laughter applause laughter cheers and applause announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, i pity the juul. And, stephen goes adventuring in new zealand. Plus, stephen welcomes daniel craig. And lena waithe. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york cheers and applause stephen come on hi oh, what a week come on come on please have a seat, everybody, thank you so much. Please sit down sit down, everybody thank you very much. Welcome to the late show. I am your host, Stephen Colbert. And it is friday. It is friday, you can feel it. cheers and applause jon yes indeed. Stephen you can feel it, its real. And today, congress got a muchneeded break from the impeachment hearings. Theyve gone home to celebrate thanksgiving, where im sure no one will argue about impeachment. Trump also got a break. Surprisingly, it was a smoke break, because today trump met with members of the vaping industry. Now, you might remember a while back, trump surprised everyone by announcing that he would be banning flavored ecigarettes. We have a problem in our country. Its a new problem. Its a problem nobody really thought about too much a few years ago, and its called vaping especially vaping as it pertains to innocent children. And theyre coming home, and theyre saying, mom, i want to vape. laughter stephen yeah. Thats what they say. Thats exactly laughter thats exactly what they say. Its a classic rebel kid move asking for permission. Mom, i want to vape. Also, i want to have unprotected sex, and when youre out of town, i was thinking about throwing a huge rager where somebody breaks grandmas urn over there. If you could get back to me on all that asap, thatd be great. Now this is very personal, this issue cheers and applause im not sure what were applauding, but thank you laughter this issue is very personal for trump. Its an issue that affects his family. We cannot allow people to get sick, and we cant have our youth be so affected. And im hearing it and thats how the first lady got involved. Shes got a son together that is a beautiful young man, and she feels very, very strongly about it. Stephen as trump now, now, i havent spent much time with her son, together, as id like. When he was born, i was in a very stormy situation, and. Very stormy time. audience reacts cheers and applause it was a storm i just had to ride out. Jon oh stephen what . Jon come on stephen this this was an important issue for the first lady. This was a personal project of hers. And trumps vape ban was a solemn commitment to his wife. So, naturally, he broke it, because, this week, he reversed course on the ban due to concerns that hed anger his supporters and eliminate vaping related jobs. That is an interesting approach to public health. as trump well, i was going to stop the children from inhaling poison, but then i thought, what about the poor poison salesmen who make their living poisoning children . How are they going to feed their poisoned kids . It wasnt just the threat of job losses out there, though. Apparently, trump was shaken by prottershis llie and these protesters were really something. Heres an actual photo of a group of them, demonstrating for. Im not entirely sure. Well, trump might soon want to disappear in a fog of mango flavored poison mist himself, because were learning more about what went on behind the scenes in his scheme to get ukraine to investigate the bidens. Specifically, the role of Rudy Giulianis associates, lev parnas and igor fruman, the ursulas eels of the ukraine investigation. laughter cheers and applause jon oh, wow wow stephen worth it. 100 . Now, trump has denied knowing who these two guys are, which is odd, because we just learned that parnas and fruman were guests last year at the white houses annual hanukkah party, or as trump calls it as trump little hat candle christmas. laughter oh, candle christmas visitors why are your hats so tiny . laughter now, these parties are big, crowded affairs, but lev and igor got v. I. P. Treatment. At one point during the party, parnas and fruman slipped out to have a private meeting with the president and giuliani though, i know, it sounds bad. audience reacts it sounds bad though, it is a hanukkah party. They may have just gone off to play a highstakes game of dreidel. laughter as trump this is the first casino ive been to where they dont judge me for eating the coins. laughter but, some people some people applause jon recollections, stephen come on, gimel but it might not have been so innocent after all, because after he met with trump, lev parnas told two of his buddies he was on a secret mission to