Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20170317

Bafnlt thosego gonzagaens are bd home rays. Duke is looking good with grayson allen. I will be donating one box of expired trump steaks to the homeless every time you trip a player on the court. Thank you for your service. And, of course, the big winner of the month will be judge neil gorsuch hes a tremendous choice. You dont even deserve him. All right. Play basketball. horn oh, crap. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert tonight, stephen wme kate upton. And Yvette Nicole brown. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the city, its Stephen Colbert captioning sponsored by cbs stephen whats up . cheers and applause wooo hey jon hey, hey, hey cheers and applause stephen welcome to the late show, everybody. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. It is an exciting day exciting day for president trump, because he went on a field trip to the museum of African American history. He was so worried steve bannon wouldnt sign his permission slip. laughter he got to go. He got to go. You been down there . Jon yeah, ive been down there. Stephen havent been yet. I heard its incredible, tremendous. Now, trump was originally supposed to visit the museum on Martin Luther king day, but that had to be postponed because of scheduling issues. Its understandable. As dr. King himself so famously said laughter applause stirring. Stirring. I believe obama called that the fierce urgency of now. Or later. Now, at the end of the tour, trump honored the greatest figures in African American history, like sojourner truth, booker t. Washington and ben carson. laughter i love this guy. Hes a great guy, really a great guy. And he can tell you better than me, but ill tell you what, we really started something with ben. Stephen yes, trump really started something by hiring ben carson. It is the greatest achievement for African Americans since. About four weeks ago when we had a black president. cheers and applause but since then but since then since then. Pretty good since then. And make no mistake as secretary of housing and urban development, ben carson has his work cut out for him. Hud has a meaning far beyond housing. If properly done, its a meaning thats as big as anything there is. And ben will be able to find that true meaning and the true meaning of hud, as its secretary. Stephen yes. I believe ben carson will find the true meaning of hud. laughter just like in the beloved childrens story how the grinch stole housing. laughter cheers and applause so good. With cindy lou who . Jon oh, yeah. Stephen along with carson, trump recognized other African Americans serving in government. He honored them the only way he knows how. I also want to thank senator tim scott for joining us today, a friend of mine, a great, great senator from south carolina. I like the state of south carolina. I like all those states where i won by double, double, double digits, you know, those states. Stephen yes, he loves those states where he won by double, double, double digits. But he seems to hate the country where he lost by millions, millions, millions of votes. cheers and applause hes still president hes still president. Doesnt mean hes not president. Hes still president. Hes just a loser president. laughter now, the department of Homeland Security today told us how theyre going to enforce the president s executive orders on immigration, and it cannot come soon enough, folks, because just last week, hunters in texas were wounded in a gunfight near the border when, they say, immigrants illegally crossed in from mexico, converging on their camp in the middle of the night, and tried to rob them. Both men are recovering, but its an unbelievable story. In that you should not believe it because it was all a lie. laughter turns out they shot each other. laughter applause yeah, wow. Yeah, they shot each other. They shot each other. The truth hurts. Not as much as those bullets, but still. Apparently, one of the guys, named walker dougherty, was out Walking Around and then, as he returned to camp, he thought that illegals were in the r. V. Waiting to kidnap his friends. But instead of announcing himself, he tried opening the door, and thats when his fellow hunter inside the r. V. , edwin roberts, fired off a round. Its like the old joke knock, knock blam, blam, blam laughter applause thats how it goes . cheers and applause knock, knock. Blam, blam, blam. Why did the chicken cross the road . To get away from the gunfight. laughter now, from the beginning, the sheriff said that there was no evidence Illegal Immigrants were involved, but that did not stop Texas Agriculture commissioner and cartoon of a Texas Agriculture commissioner, sid miller. He spread the story to his 400,000 facebook followers saying that America Needs to build the wall because laughter man, the immigration problem has gotten so bad, even he cant speak english. laughter applause now, speaking of speaking of immigration, last thursday was something called, a day without immigrants. Which i cheers and applause you guys know about it . You know about this . I didnt know. I didnt really know about this. I thought thats what trump called it when melania stays in new york. laughter but it turns out he misses her, because he misses her. But it turns out, a day without immigrants is