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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20240714

Trevor whoo yeah welcome to the daily show, everybody welcome to the daily show, everybody thank you so much for tuning in thank you for tuning in and thank you for coming out sit down lets do this thing oh, man, im so excited our guest tonight is the star of the biggest movie in america right now. So excited to have her back on the show, Lupita Nyongo is joining us, everybody cheers and applause also on tonights show, the secret tax on women, the worst best parents, and ill show you the right way to cut a bagel. So lets catch up on todays headlines. Brexit, its how people in the u. K. Say were ~bleep screwed. And now things are more brexit than ever. The future of print, one of americas closest allies, is undern right now as the brexit deadline looms. In a lastditch effort to end the brexit deadlock, british Prime Minister theresa may promised parliament she will resign if it backs her withdrawal plan. If mays plan fails, parliament will have till april 1 to come up with an alternativ

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20240714

Wow, all right, i cant even. groans you know what . scoffs wow. He is never gonna forget that. What is this all about . This isnt about anything other the pursuit of the kind of orgasm that feels like a rainbow with every color. So, a regular rainbow. No. So, if you dont mind, as long as you dont love me, i have a noose to step into. clears throat just need to release this lever, drop these bags of sand, which act as counterweights, and then just pull this nozzle. Perfect. Okay. Have fun. Wait, wanda. grunting, choking okay, fine, you stupid baby. I love you. I coughs i knew it. But im not going to tell you not to do the funky spiderman. coughs what . You need to be responsible for yourself. If you love me, too, you wont do it. gasps grunts i thought so. Okay. Just for the record, i never really wanted to do this in the first place. Me not doing it is not a sign that i love you. Its just because im a coward. chuckles okay. I dont love you. Sure, you dont. I dont. Come back here. I dont

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20240715

Everybody thank you so much for tuning in thank you for tuning in and thank you for coming out sit down lets do this thing oh, man, im so excited our guest tonight is the star of the biggest movie in america right now. So excited to have her back on the show, Lupita Nyongo is joining us, everybody cheers and applause also on tonights show, the secret tax on women, the worst best parents, and ill show you the right way to cut a bagel. So lets catch up on todays headlines. Brexit, its how people in the u. K. Say were ~bleep screwed. And now things are more brexit than ever. The future of print, one of americas closest allies, is undern right now as the brexit deadline looms. In a lastditch effort to end the brexit deadlock, british Prime Minister theresa may promised parliament she will resign if it backs her withdrawal plan. If mays plan fails, parliament will have till april 1 to come up with an alternative or exit the European Union without a deal. Trevor man, this thing is so crazy.

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show 20240715

Oh, you foiiine, baby. You, too. All right, listen. I got to go. Uh, ill call you when i leave the studio, okay . Ooh, the studio . Okay. Love you, baby. [ blows kiss ] all right. Love you, too. [ music playing ] dude, i am so excited to [bleep] deejay this bat mitzvah tonight. Rich children, like, legit know how to party. But honestly, like, what is deejaying . I think its just a playlist, right . Yeah, but, like, with a table. You dropped these. Oh, my god. Thanks. Okay, so who were those guys we ended up playing pool with on the roof last night . I dont know. I think one of them played for the knicks. [ both conversing in spanish ] [ laughs ] wow. Did you just make change with a homeless guy . First of all, its a man without a home. Mmhmm. Second, we gonna act like he aint got no small bills . [ both laugh ] woman what should we do for dinner . I thought that you were gonna go to [ voices overlapping ] from comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show

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