comparemela.com

Demonstrators clashed with police. More than 100 people were arrested during the protests in manhattan. Larry come on, guys i just left town to go to some protesting. laughter its almost like you werent even thinking about the nightly show with Larry Wilmore at all when you made your lets start a protest in larrys hood plan. Know my scheduled, all right. Man. The thing that fascinated me the most was this gang truce. I dont know if you guys heard about it but everybody was talking about it. Rival gangs its bloods, crips, and black guerilla gangs calling a truce for the first time in history. History. Larry you know the cops are running wild when gang leaders start sounding like noam chomsky by comparison. Bad, man. So anyway, last night i headed down to baltimore and i sat down in a diner with some rival gang members who called a truce and we ate little pie. Take a look. Im here with some of the brothers who are here in baltimore here doing all the uprising the unrest. Have you guys eaten you have looked at the menu . I already know what i want. Larry can we have a waitress in here. Who brought you guys together . I have known this brother a long time. Known this brother a long time gr how long you have known him. Like four years. Four years. Larry in dpaing time, thats like an years right. So are you guys in the same organization or different organizations. No, the same organization. Larry same organization. Youre the same. Youre the same. Youre not in the organization. Im cool with everybody. Larry hes cool with everybody. Hes cool with everybody. Larry so you guys guys have called a truce wait, is it a truce or a treaty . It didnt have to be ratified by congress or anything. No,. Larry because john boehner is an. We didnt have a truce or treaty. We had respected men as men and we did it just like that. I was walking walking and we was all in a pack. And one them stepped in my shoe. Larry three days from now things might be back to normal and you can hit him in his mouth again. No hes good. Larry thats good. The truth is good. Its forever now right . Is that stha what were saying . As far as us. We cant speak for whole country but as far as baltimore, what were doing this is what were doing. We start with us. Larry where do you guys think the anger in the Community Comes from . Where to you think that comes from . Now you see this corner on the menu. This is a corner. This is a person. Thisthis is you. Its only so far back into this corner you can push me before i have to push back. Thats what happens whapped. They pushed back. Larry thats what a lot of america cant relate to right now. They cant understand that. Of course. You live in a milliondollar house. You cant understand what were going through. Same, as man i have to pay my property tax. I cant relate to that. I never paid property tax before. Larry ill tell you about the anger of the property tax. So lets say this is my milliondollar house, okay. laughter and the property tax is pushing me into this corner. Thats when i get angry. laughter thats when i burst. A lot of people cant relate to that. You call a lawyer and you push back. Exactly. Larry and then its a vicious cycle. Have you guys ever stopped somebody from doing Something Like physically stopped somebody from throwing something . Did you . Yeah. The people that came up on the avenue, werent from there. Larry so there were people who arent even from around there that were demonstrating. It was also people how old were they . High school, like middle school. They started i saw jon stewart out there. Larry you saw jon stewart out there. Im standing in front of the school me and a couple of homeez. Larry a couple of homeyies standing in front of the store. Jon stewart is right behind us. Gl jon stewart is not here. Trust me. Trust me on that. He is nowhere to be found. The police pull up in a tank. Larry he was in a tank like one of those big humvees. They come out with their assault rifles. And i was like, man, this is call of duti. Larry they jumped out. They did, they point their guns and all that and i got hit with a concussion grenade. Larry wait, that happened this past week . You got hit with a concussion grenade . Two days ago. Right in the ribs. We were making sure we ran through the alley, to the projects, made sureern else was okay and went right back to our post and linked arms and made sure nobody got in that store. Larry wow. They set one police car on fire and we stopped them from setting the other car on fire. Larry would you guys ever meet with the police . Yeah. Larry you talked to them . Every day, we walk right past them. We asked, are you good . Do you need water . Larry what was your reaction. They did bring us food. Larry they brought you food . I couldnt i couldnt eat the sandwiches because they had pork. Larry i could do a pig joke. Whats the most surprising thing that came out of all of this . All the people coming together. Its the one time it was beautiful. Larry do you guys have hope . , of course,. Of course,. What else do we got . Larry you have hope sean . Thats the only thing you have to have if you want to progress. Larry i think we have i