pressure the Ukrainian Government to investigate joe biden, like some sort of james bond mission. Yes, a james bond mission. laughter the one thing you dont want in a spy is someone excited to tell everyone theyre a spy. laughter my names james bond, and im a spy heres my license to kill. Well, its a learners permit right now. Dont look at the picture. I have a tuxedo on under my wet suit, and its really binding in the crotch cheers and applause of course, a ton of people are out there running to replace donald trump. And ill tell you the latest in tonights doin it donkey style. Okay, boomer stephen first up, former south bend mayor pete buttigieg, seen here telling his fans where they should keep their expectations. Mayor pete has been surging into the lead in iowa, thanks in large part to support among older voters, all because of his new slogan vote for pete hell set up your internet. laughter cheers and applause but but jon thats a good one stephen but theres one key demo mayor pete has been struggling with, and thats African American voters. So hes been trying to reach out to them. On his campaign website, he introduced a Racial Equality Initiative called the douglass plan, along with this nice photo of an African American mother and son. Just one problem the photo was actually taken in kenya. Yes. Thats a move known as the reverse obama. laughter the campaign has taken the photo down and apologized, but theyre still very excited about their outreach to other communities, like voters from new england; latin americans; and of course, the l. G. B. T. Community. laughter next up cheers and applause mmmm mmmm i could go for an l. G. B. T. Right now. On toast . L. G. B. T. On toast . Jon i mean, you know. Stephen next up on doin it d, theres a new candidate in the race former Massachusetts Governor and im going to say captain on that new star trek show deval patrick. Patrick recently threw his hat into the ring thats already more hat than ring. This week, he held an event at a historically black morehouse college, and a reporter tweeted this photo, saying, an organizer with the college who planned the event told cnn that patrick cancelled the event when he arrived and learned that he would not have an audience. audience reacts it seems sad. I know, it seems sad. But look closer, and youll see there was one eager attendee a welldressed headless torso just out of curiosity, is that headless torso running for president . Because after the last debate, it seems like having no mouth would be a huge advantage. laughter now, the event the event cheers and applause the event for patrick wasnt a total wash. The tweet goes on to say note two people came, not pictured. Oh oh, no. As a former struggling actor, i can tell you, two people in the audience is way worse than zero people in the audience. If no one comes, you can say, hey, must have had the wrong time on the poster but if two people show, you have to spend hours giving them the worst date of their lives. laughter now, there are things going on in the country besides the election. For instance, the entire state of south dakota just made this stunning admission in their new drugawareness campaign meth were on it. laughter thats bold jon thats a catch phrase. Stephen thats a bold campaign. I did not realize meth was that big of a problem in south dakota. Jim, can we take a look at Mount Rushmore . Oh, there you go. Yeah. Yeah. Seek help. Jon oh, man stephen riding to the defense of the Meth Campaign is south dakota governor and woman trying to have all the hairstyles at once, cristie noem, who insists the campaign was successful because so many people were talking about it. Yup, all press is good press, which inspired south dakotas new slogan all meth is good meth. laughter weve got a great show for you tonight. Mr. Daniel craig is here but, first, i embrace the spirit of adventure on the Southern Island of new zealand its great. The good news . Our comfort lasts all day. The bad news . So does his energy. Depend® fitflex underwear offers your best comfort and protection guaranteed. Because, perfect or not, lifes better when youre in it. Be there with depend®. And my lack of impulse control, is about to become your problem. Ahh no, come on. I saw you eating poop earlier. Hey my focus is on the road, and thats saving me cash with drivewise. Whos the dummy now . Whoof whoof so get allstate where good drivers save 40 for avoiding mayhem, like me. Sorry hes a baby fishrisotto. Buffalo. Buffalo Wild Wings gelato. Cheesecake. Cheesecake Factory grilled steak. Clam bake. Milkshake. Brussels sprout. Sauerkraut. Freshcaught