Msnbc, Donald Trumps running mate mike pence accidentally referred to trump as his opponent. Which is ridiculous. Everyone knows trump is his own opponent. [ laughter and applause ] gotta stay got to stay out of your way, buddy. Donald trump said at a rally yesterday that republicans who want to run in 2020 dont have even a little bit of a chance of beating hillary clinton. Oh, wow. So youre running again . [ laughter and applause ] trump supporter Newt Gingrich, last night, accused fox newss megyn kelly of being fascinated with sex by continuing to report on women accusing donald trump of inappropriate behavior. Newt, theres a difference between being fascinated by sex and being horrified by sexual assault. Its kind of like beyonce and rihanna. Everyone knows the difference except old white men. [ light laughter ] [ applause ] according according to the new york times, donald trump once stormed off a mountain after his thenwife ivana proved to be better at skiing than he is. Though he is proving to be pretty good at sliding rapidly downhill. [ cheers and applause ] microsoft announced a free update to windows today that allows users to take photos and edit them in 3d. Critics are calling it the most exciting thing youll evler ever explain to your grandma. [ light laughter ] youll elvol explain to your grandma. A group of scientists recently found two undiscovered moons near uranus. Said president obama, yeah, i get it, joe. [ light laughter ] very funny. Very funny, joe. [ applause ] the ceo of starbucks announced today that the company will open 1,000 new highend coffee shops called starbucks reserve. Oh, im sorry. Was my 5 latte the cheap stuff . [ laughter ] have i been slumming it up til now, starbucks . [ applause ] a man destroyed Donald Trumps star on the hollywood walk of fame last night using a sledgehammer. Actually it was a gavel, said paul ryan. [ laughter ] a school in california is testing a new program that forgoes traditional teachers and has students teach and grade each others classwork. So good luck to the students at straight as academy. [ light laughter ] and finally apples chief designer is working on building a custom Christmas Tree for a hotel in london. And so is samsung. [ laughter and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, we have a great show for you tonight. She is a fantastic actress. Her new film love friendship, which is excellent, is streaming on amazon. Kate beckinsale joins us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he is a friend of the show. Hes one of those guys you meet and it turns out is exactly as wonderful a person as you would have thought. Colin hanks from cbss life in pieces back with us tonight. [ cheers and applause ] looking forward to our two fantastic guests. Before we get to that, the president ial campaign turned to the issue of health care yesterday, as the Obama Administration announced that premiums for obamacare would rise next year. This was a golden opportunity for the Trump Campaign, one they predictably misplayed. For more on this its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] seth trumps task with less than two weeks to go is to appeal to voters beyond his base. Now, youd think some bad obamacare news might help him with that, but the Trump Campaign never misses the opportunity to miss an opportunity. First, at an event yesterday, trump tried to tout what he claimed was his support from black voters. I love the signs behind me. Blacks for trump. I like those signs. [ cheers ] blacks for trump. You watch. Seth first of all, black people dont call themselves blacks. [ light laughter ] but it turns out that was only the second worst thing about that sign. Blacks for trump. You watch. You watch. Those signs are great. Thank you. [ laughter ] seth either that lady doesnt know what sign shes holding or her husband got an earful on the drive home. Oh, you said wed make it to the rally in plenty of time. But were there any women for trump signs when we got there . No. So i guess now im a black. [ laughter ] then later that night, trump supporter and former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, instead of seizing on the obamacare news, got into a bizarre fight with fox news anchor megyn kelly, accusing her of being obsessed because she has the audacity to report on trumps history of Sexual Misconduct towards women. I mean, you want to know why Donald Trumps had a rough time if trump is a sexual predator, that is hes not a sexual predator. You cant say that okay, thats your opinion. Im not taking a position on it. You cannot defend that statement. I am m not taking a position on it. Now im sick and tired of people like you using language thats inflammatory thats not true. You want to go back to the tapes of your show recently . You are fascinated with sex and you dont care about public policy. Me . Really . Thats what i get out of watching you tonight. You know what, mr. Speaker . Im not fascinated by sex. Seth fascinated by sex . Even if she was a sex addict, im pretty sure Newt Gingrich is the cure. [ laughter ] but, of course, the core of gingrichs rage is his belief there is too much focus on the Sexual Misconduct of donald trump, the gop nominee, and not enough of the misconduct of bill clinton, the spouse of the democratic nominee. Do you want to comment on whether the clinton ticket has a relationship to a sexual predator . We on the kelly file have covered that story as well, sir. I will tell you the polls i just want to hear you use the words. I want to hear the words bill clinton, sexual predator. I dare you. Say bill clinton, sexual predator. Seth