Transcripts For WJLA Jimmy Kimmel Live 20170425

Guillermo yes jimmy well start with a report card, if you will, for our celebrity president , donald trump, whose Approval Rating continues to drop. Donald trumps positive performance mark is now down to 35 . Only about a third of americans polled say theyre happy with his job performance. 66 say they dont think hes levelheaded. Which in his defense, you know [ laughter ] how is his head supposed to stay level when his hair keeps trying to chase every squirrel . [ laughter ] [ applause ] its not just the poll, even isis is piling on. A spokesman for isis, which thats what you get when you major in communications by the way, you become a spokesman for isis. [ laughter ] released a statement yesterday saying america is drowning, were bankrupt, and were being run by an idiot. And you hate to agree with anything isis says. But i dont know, maybe we are are drowning and bankrupt. But i want to be very clear, if we are those things you guys in isis had nothing to do with that. We chose this bankrupt idiot to drown us ourselves. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] dont try to take credit for it. Its our thing. You might not have been aware but monday was send your soninlaw to iraq day. [ laughter ] President Trump send his daughters husband Jared Kushner to baghdad to meet with the iraqi Prime Minister and the chairman of the joint chiefs of staff. The military posted a bunch of photographs of jareds spring break. I found them on flickr last night. I was looking around, so tickled by them, i wanted to share them with you. Theres jared. Hes the one on the left. With general Joseph Dunford of the marines. Zoom in on his face there. Because this is the face you make when you have like no idea what the people around you are talking about but you dont want to look stupid so here he is from another angle. You can see its like a militarytheme bar mitzvah. [ laughter ] why didnt anyone tell me to wear camo . I would have worn camo. [ laughter ] i guess they were worried jared wouldnt be able to sit through an entire meeting, so as you see they gave him some juice and a coloring book. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the wizard who brought that j. Crew mannequin to life did an amazing job. In between meetings jared found time to write a letter home to his boss fatherinlaw. Donald trump doesnt like reading so jared narrated it to him. We got a hold of it. Another leak. This is an abc news exclusive and i am excited to share it with you now. Dear dadinlaw. Well, here i am in iraq. Look at me with the head mustache guy. I cant believe its only been one day since i was back in the oval office trying to convince you not to retweet that joke about kim jonguns man boobs. I sure am glad i wore my summer blazer. Here i am thanking our troops for their service that i never considered doing in a bajillion years. Here i am looking over real military plans, so awesome. I told the generals all about your idea of using the element of surprise. Boy, did they seem impressed. How badass i look in this flak jacket, i totally want one. Well, ive got to go. The generals are working on their battle plans, and im sure theyll want my input. See you this weekend for a big meeting with the king of china. I cant wait. Love jarebear. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, thats sweet. I like that theyre close. We can be pretty hard on donald trump. They have a guy in new zealand, the Prime Minister of new zealand, a gentleman named bill english who i think is even worse. Im going to show you why. On tuesday night, this is what he posted on facebook. He wrote, cooked dinner for the family last night, like if you agree with tinned spaghetti on i dont know if you can see that, but tinned spaghetti is canned spaghetti. Not only did he put it on a pizza, he put on it a pineapple pizza. He put canned spaghetti and pineapples on a pizza. This mother can i say the fword . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i feel like i should no . Not even this one time . That is so offensive. That is an act of war. I mean, i think i think he just declared war on italy. And maybe hawaii too, i dont know. Impeach that man immediately, new zealand. This is why ive always preferred old zealand. It is true. [ laughter ] meanwhile, i will assume by now that youve seen or at least heard about that pepsi commercial with Kendall Jenner. If you havent, its worth seeing. Its absolutely nuts. The fact that this somehow made it through i cant imagine how many meetings and edits and pitches and then got the thumbsup from who knows how many people is absolutely mindboggling. Pepsi