think we have pie coming right now. Sean doesnt like pork, so make sure sean doesnt get the pork. You guys have really been great. I really appreciate you having this conversation with me. Is there any other thing you would like to say either to america, to people watching this program . Iment everybody to keep their hope and stay peaceful. I mean, when when they hear the police verdict fridays dont give up because thats not the last of the investigation. Its a lot more investigations after that. applause keep the hope. Larry are we splitting this six ways . I just want to know how were going. Larry you dont have like, a Corporate Credit card that you use . applause . Larry well be right back. cheers and applause music plays love you by the free design attendant welcome back. Man thank you. Its not home. But with every well considered detail. It becomes one step closer. No wonder more people. Choose delta than any other airline. While the world needs saving. Prizes need winning, at subway. Grab a 30ounce drink or doritos snacks for a chance to win subs for life movie tickets, and more. And catch Marvels Avengers age of ultron, now in theaters. Subway. Where super heroes eat. [ male announcer ] digiorno . Or delivery . Digiorno . Or delivery . Taste for yourself why the shortest distance between you and a delicious, freshbaked pizza, is your oven. Thankfully, its not delivery. Its digiorno. Just one lemon left. Lemon skittles are my favorite. Theyre my favorite. Lets settle it the usual way settle it lets settle it the usual way wooooo woowee settle the rainbow taste the rainbow cheers and applause larry welcome back man. Very exciting week this week. The Supreme Court got together to hear arguments about legalizing gay marriage. cheers and applause . Larry yes yes yes, yes i mean, its about time. Seriously, this is an issue we have been debating for a long time. Okay, so exactly how are the justices going to frame this debate . If states are allowed to make their own decision and some states have banned it, some states have approved it do all states then have to recognize it . Larry and if a state doesnt recognize it do we have to recognize that state . laughterstate . Laugh applause . cheers larry be texas. Please be texas. The case the scream is discussing is called obergefell v. Hodges, fun fact obergefell is a german word which means can i live my damn life. Its true. Its one of those compound words. So i wonder what obscure legal statutes they were grappling with for their rhetorical legal arguments. A lot of the justices were worried about whether it was proper for the Supreme Court to decide this. Larry proper . I dont know if proper is the right word. Youre figuring out if gay people deserve equal treatment under the law, not if its okay to take the last minimuffin report from break room. laughter is that proper . Is it proper . Is it proper . laughter all right, so how are the most brilliant legal minds of our time arguing their point . There must be a lot of legal mumbo jumbo. Justice kennedy did say if sue loves joe and tom loves joe, sue can mary jo but tom cant. How is that not straightforward sexual discrimination . Larry it is straightforward sexual discrimination. cheers and applause this seems like a noprairn to me. Seriously, does anybody have any real sound arguments based in fact and logic against samesex marriage . I mean, whats the worst that could happen with gay people getting married, too much happiness in the world . 100 conservative lawyers and academics recently filed a Supreme Court brief arguing federal recognition of samesex marriage will directly cause 900,000 abortions over the next 30 years. laughter . Larry whaaat . Whaaat . cheers and applause heres the problem, when people who dont believe in science try to do math. laughter applause since when do samesex marriage rates have anything to do with straight marriage rates because if i can blame my divorce on gay marriage, i will gladly. laughter ill do it. And 900,000 abortions how do you even come up with a number like that . You know what . Im going to take out my conservative calculator. laughter no, no, no. Always helps me, you know, when i want to make no logical sense. All right. Okay. No no its good. First, we multiply m and m, and we add that to w times w for samesex marriage rates. Okay, we divide that by m times w. Thats straight marriage rates. Okay. Now we take the derivative, t plus m, turtle man marriage rate and raise that to the power of aciewbd abortion, abortion abortion. So far weve got oh, legitimate rape. Okay. laughter applause right here. That checks out. Wait, let me continue. Now we integrate sigma. Or frat boylevelintelligence. With the infinite limit of t, or time republicans will hold a grudge against the Supreme Court for roe v. Wade. All right and we got it. Right. There it is, okay cheers and applause all right. It makes sense. Gay marriage will cause 900,000 abortions you guys over the next 30 years. It totally checks out. Way to go conservative academics. I love this bleep calculator man. Its awesome. It makes all conservative math make sense. Let me try another one. Climate change. laughter