you dare her . Is this an interview or a middle School Sleepover . [ laughter ] and if you dont accept my dare, you have to tell the truth do you think im handsome . [ laughter ] but dont worry, just when it seemed like kelly had gotten the last word, gingrich was ready with a sick comeback. The polls also show hell be that the American Public is less interested hell be in the east wing. In the deeds of Hillary Clintons husband than they are in the deeds of the man who asked us to make him president , donald trump. Were going to have to leave it at that and you can take your anger issues and spend some time working on them, mr. Speaker. Thanks for being here. And you t and you too. You too. Seth and and you and you too. You also, megyn and to you as well. I say the same in return back to you. [ laughter ] [ applause ] now, all of this underscores just how incompetent team trump is, because on tuesday trump got what for any normal republican would be a political gift, when the Obama Administration announced that Health Insurance premiums would rise next year by an average of more than 20 . Now, thats bad news on the surface, but its still in line with the projections made by the congressional budget office. Obviously, obamacare is a nuanced, complicated issue that requires sober analysis and discussion, or as donald trump put it its killing our businesses. Its killing our small businesses. Its killing individuals. Seth obamacare is killing us, china is killing us, Political Correctness is killing us. Trump always frames things in the most hysterical way possible. God forbid President Trump ever has to deal with a slight dip in gdp. Hed probably tweet, its a depression, every man for himself. Eat your neighbors. [ light laughter ] now, the context is important here. Those increases will only affect the small percentage of consumers who get insurance on the individual market. Most people get it from their jobs or Government Programs like medicare. And on top of that, the vast majority of people who do get insurance through obamacare will get increased subsidies to offset those costs. In fact, most people using obamacare will be able to find plans for less than 75 a month. Compare that to the average cable bill in this country, which is 103 a month. Although for 103 you do get excellent medical advice on tv, like this. Please welcome the worlds only talking large intestine. Can i massage you . Oh, you know we colons always like a good massage. But only from the outside, please. Seth wait. If thats the only talking colon, then whos this . [ laughter and applause ] now, there are lots of different ideas for improving health care in this country that we should have a serious debate about, like letting more people enroll in medicare or strengthening the individual mandate. But unfortunately, one of our two president ial candidates seems much less interested in having that discussion than he is in plugging his own businesses. Yesterday, trump held an event at his golf course in florida. And as the obamacare news was breaking, he spent most of his time advertising the resort. Now, remember, this is a president ial candidate two weeks away from the general election and he chose to spend his time talking about this. Were very proud of this. Its 800 acres in the middle of miami. We could have renovated the inexpensive way with paint, but instead we ripped it down to the steel. If you look at the ballroom, that was a brandnew ballroom that didnt exist. We took it down to the absolute steel, with the bookings are through the roof. And i must tell you, the land is great, the golf courses are you know, the blue monster is one of the great courses in the world. Its a brandnew blue monster. We had a construction crew here of 1,600 people. We did it under budget. Although i did increase the scope of the work, because we decided to use the finest marbles. Seth we used the finest marbles. Oh, are they the same marbles that you have clearly lost . [ laughter ] trump even managed to add a layer of discomfort by inviting his own employees to come on stage to say nice things about him, and joking that if they didnt, theyd lose their jobs. I thought maybe one or two of the folks would like to come up and say a few words. If you want, anybody would like to say a few words about working for trump . Anybody . Anybody back here . Come on, come on. [ cheers ] i hope shes going to say good. You want to come up . Come up. No, come on up. Anybody over here . You want to say . Come on up. Guy better say good or ill say, youre fired. Ill say, who is that guy . Youre fired. Seth whats worse . Your boss saying, youre fired or your boss saying, who is that guy . Youre fired. [ laughter ] eventually trump did get around to story of the day, the rise in the obamacare premiums, but in a way that didnt quite make sense. I can say all of my employees are having a tremendous problem with obamacare. Seth what are you talking about . Obamacare is for people who dont have Health Insurance, but your employees do get Health Insurance from you. Just ask the general manager of your own resort who tried to clarify after the event. Id say 99 of our employees are insured through the hotel. Through our insurance. And maybe theres a few that are insured through obamacare. I would say and i havent gone through the records, but over 95 without a doubt. Seth also, i should go work on my resume, because im pretty sure im about to get fired and yep, i see him pointing at me and, yes, im fired. [ laughter ] so after a day in which he lacked a cohesive attack on obamacare and instead wasted time singing the praises