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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20150522

Lets meet whoever Bernie Sanders is laughter no, thats actually thats colonel sanders. Lets meet deion sanders. laughter that laughter thats ned flanders. Sure. Sure, thats Bernie Sanders. All right, fine. laughter there we go how will this twoterm senator this eightterm representative, this fullterm curmudgeon battle the incredibly powerful clinton machine . Let me just make a brief comment and i will be happy to take a few questions. We dont have an endless amount of time. Ive got to get back. laughter jon with charm laughter that was his president ial campaign announcement. Not so much yes we can and more like lets just get this over with. Im a busy man busy running is antihillary. Hes a centrist hes a leftist. Her campaign is managed to a t he forgot his comb laughter she has almost 100 name recognition he is somewhat lesser known laughter she has a private server in her home where she deleted tens of thousands of her own emails. He owns a vhs copy of tootsie. laughter she has a se

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20150514

Compatible with also us making investment in good Public Schools public universities investments in public parks. If we do those things, the values and the character that those kids are learning theyre less likely to get pregnant as teens and less likely to engage in drugs and less likely to be involved with the criminal justice system. That is a reinforcement of the values and characters that we want. I am a black man who grew up without a father and i know the costs that i paid for that. And i also note that i had the capacity to break that cycle. Jon you know who else talks with his hands . Hitler. Fox finally got the president ial discussion on poverty that they always wanted including on stage the counterview from the head of the conservative American Enterprise institute. He was on stage. I cant wait to see foxs happiness and satisfaction. Fox news alert. Fox news front and center. President obama taking time out today for one of his favorite topics fox news president obama accus

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20150505

Entertain but it really just fills you with sadness. But thats so what kind of cartoon contest there as if i dont know would provoke such a violent reaction. A group called American Freedom Defense Initiative notorious for its antiislamic views hosting this Award Ceremony to give more than 10,000 to the best cartoon depicting the prophet muhammad. Jon see that is [bleep] crazy. 10,000 to a cartoonist . laughter thats like five years salary. That cartoonist could almost consider quitting their two other jobs. At two different Cold Brew Coffee shops. Well you know that afdi is the same group that lead protests against the ground zero mosque has been plastering subways with antiislamic advertisements. Afdi the First Amendment group the same way people from phillie are sports fans. Ostensibly they like sports but really, theyre just looking for an excuse to punch a stranger and pour beer on someones baby. So but even so even so i cant believe we have to reiterate this. It is not okay to sh

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20150521

Jon weve got a good show we made a good show today oh weve got a nice show. Kristen wiig boy, shes good cheers and applause shes going to come out and im going to get her to admit her complicity in the false buildup to the iraq war i think. laughter all right. First you know, the sepublicans there are fat, fat the 2016 candidates drms have decided to skip the primary process entirely more of a coronation type dealey. laughter until now. Have the senator Bernie Sanders made it official he will run for president jon yeah cheers and applause thats right lets meet whoever Bernie Sanders is laughter no, thats actually thats colonel sanders. Lets meet deion sanders. laughter that laughter thats ned flanders. Sure. Sure, thats Bernie Sanders. All right, fine. laughter there we go how will this twoterm senator this eightterm representative, this fullterm curmudgeon battle the incredibly powerful clinton machine . Let me just make a brief comment and i will be happy to take a few questions. We

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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20150430

Kennedy the only justice anyone cares about is kennedy. Hes the mash on to the supreme courts jan. It was for gay marriage opponents to air their best and final arguments which we look at in tonights segment they got nothing socalled because opponents of gay marriage got nothing. And they tried everything, starting with the good, old, classic slippery slope. If we rule in your favor in this case and after that, a group consifght of two men and two women afor a marriage license. Would there be any ground for denying them a license . Jon why should gay people have to account for anyone who is ever going to want to get married after they get the right to . When women fought for suffrage no was one like what if one day a dog wants to vote. What about that ladies . Because next thing you know the state of our union is. bark that was one dumb argument. But hard lets only one. If you prevail here, there will be no more debate. I mean, closing the debate can close minds, and it will have a con

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