was trending on twitter last night. I was like oh, my god, pepsi died. [ laughter ] turned out i was right, it did. This commercial, its quite a concept. Basically, Kendall Jenner is posing for a photo, a photo shoot, then a protest march happens. A very hiplooking protest march happens by. And ultimately she joins it and brings everyone together. She ends racism by handing a pepsi to a police officer. And then everyone dances away. Its so great. It is so ill advised. Ive watched it 27 times now. I still i cant figure out what the protesters are supposed to be protesting. I dont want to go through the whole video but i want to go through we grabbed some stills. This says join the o conversation. What the hell is that . Is that an irish conversation . [ laughter ] maybe it has something to do with oprah . I dont know. There are a lot of peace signs, lots and lots of peace signs all of which happen to be the same color as the pepsi logo. And one of the protesters has a cello. [ laughter ] you know, you cant have a protest march without a cello. None of it makes any sense. Today pepsi pulled the ad and apologized to they apologized to Kendall Jenner. Sorry we paid you 3 million to be in the worst commercial ever, Kendall Jenner. Everyone was so mad. The only people who werent mad . The people at coke werent mad, they loved it. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it was the best coke commercial in years. And whoever came up with this ad for nivea, which they nivea just pulled this print ad. See . Immediately you guys knew this shouldnt have been published. Put that up again. It says, white is purity. Anyone see anything wrong with this slogan . Not at all . Looks good to go . Okay. Everyone is dumb. Heres something ive not seen before. This is from yesterdays baseball game between cardinals and cubs. Hes hit by the pitch. The ball gets away. Piscotty to second and hes hit again. A little chopper slowly hit, right side. The ball gets away. Here comes piscotty. He is safe. As the ball hit him in the head, maybe the face. Jimmy whats going on . [ applause ] poor guy. He got hit more times than ronda rousey on that one i dont think ive never seen anything like this before. I think it was a first. So afterwards the reporters obviously were eager to get stevens thoughts. Its just a fluke thing. Getting hit in the head like that . I guess you just play enough games, Something Like thats going to happen ah jimmy that almost seemed intentional. We have to take a break. When we come back from that break, if you watch the show girls on hbo or even if you dont youre going to like what we have when we return, stick around, well be right back [ cheers and applause ] with this level of engineering. Its a performance machine. With this degree of intelligence. Its a supercomputer. With this grade of protection. Its a fortress. And with this standard of luxury. Its an oasis. The 2017 eclass. Its everything you need it to be. And more. Lease the e300 for 549 a month at your local mercedesbenz dealer. Mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. Testinhuh . Sting is this thing on . Come on your turn where do pencils go on vacation . 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[ always fun ls] get down fun up feel good oooh woo oooh jimmy eric stonestreet, riz ahmed, and music from cold war kids is happening. But first, if you havent watched the final season of girls on hbo, youre really missing out. My wife and i love it, we never miss it. Finale of the show, the series finale, is on april 16th. Im sad to go. We watch it every sunday night. Its become a tradition for us. I hate to oh, hey, look at this. [ cheers and applause ] how are you . What a surprise this is. I had no idea. You were back there waiting in the wings for my cue. Yeah, well, i have some really good news for you. Jimmy you do . Oh, very good. Lena dunham, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] what is the good news . Well, the fact is that girls is not going away forever. Jimmy oh, its not . Thats great. What do you have planned . We came here specifically to announce that we are going to be doing a reunion special. Jimmy already . [ cheers and applause ] thats weird. Because you havent actually finished the show and youre already doing a reunion special . When will that air . That is going to be airing in april. 