of one of his golf courses, you might think trump would change his approach. Surely he wouldnt spend a second day plugging one of his businesses in a nonswing state less than two weeks away from the election, right . Donald trump is taking time off from the campaign this morning for the grand opening of his new hotel in washington. Hes at the Ribbon Cutting right now. One of the great Hotels Anywhere in the world. Were going to now be cutting a ribbon. Why dont you bring them up . Thats right. Come on. Theyre so beautiful. Never seen scissors that look this beautiful. Seth hes never seen scissors that beautiful before . He cant even comment on inanimate objects without making it sound like he wants to have sex with them. [ laughter ] these scissors are gorgeous. And there was a stapler backstage. I got her number, too. [ laughter ] as for obamacare, its a huge improvement, but it also is imperfect. It has problems, and we need serious ideas for how to make it better. But the reasons republicans havent proposed any real plans that fix or replace obamacare is because they dont have any. And the guy they nominated for president doesnt even seem to know what it is. Unfortunately, for the republican party, its too late to repeal and replace him with something better. This has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] well be right back with more late night, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] the heart of every hybrid. Only a few. Truly move us. Electrifying the road forward for over a decade with over one million on the road, lexus hybrids are always charged and always ready. I struggle with bipolar and its hard. , its difficult to see someone you love struggle. I miss out on lifes little moments. 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Switch now and get 20 gigs and four lines for 160. All on americas best network. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. Please give it up for the 8g band right over there. [ cheers and applause ] also, sitting in with the band this week, an incredible musician from right here in new york city, one of our favorite guest drummers to have on the show. Allison miller, everybody, right over there. [ cheers and applause ] be sure to check out some of allisons drumming tips over at reverb. Com. Always a pleasure have you here, allison. Thank you. Seth thank you so much. [ applause ] now, here at late night every night, i deliver a monologue comprised of jokes. These jokes have been written by a diverse team of writers. And because of that diversity, as a result of it, a lot of jokes come across my desk that, due to my being a straight, white male, would be difficult for me to deliver. But we dont think that should stop you from enjoying them. So wed like to share them with you in a segment called, jokes seth cant tell. [ applause ] seth these are two of our writer, amber and jenny. Im black. And im gay. And were both women. Seth and im not. So, how this works is ill read the setups for these jokes and amber and jenny will read the punch lines. Here we go. A new York State Senate candidate is facing criticism after saying he planned to hand out koolaid, kfc, and watermelons in harlem to court black voters. We are outraged, said black people, between bites. [ laughter ] seth a writer for wonder woman recently said in an interview that wonder woman is bisexual. While a writer for batman and robin didnt have to. [ laughter ] seth very nice. Yeah, yeah. The first black formula 1 racer, lewis hamilton, won his seventh race of the season on sunday. This might have been due to the fact that second place was a police car. [ light laughter ] [ audience ohs ] seth im so glad i didnt tell that one. [ laughter ] okay. Oh, wait, no, sorry. This next ones about Puerto Ricans. We cant do it. Oh, im actually puerto rican. Seth oh, okay, then we can. All right, here we go. A recent power outage in puerto rico left millions without power for three days. Sorry, said the landlord of that building. [ light laughter ] seth oh, because Puerto Ricans yes, muchas personas en lugar pequino. [ laughter ] seth all right, here we go. Recently a white woman was seen at a trump rally holding a blacks for trump sign. Said black people, its not like we were using it. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] seth it was announced recently that a popular web series about a lesbian vampire will be turned into a feature film. A lesbian vampire is just like a regular vampire, except she loves having sex when youre on your period. [ audience ohs ] seth oh oh seth put that in jokes jenny cant tell. [ laughter ] woo were off and running now, guys woo [ light laughter ] seth in response to several incidents of clowns attacking people, a group of clowns organized a clown lives matter movement. It was just like a black lives matter movement, except with fewer wigs. [ light laughter ] seth i dont get it. Do black people wear a lot of wigs . Yeah. Fake hair is fun. Seth oh, so is that your real hair . You cant ask me that. Seth oh. Can jenny ask you that . No. Seth do lesbians wear wigs . No we barely wear chapstick. Seth okay, cool. [ light laughter ] im learning about a lot. Yeah. Hey, seth, why dont you try to tell one . Seth i dont think thats a good idea. Why . Cmon, just one. Seth because i think ill get in a lot of trouble. No. Only good things can happen if you try. Seth okay, fine. But before i do, amber, i just want to say whether its a wig or not, your hair looks beautiful. Thank you. [ light laughter ] its real, its real. Seth okay. Here we go. Rachel mcadams and rachel weisz are starring in an upcoming