when a lot of immigrants all over the country didnt go to work to protest trumps border policies. But now it turns out a lot of those employees who participated in the protest got fired. For instance, in oklahoma, the owner of the i dont care bar and grill fired 12 line cooks, and said laughter okay. Fair enough. But if thats the case, they should really change the name to the selectively anal bar and grill. laughter by the way, please, i beg you, do not google selectively anal bar and grill. But do try the jalapeno poppers. Now, we are what are we, a month . Its a month . Last friday was a month. We are a month into trumps presidency. And for those of you audience booing for those of you pace yourself. Its only one month, people. laughter youve got to pace yourself. For those of you keeping score at home, donald trump has gone golfing six times. Six times in 30 days. That does explain the Bumper Sticker on air force one laughter cheers and applause now, we know golf. Golf. Golf claps. Golf claps. Now, we know the president has been to the golf course six times, but for some reason, his aides would not confirm that trump played golf each time he went to the course. Sure, he could be on the course for any reason. We know he loves making fun of peoples handicaps laughter applause that deserves a golf clap. Oooh. But i know why theyre dodging. When trump was on the campaign trail, he said this im going to be working for you. Im not going to have time to go play golf. Stephen well, then thats good news if trump has time to be out on the golf course, i guess that means america is great again. Also theres news from a different world leader you didnt vote for, out there pope francis. Yesterday the pope gave a speech to students and addressed a vexing theological issue, texting at dinner. Okay, teens . I hope youre happy. You and your texting is why we have wars. Now, go clean your room before you start a pestilence. laughter just wait until your holy father comes home. cheers and applause just wait. This isnt new. This is an ancient problem. Even jesus did it at the last supper. And francis isnt done with you young people because the pope also chided todays youths for their lack of manners, saying that instead of a friendly good morning, they opt for an anonymous ciao, ciao. not only are you teens being rude, you also sound super pretentious. laughter ciao ciao, il papa. laughter ciao, ciao. I have to go zoom, zoom on my scooter for another teeny tiny espresso. Beep, beep ciao, ciao. Ciao, ciao. Ciao, ciao. cheers and applause ciao, ciao. I dont get francis was supposed to be the cool pope, but now it seems like hes turning into curmudgeon the first. Wait a minute, that gives me an idea for a new premium cable tv show old pope. And i believe we have a clip. Dramatic scene at st. Peters today as the faithful gathered to hear the new old popes message of hope. Hey, you kids, get off of my lawn. Im keeping this frisbee. cheers and applause stephen weve got a great show for you tonight. Joe scarborough is here, and kate upton will join us later as well. Stick around, everybody. Alright, hows this for a tv show. Sous chef. Lawyer by day, prepcook by night. Also, his name is sous. No. Sloppy joseph. A middleaged man whos trying to get his life together, but he cant hes to sloppy. Huhhh no here you go. I got this. I get cash back so its like everythings on sale. With the blue cash everyday card from American Express you get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. Everythings on sale a Home Shopping show takes place on a sailboat. Thats the one banana boat dessert on me. Look at you being all lactose tolerant. Its more than cash back. Its backed by the service and security of American Express. With 9 lobster dishes. Est is back its more than cash back. Try succulent new lobster mix match or see how sweet a lobster lovers dream can be. Theres something for everyone and everyones invited. So come in soon. But so we dont have tormin wad to get clean. Charmin ultra soft gets you clean without the wasteful wadding. It has comfort cushions you can see that are softer. And more absorbent, and you can use up to 4 times less. Enjoy the go with charmin. Various shouting heigh ho its off to work we go woman on the gulf coast, new exxonmobil projects are expected to create over 45,000 jobs. And each job created by the Energy Industry supports two others in the community. Altogether, the industry supports over 9 million jobs nationwide. These are jobs that natural gas is helping make happen, all while reducing americas emissions. Energy lives here. All while reducing americas emissions. Im not the type to smushy garbages. You know what . Im going for it. You are completely and utterly. Awesome. Im glad you showed up. In my life i think im about to cry. You better not. Every single time i. Get down you always have. My back my back its really hard to describe. Its like. All these tiny little. Things . Yes. Yes. Things are actually. Friendship. cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Jon batiste and stay human. cheers and applause jon hey yeah wooo stephen folks, thank you so much. Ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight is the host of msnbcs morning joe. Please welcome, joe scarborough. applause stephen so, as you know, im an ardent viewer of your show. Right. Stephen i watch the coffee joe morning. Every day. Big fan from way back. Stephen we call you coffee joe morning over here. Yeah. Stephen okay, and coffee joe morning and the brew crew, we call you guys over there. Hows mika . Shes doing great. Stephen yeah . Well stephen are you the cohost are you guys cohosting or are you the host and shes your cohost . Its actually morning mika. I commandeered it. Let me tell you something shes in charge. Stephen she is . Shes always been in charge stephen i understand shes the one who banned Kellyanne Conway from coming on your show. She has, she has. cheers and applause stephen thats strong. Thats a strong move. So, so what youre saying is wait a second. So, i recognize most of these people here from the Republican Convention this summer. Stephen yes. All in cleveland. Theyre all from cleveland. Theres one guy with a nascar shirt in the back. I think that may be the only republican in here. But yeah stephen mika makes those calls . If i want to be on the show can i be on the show . You have to ask mika. Stephen thats what i want to ask. Do i have to stay on mikas good side . Yes, you do. I mean, actually, it got to a point where kellyanne would keep coming out and everything she said was disproven, like, five minutes later. It wasnt disproven by a fact checker, it was somebody else in the administration that would come out and say, well, actually, no, thats not true. Stephen theres a quicker way to say that in an entire sentence. Which is . Stephen she just lied. Well, yes, exactly. cheers and applause stephen do you think heres a question for you. You might know this because you know the inside scoop on the white house, right . Like, the president calls you every morning and says, what should i think, joe . Right . Because he calls you i know he watches your show. We know he watches your show every day. We think he does, based on his twitter feed, yes. Stephen yeah, thats the only way we know anything about donald trump. laughs exactly. Stephen we know hes fine right now because of his twitter feed. Well, its been kind of silent. But, yeah, he has watched the show for years. Stephen yeah. Kind of goes in waves. Stephen yeah. Even when he claims hes not watching the show and hes sending out nasty tweets about us, well always look at the camera and say, donald, we know youre not watching the show, but how you doing . Stephen you dont say, donald, right . You say, mr. President , right . laughter you know. Stephen even i say, mr. President. Were in a transition. I mean stephen what do you mean . Youre in a transition from being buddies we as a country are in a transition. Stephen oh, i thought you were in a transition. Im trying to figure out. Hes been donald trump forever. Hes been donald forever, you know . So its kind of hard to start calling him mr. President. And ill be really honest with you. Stephen yes . The way hes acted over the past month has made it even harder to call him mr. President. cheers and applause stephen you im sorry. No, listen im a republican. Stephen uhhuh. And im a conservative. But like you, and im not being sort of shmaltzy here, but im an american. Stephen sure. And i didnt vote for bill clinton. The guy drove me absolutely crazy. But when he put his hand up and he saluted or gave his oath, i was cheering for him. I think we as americans should not cheer against our president , like Rush Limbaugh said he was doing with barack obama. I actually think we should pray for our president. But that requires all of us as americans to do what we can, when a president is not doing what he needs to be doing, to stand up and do our part too. And right now, i think its the responsibility of all americans, especially republicans and let me say this especially republicans in the senate that, when you have a president of the United States cheers and applause when you have a president of the United States that questions judicial review and questions the legitimacy of a federal judge, to stand up and say, this is not right, and were going to call it out. When you have a president that actually questions free speech, the first amendment, and news organizations that are doing their job, i think its incumbent upon my party, especially, to stand up right now and speak out. Because, i always say this, of everybody that gets into the white house you think youre at the center of the world now . You dont own this place. You are renting this place out. The American People are letting you have this. The Republican Party needs to know that there is going to be a time after donald trump, and they are going to be judged for the next 50 years on how they responded to the challenges of today. cheers and applause come on, what are you doing . Stephen you were absolutely going for that. You were totally going for that. Listen, i wish hey, over here. Over here hey can you get me balls . Im going to juggle now. Ive got them going. Go ahead. Stephen i wish i shared your optimism that there will be a time after donald trump. laughter but right now im a little worried. Do you think who do you think is calling the shots over there . I have heard that, like, steve bannon is driving the bus. Obviously, the president is on the bus, but bannon is inviting people on and off the bus. Stephen miller is on the bus. And then Reince Priebus doesnt necessarily want to get on the bus