2067. [ laughter ] jimmy oh, wait, like in 50 years . Yeah. Jimmy oh. What if im not alive then . I had Fried Chicken two days this week, i dont think im going to make it. Y w jimmy how do you know im going to be alive . I know because i have proof. I brought a clip. Jimmy you brought a clip of girls from 50 years from now . Oh my goodness. [ cheers and applause ] im able to bring a clip from the future because im incredibly talented. And i hope that the emmys finally recognize that. Jimmy i hope so too. [ cheers and applause ] its just a problem with all these [ bleep ] men. Jimmy i know, i hate them. I hate them. Jimmy should we watch it . Or call it a night and go home . I think we should watch it. We worked really hard on it. Jimmy sure, here we go. And if you threw a party invited everyone you knew you would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say thank you for being a friend [ cheers and applause ] i believe i purchased everything. This is all just cigarettes. [ laughter ] wheres everything on the list i gave you . I nodded out in the dairy aisle. I still dont understand like why you think its okay to be on recreational morphine. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] it means so much to me that you guys are throwing me this 63rd birthday divorce knee surgery party. Youre 77 years old. Youve been married eight times and youre having knee surgery in and around your face. [ laughter ] lets get this Party Started [ cheers and applause ] okay, when are we going to wrap this up . I need to be in bed by 5 00. By 5 30 im going to be dreaming of tom hardy licking pudding off his dentures. Its 5 00 now. Then to all a good night. Get back here. Can i just say . I love being able to celebrate with all of my closest friends. And jessa. Which dress do you guys like better . Definitely the sleeveless, its so modern yet classic. She cant wear the sleeveless, the skin in her pits is dragging my labia before it discovered coconut oil, which by the way really does do that was supposed to a secret. I am completely humiliated. You may have finally done it, young lady. Okay, come on, give it up, you slag. Oh, all right. Okay. You guys know arnaz . Oh, yeah, hes that superhip 90yearold that plays experimental mandolin on bingo night. We were working on music last night and we hit it. Hit it . That is something am i supposed to know what that means . Shoshana, you are daft. Its when a man makes love to your armpits. Ew its a burgeoning trend in senior living, i wrote a piece for the senior newsletter. The word is herpes in the tennis club was literally fiery. Its amazing you had a test case right here in the house. He told me it was bedsores. And who was i to object . Its okay, honey. Frankly im surprised it took you this long to get it. Herpes is so basic. Yeah, we all got it, front and back. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] you know what . Im just going to wear the damn sleeveless dress. Especially if its just the four of us. Actually, there is one more person coming. [ doorbell ] oh, thats the stripper. Stripper . You have got to be joking. They prefer to be called sensuality artists. Stripper is not a very doors open hannah, what are you doing . What . I got a touch of an air diaper uti. Okay . Im airing it out. Can you please do that somewhere else . Excuse me for living out loud. Hello, [ cheers and applause ] officer sausage is here and youre all under mom . Hampton . Mom, when im working its officer sausage. Oh, yeah, he totally has your butt. Has everyone fully forgotten its my birthday . Hello, hampton. Hi. Well. Im going to eat this whole cheesecake in hopes i fall into a diabetic coma so i can forget my son just came over to show me his member. Cheesecake, take the wheel. Hey, flat dumpsters. Ive got ensure and ecstasy, who wants to party till we crap ourselves . Im not falling for that again. Officer sausage . Is nobody else bothered by the fact that elijah hasnt aged even a little . I told you bitches, its oil of olay and boxed wine, did any of you even try it . Listen. I paid for a stripper, so chop chop with the dancing, sonny. Ill toss in an extra 100 for the armpit stuff. I cant. I cant. Ive fallen. Life alert . Yeah ive fallen, im completely overwhelmed, if someone could make contact with my parents . Big 80 is the best. I dont care i love it i dont care [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thank you, lena. Lena dunham, everyone. The best. Watch the final episode of girls this sunday, and next sunday on hbo. We have cold war kids, riz ahmed, and eric stonestreet, be right back [ cheers and applause ] vo love. I got it. I gotcha baby. vo its being there when youre needed most. Love is knowing. Hes the one. vo . It was meant to be. And love always keeps you safe. Were fine. vo love is why we built a car you can trust. Now and for a long time to come. The allnew Subaru Impreza sedan and fivedoor. A car you can love no matter what road youre on. I