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Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20240714

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Only on the discovery channel. Then stay tuned for stupid and afraid. Announcer its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes idris elba, maude apatow and musical guest Perry Farrell, featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause theme song playing stephen whoo howdy doody perfect perfect have a seat, everybody thank you very much what a lovely crowd, what a lovely, lovely crowd theyre live on this planet. We can only the late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause im glad to hear it. I love the energy in the room. Im going to start the show tonight with some, and i hope im pronouncing this correctly, good news. Is that right . Its been a while. laughter as you know, my friend jon stewart has been working with police and firefighters, and other advocates cheers and applause for a couple of years now to try to get congress to permanently reauthorize health care for 9 11 First Responders. It was a nobrainer, and eventually, they got congress to wrap their nobrains around it. laughter today, trump held a ceremony in the rose garden to sign the bill. It was a good thing done by laughter terrible person, like when vlad the impaler would give each of his victims a starbucks gift card. laughter thoughtful,co itsnr thoughtful. And like he has in other recent speeches, trump had a hard time making the wordsounds. In a few moments, i will sign the barpartisan to fully reauthorize the nineelective eleven victims fund. Stephen as trump its like they always say about that terrible day narver fahglep. laughter narver fahglep. Jon thats what they say. Stephen trump told the First Responders he didnt only stand with them now, he also stood with them then. Many of those affected were firefighters, Police Officers and other First Responders. And i was down there also. But i am not considering myself a first responder. But i was down there. audience reacts stephen trump just cant help but insert himself into everything. as trump i just watched end game. great movie. The iron man and fat thor i was there, too. I dont consider myself an avenger. Because i was rooting for thanos. laughter thathe had some good ideas. cheers and applause piano riff to claim that, while youre not a first responder, you were down there with them after 9 11 has got to be the worst thing ive ever heard. If he hadnt already said this i was down there, and i watched our police and our firemen down on 711, down at the World Trade Center right after it came down. Everyone who helped clear the rubble and i was there, and i watched, and i helped a little bit. Stephen as trump yes, i helped out a little bit on 711. laughter of course that was july, so things were fine. laughter so glad i wasnt there on 911, i hear it was not good. laughter narver fagleb. laughter piano riff but i do think its remarkable that our president claimed to stand by the heroes of one of americas great cities. Because he spent the weekend trashing another one. And ill tell you all about it in our ongoing segment is donald trump a racist . Episode three million. laughter cheers and applause been going on for a long time. Stephen previously on is donald trump a racist . Yes. laughter but some people arent convinced. Not even after his twitter attack this weekend on chairman of the House Oversight committee and man watching his white coworkers explain get out to him, Elijah Cummings. laughter cummings recently criticized the conditions at the mexico border, so trump took offense, tweeting, rep, Elijah Cummings has been a brutal bully, shouting and screaming at the great men and women of Border Patrol about conditions at the southern border, when actually his Baltimore District is far worse and more dangerous. His district is considered the worst in the usa dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot as proven last week during a congressional tour, the border is clean, efficient and well run, just very crowded. Cummings district is a disgusting, rat and rodent infested mess. If he spent more time in baltimore, maybe he could help clean up this very dangerous and filthy place. audience reacts booing trump is president of the united states. Fun fact you know where baltimore is located . The united states. singing as trump God Bless America except baltimore theyve got rats there no maga hats there ai void it because they are poor cheers and applause humming now, a lot of people called trumps words racist, so he fired back on twitter there is nothing racist in stating plainly what most people already know, that Elijah Cummings has done a terrible job for the people of his district, and of baltimore itself. Dems always play the race card when they are unable to win with facts. Shame oh, so the only reason to call somebody racist is because you cant win an argument with facts. Interesting. He continued, if racist Elijah Cummings would focus more of his energy on helping the good people of his district, and baltimore itself, perhaps progress could be made in fixing the mess that he has helped to create. as trump im not the racist, hes the racist. After all, i wouldnt have said anything racist at all if he was white laughter reverend al sharpton announced that he was going to do an event in baltimore today to protest trumps racist tweet, so trump fired out another