trout. Alfalfa sprout. Curry. Fried turkey. Mcflurry. mcdonalds cacciatori. Chimichurri. Adlib inhale spiral ham. Blackberry jam. Rack of lamb. Candied yams. Pokes. Smokeys. Gnocchis. And them banging raviolis. We are americas kitchen. Doordash. Every flavor welcome. Ahahahahaha. Hahaha. Discover the rainbow taste the rainbow take dayquil severe with Vicks Vapocool. D, acapella ine ockpowhoa and rit a lla o hhhhhhhhhh v vo dayquil severe with Vicks Vapocool. The daytime coughing, stuffy head, vaporize your cold, medicine. A lot will happen in your life. Wrinkles just wont. Neutrogena® rapid wrinkle repairs dermproven retinol works so fast, it takes only one week to reveal younger looking skin. Neutrogena® due to inclement weather. All twowheel drive crossovers should close for the day. Wannabe suvs should close for the day. Regular four door sedans should close for the foreseeable future. All jeep 4x4 vehicles will remain open despite the harsh weather conditions. band playing cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody give it up for jon batiste and stay human happy friday happy friday, jon. Jon happy friday stephen happy friday. T theeo its been amazing. This is my new zealand week. Plus, tonight one of my favorite guests. Daniel craig will be out here in just a moment. Jon bond himself cheers and applause stephen folks, all this week ive been sharing my amazing trip down to new zealand. It feels like i was there just yesterday. And thanks to the time difference, i think im still there tomorrow . laughter it was an incredible experience that we captured in our series the late show presents, Stephen Colbert the newest zealander. Stephen what a week its been. The Prime Minister picked me up at the airport, i hung out with xena, warrior princess, i played rugby, i made a movie with peter jackson, i got drunk and fist fought a hobbit. The only thing i didnt film on my trip to new zealand was my actual trip to new zealand, on Air New Zealand. In fact, heres me in the airport with my sleep mask, my neck pillow, and my carryon full of Invasive Plant species. laughter Air New Zealand was amazing, and starting in 2020, theyll be offering nonstop flights from new york straight to auckland. Which reminds me. as pilot ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Please remain in your seats as we just hit a small patch of mild product placement. bell rings kia ora, stephen. Weve got some new zealand fine wine here. Would you like the new zealand red or the new Zealand White . Stephen yes thank you. cheers and applause mmm. Mmm. Jon yes, yes stephen try the rose. laughter and while its now easier than ever to get there, the hardest part is deciding between all the incredible experiences you can have in new zealand. Tonight, i present my last and perhaps greatest day of all trying to have every experience at once. Jim . Stephen new zealand. The small island nation is packed with a stunning variety of landscapes. Nowhere else on the planet can you see the southern alps, ve volcanoes, breathtaking waterfalls, expansive green valleys, remote sandy beaches, and dazzling mountaintop glaciers, all within the square mileage of colorado. I wanted to experience this Natural Beauty firsthand, and hopefully untap some of my inner rugged manliness but im not a big fan of walking. So i met up with helicopter pilot choppy, who took me out to explore the majesty of the south island. Why did you want to be a helicopter pilot . I started flying airplanes. And then i joined Air New Zealand and flew passenger planes for a while. Like, 55cs and fokker fokkers, i think theyre called. Stephen we cant say fokker on cbs. Its got two ks in it. Stephen oh, got two ks . Were good. I might take this little gap on the left. Stephen all right. I told choppy i was up for adventure, so she brought me over to the kawarau bridge, the birthplace of bungee jumping. Okay, thats the bungee bridge . Choppy landed on a dime, and i met henry van ash, who, along with a. J. Hackett, pioneered bungee jumping on this very bridge. There are no natural predators in new zealand, so kiwis brag that they had to invent their own ways to almost die. That it . There you go. Theres your future right there, stephen. Stephen and, just cards on the table im not a huge fan of heights. Or drops, really. Whats it like . Your heads going to be exploding with excitement, and your heart will be leaping out of your chest wi thl, fear, because youre obvi oously irreallyst scared nf which is natural stephen yeah, i am i am i am scared. Im scared. Will smith was on the show, and he bungee jumped recently, and he