lesbian love drama. I should bring tissues, said a guy who had no intention of crying. [ audience ohs ] how dare you . Seth what . You told me it would be okay you should be ashamed of yourself seth you told me it would be okay black women and lesbians are liars [ applause ] well be right back with Kate Beckinsale. [ cheers and applause ] inthousands ofk barrels lay silent aging, building a fuller smoother flavor that only comes from being aged four long years at jim beam our history is made from the inside how will you make yours . Now try jim beam apple poured over ice and serve with club soda and a fresh lemon wedge to make a crisp, refreshing jim beam apple and soda. Follow your own sense of style. Because, you want to be confident. T. J. Maxx really helped us express our creative side. Thats the best part. You dont know what youre going to find. I always find great deals on shoes. Purses. Were a team. Yeah. Maxx life at t. J. Maxx. A top choice cut of meat. P sirloin isnt just for under 10 bucks, its a top choice for your wallet. Applebees new hand cut wood fired grilled steak. Now only 9. 99 for a limited time. Only at applebees. Thunder thunder thunder theno one surface. Out there. No one speed. No one way of driving on each and every road. But there is one car that can conquer them all, the mercedesbenz cclass. Five driving modes let you customize the steering, shift points, and suspension to fit the mood youre in. And the road youre on. The 2016 cclass. Lease the c300 for 369 a month at your local mercedesbenz dealer. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back to late night, everybody. Our first guest tonight is a very talented actress you know from films like the aviator and the underworld series. She stars in love friendship, which is now streaming on amazon prime. Lets take a look. The fallacy of youth. Isnt it rather clear that it is we, the women of decision who hold the trumps. Lady susan. Lady susan vernon . How dare you address me, sir . Lady susan. Be gone, sir, or i will have you whipped. Outrageous. Have you never met him . No, i know him well. I would never speak to a stranger like that. [ laughter ] seth please welcome back to the show, Kate Beckinsale. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome. Hi. Seth how are you . Very well, all right. Seth i was worried, because you posted on social media that you were suffering from a flu that you described as medieval. Yeah, medieval flu. It was that sort of thing where all the peasants in braveheart suddenly die. It was that thing. Seth you thought you had that . I did have it. I got rashes and terrible muscle aches, and you know, it was awful. But, im all right now. Im not contagious. Im not going to let you seth okay, good. Well, that was it was too late for you to tell me youre not contagious. [ light laughter ] because weve already engaged in a way that was too late. I know. Seth yeah. I saw the fear in your eyes as well. I did. Seth first of all, congratulations on the film. I adored it. Oh, thanks. Seth its so wonderful. Thank you. Seth and this is about you you know, its jane austen, based on a jane austen novella, right . Yes. Seth and lady susan, you play a widow trying to find love again. Yeah. Seth and it could be considered salacious. Its been described that way, which is funny for something that is from, you know, 1800s. I know, its funny. Weve had these screenings in kind of very trendy, hispter places in san francisco. Im pretty sure everyone in the audience has seen animals having sex, you know. Seth yeah. To disco music, you know because porn is so readily available, apparently. Seth it is readily available. [ light laughter ] you have to tip your cap to pornography. Its really getting itself out there. Ive heard of it. Ive heard its everywhere. So, yeah, so the fact that theyre kind of watching this woman in a, you know, fancy dress and going, she nev oh, my god, you know. Its quite sweet, actually. Seth yeah, and you play sort of a very cunning, crafting youre sort of the villain of the film. Sort of, but you like her. Seth you do. Yeah. Seth i find you very likable. Thanks. Oh, thank you. Seth youre a likable villainess. Despite my medieval flu and every other thing thats wrong with me. Seth but would you you do strike lady susan is sort of i believe what donald trump would maybe refer to as a nasty woman. Do you think thats accurate . [ laughter ] i would quite like to see him try to grab a bite of [ bleep ]. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] were ready. Were ready in here. Seth because its so hard in that era, because theres so many layers. Its hard to get to it. Seth its really hard to get to it. But, when theres a will, theres a way. Seth when theres a will, theres a way. [ light laughter ] i feel like if he really wanted to, he could. Do you find now, ive always been a fan of jane austen films. Have you . Seth and books, but some men are put off. Some men dont like it. And they have to be sort of sexually coerced, i think, into going. Seth sexually coerced how . Well, like, come and see this movie with me and ill sort you out later when we get home. Seth oh, i see. Ive heard. I mean, i havent had to do that, but ive heard its a thing. Seth gotcha. But, actually, men like this movie. I think its funny. Seth see, ive always like jane austen because i think im turned off turned on, i should say, by sarcastic women in corsets. Thats, like, my thing. Well, whats not to like . [ laughter ] seth yeah. In my opinion, yeah. Seth every jane austen film, its just, like, very heavily corseted, sarcastic women. Yes. Seth and i realize