am totally blind. And i live with non24, a circadian rhythm disorder that can throw my days and nights out of sync, keeping me from the people, places, and things i love. The people i love have always been there for me. And now, im there for them, too. Talk to your doctor, and call 8442142424 to learn more. Then youre a couple. Think of all youll share. Like snoring. Does your bed do that . The dual adjustability of a sleep number bed allows you each to choose the firmness and comfort you want. So every couple can get the best sleep ever. Does your bed do that . For a limited time find clearance prices on the cse bed. Now only 1399 save 500. Only at a sleep number store or sleepnumber. Com why are you checking just want to see if it changed. Credit scores dont change that much do they . Really . Ill take it sir, your credit. I better check my credit score. Try credit karma. Its free. Alright. Check out credit karma today. Jimmy welcome back. Look at that dirty floor. Tonight he is the star of the he is also the one who knocked hannah up on girls. The multitalented riz ahmed is here. Then, their new album comes out friday. Its called l. A. Divine. Cold war kids from the mercedesbenz outdoor stage. Tomorrow night we have a great show tomorrow. Adam sandler, nathalie emmanuel, whom you know from game of thrones, confidante to the khalisi. And well have music from starley. Please join us for that. Our first guest tonight is the twotime emmywinning actor and hero to clowns around the world. Starting friday night he serves as host of a new show called the toy box. From modern family, please welcome eric stonestreet. [ cheers and applause ] hows it going . Good. Jimmy you look great. Yo jimmy i hear your mother is here tonight. She is here, shes backstage. Jimmy did she get you that jacket . Yeah, she got it for me in 86 for christmas. [ laughter ] shes enjoying the bar. Jimmy shes from kansas city . Kansas city. Yeah okay, take it easy. Jimmy is she at the bar . She went to the bar, yeah. She likes a drink. Jimmy she does . Has it always been that way for mom . Yeah. It has. I mean, she had we went to casa vega last night, she had a corona. Jimmy a restaurant everyone loves here in the valley. I remember one time at a wedding reception she got a little a little crazy at the wedding reception and i had to go pick her up. I was in high school. I went to drunk drive my mom. And she got in the car and im like, i cannot believe how drunk you are. And shes like, oh shut up. And she spit ice at me. Jimmy what . [ laughter ] and i have never let her forget it. Oh, you mean like the time you spit ice at me . Jimmy so you have a little sense what [ laughter ] uber driver in a way. Yeah, i was driving my moms white mercury marquis driving her home. Jimmy you were kind enough to bring an article that i love so much. You even laminated it, which we really do appreciate here. This is you as a little boy. How old are you in this photograph . Im like fourth grade going into fifth. Jimmy thats you, and this is your attacker . [ laughter ] oh, wait not appropriate. Not appropriate. Im trying to change the conversation about clowns. [ laughter ] jimmy that is you in your clown makeup. Which is its almost disturbing. Well. Jimmy im sure cute in real life. How did you get in the paper . I was famous back in kansas city. No, i wanted to be a clown and i would do kids birthday parties. And i was in the i was in 4h. And at the Wyandotte County fair. And they had a thing where you would do clowning. That was at one of those things and the paper found out about it and came and interviewed me. Yoca i wanted to join the circus at that age. Jimmy you also do magic, you did a magic trick last time. I did a basic little magic trick. Last time i was here, i did a basic magic trick, what i used to do when i was a waiter at applebees in manhattan, kansas. And it seemed to go well. You liked it. Jimmy i did like it. I enjoy that sort of thing. I thought if you dont mind and you guys dont care id like to do another magic trick. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy, i think youve got an aluminum foil ball . Jimmy oh, yeah, okay. This is a simple basic little trick. Catch that, sir. Hold that right there. Jimmy was that it . Yeah, thats it, were done, tada [ cheers and applause ] just hold on to that. This is a simple trick you guys at home can do for your kids, for your family, at your office. This is a mind reading trick. Jimmy okay. This is really cool. So this week i emailed molly, jimmy you did . Yeah. Jimmy oh, no. What . No, i just emailed her. Jimmy okay, all right. I dont know where this is headed. I emailed her and asked her some of your Favorite Foods. I mean, jimmy, we have a lot in common. Jimmy we do, yeah. We love to eat. Maybe me a little bit more. A tidge. But we have a passion for food. Jimmy we do. I knew some of your Favorite Foods but i was surprised by some of the other ones, like scrambled eggs and white truffle. Orange julius, im a huge Orange Julius guy. Jimmy i love it. I love it too. Brings back so many memories. Sushi i knew. Steak, pizza, all that kind of stuff. I wrote them down. You can see here. I just wrote a few things down. Jimmy oh, yeah, those are them. Those are them, you can take a look at them. And i thought i would do a little mental trick. But not with you because were both hollywood bigshots. Jimmy right. And i thought, well, the audience and people at home will think jimmy and eric set it up because theyre best buddies. Jimmy thats not true, we did not set this up. We did not set this up. Thats where you come in. I threw an aluminum foil ball into the audience. Anyone could have caught it. Right . But you caught it. So with your permission, jimmy, id like to go talk to this lady. Jimmy go ahead, all right. [ cheers and applause ] microphone for her . Hi. How are you . Maam, did you know you were going to get this view, sir . [ laughter ] i saw you on camera before youre like, i dont want to be on tv anymore, im done jimmy hes a p. E. Coach. Hes seen it before. [ laughter ] yeah. You want me to move over here . Tell me your first name. Barbara. Can i call you sharon . [ laughter ] sure. Thank you, sharon. So nice to meet you. Sharon, where are you from . Atlanta. Atlanta. Sharon, i spent a month in atlanta, i loved atlanta, it was hot as hell. What do they call it . Hotlanta. Ha ha anyway. Sharon, do you know th you do know him . So youre excluded because i dont want anyone at home, i dont want anyone, jimmy, anyone to think this is a setup. So sir, do you know this guy . No. Great, whats your name . William. William, meet sharon. Hi, sharon. Say hi, how are you. Listen, sir, dont its cool. Shes okay. Im going to give you this pad of jimmys Favorite Foods. These are jimmys Favorite Foods. Youre going to put it in your hand. Put it in your hand. Hold it flat in your hand. Youre going to open it with your thumb. Just open it and look at the first thing you see and show these people. So that we have a good witness. Im going to just look this way. Go ahead and open it up. Not to the first page because i dont want to see that. Open it. There you go. Got it . Everybody have it . Okay, great. Thank you so much. Close it . Close it. Give it back to me. Were done with that. Now sharon, i need you to focus right here. Are you a fan of modern family . Thank you so much. [ cheers and applause ] sharon, right here. Sharon. My eyes are up here stop looking here. All right, sharon. Sharon, look right here. Look right here. You need to focus. Im going to read your mind. Right now. Jimmys Favorite Foods. Weve never met. I want you to think of the food in your mind. Dont think of anything else. Okay . This is great, wow. Youre trying to trick me. I see what youre doing, i see what youre doing, its so interesting. Sharon . I want you to say any food that its not on the count of three. Ready . One, two, three taco. Taco, interesting. I love how you blinked when you said taco too. Sharon, can i feel your hand . You dont have to give me that. Can i feel your hand . Its so interesting. I feel like what youre doing is trying to trick me. Youre thinking of something thats not a word. Arent you . Youre thinking of a letter. Youre thinking of two letters . Are you thinking of two letters . Letters . Sharon . Is it is it bbq . Is it barbecue . Yes. Is it barbecue . Thats what it was. You saw it . Weve never met. [ cheers and applause ] now, hold on. Jimmy, i know what youre thinking. I know what youre thinking. I used to date her in high school before this guy came along. Jimmy you did . No, thats what youre thinking. Jimmy oh. Its a setup, this is hollywood, we can cast anyone we want. But notice guillermo has had a tray sitting over here the entire time. Once i came out onto the stage that tray has not moved. Some of you have seen it. Guillermo, i want you to lift that cloth up and i want you to pull out whats underneath that cloth. Guillermo banana cream pie. No, no [ laughter ] jimmy i do like that. I told you whats also under there . Arent there barbecue ribs . Guillermo barbecue ribs [ applause ] no, no put the cloth back on cover the cloth. Cover it. Jimmy, ladies and gentlemen, barbecue ribs jimmy wow, thank you. Miraculous. Eric stonestreet hold on. Jimmy what . I know what youre thinking. Guillermos in on it, the shows in