because he believes in, believes in government, and then maybe mike pence has to clean up the bus when it hits a pedestrian or something i dont understand this bus thing. Stephen you dont . Are you on the bus or off the bus, joe . I i you just confused me. I can tell you this knowing donald trump they always say, who is the last person in the room that influences donald trump . Donald trump is always the last person in the room. Donald trump is the person that makes the choices. I think right now we have a tale of two administrations. You look at the Foreign Policy advisers that hes put out there, theyre pretty solid. Stephen mcmaster seems like one of the best decisions that trump has made. Great decision. The secretary of defense, mattis. A lot of people think he got him just because his nickname was mad dog. Somebody said that he thought he was getting patton, but in the end, he ended up getting a real statesman and somebody like general marshall. But you look at the Foreign Policy team, he has strong people, actually, will give him great advice. We can relax about that. My bigger problem is the inside circle. There is nobody in this administration that can go in and tell this president no. Thats bad. Its happened with past administrations, but since he has no government experience, he needs that, and we need that as a country. Somebody thats got the guts to go in and stand up and say, this is wrong, this wont work. Instead you have people like Stephen Miller or as mika calls him, the little dictator, going on sunday morning shows think about that for a second. Stephen we have no idea how large his dictator is. laughter i think that may have been mikas suggestion, that we dont. He goes on tv and says the president of the United States cant be questioned. Stephen will not be questioned. Will not be questioned. Im sorry, thats a little frightening. Stephen yeah. Actually, thats very frightening. Thats scary as hell. Stephen i understand that, if you compliment donald trump, he likes you pretty instantly. And that if you Say Something not nice about him, he dislikes you almost instantly. You know, i hear a lot of people say that stephen you know him, right . You knew him before he was president. Just to put it all out on the table, one of the interesting things about our relationship throughout the years is, ive always been able to be very blunt with him, given him some really tough advice. When he was talking about giuliani or bolton as being secretary of state, you know, we were having a friendly conversation. I said, well, yeah, you can pick them as secretary of state. Just know that mika and i will absolutely kill you on the show for the next four years. We, of course, said it on tv too. Theres never anything we say in person that we dont say on tv. But stephen really . laughter so theres nothing youre going to say to me when the camera goes off that you wont say right now . I swear a lot more to him off camera, and im a little more emphatic. Chris has seen that. A little more emphatic. But he doesnt there just arent a lot of people that actually have the nerve in the inner circle to stand up and stephen why dont you apply for a job, joe . Well, i am. Im going to play with your band. Thats my job. Stephen well see. cheers and applause well see. We have another act to this. We have to take a little break. Well be right back with more joe scarborough. cheers and applause deartheres no other way to say this. Its over. Ive found a permanent escape from monotony. Together, we are perfectly balanced. Our senses awake. Our hearts racing as one. I know this is sudden, but they say. If you love something set it free. See you around, giulia startisave on great brands for a healthy home and get kohls cash. 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Our advanced skin care formulas instantly smooth and transform your lips. Chapstick. Put your lips first. cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody. Welcome back. Were here with joe scarborough. Now, joe. Yes. Stephen we were talking before the break about your bestie, donald trump. Yup. Stephen now, do you think this is a sustainable atmosphere were in right now . Because i feel like i was Walking Around this weekend thinking, like, i dont know whether its the emotion or the divisiveness or just some sort of general vibe in the country. This doesnt feel like it can go on at this fever pitch for a long time. It just cant. And ill tell you, there are so many people republicans and democrats alike people that have voted for him, people who didnt vote for him, that all agree, this this pace just cant be sustained. Stephen will donald trump make it all four years of his term . Thats up to donald trump. I mean stephen what do you what do you think, joe . Well, i think if he continues the way he continued the first month, i just dont think its sustainable. And i dont think it will last four years. Stephen or will we just get used to it . Will we just build a callous on our soul . So, heres the problem. Stephen our soul will begin to look like a big toe. I think weve already done that. I think weve already died a Million Deaths already the first month. laughter stephen do you think the republicans will stand up to him . Because right now, it feels like the republicans feel like they have a tiger they can ride the tiger. They can sort of