that, oh, wow. Thats my thing. Thats your type. [ laughter ] seth yeah, i have a type, and its that. Thats your type. Seth ive also i will admit that ive been incredibly turned on over the years by jane austen by the men in jane austen adaptations. Because of the breeches. Seth just the breeches. I like a wet colin firth, i didnt realize. Yes. [ laughter ] seth that was a thing where until i saw it, i didnt realize i need it. No, you dont know youre going to like it. Seth yeah. Its like lots of things like that. A wet colin firth. You werent waiting for it. But then, when it was there, you were like, oh, thank god. Seth oh, my goodness. You were like, what was i doing yesterday yeah, yes, exactly. Seth before i had a wet colin firth in my life. And now, ive got a wet colin firth fetish. Seth yeah. Yeah. Seth also, it was great to see you and chloe sevigny. You worked with her before in last days of disco. Yes seth which is a film i love, same director. Same director, and we all got back together. It was 1901 when we shot that, so now, weve got cell phones and everything. Its a whole different deal. Seth thats fantastic. You have another obviously youre a gifted actress. You have another gift, which i was not aware of, but thanks to social media, you have shared it with the world. What is it . Seth youre an artist of sorts. Am i . Seth this is a photo you put on social media. Oh. Seth and look at thats just such [ laughter ] its not hard. I mean, its not ha ha. Its not hard. Its not hard in the sense that its not difficult. Seth oh, wow. Are you really saying [ laughter ] doesnt help. Seth do you really think anyone could do this, kate . Clearly seth dont sell yourself short. You know, you do have to have an eye, and you do obviously have to have the desire to do it seth right. Which i have in spades. Seth yeah, because this is not this is not a oneoff photo. No, its not. I do that quite a lot. Seth yeah, you, in fact, sent us 30 photos today. [ laughter ] and i want to point out, because a lot of people i will say, like, bananas, apples, thats the obvious one. Always funny. Seth but, you can do it i mean, kate. Oh, yes. Seth your range. Well. [ laughter ] seth now, i want to ask, because theres a series you sent these are all outside the same it looks like a Hotel Room Door. [ laughter ] listen, there was a sense that its slightly bordering into bullying is what we did that. Seth oh, so you so where whose Hotel Room Door is this . This was it was a very, very nice actor called jim sturgess. Thats a thin one. Seth i hate this. Yeah. [ laughter ] seth like, that one makes me sad with everything. Thats never popular with anyone. Seth no, because nothing would be worse than that girth and that length. [ laughter ] that no. Thats what we call packing a chive. [ laughter ] seth yeah. Yeah. Seth is that a british term, or is that sort of universal . I think it might be british. Seth so this is the costar of yours, and then, every day he would just sort of wake up and have [ laughter ] sure, so it was like love bombing. I think it strayed into bullying, but i felt very positive about it. Seth every time you did it, you felt now, when you go in the Grocery Stores is there a panic in the produce section . [ laughter ] no, but i do i have to know what im getting because i cant i could be there all day. Do you know what i mean . Seth of course. Theres so much. Seth yeah, its like theres so much available to make into a seth a picasso going into a paint store, you know . Yeah. Seth youre just there. Yes. Seth and youve gotten this obsession with this part of the male body has gotten you in trouble. No, i dont have an obsession with that part of the male body. I like arranging fruits and veg into the i like the fruit version. Its not like im obsessed with just all peoples seth okay, gotcha. Penises. E seth this seems like a very thin distinction between what youre doing and what im saying youre doing. [ laughter ] hey, its funny if its made out of a couple of its not always funny in real life. Seth right. Its always funny if its vegetables and fruits. Seth well, it depends. [ laughter ] yeah, youre right. It is. Seth i guess i should be happy that its not always funny. No, exactly. Imagine how excited you are when you get to the hotel room and theyve got lychees. Seth yeah. Theyre so hairy as well. Seth oh, my god. Its just really [ laughter ] seth so when Kate Beckinsale sees a lychee, she just must lose her mind. Oh foaming at the mouth. [ laughter ] seth but youve gotten your daughter in trouble with this. I did once. I mean, i think i was just doodling one and i didnt realize seth just doodling in case. Its become like my sign. Its, like, my bat sign. Seth okay, got you. People know ive been there if their fruit bowls been rearranged. That sort of the thing. And, i had Four Brothers growing up. Seth okay, got you, understood. So, anyways, so i think i had sort of been on the phone and home doodled, and it was on her homework. And, she was in the sixth grade, and she got in trouble for it. [ audience ohs ] seth and when her teacher found it, what did she say . She said, look, lily, thats not appropriate. And lily said, look, i dont even know it was my mother. [ laughter ] seth do you get called in and have to explain yourself . No, luckily, no. But, they dont look you in the eye. They think thats a terrible person, and quite rightly. I mean, rightly so. Seth yeah. Thats a terrible thing to do. Seth thats a terrible thing to do. Yeah. Seth not, youre you got into acting at a very young age. Quite, yeah. Seth how when were you even started . Like 17, 18ish. Seth and, is