that which could out. Wait, i want to try another one. Income inequality. It keeps making sense laughter applause oh my god this is amazing cheers and applause im telling you, as long as you live in your own world with your own math, all of this adds up, you guys. laughter so lets just hope that at least five out of the nine Supreme Court justices arent using this calculator. Well be right back. cheers and applause doug, we have the results, but first, we have a very special guest. Come on out, flo [house band playing] you have anything to say to flo . Nah, ill just let the results do the talking. [crowd booing] well, he can do that. We show our progressive direct rate and the rates of our competitors even if progressive isnt the lowest. It looks like progressive is not the lowest ohhhh when we return well find out whether doug is the father. Wait, what . Im sorry for your loss. It still doesnt feel real. Our time together was. So short. Well, since you had progressives total loss coverage, we were able to replace your totaled bike with a brandnew one. The tank. The exhaust. Well, she looks just like roxie you know, ill bet shes in a better place now. Flo i know she is. I feel it in my heart. [ heavenly choir sings ] actually, the old roxies over at the junkyard. Flo kkhkkh getting you back on a brandnew bike. Now, thats progressive. Discover brookside and discover an exciting combination of tastes. Rich, dark chocolate covering soft centers. Flavored with exotic fruit juices. Its chocolate and fruit flavors like youve never experienced before. Discover brookside. Sweet mother of softness. Charmin take a closer look at charmin ultra soft and youll love what you see. Not only can you use less, but you can actually see the softness in our comfort cushions. We all go. Why not enjoy the go with charmin ultra soft . How did dennys put the magic of dreamworks into their new kids menu . Thats a secret. Kind of. Introducing dreamworks to the new dennys kids menu. Dennys. Welcome to americas diner. Kids eat free on tuesdays 4 00pm10 00pm. When you get up to 40 off thousands of hotels with travelocity it means you can also afford to get up to 40 romanticer romantic sunsets. Making it the place to find a place for memorial day. Go and smell the roses. Crunchd is cheezits first ever puffed up crunch made with 100 real cheese. And its the first time. [cheese] laughing ice bank mice elf. [cheese] because youve been a bad, bad boy. We take the time for our cheese to mature in our new cheezit crunchd. cheers and applause . Larry yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah welcome back. Comedian actor and author of when the ball drops, brad garrett. Yeah, i love that. Host of the 5 on fox news and author of and the good news is. , dana perino. cheers and applause and our good friend and comedian the one and only, mr. Ed withmr. Lewis black. Were going to do something special. Were going to do our bag o grab. And we have like unusual objects in here. And when you pick up the object it kind of tells us what our topic is and we hit that topic and, boom pick another one. Dana why dont you pick first. This has had me nervous all afternoon. Larry dont be nervous. Its good to just grab something. Oh, how interesting larry that is the scooby mystery man, which means we must be talking about hillary clinton. Okay, heres my thing with the clintons. I think for some reason the clintons cannot get out of their own way. Its unbelievable to me. I mean, you have the clinton cash thing. You have the email thing. Okay, so heres my question. At the end of the day is bill gonna hurt or help hillary . What do we think interest . Whats going to happen . Both. Larry you think hes going to throw her number the scooby bus . I think hes a benefit and a drawback, and i think that they are counting on him being more of a benefit than a draug back, but there are certainly significant challenges both challenges and opportunities for her with him. Larry i think at the tend of the day for all the stuff bill clinton did, people love him. You know, the one thing the one thing really, though about him bill bbill. About bill. Hes the greatest used car salesman in the history of america. Larry yes, unbelievable. laughter . And he may not make you want to buy the car but hes certainly going to make you think about buying it. Larry its true. Or at least maybe getting in the backseat of the car. laughter larry i would agree with that. All right brad, its your turn. Bag o grab, take it out. What have you got. I dont know what this is. Its a its a rainbow piece of caix. Its a rainbow cake. Larry we have the scotus gay marriage ruling right. So what is this . We have something we wanted to play here, right . You look at whats going on in baltimore today and, you know, you see the issues that are raised there, and healthy marriages are the ones between a man and a woman because they can have a Healthy Family and they can raise children. Audience booooo larry heres i just want to throw this out. It is astonishing to me i did the thing earlier gay marriage is blamed for 900,000 abortions. Here are things gay marriage has already been blamed for. Brad, gay