on it, everybodys in on it. But i want you to stand up. Everyone in the audience stand up right now. Look under your seats, theres something taped there, show the cameras, show america ladies and gentlemen, barbecue ribs [ cheers and applause ] jimmy eric . We still have another segment. Sorry, i got cocky. Jimmy eric stonestreet, everyone well be right back. [ cheers and applaus and let roomba help with your everyday messes. A full suite of sensors automatically guides roomba throughout your home. Cleaning under furniture, along edges, and in corners. And roombas patented 3stage cleaning system agitates, brushes and suctions dirt from your floors for up to 2 hours, recharging itself when it needs to. Which means your floors are always clean. You and roomba, from irobot. Better. Together. Lines . An develop fine lines what lines . The chapstick total hydration collection. Our advanced skin care formulas instantly smooth and transform your lips. Chapstick. Put your lips first. For all kinds of things. Like walking. Hey, honey. Dad, wheres the car . Thought wed walk. Hes counting steps. Walk, move and earn money. Goal dad. Hey, we wanna welcome everyone to the father daughter dance. Look at this dad, hes got some moves money you can use on outofpocket medical expenses. Hes ok, yeah unitedhealthcare this is how it feels when you eat a subway® 6 footlong sub of the day. Its the taste you love, at a price you cant get enough of. The 6 footlong sub of the day. A different footlong every day of the week. Like the tukey breast on wednesday and the sweet onion chicken teriyaki on monday. For just 6 bucks seven days, seven footlongs, seven more ways to enjoy subway®. Were all about making things simpler for you. Like, imagine having your vehicle serviced. From the comfort of your own home. Introducing complimentary lincoln pickup and delivery servicing. Because the most important luxury of all. Is time. Pickup and delivery servicing on the entire family of lincoln luxury vehicles including a complimentary lincoln loaner. Skinew bandaid® brand skinflex™ bandages. R best bandage yet it moves like a second skin. Dries almost instantly. Better . Yeah. Go good thing because stopping never crosses your mind. Bandaid® brand. Stick with it™ jimmy there they are, theyre all there. Wlingee and clams. Italian ice. Youve got everything here. Its like you read my mind too. Show, the toy box. Which by the way is a strip club in florida. I dont know if youre aware of it. Okay, no, but i am now. Jimmy okay, but yours is not that. No. Jimmy tell us about the show. Yeah, so its a competition where toy inventors come in and pitch their toy. To some mentors. You know, theyre there for safety. Then they come into the toy box and kids, four kids, decide which toy is going to win the whole show. Jimmy these are real kids . These are real kids that are just there to decide if the toys fun and good and worthy of mattel, the great toy company, to make. We shot this last summer. And i know what toy won. Mattels been making the toy so when the show ends, theres eight episodes, seven and a finale. Then you can go on toysareus. Com and get the toy. Jimmy oh, boy. Takes it a step further. I love working with kids and watching them crush adults dreams. The kids reject adults . Im going, ha ha ha im the kid in the room. Some toys walk in jimmy you have to have bad ideas. Right. Jimmy right. You know youre bad when they hear them but they dont know. Jimmy wow. Sometimes see they spend test of thousands of dollars, 30 years working on this toy, then noahs going to be like, i dont like this boy jimmy oh, boy. You watch the people go jimmy yeah. Well, so if you want to see children crush the dreams of adults, the show is called the toy box. Friday night, 8 00 here on abc. Eric stonestreet, everybody well be right back with riz ahmed. [ cheers and applause ] the birds and the bees by dean martin let me tell you bout. The birds the bees and the flowers and the trees let me tell you bout the stars in the sk , a girl and a guy and the way they could kiss on a night like this. When i look into your big brown eyes its so very plain to s e that its time you learned about the facts of life startin from a to z. Let me tell you bout the the birds and the bees lifes as big as you make it. Introducing the allnew seven seater volkswagen atlas and a thing called love. Schick hydro ® vs a lube strip. With seven hydrating gel pools. That give you 40 less friction. Its designed like no other razor to protect from irritation. Free your skin. ® welcome to maxx you. You are whimsical, vibrant, statement making. We see what makes you unique. So we have something for everyone, at a price thats just right for you. Maxx you. Maxx life. T. J. Maxx get whatat olive garden. Ss new early dinner duos for just 8. 