one i have known al for 25 years. Went to fights with him and don king, always got along well. He loved trump he would ask me for favors often. Oh, thats nice. Theyre friends. Al is a con man, a troublemaker, always looking for a score. Just doing his thing. Must have intimidated comcast nbc. Hates whites and cops heres how out of touch the president is, he thinks hates whites and cops is more damning than, hung out with donald trump and don king. Trump sent out the usual suspects to defend him on the sunday shows. First up, trump acting chief of staff and harry potter explaining that voldemorts got some good ideas. laughter Mick Mulvaney. Mulvaney went on fox news sunday, where Chris Wallace brought up the pattern of trumps racism you say it has zero to do with race there is a clear pattern here, mick. The president tweeted about john lewis, a black congressman that he should this is before his inauguration he should spend time in his crimeinfested district. Then, two weeks ago, he goes after these four members of the squad, all women of color, and says they should go back to the crimeinfested countries from which they come. Then he talks about Elijah Cummings and he says his district is rat and rodentinfested. Infested. It sounds like vermin. It sounds subhuman. And these are all six members of congress who are people of color. I think youre spending way too much time reading between the line. Does anybody crosstalk wallace, im not reading between the lines. Im reading the lines. cheers and applause stephen nicely done nicely done cheers and applause bravo Bravo Stephen Chris Wallace just stepped up to Mick Mulvaney and said, hey, mick, read between these lines. cheers and applause mulvaney continued does anyone watching this program dispute the fact or the possibility that if adam schiff has said the same thing about the border, that the president would be attacking adam schiff the exact same way today . I dont think hed be talking about his crimeinfested, rodentinfested district. He very well could. It has zero to do with the fact that adam is jewish. Scwhree, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa stephen wow pro tip if youre trying to distance yourself from accusations of being a white supremacist, maybe dont use the excuse, Donald Trumps not racist hed say the same thing about jews laughter another trump defender was florida senator rick scott. He was on chuck the meet and his brain done broke. But that justifies a racial resentment tweet in response . Is that president ial leadership . Well, look, i, i, look, i didnt do the tweets, chuck. Stephen as scott uh, oh, ah, ehh, oh. Im just stammering piano riff im just going to keep making sounds till you cut to commercial. Uh oh, ah, ehh, oh laughter before that interview started, rick scott had a full head of hair. laughter and it wasnt just baltimore. Trump also tweeted, speaking of failing badly, has anyone seen what is happening to Nancy Pelosis district in San Francisco. It is not even recognizable lately. Something must be done before it is too late. as trump San Francisco used to be a beautiful city where joe dimaggio would drive a cable car right up to your house with hot ricearoni. laughter today, tony bennett left his heart there and it was stolen by a homeless guy. laught trump has also gone after new york, los angeles, and chicago, and called the people of iowa stupid. At this rate, hes going to take the flag and replace half the stars with poop emojis. laughter weve got a great show for you tonight. Idris elba is here. But when we return, how many democratic president ial candidates can you name . Stick around and i boarded the plane touched down in the land of the delta blues in the middle of the pouring rain then im walking in memphis walking with my feet ten feet off of beale then im walking in memphis walking in memphis el and reverend green, glad to see you when you havent got a prayer youve got a prayer in memphis memphis then im walking in memphis walking in memphis but one blows them allmany moisturizers. Out of the water. Hydro boost with hyaluronic acid to plump skin cells so it bounces back. Neutrogena® and try our hydrating makeup. Seventh generation gets the laundry detergent from plants, not petroleum. And this stuff beets stains. Its kind of a big dill. It squashes sixty of your toughest stains. Seventh generation. Powered by plants ow guys, cmon. Ow. Quit it. Stop. Ok, do i have to break you guys apart . Ow. Cmon. Ow. Stop touching me thats it. If you dont stop, i will eat all of you alive right now uh. I prefer the break us apart option. Introducing the m ms chocolate bar. Delivered to your door try tso you can do more. Very. Feels so good feels so good feels so good target run and done. You. And mom also gets aoss shoppibacktoschool bag . Thats yes for less. Ross has the brands you want for back to school. And it feels even better when you find them for less. At ross. Yes for less. So this is how its you are gonna say youll get the best deal of the year on xfinity tv and internet then she goes and save even more with this deal, too mike, youre on balloons. Sarah, youre gonna high five. Ben, youre gonna be wowing them with your dance moves. Ben, youre on balloons. Yeah, ok. Dont miss the xfinity best deal of the year. Now thats simple, easy, awesome. Its our best deal of the year, with huge savings of 600 over 2 years. Plus, a speed upgrade to 400mbps, free for 2 years. And ask about even more savings