your daughter, does she have the same love of performing . Yes, we failed, yes. Seth oh, you failed . So, she wanted it, too . Yes. Seth and she actually you did a film where she played a younger version of you . Yeah i did a film called everybodys fine with Robert De Niro and sam rockwell and drew barrymore, and all of us kids had to have younger versions of ourselves. And, they said, oh, you know your daughter really looks like you. Could she audition to play the young you . And i thought, my god, no. Because if she doesnt get it, shes still gonna be on set. Seth yeah. And the other kids that did get it, and shes gonna be like seth that would be a huge complex both, as an actor and a daughter to not get cast as a younger version of your mom. [ laughter ] yeah, you know what i mean . Itd be like, mommy dearest, you grow really weird. And anyway, so she did audition and get in it the end, and it was wild. My mom and i were here, and she had, you know, her first day where she to do this whole scene with Robert De Niro, like, Grand Central station. Two pages, dialogue. You know, my little 7, 8yearold baby is doing this scene with Robert De Niro. Im just pouring sweat and freaking out, because its so exciting. I had the picture of him on my fridge when i was at college. I felt really weird about it. Anyway, so, so then after we got her back to the trailer, we were like, what was it like . What was it like . And she said, oh, it was lovely. He was so nice. I just oh, i really wish he was famous. [ laughter ] seth who did she want to be doing a scene with . Spongebob . I dont know. She was 7. She didnt know who he was. Seth thats true. I guess at 7, it would be weird if she was a de niro real fan. Yeah, youve not seen goodfellas at that point. Seth exactly. Shes like, oh, my god, taxi driver. yeah. Seth im in awe of you, sir. No, the only error i failed is the drawing the cock on the homework. Everything else, i have not let her watch unsuitable movies. Seth thats great. Although, i think the teacher would say taxi driver was probably better than what you did. Possibly, yeah. More merit. Seth thanks so much for being here. Thanks, seth. Seth i truly love the film, and congratulations you got nominated for a gotham award as well. [ cheers and applause ] thank you very much. Seth Kate Beckinsale, everybody. Love friendship is streaming now on amazon prime. Well be right back with more late night. [ cheers and applause ] when it comes to healthcare, seconds can mean the difference between life and death. For partners in health, time is life. We have 18,000 people around the world. The microsoft cloud helps our entire staff stay connected and Work Together in real time to help those that need it. The ability to collaborate changes how we work. What we do together changes how we live. Psh psh lunch is ready campbells spiderman soups. Made for real, real life. Thanks mom well, if you want to sing out, sing out and if you want to be free, be free cause theres a million things to be you know that there are and if you want to be me, be me and if you want to be you, be you cause theres a million things to do you know that there are itsanyone ever haveady occasional constipation, diarrhea, gas or bloating . [ simultaneously ] she does. Help defend against those digestive issues. Take Phillips Colon Health probiotic caps daily with three types of good bacteria. 400 likes . Wow phillips. Be good to your gut. Phillips. Be good to your gut. Sing girl, come on. [ singing ] sorry, ariana you gotta go. Seriously . Verizon limits me and i gotta get home. Youre gonna choose navigation over me . Maps get up here. Umm. That way. Girl you better get on tmobile why pay more for data limits . Introducing tmobile one, unlimited data for everyone. Get four lines just 35 a month. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back now, are you guys familiar with these dogshaming websites . The way it works is people take a picture of their dog looking guilty next to a little sign that says what the dog did. Heres an example. I ate my daddys 300 sunglasses. Pretty cute, right . Heres another one. I enjoy digging the flower beds up and eating mulch, because im bored. Adorable. Adorable. But these are all minor offenses. After searching around the internet, we found some websites featuring dogs that have done much, much worse things. Wed like to show them to you now in a segment we call extreme dog shaming. [ cheers and applause ] seth extreme indeed. Lets take a look at our first dog. Aw, she looks adorable. [ audience aws ] i cant imagine shed do anything too bad. I text on my way even when i havent even left the house. [ laughter ] dont do that. Bad dog. Whats next . Aw. What did you do, little guy . I only recycle when other people are around. [ laughter and applause ] terrible. Thats very terrible. Whos next . Now, this little buster brown, what did he do . I hid my owners Samsung Galaxy in the cats bed. [ laughter and applause ] bad dog. Clever dog. Bad dog. Who is next . Oh, what a good guy. I carry on full conversations in the comment sections of other peoples instagram. [ laughter ] thats not what thats for. Bad dog. Whos next . Adorable. Adorable. Lets see. I gave Rudy Giuliani rabies. [ laughter and applause ] [ cheers ] okay. That makes sense. That makes sense. Bad dog. Whos next . Oh, this guys the best. [ audience aws ] i just wikileaked on your antique rug. [ laughter ] bad dog. Who is up next . Aw, this guys a cute fella. I stop conversations to laugh at texts, so when you ask me what was funny, i say nothing. [ laughter ] the worst. That is the worst. Whos next . Oh, my