control trump, get what they want, and then hop off before the toboggan hits the tree. You know, thats actually not stephen i started with the tiger and moved toboggan, i realized. laughter you know what i mean, though they feel they can get what they need out of him and not get hurt by the rides. You go from buses to toboggans to tigers. I dont know what the hell is coming up next, but its very frightening. No, thats not what theyre saying behind closed doors. Theyre very worried about how erratic hes been. Of course, theyd like to pass tax cuts. Theyd like to pass regulatory reform. Theyd like to have their own Health Care Reform plan out there, but theyre concerned. You know, i was interviewing mitch mcconnell. Mitch dont give up anything that he doesnt want to give up. And three or four times i asked him a question, he gave me the political answer, i was ready to go to the next and he basically kept talking. And he said some things that were very heartening, talking about the importance of judicial review, talking about the importance of the president focusing his message, staying off of twitter, stopping with the distractions. Stephen thats a pretty low bar to feel hopeful about, though. applause well, right now stephen thats really, thats a minimum right now thats all weve got. Stephen functional democracy is a low bar, my man. Its all weve got. I will say this though i really did, and im dead serious here, it hit me how grave the situation was this past weekend when the president said what he said about the press this weekend. Ben sass, who is a republican from nebraska, who has spoken out against donald trump, actually tweeted the first amendment. And i was excited. I retweeted it and said, yeah, give it to him. And i said, wait a second, in 2017, it seems a subversive act to simply tweet the words of the first amendment. That tells you and im dead serious that tells you where we are right now. I hope the president corrects, and i hope he makes more decisions like he made with general mcmaster. Thats good. I hope he stays off of twitter. But if he doesnt i think we all have to, again, do our part as americans. applause stephen well, i know one of the things you do to blow off steam, to relax yourself at the end of the night is, you play the guitar, right . Oh, thank god. I thought you were going to talk about my heroin problem. laughter stephen no. Thats the next time youre here. I play guitar as well. Stephen i understand you have a band called morning joe music. Is that true . Well, it was of the first thing that came to mind. Stephen yes . Yes. Stephen would you play something for us right now . Well, i would love to. cheers and applause i hear youre an Elvis Costello fan. Stephen im a huge Elvis Costello fan. So, i love elvis, always have, and ive never played, whats so funny about peace, love, and understanding. The words, though, are so appropriate right now. Stephen all right, is there any chance you have already rehearsed with the band . No, i havent. Guys, any of you have you heard the song . Jon nope never heard it. laughter stephen would you please lets do it in g stephen joe scarborough, everybody. 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Please welcome kate upton cheers and applause hi stephen congratulations. Thank you so much. Stephen so its not just one cover this time. Its three covers. Three covers. Stephen now, i want to go over these covers here because i need you to explain a couple of things to me. laughter because i dont understand i dont understand everything about it, but im sure you have the inside scoop. So you have three covers, your third time, so its six covers altogether. Im not sure theyre counting it like that stephen theyre counting. Okay. Stephen ill talk to the judges afterwards. Okay, so heres your first heres one of the three covers right here. There you go. Theres one of the covers. cheers and applause thats beautiful. Where was this shot . In fiji. Stephen in fiji . Yeah. Stephen had you been to fiji before . No, it was my first time. It was absolutely beautiful there. I was able to go snorkeling the first day. I have to say, it wasnt a bad shoot. Stephen no, pretty nice. Now, i want to point out that you have a necklace around your neck, and a necklace around your waist. Um, there is no bathing suit involved in this shoot at all. Yes. Stephen yeah, okay. Which is, i guess, weird, since its a swimsuit magazine. Its really for the fashion. This magazine is really for the fashion. Stephen exactly. Heres one, this one, theres a little bit more. You dont wear a jacket to the beach . Stephen i always wear a jacket to the beach. I always wear a matador jacket in case a bull charges me. Yeah, thats good. Stephen you actually have a bathing suit bottom on there. Yeah. Stephen okay, now this one i particularly liked. This one right here, things really go off the rails. laughter well, you know, this is a onepiece, so stephen it is, it is. Lots of coverage. Stephen this is why you really have to cut up those plastic soda can rings before you toss them out. laughter you look like a you look absolutely beautiful, but a little bit like a sea turtle that got swept up in a fishing net. Fantastic. Now, i want to point something out. These are three absolutely beautiful covers. Thank you. Stephen i would not look nearly this good in any of these