99. Choose from over 50 delicious combinations. And all the salad and breadsticks you want. From 35 monday through thursday. Attention. We and by we, we mean us, the entertainmentloving people of america, have updated our terms and conditions. One. From now on, the word television will no longer be defined as that thing over there on the wall. We want all our things to be television things. Phones. Ipads. Refrigerators. Heart monitors. Ok, maybe not heart monitors. Two. Our shows and movies. We want them when we want them. So they should go with us. Anywhere . You got that right, kid show thing. Three. Nothing beats live. So we want to stream all that sweet live stuff. Like football. Red carpets and yelling. Wait what are we yelling about, guys . Four. We dont just want unlimited data. We want unlimited entertainment. Can i stop dying now mark . Cmon man. Its unlimited. Last thing. We just want all our stuff. The way we want all our stuff. Thats not too much to ask is it . At t brings you directv, internet and wireless. All on your terms. Its entertainment your way. Bryan denton we spent almost the entirety of the next 10 hours under fire. You know, everybody was very focused, looking out the window, scanning for car bombs. Being outside of a vehicle was suicide. To say that i wasnt operating at a constant level of fear, id be lying to you. If i didnt believe in the importance of journalism, i wouldnt be able to continue to do this work. im bryan denton, photojournalist for the new york times. Jimmy hi, there. Welcome back to the show. Cold war kids on the way. Our next guest is a golden globe nominated actor and half of a successful rap duo, just like amy adams. You can see him on girls and the night of, which is available now on hbo. Please welcome riz ahmed. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy very good to see you. Last time you were here with the whole cast of rogue one. Yeah. Jimmy at the time it was one of those interviews where everybody wanted to know what was going on in the movie, you couldnt say anything about what was going on in the movie, whether there would be another movie, because it turned out you all died in the movie. Yeah, that would have been a bit of a spoiler. Jimmy it would have been a spoiler. Maybe it was for somebody right now who hasnt seen it yet. Yeah, sorry about that. Jimmy by the way, like the night of. When was the finale of the night of . Last year . Awhile ago, i think it was out here over the summer. Jimmy do you feel now because its Still Available and people get to these shows now when they want to get to them, do you feel like you have to keep things quiet . Yeah its weird, you can never talk about it ever. You cant talk about it. Jimmy how long do you wait before its okay . I think a year is enough. I dont know if its still okay. At the moment i still kind of sometimes walk down the street in l. A. Or new york and suddenly someone will shout out, yo did you do it . For me the show was a long time ago so theres a moment of confusion. Im not sure what theyre talking about. Jimmy that must be weird. Youre also as i mentioned in a band. A duo. Your rap name, which you have to have, right . You do kind of use your own name. Is riz mc. My solo rap name is riz mc, which shows you how old i am, because no one uses mc at the end. Jimmy not since hammer, i think. We had ren, we had mc scat cat, of course you cant forget. Is mc kimmel going to make a comeback . Jimmy mc kimmel is dead, shot in las vegas. Oh, wow. Jimmy riddled with bullets. But hes with us in spirit. Myself that would be weird. Its a trio, actually. Its myself and a rapper heems from new york and a producer rohdino from london, called the sweatshop boys. Jimmy and youre playing at coachella where youll actually be sweating. Rub to or played coachella before . I passed through coachella once. Its different to uk festivals. Right, they have those big festivals. How are they different . Well, i mean gaston bury or uk festival, people are really going for it, super drunk, throwing up on each other, rainy, covered in mud. So theyre amazing. [ laughter ] whereas like coachellas a bit more glamorous. A bit more chill. I think the worst thing that could happen is maybe like Kendall Jenner hands you a beverage. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy yeah, that could be that settles everyone down. Yeah. Yeah, lets be jimmy that was some commercial. You got a golden globe nomination for the night of. Congratulations, by the way. [ cheers and applause ] the lawyer on the show is john turturro. Hes great in every single thing. Did you know his work beforehand . Yes, ive seen so much of his work. Have you ever met him . Have, yes. Isnt he like the italianamerican uncle you wish you had . Jimmy i am italian, so no. [ laughter ] oh, right. Wait. Well, hes just like hes the dude. Hes just the most amazing guy. He took me under his wing. Jimmy what do you mean . Hes got so much experience. Im eager to learn from people who have got lots of experience. I was always asking him for advice. Hes got a lot of advice but he kind of he puts it across in like a really interesting way. Like all his advice is, he gives all his advice in metaphors about cooking, dancing, or sex. Jimmy really . Okay. Yeah, yeah. Jimmy how . Give me an example. Youll be like john, ive got this really intense scene coming up, how do you do an intense scene . Hell be like, you know, when youre cooking meatballs, you just got to youre cooking meatballs you take the meatballs, leave them in the sauce, thats all. It takes a minute. Then when you think about it, its genius. Its true, soak up the scene, be there in the moment, and it makes sense. But sometimes it goes a bit too far as well. Like, one day he was spoiler alert. He goes, what scene are you working on . Tough scene, ive got to wake up next to the girl, shes dead, shes been stabbed like 50 times. And he goes, you know, when youre carving a turkey what you got to do is you got to [ applause ] get the right angle. Jimmy thats a very good imitation of him. Has he heard you do him . Yeah hes heard me, yeah. Jimmy and its okay with him . Yeah, yeah. Jimmy thats uncle john for you. Congratulations on all your success. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Jimmy if you havent seen it, the night of is streaming on hbo. We wont ruin it for you. Riz ahmed, everybody. Be right back with cold war kids the Jimmy Kimmel Live Concert Series is presented by mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. The Jimmy Kimmel Live Concert Series is presented by mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. Jimmy thanks to lena dunham and the cast of girls, thanks to eric stonestreet, riz ahmed and apologies to matt damon. We ran out of time. Nightline is next but first their new album l. A. Divine comes out friday, here with the song love is mystical, cold war kids and when my heart wont break an empty space between my lungs and when my knees wont shake ill drink to find inspiration cause im a red blooded man but i cant see behind the sun i cant see behind the sun a supernatural plan is coming to meet me now living life with no need for the brakes something mistakes love is mystical love will break the chains you might feel invincible and you might be afraid light in darkness will show you the way give you the power to believe again cause im a rational man and i can see how far ive come i can see how far ive come but i dont know where to stand or whos coming to meet me now living life with no need for the brakes something happens when i lean on my mistakes if the words are true and the words reveal the same i come alive when i dont even think love is mystical love will break the chains you might feel invincible and you might be afraid light in darkness will show you the way give you the power to believe again oh cant you hear the future is calling for heavens sake its either hell or high water lets get outta this place i feel your skeptical eyes on my mental state i lift my hands to the sky and i lower the stakes oh yeah and i lower the stakes oh yeah and i lower the stakes love is mystical do you feel the same love is irresistible its calling out your namli will show you the way give you the power to believe again give you the power to believe again give you the power to believe again give you the power to believe again give you the power to believe again to believe again to believe again to believe again to believe again to believe again [ cheers and applause ] this is nightline. Tonight, dancing through the pain. Nancy kerrigan back in the spotlight, trading in her ice skates for dancing shoes. A top contender on dancing with the stars. Why dust off your sequins and get in the game . Because its fun. Conquering a life filled with setbacks. My world was completely out of control. Including that infamous attack more than 20 years ago. The twotime olympic medalist instead focusing on her kids, budding olympians themselves. Plus, love me tinder. Is the dating app famous among its users for hookups settling down . Weve created over 20 billion connections since we started the app. Meet the tinder users swiping right, hoping to be swept off their feet