heart is melting. What did you do, buddy . Im rooting for the cleveland indians. [ audience groans ] [ scattered cheers ] well, thats okay. Yeah, thats okay. Thats fine. No, wait, im sorry, theres more. Because i like their racist logo. [ laughter ] bad dog. Whos next . There we go. This guys adorable. I organize dog shows just so i can go backstage and watch them get groomed. [ laughter and applause ] bad dog. Whos next . Oh, wow. Look at this one. A bloodhound. I was supposed to find an escaped convict, but instead i led the Police Department to a hot dog cart. They seemed fine with it. [ laughter and applause ] yeah, good for you then. Whos next . Okay. [ audience aws ] what did this cutie do . I call my owner an emotional support human, so he can fly with me for free. [ laughter ] bad dog. Industrious dog, but bad dog. Whos next . Oh, wait a minute, everybody. This is my dog, frisbee. [ audience aws ] frisbee, what did you do . Seth screams make America Great again when he climaxes. [ laughter and applause ] that is not for them to know that was extreme dog shaming. Well be right back with colin hanks. [ cheers and applause ] announcer vo the new pixel phone by google. Only on verizon. Okay, google, show me korean restaurants in boulder . Google Assistant i found a few places. announcer vo the only network than can power the first phone with the new Google Assistant, unlimited photo storage, and a stunning vr experience. How is this possible . announcer vo so buy a pixel, only on verizon, and get up to 300 back. And right now get four lines and 20 gigs for just 160 with no surprise overages. All on americas best network. Can i get anyone a beer . Make it a redds apple ale redds apple ale. Also for a limited time in ginger apple. Olive garden now offershen you catering delivery. Nt . We make the food and deliver it to your door. So you can enjoy whats important. I am benedict arnold, the infamous traitor. And i know a thing or two about trading. So i trade with e trade, where true traders trade on a trademarked trade platform that has all the. Get off the computer traitor i wont. cannon sound i wont. But she always told me i dont mcare if you turn out, to be a great athlete or whatever but, you need to make sure you get your college degree. Sometimes i call the house, just to hear her voice. phone ringing answering machine hi, leave a message after the beep. beep hey mom, this is larry. I just want to let you know that uh, i fulfilled the promise that you held me to. Love you. beep electricaonly a few. E at the heart of every hybrid. Truly move us. Electrifying the road forward for over a decade with over one million on the road, lexus hybrids are always charged and always ready. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back to late night, everybody. Our next guest is a talented actor who you know from shows like fargo and dexter. He stars in the cbs series life in pieces, which returns for its Second Season tomorrow night. Please welcome back to the show, colin hanks, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] seth how are you, my friend . Im good, my friend, how are you. Seth good. Its always so lovely to have you here. Thank you. Seth i feel like this time, ive you heard you have some advice for me. You have a 3yearold, you have a 5yearold . I have a 5yearold and a 3yearold daughter, yes. Seth and were coming up on halloween and yes. Seth im coming into my first halloween. My 7monthold, hes not quite obviously choosing costumes. But you have some advice on costumes. I have very, very important advice. Seth okay. When your child starts to speak and is able to verbalize his wants, needs, and desires at any given moment. When you ask them what they want for halloween, dont get the costume right away. Seth okay. Wait. Seth got it. Because that idea that they have is going to change. Seth i see. So, dont run out and think theyre locked in . No. Give them time to sort of window shop for the costume, so to speak. Seth did you learn this from experience . I learned this from experience. We learned the hard way. One of our first halloweens with our 5yearold. She said that she wanted to be a pumpkin. Seth great. So, we got her a pumpkin outfit. Then she wanted to be a monkey. So, we got her a monkey outfit. And then finally i just said, you want to know what . I dont want to know what you want to be. Youre going to be a mumkin. Thats what you are. Were just going combine the two seth gotcha, so she got to be a monkey pumpkin. But the youngest kid, the 3yearold, last year she wanted to be something i dont remember what it was. Because right before we were all about to go out trickortreating, she was just like, i want to be in pajamas seth okay [ light laughter ] and so the family photo is a storm trooper, princess leia, those were the parents. [ laughter ] seth okay. A character from a kids show that ive never heard of. Seth uhhuh. And then a kid in pajamas looking very confused. [ laughter ] like not quite sure what oh, so this is halloween, like i dont understand. Yeah, its seth i feel like she had a sense of this is about candy and i just want something loose and efficient. [ light laughter ] at that point shes like, i dont know oh, theres candy . Im very comfortable with this. Seth yeah. She was very comfortable. Seth so congratulations season two of life in pieces. Yeah, man, thank you. Seth your character, where did we leave you end of season one coming into season two . Well, let me see. It took about 20 episodes to find out what my character actually did for a living. Seth gotcha. Was that by design . I dont know . Seth okay. Did you