outfits. But i do want to point out, here we go here we go heres one of your covers. This is the ad on the back of Sports Illustrated. This chest of drawers is wearing more bathing suit than you are on the back. laughter well, you know, it needs more coverage, yeah, yeah, yeah. Stephen yeah, well, i have a question about modeling. Okay. Stephen because i dont know a lot about modeling. You, obviously, are blessed with excellent bone structure and but theres a lot of work that goes into modeling as well. You have to keep yourself fit. You have to know something about keeping your composure in all situations. Whats the hardest thing to do . Like, whats the hardest situation you have been in, where you have to sort of keep your composure and model . I guess the hardest shoot ive ever been on is probably when i went to antarctica, which was my last cover with Sports Illustrated. Stephen i remember that one. I think we have okay, yeah, this is this is you in antarctica. Another great place to wear a bikini. laughs stephen right, exactly. Why did you go to antarctica . Just for the penguins . Well, that years magazine theme was to go to all seven continents wearing a bikini in all seven continents. And i was the lucky model who got to go to antarctica. laughter stephen so someone someone went to fiji that year, too . Yeah, yeah. Stephen and you went to antarctica. I really envied them. Stephen well, you are engaged to Justin Verlander of the detroit tigers. Yes. Stephen congratulations. Thank you stephen now, do they when someone is a super model, do they just go harvest an athlete and deliver him to you . laughter lets get you somebody good. Have verlander washed and brought to her tent. She wants somebody good. Um, yes thats exactly how it happens. laughs stephen so are you also sporty . Like, because guys who are into sports probably need somebody sporty. Do you have a sport of your own . Yes, i was actually a competitive horseback rider. Stephen wow, so you could outride him. Well, hes actually terrified of horses. Stephen for good reason, theyre giant and theyll bite you. Dont be on his side about this. Hes scared. Stephen they could trample him to death. Doubtful. Stephen they could youre not scared of horses at all . No. Theyre beautiful animals who are very healing. Stephen who can smell fear. Yeah, and they smell it stephen they can smell fear. Well, i know the wedding when is the wedding, by the way . I dont know. Stephen you havent set a date . Oh, youve got to nail him down. Youve got to nail him down. Well, you just posted this do you mind if i show this . Yeah. Stephen you just posted this, and it is your wedding notes, and it says, this is Justin Verlander and me planning our wedding. Fun party down here it says, tequila . Food . laughter ive had a wedding. Can i recommend food before the tequila, or else just add the word fist fight at the bottom of it. laughter i think we were more wondering, what food, what tequila. Theres definitely stephen theres definitely going to be tequila . Definitely. Stephen like, shots . I mean, i hear weddings are very stressful. laughter stephen especially if youre hammered on tequila. laughs well, good luck with the wedding. Im sure it will be beautiful, whenever it is. Yeah, thank you. Stephen tell him to stay away from the horses and congratulations on your covers. Thank you so much. Thank you. cheers and applause stephen the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is available now. 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Community, the odd couple, the office, boston legal, two and a half men, chuck, house, psych, that 70s show, entourage, curb your enthusiasm. But i know you from donors choose. Donors choose, this Amazing Charity that were both on the board for cheers and applause hey, donors choose. Stephen people at home tell the people how it works. Donors choose is this Great Organization where teachers who are in need, they need crayons or books for their students, they can say, can you give me 5 towards this or 2 towards this . Its called donors choose because we are the donors and we get to choose. Stephen any classroom any classroom, any project stephen any School System in the United States. Any amount, any amount. Stephen incredible. Yeah, its kind of a love letter to teachers and students and we both have a heart for teachers and students. Stephen and the best part is you actually get a letter back from the students who received you get thank you notes. Stephen who received the donations, or got the books or the crayons. Do you have a favorite . My favorite is actually the first classroom i funded. They just wanted the teacher just wanted a 64box of crayons for each of her students. Now, i dont know if anybody in here grew up poor, but if you grew up poor, that 64box of crayons with the sharpener, you have made it. You are ballin out of control. So when i thought about these babies, the idea of them each having their own box, it just i was like, this is the one. This is the one i want to fund first. And then i got all my thank you notes in crayons. crowd awws dear miss brown, thank you. Its just you guys, go to donorschoose. Org, it will change your life. It will change your life. Stephen its beautiful, absolutely beautiful support the schools. Yes. Stephen while we still have them. While we still have