Right now . Christmas is ten days away which means we only get to hear that mariah cara song 75,000 times. [ laughter ] it occurred to me last night as i was putting my daughter to bed that the little drummer boy, you know the little drummer boy, this kid brought drums into a babys room. He just strolls in, shall i play my drums for you . Completely unacceptable. Where were this little drummer easiest boys parents when this was going on . My daughters 3. They had their holiday performance for preschool. Her class is called the ladybugs. The ladybugs perform two songs. Here comes suzie snowflake, which is just a terrible song. [ laughter ] and a hanukkah song that was even no one has ever heard this song before or will ever hear it again, i dont know where it came from. We got there early in the morning. My motherinlaw drove an hour and a half to see her do these songs. Not only didnt jane, my word of either song, she cried. The whole time. She didnt sing, she didnt dance, she didnt do any of the moves, she stood there and cried for six minutes. Then i picked her up, i took her off stage. Not two minutes later shes dancing and singing in the corner with her friends. But what i witnessed this morning was nothing compared to this. This is a church in white pine, tennessee, preschoolkids put on a nativity scene that turned into a scene. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy a brawl over baby jesus. I dont remember that. Give me that savior right now this war on christmas is getting completely out of hand. It really is. Meanwhile, roy moore, you know roy moore. The leathervested loser in the race for senate in alabama . Still hasnt conceded the election. Even though he lost. Not only has he hasnt conceded he released Youtube Video bemoaning the fact that immorality is sweeping the land. If immorality is sweeping the land, you my friend are a roomba. [ laughter ] he made a defiant and fire and referenced abortion, samesex marriage, sodomy, transgenders, and even his wife kayla moore made an appearance. Like most americans im concerned about the future of our country. Both financially and morally. One of our attorneys is a jew. [ laughter ] jimmy now i understand. [ applause ] the reason that hes been too busy to concede is theyve been wrapping hanukkah presents all night. The new star wars movie has finally arrived. [ cheers and applause ] star wars the last jedi opened in theaters tonight. I feel we need more time between the star wars. As soon as you come out of the theater you have to get in line for the next one. Its expected to be the number one movie with a colon in the title at the box office this weekend. If it does well theres talk they may make another one, so thats exciting. I hope this one has robots, i hate when they dont have robots. This is right outside our studio. This is one of the feet high. It was sent by emperor trump to destroy us. [ laughter ] i got a little nervous when i saw that coming to work. The big news in show business is that disney is buying fox. Or most of fox. Disney, the company that owns our network, abc, is buying 21st century fox for more than 60 billion. Bad news, now we only have about 300 left to make the next star wars movie. [ laughter ] its a major deal. Disney will now own the rights to the xhelp, fantastic four, avatar, and three big mamas house movies. [ cheers and applause ] i wonder, is it too late to add wolverine to star wars . That would be awesome. The fcc did something despicable today, they voted to put an end to Net Neutrality. This is the rule that says everyone gets equal access to the internet, somebody selling crocheted owls from their house in the midwest. As long as they tell us theyre doing it, now Internet Service providers will be allowed to slow down or block web traffic to any website or streaming service they like, which benefits big telecon companies and does the opposite for all of us, even though 83 of americans support Net Neutrality and 2 million of the people who supposedly wrote to the fcc to oppose it were bogus, many of them turned out to be dead. Someone stole the identities of dead people to push this through. Now we have to Hope Congress agrees to vote on and reverse it. But i just want to say, thank you, president trump. Thanks to you and this jackhole you appointed to run the fcc, big corporations are about to take full control of the internet. So merry christmas, everybody. And by the way, tomorrow is the last day maybe ever to enroll for health care under the Affordable Care act. If you do not have health insurance, you are required by law to get it, you wil go to healthcare. Gov to sign up. For a lot of people its free. Do it now. Because once Net Neutralitys gone, we might not even have web m. D. Anymore, so this is something that you need. I want to wish a happy hannah ka to those celebrating it. Tonight is the third night of hanukkah. The third of eight nights. Did you remember to light your menorah at home . Guillermo no, i forgot. Jimmy hanukkah lasts eight nights. Eight is the number of ways you can spell hanukkah correctly. Whats going on . Excuse me, jimmy. Jimmy yes . Someone in the audience has a question . Which night of hanukkah are you going to bring out the chanucorn . Jimmy gary, stop it. All right . Im not gary, im just a regular audience member who wants to see the beloved hanukkah unicorn make an appearance. Jimmy a regular audience member . Whats your name, regular audience member . Uh din. Jimmy your name is din . Dinzell. Jimmy okay. This is one of our writers, gary. Every year he interrupts our show [ applause ] dont encourage him. He interrupts dressed as this ridiculous character he made up called the chanucorn i did not make it up, god made the chanucorn. Jimmy it doesnt matter, we dont have time for this. Do not treat me like matt damon. [ laughter ] the people want to see the chanucorn right . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy . The all right. I will give you 60 seconds. How about 80 . Jimmy what a negotiator. All right, 80. All right, okay, all right. The song we worked on, we have to do it fast because i dont have must have time. I hope that you enjoy my song its going to be a blast noits listen develop carefully i have to seeing it fast the favorite jewish words bagel pickle dairy rye okay, guys, weve got to keep going go faster, faster. Just give me a beat my time is up shalom goodbye [ cheers and applause ] jimmy all right, thank you. Thank you, i thank you guys and hanukkah number one the only dreidel dog and his sidekick rob the lizard jimmy oh, look at that. All right. Well, thats wonderful. Thank you. The chanucorn, everybody thats gary. And we look forward to his comments about this on social media. All right. One more thing. The years winding down and so as is our tradition we went through all the bleeps and blurs of 2017 and whittled it to the best of the best. It is time for this year in unnecessary censorship. We have a good relationship, i [ b every day, i [ bleep ]ed him several times a week, he calls me late at night on the weekends. Now theyre saying the real problem is not that trump might have blown an israeli spy meaning blew his [ bleep ], that is. Im a [ bleep ]. Im a big [ bleep ]. That was the first time i heard about the [ bleep ] inside of tommy lasorda. We love you youve been with us all year. Were bringing this [ bleep ] home i believe in [ bleep ]. What does my [ bleep ] have to do with this here . She wanted her [ bleep ] to be simply the best. Came back, pushed me off my chair, and [ bleep ]ed me. Where . In my [ bleep ]. Fist or hand . Fist. Weve been able to [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. We did it in the [ bleep ]. Lets call it start [ bleep ]ing it in the [ bleep ]. And yes, indeed, you got it. And then there were just maybe hes got the magic touch tonight. Americas at her best when, against all odds, we come together and [ bleep ] each other. [ bleep ] you. [ bleep ] you. [ bleep ] you. [ bleep ] you. I knew i would [ bleep ] this show up, i really did. Is there a problem with your sandwich, sir . Yes, i feel like i could die and go to heaven oh, please, sir, dont, stop, you really can stop, sir. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy when we come back, guillermo and i will find out if kids have been naughty or nice, so stick around, well be right back [ cheers and applause ] i met bruce i saw on his lapel ches got a purple heart. E bruce we started talking about the service. I outrank him. chris [laughs] yeah. Meals on wheels reaches so many people. 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And get 10 kohls cash wefor every 50 spent give the latest active and wellness gifts that will keep them on the move all year long and youll get kohls cash presents for them, kohls cash for you jimmy hi, everyone. Welcome back. Will smith, pharell williams, and music from n. E. R. D. Is coming. First, christmas is coming as well. Its ten days away. Not only is christmas ten days away, next years christmas just a little over a year away. Every year around this time guillermo and i like to lend santa a hand. We dress up in our elf costumes and chat with kids to see whos been naughty and whos been nice and this is what we learned from a couple of adorable little brothers. Come on in, hi guys, how are you . Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. Have a seat right there. Lets see, we got nick and oh, santas name is nick. Which one of you is nick . All right, very good. Lets see. Dear santa, i want a lego death star, please. I help clean up. Love, ben. Thats good. Dear santa, i want a laser tag game because ive been nice to everybody at school and ive been nice to my parents. I thank you for being santa. Well, thats nice, from nicholas. All right, thats good. Have you been good this year . Yeah. Yeah. Jimmy both of you . Yeah. Jimmy do you ever see the other one doing anything naughty . Sometimes. Jimmy oh, sometimes. Tell us about some of the things that your brother has done. And be honest. Sometimes tackles me. Yeah, we get in fights. Jimmy oh, okay. What kind of thin dozen you fight over . Sometimes fight over toys. Jimmy you fight over toys, okay, all right. Who starts these fights . Usually you. Yeah, probably. Jimmy you usually do start them, okay. Do you ever use bad words . No. Jimmy never . Never. No, never. Jimmy santas mentioned that, ben, youve been maybe using the s word sometimes . No, i would not. Jimmy youre not, okay. We must have that wrong. Maybe you said something that sounded like the s word . Its because i was going to sit down. Jimmy oh, it was sit. Oh, yeah, i could see how santa would get confused by that. Youre like, oh sit or look, the dog just sit i just stepped in sit yeah. Jimmy that kind of thing . Yeah, i could see how that would be confusing. Okay. Would you like to give santa a message on camera . Sure. Jimmy okay, go right in that little house and say whatever you want to say to him, make sure to tell him who you are though. Hes got a lot of kids to keep track of and hes not a mind reader. Hi. Hi. My name is ben. And my brothers name is nick. We love you so much. And we hope that christmas comes soon. Jimmy and weve been so good and weve been so good this year. Jimmy and those times i said the s word i said sit. I said sit. Jimmy not the other thing. Not the other thing. Jimmy what is the other thing again . The s word. Jimmy what is it . S [ bleep ] t. Jimmy what does that spell . The s word. Jimmy which s word . All right, come on out, guys. I got to tell you one thing, you guys are very good at spelling. You know . Do you know how to spell any other bad words . Yeah. Jimmy which ones . The f word is [ bleep ]. Jimmy what . [ bleep ]. Jimmy thats right. This is like a profane spelling bee. Any others you can think of . Someone in my classroom called me the b word. Jimmy whats that word . Bitch. Jimmy whats that kids name who called you that . David. Jimmy david will get nothing for christmas. Tell that little bword hes not getting anything. All right. Thanks, guys. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy tonight on the show, pharrell williams, music from n. E. R. D. , and well be right back with will smith. [ cheers and applause ] dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by the new 2018 nissan rogue. Innovation that excites. Automatic emergency braking. It stopped for you. Standard. On nissans most popular models. Hurry, the 2017s are almost gone. Lease the rogue family for 159 per month. 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E is for everyone. Jimmy hi there, welcome back to the show. Tonight, a man who wears many tall hats, pharrell williams, is here. Hes getting his band back together. Their new album is called no one ever really dies. It comes out tomorrow. N. E. R. D. From the mercedesbenz outdoor stage. Its a big weekend for nerds with star wars and all of that. Our first guest tonight is a worldwide Motion Picture superstar and the freshest of all princes ever. His new movie is called bright. It premieres one week from tomorrow in theatres and on netflix. Which i get at home. Please say hello to will smith. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] he just left. He just jimmy sorry, i just took a little nap. Oh, geez, im sorry. Jimmy i figured while you were out there with them id get a little shuteye. How are you . So good to see you. [ cheers and applause ] weve got little kids at home. By the way, i just want to ask about christmas in your house. I imagine is it a big deal, something that you guys are do you get very festive and excited about . You know, for jada my wife christmas is really serious. Jimmy really . We dont joke about christmas. Jimmy oh, really . Yeah. You know, because i our family, scattered to the four corners of the earth all year. But on serious. Like she goes way too she got antlers. [ laughter ] you know, shes one of those moms where like christmas is you better be at home. Jimmy be there. Be there on christmas and everybody does what mommy says. Jimmy i see. Yeah. Jimmy jada was here a few months ago. She told me a story about you. Im curious to get your side of the story. Oh, man, she been putting my business in the street . Laugh live. Jimmy she has. Whatd she say . Jimmy she said youre putting your business in the street is basically what she said. She said that when you dont have money, she said off then you have no wash on you, i do wallet, you will panhandle. Go up to people and say, can i have money . Hold up. [ laughter ] all right, so this is this is this has been a real issue in our marriage. Jimmy it has . Thats right. So weve been together 20 years this new years. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats a lot of years. Right . We almost aint make it. We almost aint make right . So our family, we start a company, just water. Right . So its, you know, 81 paper bottle. We were excited, our family, First Business outside of entertainment. And whole foods takes the company and theyre going to have us in all 400 stores. It was the first day and were walking down the street in new york. And i see the first pallet coming into the whole foods. Im like, babe, look, look thats our company but i just i dont wear jewelry, i rarely have money, i dont carry money with me. So i was like, oh, man its 99 cents for each bottle, so 2, we could both get a bottle. She didnt have money, i didnt have money. She was like, lets walk back to the house. Babe, its four blocks to the house. I was like, lets ask those people. [ laughter ] she was like i was like, [ cheers and applause ] theyre special, right . Jimmy right. She was like, what are you suggesting . I was like, its 2, ask them for 2. And she was like, you want to walk up to perfect strangers and ask for money . I said, its fresh prince fans. She was like, no. Theres no way that were going to walk up to strangers and ask for money. I was like, babe, they would like it. [ laughter ] it would be fun for them to say will and jada borrowed 2. She said, they aint going to be able to say will and jada did nothing. [ laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy this is what will solo. She made us walk four blocks to go get 2. Then four blocks back. To buy the water. At which point it was good because i was parched. [ laughter ] good walk. Four blocks jimmy this is exactly how she told this story also. [ laughter ] i mean, the transcripts are the same. But in her version she seemed right, in your version you seem right. She was like, i cannot believe youre so arrogant that you would think so youre suggesting that it would be a treat for strangers to give you money [ cheers and applause ] it probably would be. Fresh prince fans, man. Jimmy speaking of fresh prince fans. This is a guy that you should ask for money. Whoa. Jimmy Michael Jordan. [ cheers and applause ] you and def and Michael Jordan do you remember where this happened . Yeah that was in the arena in chicago. And that has to be 25 years ago. Wow. Jimmy for sure. Mike didnt have no hair back then. Jimmy you were at the game . Or he was he came to the concert. We were at the concert. Jimmy are you guys friendly . Close . Weve hung out a few types. Jimmy what is it like to hang out socially with Michael Jordan . Its like just a competition. [ laughter ] it is. No let me tell you will. Mike and tiger are the two most competitive people ive ever met. Jimmy woods or tony the .