know . I didnt know. Seth gotcha. So as an actor you had to play a man where you never knew what your vocation was. And people were asking me like, so what does greg do . Im like and then in the 21st episode he quit that job. Seth okay. So, he worked at like a crowd funding website. Seth sure, okay. And so greg comes up he came up with this idea for a baby monitor. Maybe you would like this. But its a baby monitor called cry tunes. Seth cry tunes. That converts a crying child into soothing music seth oh, thats nice. Or the music of your choice. Seth there you go. Could be any kind of music. Seth that seems like a Million Dollar idea. He got fired or he quit, because hes not allowed to fundraise his own idea on his website. Seth got it. And right when he quits his job he finds out that his wife is pregnant with their second child. Seth there you go. So, you know, laugh a minute. Funny stuff. Seth laugh a minute, so you have two children on the show now gonna be. Well i have two children in real life. Seth but now youre pregnant with your second one. Oh, yes, pregnant with the second, yes. Seth last time you were here, you were talking about sometimes youll pitch real life things to the writers and theyll use things yes. Seth and you did this again. We did this again. In the first season in the pilot episode, i pitched a story about how my wife and i were crying on the way to on the way home from the hospital. Seth yes. Because its the first kid. And very quickly we both realized like, yeah, maybe dont tell so many personal stories to the writers, because we dont want all that stuff incorporated. So i had actually pitched them an idea. I said, you know, husbands and wives, they always a lot of fights are always about the facial hair that the husband grows thinking he looks very cool and masculine when in fact he just doesnt. Seth yeah. So i said i pitched them. I said, hey, how about i grow a beard, you know, this summer, while were off from the show, then in First Episode we can maybe have this episode where i have this beard. And then because our structure is so different on the show its four short stories you know, in first story, id have the beard, then in the subsequent stories i have like a goatee or mutton chops or Something Like that. Seth sure, exactly. And theyre like, yeah, thats great. Lets do it. So the first table read i show up and i read the script and theres no mention of greg in a beard and i go, hey, are we am i keeping the were doing the beard thing, right . They go, yeah, about the beard, youre going to have to shave that. Seth so you grew a beard for nothing . In the hottest summer ive ever had. [ laughter ] seth did your real life wife like the beard . No [ laughter ] seth lets let the audience decide if it was a bad beard, because its pretty obviously not great. So, i have a little bit [ laughter ] seth how would you describe this beard . I describe it as the tricolor, because the red and the blond really doesnt quite match the brown. Seth yeah, i would never guess that would be the color of your beard. But very similar to you, now that theres children, theres a little gray in there. Seth yeah, exactly. So its really a quadcolor. Seth very similar to me. How dare you. Well, its just seth there you go. That one here. Thats a cool dude. I want to point out those are great glasses that dont save it. [ laughter ] those are really the guy who made those glasses is like, oh, man. So they ended up you know, cut to four weeks later i have a fake beard that they have to glue on my face every day that made me the most miserable human being on the face of the planet. And it was a combination of yak hair and seth was it really yak hair . It was yak hair and human hair that looked great, didnt taste so good. Seth yeah. But they assured me that it was all cleaned and washed because, you know, were professionals. Seth right, of course. You have a fantastic cast on the show, josh or, sorry, james brolin. James brolin. Seth and dianne wiest. Dianne wiest, yeah. Seth dianne wiest youve given a nickname to. Dianne wiest, a fantastic actress. Amazing. She is the sweetest, kindest woman, everything you think dianne wiest is seth some lovely gravitas to dianne wiest. Shes adorable. Huge kanye west fan. Seth really . Huge. She says, colin, kanye is like this generations bob dylan. Shes obsessed with kanye. Seth wow. Not a lot of women of her age, i would think, are huge kanye fans. Knows all the words. Raps along to his songs in the makeup trailer. So i gave her the nickname of dwheezy. Seth dweezy. [ light laughter ] dianne wiest to you, dweezy. Dweezy. And she we had kurt warner came and did seth exnfl quarterback. Ex hall of famer seth yeah, there you go. Came and did a bit on the show. She introduced herself, she goes, kurt warner, im dianne wiest but everyone here calls me dweezy. [ laughter ] and ive never been more proud of a nickname in my entire life. [ laughter ] seth congratulations. Well done. Thank you, thank you. Seth and always great to see you. Thanks for being here. [ cheers and applause ] of course, my friend. Seth season two. Colin hanks the season premiere of life in pieces airs tomorrow night, well be right back. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] seth my thanks to Kate Beckinsale, colin hanks, everybody allison miller, 8g band. Stay tuned for carson daly. Well see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] carson hey gang its carson daly, thank you so much for being here. It is last call. Coming up tonight the music temples were going to do that from the t
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