said, i had to do it. I had to overcome my fear. I asked will about the bungee jumping because im going to new zealand tomorrow and theyre trying to get me to bungee jump when im down there, and im not i think you have to. You have to. Stephen no, no. Listen, fear is mans greatest poison. echoing poison. Poison. Stephen so i headed to the bridge to face my fear. And fear won. laughter suddenly i was curious about adventures that dont involve plunging into a ravine, so choppy and i headed back out over the wakatipu basin. The thing about new zealand, it seems like it just rose out of the sea. Theres such vitality in the land. And i feel like i have to stay here and, and here i will be a man. How manly do i seem to you, choppy . I think youre definitely on the manlier side of nonmanly. Stephen so, im identifiably male, is what youre saying. Correct. Stephen thank you. laughter we landed up at a high sheep station, where i met professional sheep farmer and aspiring tank top model john foster to learn how to sheer sheep. baas stephen shhh. Look at that. Perfect. Stephen is it always shearing . Or do you ever do, like, brazilian waxing . No. Stephen no, never wax . Its very hard to actually get hold of the wax afterwards. Stephen okay, how do we do it . So what ill do is, ill start the hard lift. Well open the fleece up. And then you can shear the last half of the sheep. buzzing give him give him a handshake. You look fabulous with an important kiwi skill successfully under my belt, we headed to the rugged and remote west coast of the south island, where i met warrick, a wilderness guide, lobster hunter, and im pretty sure tallest guy in new zealand. So, warrick, i really love your country, and im trying to figure out whether i could be a kiwi, you know . What do you do . Im a wilderness stephen a wilderness guide. U weidll, theres a lot of it her. What are you going to do today . What are what are we doing . Diving for red rock lobster. Stephen youre going to dive for a lobster. Yeah. Stephen quick question are there sharks out there . Look, there are sharks anywhere in the ocean, but. Stephen no. Im not too worried. Stephen thats not true. What do sharks eat . What do sharks eat, warrick . Seals . Stephen okay. You know what you look like, right . With the flippers and the outfit . You know what you look like, you look like a seal. A seal, yeah. Stephen okay, so youre going to go out there looking like a seal in sharkinfested waters to grab a. A spiny bug the size of a football. And that thats a job that that people have down here. Yeah. Stephen im in. Why dont you why dont you show me how to do it . Yup. Stephen excellent. Please. All right. Yup, yup, come on. Stephen no, you go on. You show me how, and then ill ill be next. Yeah, go on, man. Whoo. This is what im going to do. laughter laughter stephen compared to hand fishing lobsters in shark infested waters, bungee jumping suddenly seemed reasonable. So i sucked it up and gave it one more shot. Are you ready . Stephen yeah. I think i think this is as close as im going to get. I just need you to put your feet here, so we can tie you up. Stephen okay. I just thought to myself, what would my good friend will smith say . Your job for the human race is to conquer the fear that poisons your dreams, stephen. Stephen breathes out lets go. See you on the other side, stephen. Stephen okay. Thats the one. Stephen, were ready when you are. Stephen am i there . Little bit further, please, stephen. Nearly there. Thats awesome. Hands off of this one. Eyes up on the bridge. Five, four, three, two, one. cheers and applause stephen wow. That really looks like i jumped off a bridge. That was actually my showrunner, chris. He really want me to jump, but i really was not interested, so i made him spraypaint his hair, dress up like me, and jump instead. Yeah, to hell with that. laughter instead, choppy and i flew out to the southern alps, and up and over the richardson mountains. I said up and over okay, this is way closer than i want to be. Is there somewhere in this helicopter i could change my underwear . laughter so these are all glaciers. Stephen there are very few places in the world where you can still see this many glaciers, let alone land on one. So choppy set us down for a onceinalifetime experience. Choppy, thank you for taking me up here. I mean, it really is a privilege to see your country and to to be at the top of the world here. And i have to say that it its more than beautiful. This experience is absolutely spiritual. Whoo whoa im not sure if i can do this. applause stephen choppy choppy, how long have you been flyin