[ Cheering And Applause ] greg i know i get it. I know its hard being awesome. [ laughter ] greg happy tuesday. Kamala harris shows governor Tim Walz as her Running Mate i speak for millions of americans win i say who. This is the Governor Erie is. We are the same age actually. I know. I know. He looks like the founder of a Law Firm specializing in Personal Injury the guy who remarries 1 month after his wife passes away like a high School Football Coach made sure everyone showered after practice. I dont want to say hes far left but even Bernie Sanders is like [ bleep ] you picked him . During the blm riots he blamed unrest on Inequity And Dissolution he said they created optimism. I guess they should have burned down more Buildings Nothing is more equaled than fire. I guess he is a Molotov Cocktail Halffull kind of guy i bet Hes 911 helped people in Lower Manhattan afford rent. He has 100 rating from Planned Parenthood earning him support from Combo Harris husband former nanny. Why did
Good person. When im feeling kind of hopeless and sad, i get to laugh and lose myself and remember lifes not that bad. Youre in the good place. The beautiful thing about the sitcom is it has provided so much joy in times of uncertainty. Theres a lot of pressure in the 160s, this notion of new products and everything being new, this kind of brave new world. Everythings about the future and modernizing. Yes. Its all bright and shiny and you get cars that look like spaceships. But then its. Suggested we bomb North Vietnam back into the stone age. Yabbabadabadoo if you recall. From the town of bedrock in the guise of a stone age setting. Have a gay old time. Just cant wait till they instrength faucet. With all the progress that was happening in the late 50s and aet sifts, the flint stones is an escape and the question is progress good. It was kind of a sat tire on this consumerism, get the you inest thing for your kitchen, get the newest car with these kind of stone wheels. They have a sto
i really? i thought i knew who i was. but what happens if you discover that everything you thought you knew about yourself was a lie? what really happened to me? ? that s what i needed to find out. my mom was upstairs. my dad was at work. i was ten years old and i was snooping around the house looking for christmas presents, and i thought this is a great time to go in the crawl space, because i know it s a great place to hide presents. there was a bunch of boxes. i thought this is it, the big score, right? it s just like papers and things, it s not a present. open another one, bunch of cards, more letters, newspaper clippings. i m like this isn t christmas. so i got i looked at one. it says something about search for kidnapped baby. another one, fronszac baby missing. i started reading it. it said kidnapped from the hospital. i saw a picture of my mom and dad. they looked sad and heart broken and distraught. i thought, wait, that s me. what happened? that year i was a stu
[ ] [ ] yeah,, baby! all right! [cheering and applause] okay! yes! yes! happy! happy monday, everybody. good to see all of you. good to see all of you, except for you. so at a campaign stop in pittsburgh, joe biden told supporters to send me to congress. i know. it s clarified that he actually meant to say [laughter] also in pittsburgh to the police department is reducing the number of cops on duty from 3:00 am to 7:00 pm and calls not considered in progress emergencies will not be assigned to a telephone reporting recording unit. police agents will also be placing the sign on their precinct doors. [laughter] as spring break begins in florida there are already gearing up for the wet t-shirt contests. here s a photo of one of the top content test contestants. [ ] alt-left. [laughter] jack matier just no reason for that can really. at the altar last night, white people one in most major categories including best actor, best actress, best film and best direc
hey, you doing everybody? aha. it s friday so you know what that means? let s welcome tonight s guests. like a genie she can also fit in a bottle. co-host of america s newsroom, dana perino. hide him from your wives because he ll probably kill themselves. comedian joe matchy and my thirty favorite lou. mr. that joke is not funny anymore lou perez. she does her best lifting at the gym. bestselling author kat timpf. [applause] alright. yeah. okay. before we get to some news stories let s do this. gregs left overs it s left overs where i read the jokes we didn t use this week and it s my first time reading them so if they suck we ll throw mackey in a meat grinder and make meatballs and force feed them to steve doocy. up first. medical researchers say nose picking can lead to memory loss. [lau [laughter] i really don t have to say anything. this is easy. speaking of joe, yesterday special counsel investigating joe biden s counsel called him an elderly man with a poor