with xfinity mobile. Click, call or visit a store today. And realize you can get youeverything you need. Oss oh, yeah. Yep. Yes . To feel like a boss . To 60 percent off specialty thatstore pricesess. For every room and every budget. At ross. Yes for less. band playing Stephen Jon Batiste and stay human, everybody cheers and applause jon, i am super excited. Ive wanted an interview from our first guest for a long time. Idris elba is here tonight. cheers and applause one of the biggies. Cant wait to see him come out here. First of all, folks, this is your official reminder that tomorrow and wednesday are the second round of democratic primary debates. Thats right, its going to be a real and i believe im coining this term donkey show. laughter and thats not all. Because the late show will be live after the debates, both nights, tuesday and wednesday. Yes we will be live on tuesday. We will be live on wednesday, which means i will be dead on thursday. laughter theres going to be 20 candidates oh, hello. Theres going to be candidates onstage over the two nights. Thats so many candidates, the Property Brothers are in there and you didnt even notice. 20 laughter down over there right in the middle. cheers and applause even im having trou memberthllhyikringsoup h hp meet them straight. This is the late shows guess who. Is probably not going to be president. Okay, i need someone to come up here and help me out. Raise your hand. A volunteer . I saw you first. There you go. Come on up. Thanks very much. Congressman come on up, were putting a mic on you there. Please, thank you very much. All right. cheers and applause hi. Hi. Stephen whats your name . Christie. Stephen im stephen. Thank you so much for being here. Where are you from seattle, washington. Stephen youre a long way from home. We are. Stephen do you come to new york often . First trip. Stephen who is we . My son and my husband and daughter, theyre out exploring the city now. Stephen do you understand what were going to do now . A little bit. Stephen i am going to hold up actual photos of actual democrat candidates, these are people who will be in the debates, and lets see if you can identify them. laughter all right. Ready for this . Do you vote . Yes. Good for you. Okay. cheers and applause christie, can you tell me who this man is . Look at the monitor. Can you tell me name this candidate . No. Stephen no. Youre in good company because this is colorado senator Michael Bennett, okay. Fun fact his Campaign Slogan is Michael Bennet 2020 a chicken in every pot, a sporty fleece on every dad. laughter now that ive told you his name, does it rin ring a bell . A little bell. Stephen okay. That is a death nail for his campaign. laughter can you name this woman . Shes a friend of oprah. Yes, marianne, but i cant think of her. Stephen does sh thats marianne williamson. If youre having trouble remembering her, i recommendopet the name into your head. cheers and applause im going to kick up the Difficulty Level here a little bit, okay . Going to get a lilt tougher. Youre doing great. Again, like most americans, you dont know who most of these people are. Okay. Which one of these two is democratic candidate and senator Kirsten Gillibrand and which one is kate sidly, the number one Real Estate Agent in Putnam County five years running . laughter cheers and applause no help from the audience, please. Which one is which . Left is stephen which one is Kristen Gillibrand and which is the Real Estate Agent. Real estate. Stephen thats correct. This is the Real Estate Agent. This isle Kristen Gillibrand. If youre waiting for a modest with good bones dont call kate. cheers and applause heres a toughy. This is not fair. Who is this . No, i know. I know. I dont know eier. laughter cheers and applause stephen i was hoping if you could tell me. I dont know. piano riff okay. Heres a gimme. Who is this candidate . Who is that . Biden. Stephen what . Joe biden. Stephen it is. Its joe biden. cheers and applause of course, this is Vice President joe biden. Of course, the photo he prefer i show you is this one. laughter thank you for playing our game cheers and applause we have some gifts for you. We have some gifts for you. This is to help you get through the debates. laughter and its too early to give you an i voted sticker, so heres one, may i put this on you . Yes. Stephen heres one that just says i guessed randomly. Thank you so much. Well be right back with idris elba cheers and applause band playing when i walked through a snowstorm for a cigarette, thats when i knew i had to quit. 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Thank you cheers and applause wow. A standing ovation, i cant believe this stephen not everybody gets that. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. Stephen how is your summer so far . Are you busy talking about this movie or have you had a chance to have gun. No fun whatsoever. Just work. Its been busy. I deejay as well as act every now and then. Stephen we were talking about that before the show. Jon said you were a good deejay. Im doing a residency every friday at abitha. Stephen it sucks being idris elba. It sucks laughter im always tired but had a great summer. Stephen you dont look tired in the clip. When you signed up, did you think it was going to be fun or disawnting to do thatc that much action in the movie. It was fun. John wick has these big sequences. Stephen highly coro gaffed. Its also daunting because i was going to be working with dwayne and jason. Stephen whos more daunting between the two of those . The idea that im going to be in the fight scenes with Dwayne Johnson or jason statham. Jason. Stephen really . Yeah, hes just, like, wiry. The rock is kind of like, give me a hug, boy, you dont want to fight. Stephen hes a loveable teddy bear is what he is. He is. Stephen this is a serious and personal subject if you dont mind me asking but we like to get into deep subjects on the show. Yes. Stephen you are currently the reigning sexiest man alive. cheers and applause piano riff as soon as someone mentions it, my eyebrows do this weird thing where its like, yeah. It never happened before. Stephen cant help it. Cant help it. Now you will be officially the sexiest man alive, this is one year, goes till november. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, it says alive. Stephen yes . As long as im alive. laughter stephen well, hey, heres the thing, your costar Dwayne Johnson was the sexiest man alive in 2016, so how can there be two sexiest men alive . Its like the highlander, there can be only one. Dwayne hasnt let it go. Its sad. Stephen no . What are some of the responsibilities of being the sexiest . In that year where you are allotted the sexiest man, the idea is to, you know, be sexy, do sexy things stephen say go to abitha every friday to deejay, thats one of them. I got married this year. Stephen oh, congratulations. Thank you. Stephen thats a sexy thing to do. Yes. Stephen yes . To my beautiful wife and that was considered a sexy thing to do, so stephen sure. Hopefully she finds you sexy and that helps seal the deal. She does. She loves its when i do this. Stephen can we get a closeup on three because it is sexy. Okay, here we go. This is normal. Say sexy. Stephen sexiest man alive. laughter cheers. It just happens. You do it a little bit, too, stephen. Stephen what . laughter piano riff stephen i was. You got it. Stephen there was another film youre in that everybody is obsessed with right now, and its cats. Oh, yeah. Stephen you play whats the name of your character . Mccavity. Stephen mccavity. And we have a picture here, the internet is all abuzz with a trailer which came out last week, and here you are as mccavity. See me . Stephen right there. Hey meowed stephen is there any prosthetic work involved . The fur coat is real, the hat is real. The ears arent real, the eyes are real. I had to wear these incredible contacts. The rest is the wonderful magic of moviemaking. Can i tell you, though, when i was working the hobbs shaw, just after that i went to work with cats. I was working with dwayne and jason and as soon as they found out i was working on cats, this was their favorite thing to do when im walking on set. We were doing a fight scene, i was looking all bravado. And theyd say, hey, this is what youre doing next laughter and the crew would be, like, what are you doing next . And im like, cats clearing throat cats. Hobbs shaw, fast and furious, cats. laughter stephen ive never seen cats. Can you tell me or explain to me what the plot of cats is . Ah, wow what a way to throw me under the bus there. Its a classic, a brig musical. Andrew lloyd webber. Stephen right. And i guess its about a cat stephen maybe more than one. How am i doing . Stephen very good. Its one cats Journey Towards what is essentially cat heaven. Stephen okay. And the idea is we all aspire to get toward cat heaven. Theres this young cat and she gets sort of taken on this story about how to get to cat heaven or what you should do to get into cat heaven. How am i doing . Does anyone know what the story is . Stephen that is the best explanation of the plot of cats i have ever heard. I understand you went to cat school. Yes. Stephen what is cat school . Okay, so cat school so tom hooper who directed it, amazing director, did h les miz, hes very detailed, one of the actors to embody the fee lane, the vibe. He instructed he got this lady who is a cat expert and an expert on how humans should play cats. Stephen thats a job . laughter i mean, shes been waiting forever for this movie to be made laughter come on come on come on, ive wasted my life ive wasted my life come on laughter so what did she teach you . How does a human walk as a cat . Could you teach me . Ah, yes. Yes cheers and applause see, youve got it all wrong. Youve got it all wrong. Stephen what have i got to do . She spoke to us about the anatomy to have the cat, the bones, structure, how the hips work. And what you realize is its all about the shoulders. There you go. And cats cheering you did a little diddy bop there, thats good. laughter but the thing is cats prowl, sort of one shoulder in front to have the other, and its a bit of that, yeah. Yeah, there you go. And then she would say to you, whats that noise . laughter piano riff meowing stephen i dont know if youre a great teacher or im a genius. I cant tell between the two of those. Youre a cool cat. Stephen id dries, thank you for being here. 