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The Conspiracy Theorist
Pssst. Don t tell anyone, but The Conspiracy Theorist has it on good authority that the vaccine is a stealth delivery system for microchip trackers manufactured by Bill Gates. Who, just in case you hadn t heard, is the Anti-Christ.
The Bad Skin Victim
This poor soul hadn t suffered an acne attack since high school. But after the mask mandate, his chin was instantly covered with zits and there s not enough Proactiv in the world to make a difference.
The Prayer Leader
If God wants you to catch COVID-19, it s going to happen whether you wear a face covering or not and he isn t going to be pleased if you do. Mask = heretic.