get tested pie. Tell your partner you have a venereal disease with one of our delicious pizzas. Then personalize it by adding a side like our it stings when i pzone, sex was garlic knot a good idea, or crabs. Deliver the news with a you should get tested pie today because no one outpizzas the clap. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight. Snow big deal plus, stephen welcomes matt damon and Danielle Pinnock featuring louis cato and the late show band. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert [cheers and applause] stephen thank you very much. Thank you, everybody. Welcome. Welcome one and all to the late show. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. [cheering] i want to thank everyone in this brave audience right here, everyone in the audience who braved the cold outside to come in here and be even colder, because today, new york city was pummeled by a noreaster, including a heavy