happy tuesday, everyone.ho i i am tom shillue in for greg gutfeld, who i m told is busy fighting extradition. so before we get to the n the news, i thought it might be appropriate to look at someeo of the new year s resolutions from some famous names and facees ands. for example, president joe biden. his new year s resolution. continue to cheat death. so hunter biden find that byt en left somewhere in the whitvee house. commander the dog eat more salads and fewer service agents. kamala harrise to resolveto to make resolutions for the new year because it s new and it s a year. right? i might add. stop laughing. that might hel i mp to the custodian who cleans the senate judiciary room. three words. here s more bleache wh. brian kilmeade i willtt continue to be the of greg s jokes. gr and finally, randiy rand weingarteni , add £40 to my benh press. nologu she ll make it okay oute. of the monologue. so i m looking m looki over tone headlines, trying to think of t
and good evening. i m erin burnett in london tonight. out front tonight, king charles iii is at westminster castle after leading his nation and the world in an emotional farewell to his mother queen elizabeth. nearly half the world watched this crucial funeral as the transition of power was symbolized with the imperial state crown, the orb and the sceptre. they were atop of the queen s coffin and they are now on the high altar. they will be given to king charles at his coronation. we witnessed history as the royal family united for its final farewell to the queen. never before had anyone in the world seen a state funeral like this broadcast live. this was the first time, and the stillness and the quiet of the city were palpable from where we sat overlooking westminster abbey, you could feel everything stop and the moments of silence. that was a solemn hour-long service that we all witnessed. the queen s casket passed just behind where i m sitting tonight. it was draped in the
A show featuring parodies of current events, commentary on significant issues and interviews with newsmakers, culture critics and media personalities. And world peace. What is not to love . Does matter to me. Trumps love life is not on my list. But now i realize that it matters. For example, right now in north korea their dismantling rockets sites. Why . Obviously because trump may have slept around. [laughter] the europeans just stopped skimming us with tariffs but according to cnn before that trump may have slept around. [laughter] the gdp for this quarter just hit 4. 1 and to celebrate us steel reopened a plant in illinois but according to sources before that happened, trump slept around. Hes got the thousand users relations and we created an economic boom but trump slept around. Wait a second, i sense a trend here. What experts call a correlation, here are these amazing achievements and right before them trump had sexual relations. Lets welcome tonight guests. Like a man who steals
God bless all of you. Thank you for watching. Im advocating for truth, justice and the american way. Im jeanine pierrot signing off, greg gutfeld is next. See you next saturday. Man walks into a pet store and sees as a sign, talking parrot and buys if it comes back and says he doesnt talk. Dices what letter . Tour owner says sorry, the letter is 10. Another week and no talking and back to the store. He did not climb the ladder and look in the mirror and talk, another purchase. There becomes a guy comes back to the store and the owner says the parent is dead but before he died he spoke in the store owner says what did he say. Though they sell any birdseed at that store you. Greg will be appearing at the Comedy Cellar all week. [cheering and applause]
about. This tape shows how the sausage is made. Im hearing to criminal coconspirators conspiring on making a payment. The president of the United States to try to tell you what you are seeing and what you are reading but its not happening.
Lets get after it. I love the media. I love the media. Check out these old headlines trump promises 4 growth and economist say no way. Or this one. If trump thanks he can get more than the present Economic Growth hes dreaming. Last but not least, hello larr larry,. If you use the standard of what the administration has held out hope for, three or 4 growth there is nothing in any data suggesting that we are moving towards that three4 standard. Greg oh yeah . Eat this larry. Im thrilled to announce that in the Second Quarter of this year the United States economy grew at the amazing rate of 4. 4. 1 . [cheering and applause] they like it. So, who could have predicted that . I believe its time to establish a National Goal of reaching 4 Economic Growth. My great economists dont want to say this but i think we can do better than that. Greg the optimist. I wish you find the right sentiment to express how i feel. [laughter] i wish i could remember what i was laughing at but as trump proves the