marriage causes 900,000 abortions. Are you not listening . Whats wrong with you here are some of the other things laughter these are things that people actually blame the gay marriage on. These are hurricane sandy. Blamed on gay marriage. Northridge earthquake. Absolutely. Larry that was a big earthquake, too. Big one. Larry mass animal deaths. laughter and september 11 was also blamed on gay marriage. Okay, what else is gay marriage responsible for, brad . My career. I think. My career is i couldnt get in thing about. In thinginthe building. Larry thats a horrible thing gay marriage is responsible for. Yeah, terrible, terrible. The breakup of minuto. Thats terrible, thats terrible. So there are people that are saying this out there. Larry brad, youre not listening. Im not. Im not. Because it sounds so absurd. Larry lewis, what else is gay marriage responsible for . Gay marriage will be responsible for a glut of moistureizers on the market. laughter and gotta stock up. Larry that one i actually do believe. Its not entirely about that. Larry i blame gay marriage for the lakers playing horribly. laughter i will just say this before gay marriage started happening in big numbers lakers were winning championships. Thats all im saying. Dana, whats your response . For all the things you mentioned, people are absurdly claiming that gay marriage caused people have also said Global Warming is causing, its almost interchangeable. There are people who say that. The unrest in the middle east, and then you have the drought yes, believe me. Isnt that absurd, as some of the gay marriage comments that that congressman just made. The astonishing about those comments to me, if you have if youre really confident in your choice and your belief that its between a man and a woman why would gay marriage panic you if you truly believe why would it even affect you . You would laugh. cheers and applause larry ill tell you, if gay marriage would stop causing mass animal deaths maybe we could have it. Until then lewis, we cant have this discussion. Lewis pick something out of the bag o grab. Smgz about magicians. Larry okay, all right, thats a good one. That is the gang in d. C. Weve got the red and the blue, and now it seems pretty easy for the bloods and the crips to come together. Yet, the democrats and republicans cant. Okay. laughter applause cheers all right . Its so ridiculous. Okay. What do we think is the biggest thing keeping them apart . Black president. Of course,. Larry anyone . What find astonishing is these people, you know the crips and the blood that they want to kill each other. Were talking death. Larry right. And they can come together. All thats occurring with the democrats and republicans and the tea party is theyre talking ideology, and theyre more psychotic about their ideologies than these people are about death. laughter cheers and applause larry well be right back and talk more of this. This. G . Theres no pressure there. Finding the ring is the first step. Thats why i partnered with the diamond experts at zales. To create. The vera wang love collection. Its got to be special. Modern interpretations of. Timeless designs. Bring out the beauty in every bride. Its got to say yes. The vera wang love collection. Exclusively at zales the diamond store. My husband, tre ponder was killed june 28, 2005 in afghanistan. My husbands death was the hardest thing ive ever faced. The special Operations Warrior Foundation stepped in to help. Now you can help, too. Purchase new cherry 5hour energy now through july 31st and a portion of each sale benefits special Operations Warrior Foundation to help families of fallen heroes. I will always miss my dad, but thanks to special Operations Warrior Foundation i will never feel alone. This is amazing. I love this car. Real people are discovering surprising things at chevy. This is a road trip car. Were sold. Its so pretty. Theyre goodlooking cars. It feels great. Perfect. This is not what i would expect from a chevy at all. Get more than you expect, for less than you imagined at the chevy memorial day sale, going on now. Get cash back for 15 of the msrp on select 2015 models in stock the longest. Thats over fourthousand dollars on this chevy equinox. Find new roads at your local chevy dealer. Just one lemon left. Lemon skittles are my favorite. Theyre my favorite. Lets settle it the usual way settle it lets settle it the usual way wooooo woowee settle the rainbow taste the rainbow cheers and applause larry thats all the time we have for tonight. I want to thank our panelists, brad garrett, dana perino and lewis black. I want to thank the guys in baltimore for sitting down with me last night. Keep the hope alive down there. Good nightly everyone. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org [ shopping cart rolling ] [ cart bangs against vehicle ] [ car alarm honking ] [ man narrating ] hi. Im doug stauber. Im an assistant manager at donaldsons grocery where customers come first even customers who are nuts. Mr. Stauber. Can i help you . [ doug narrating ] this guy had some complaint about the cracker teddy grahams,

© 2024 Vimarsana

comparemela.com © 2020. All Rights Reserved.