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Stephen we have a clip here of the number of times your parents have talked about you on the show. Jim, can rerole this, please . Stephen your daughter maude was going off to northwestern university. Well, shes back. She came back. She dropped out. Stephen okay. Is that bad . My kids do not like anything, theyre not interested. Shes not, like, a slob, shes stephen no one said shes a slob. laughter this is how spoiled my kids are. Theyve met taylor swift three times. Stephen is your daughter really going to be okay with you talking about this . She told me not to, but laughter stephen did your parents get in trouble from you . Yes, i was not happy with my mom for saying that, really, but im not going to say anything about them because im not petty like that. laughter stephen you can emancipate yourself. Now, is your family excited . Is this your first time on a late night show . Yeah, this is my first time. Im so nervous right now cheers and applause thank you. Stephen its all going to be fine. Is it going to be fine, though . Stephen do you think your folks are watching tonight . I dont think theyre watching, but they called me beforehand and told me everything is going to be fine, and i kind of believe them. Stephen is anyone an idris elba fan because they might be watching for idris because hes on tonight. My grandma is the biggest idris elba fan of all time. Stephen really . I told her i was going to be on the show with him and she was so excited, shes never been so proud. Stephen has she seen your work . Shes not allowed to watch euphoria. Stephen is that because there are so many penises on euphoria . That show has been known to balance out all the years of full female nudity on h. B. O. And other places. I dont know if i feel comfortable with her watching it. Stephen im not comfortable with your grandmother watching it, i know that much. laughter the executive producer, drake is the executive producer, right . He is. Stephen thats kind of exciting. Its crazy, i love drake. Stephen have you spent time with him . Yeah, so i wasnt on set with drake visited first, but when he came back, i was there and we were shooting the halloween episode where i was dressed as bob ross. Stephen i think they sent me a picture. I was wondering what this is about, and that is that is literally the day that he visited. laughter applause so, yeah, he basically didnt tell anyone he was coming. So we are just shooting that scene literally that exact moment when i opened the door and it was revealed i was dressed like bob ross and, yeah, he just sort of snuck up on us and i was really caught offguard. And he kind of, like, saw everyone and he hugged everyone and then he saw me and he shook my hand applause i didnt know what to do, so it was just, like, yeah, yeah. Stephen well, its an alarming image, ive got to say. He looked at me and i think he wasnt sure what was happening. Then i saw him a few weeks later at an event and she went, bob ross. Stephen speaking of idris elba, i know that youre a big fan of musical theater. I am, yes. Stephen did you listen to idris elbas explanation of what cats is about . I was watching and i was, like, i dont know even know how hes doing that, its so complicated. Stephen i thought he did a good job. Ive never seen it. Have you seen cats . I have. I was in cats when i was nine. Stephen yes. Yes. I know. cheers and applause i know because your parents sent us a home movie of you laughter jim no, no singing another day is dawning. singing cheers and applause Stephen Bravo bravo the Season Finale of euphoria airs sunday on h. B. O. Maude apatow, everyone well be right back with a performance by Perry Farrell. cheers and applause band playing low battery sound. Do you want a charge . Yeah battery charging. Thank you so much. Battery charging. Delivered to your car door so you can do more. Et. More refill. More recharge. 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Stephen performing lets all pray for this world from his album kind heaven, please welcome Perry Farrell cheers and applause opening prayers to cleanse the mind reach out, find out we are all divine pray for safety in the night aim your vessel toward the Guiding Light end your fears may they all cease melodies to slay the silent beast ask for strength to be my best pry from satan those he has possessed lets all pray for this world lets all pray for this world send igh where angels soar praying for this world lets all pray for this world praying for this world opening prayers to cleanse the mind reach out, find out we are all divine make big dates to be on time for pray your way there wish and hope for peace many boys meet a girl feel the pressure love demands are real one last prayer slightly bent bullies come to get theirs in the end lets all pray for this world lets all pray send it high where angels soar praying for this world lets all pray for this world praying for this world lets all pray for this world lets all pray for this world send it high where angels soar praying for this world all for this world praying for this world cheers and applause stephen brava bravo maestro Perry Farrell, everybody well be ight back. You know when youre at ross and that cute dress gets even cuter . Yes. Or when you can say yes. To both . smiling sure. Or when you find that brand at that price . Are you kidding me . Yeah. Thats yes for less. And thats what ross always has in store. Whoa. sighs yes. Oh, yeah. It feels even better when you find it for less. Get your yes for less at the new stores in west livermore and in union city. Stephen thats it for the late show. Tune in tomorrow for our live show following the debate, with jeff daniels, katy tur, and jacob soboroff. Now stick around for james corden. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show ladies and gentlemen, all the

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