them. Because betsy is dangerous. Shes out there. Shes on the run. Stephen you were tweeting today. I did tweet today. Stephen you were tweeting today about the president being down at the National Museum of African American history and culture. And laughter this is your tweet. If you wouldnt me mind reading this. Stephen black folks, you read this one. cheers and applause no. Stephen no. Better than not going down. Give the man some credit. Is it . Stephen better than not going down. Is it . Stephen i dont know. Listen, listen, everything is not all better because you take a picture in front of Martin Luther king. I need everybody to understand that. This is not a game. cheers and applause i dont like my people, especially ones that have done great things for, you know, civil rights, to be used as props. And if youre going to do a press a photoop, i need you in front of slavery or something really gritty so that when they ask you a question you are standing in front of someone in chains and you can be really honest about all the horrible things you have said about black and brown people. Do it in front of somebody in chains. cheers and applause stephen now, you you as i said, youve done a lot of things, but you always say you limit yourself to p. G. Roles. Stephen i do. Why the p. G. . Well, i made a decision early in my career when i started to do drake and josh. cheers and applause yes and, um, that was a decision i made to be on a kids show, and when youre on a kids show, they kind of run it every five years. It starts over. So every five years, i get a new group of 12yearolds going oh, my god, i loved you on drake and josh. so i kind of felt like since i made a decision to be on a kids show, i need to be careful what i choose to do, so the babies dont get confused. cheers and applause stephen so they dont see you and go, oh, lets watch this. And then youre and then im like, whoo here is the thing stephen got to learn somewhere, Yvette Nicole brown, got to learn somewhere. No, im very p. G. 13 myself. Im pretty mcprude. My friends call me baby jesus. So laughter im very kind of, you know i dont need to be thrown against a wall. Im a kind of person where, if its a love scene, just kiss and fade to black. I know what theyre doing. I know what theyre doing, Stephen Colbert. Stephen no 50 shades stuff. I have never seen. No, i cant do it laughter stephen well, right now the new show youre doing supermansion. Stephen on crackle, that was the one where Jerry Seinfeld did comedians in cars getting coffee. Yes. Stephen youre doing supermansion, which is Bryan Cranstons its also his animated series. And you guys are all superheroes who live together . Its stopmotion animation. Its stopmotion. So, those who loved, like, rudolph the red nosed reindeer when you were younger, its that type of animation. And, i want to say this about crackle its a free app, you guys. Everybody can get it. Everybody can watch it. Its crackle. Com, or crackle the app, so you can get it. And its a show about elderly not elderly, but older super heroes. Stephen mature. Seasoned seasoned superheroes that have to kind of come out of retirement and save the world. And Bryan Cranston is the lead one. And i play two characters. I play portia, who is a talk show host, and zina, who is an otherworldly character. Stephen but its nasty. Its naughty. Stephen this is not p. G. 13. Its not p. G. 13. Stephen its dirty and theyre doing it. My character has not allegedly done anything like that, but stephen its coming. I know it is for it is for adults. Stephen sure. So i tell people, and crackle tells people before you turn it on, its for adults stephen its a selling point, for adults, but the reason its okay for you the babies dont see you. Its not my face its my voice. So the babies they may see portia do something that might confuse them, but it wont be my face as helen from drake and josh doing something crazy. Stephen now, youre also in, bet is doing the new edition story. Yes, did you guys watch the new edition story . Who watched it . We got a couple . Let me tell you something, get your life and watch the new edition story. It is literally a story about how these kids from boston who had a dream and how this dream led to bobby brown and b. B. D. , and ralph tresbin and johnny hill, so its a really comingofage story. Its a cautionary tale in certain aspects, but theres great music, theres great acting, and im very biased. Stephen and youre a musician. I was a singer. Stephen because you actually sang. I did. Stephen you still sing. But actually professionally. We have a clip of you here. You do stephen doing a song oh, my god. Stephen called one for all for one. Oh, god. Im sorry, everybody. Stephen jim, hit it. Im sorry. cheers and applause were the only family the only family trying to make things right trying to make things right you gonna have some fun the 90s were not kind. cheers and applause the 90s the 90s. Stephen it was lovely to see you. Thank you, honey. Stephen supermansion is streaming on crackle now. cheers and applause Yvette Nicole brown, everybody well be right back. ,,,,,,,,,, stephen good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org. Are ready yall to have some fun. Feel the love tonight. Dont you worry. It will be all right. Its the late, late show. Ladies and gentlemen, all the way from germany, give