The actual news did. Right, like the financial collapse. Or the u. S. Military strategy in the middle east. Yeah. Remember when that was a problem . laughter i do. Well, the votes are in, and were officially ready to project a winner. Your favorite segment was jon explains Climate Change to United States congressmen. Jon now you may be thinking do we really need a march to raise awareness about global Climate Change . I mean, its an accepted scientific phenomena pretty much everywhere. Heres why you need to march. Its accepted pretty much everywhere but this one place called. The United States house of Representatives Committee on science, space, and technology. This is true. Last week they held a hearing that they apparently recorded in 1971 laughter i guess thats the Technology Part of the Committee Name on president obamas plan to shrink Carbon Emissions 30 by 2030. The hearings sisyphus president ial science advisor john holdren, charged with the Impossible Task of pushing a Million Pounds of idiot up a mountain. I cannot stress this enough this is the house of Representatives Committee on science, space, and technology. How long will it takes for the sea level to rise two feet . I mean, think about it. If your ice cube melts in your glass, it doesnt overflow. Its displacement. I mean, this is the thing. Some of the things that theyre talking about that mathematically and scientifically dont make sense. Jon are you bleep kidding me . Are you bleep kidding me . laughter and applause i dont even know. I dont even know what to do with that. How far back to the Elementary School core curriculum do we have to go to get someone on the House Committee on science space, and technology caught up . Do we have to bring out the papiermache and the baking soda so you can make a bleep volcano . Is that what we have to do . Is that how basic the science class was when you went, nah i dont need to know this anymore. I mean, for gods sakes, look here, look. Here, here, look, look. Heres a glass of ice water. Hey, that ice isnt making the water overflow because its already in the water. But imagine theres a whole bunch of other ice thats not in the water. Its on the land. You know, the part where the water isnt. And then, when temperatures rise and the land ice melts enough to fall in. Ah, its bleep everywhere its everywhere do you understand . laughter and applause okay, so how. Jessica, jessica, we have more results coming in right now yes, hasan minhaj jessica, jon stewart is best known as a respected fake newsman, but he has also brought to life many tony awardwatching characters. You can see the candidates right here behind me. Now, heres our first nominee. Jon okay, everybody, shut your eyes and lets see who. laughter lets just see whos in there. Its, uh. Hello, hello. Its our old friend dr. Bagelman. Jon, jon, please. applause thank you thank you. Jon, please, dr. Bagelman lives in florida. Call me marvin. The last time i saw an antisemitic caricature that bad it was your High School Yearbook photo. Boom zing of course dr. Bagelman came in last with 14 of the vote. Which is no surprise after they ran the Schmear Campaign against him. Hey taking third place, french jon with 16 of the vote. Up top. Down low. Too slow. Okay. laughter and applause jon this pencil factory has been in our family for seven generations. laughter but i now must close it forever. Damn you, inevitable technological progress. Papa, papa laughter i have wonderful news, papa it seems Everyone Wants pencils again. The pencil factory she is saved oh, my gosh italian jon did a little bit better, capiche . He got 24 of the vote. Jon hey applause hey welcome everybody, fantastico the italian parliament, she just passed a law decriminalizing some hundred minor offense including insulting a public official. So to the detective who gave my vespa a ticket, your mothers a whore, huh come on he has the same mustache as french jon. And pretty much the same accent, which is probably why the big winner for favorite jon stewart character is the lovably and permanently in prison detainee gitmo. Jon hey, man. You never know, maybe some day theyll find evidence that will set you free. Yes, maybe one day handsome young lawyer will find just the file behind cabinet. Maybe file will prove gitmo just innocent cab driver. Maybe story inspire movie starring ryan gosling as lawyer. laughter and zoe saldana as stern yet sexy judge. I think i know what movie will be called. Movie will be called its never gonna bleep happen. And now lets go live to gitmo Election Night headquarters. Ha ha, just kidding. Hes still in prison indefinitely. Jordan . Swipe right, swipe right. Ooh, papa like. Jordan . Yep . Go. Where . Well be back with more of your favorite. Go great. Oh me. Well back with more of your favorite daily show moments. Stay tuned. [hero female] were all familiar with this axe daily fragrances which comes in a black can. But what you wouldnt have seen is this axe dry spray antiperspirant. It goes on dry and keeps you dry with no visible residue. Why are you touching your armpit . I was just checking to see if it was dry. [hero female] dont, thats weird. The first ever dry spray antiperspirant from axe. [ male announcer ] digiorno . Or delivery . Digiorno . Or delivery . Taste for yourself why the shortest distance between you and a delicious, freshbaked pizza, is your oven. Thankfully, its not delivery. Its digiorno. Some people may think subway doesnt have enough flavor. Im here to help em think differently. You know that sandwich you always get . I can make it even better. You ever try this toasted with monterrey cheddar . You know what, why not. Ok how about we spice this up a little bit . That sounds amazing. Lets rock this sandwich together. Subway. Eat fresh. Youre getting 3 here. Alright . Here goes. Yep. [ crunching ] oh cheddar, sour cream onion and salt vinegar. Wow wow how did you do that . i can see through the blindfold. [ male announcer ] pringles if you cant stand the heat, get off the test track. Get the mercedesbenz youve been burning for at the summer event, going on now at your authorized mercedesbenz dealer. But hurry, offers end august 31st. Share your summer moments in your mercedesbenz with us. Welcome back to news your own adventure. You watched daily show highlights online, voted for your favorite, and now look at you, watching them all over again. Seriously, take a look at yourself. Jordan, the next race were watching is a big one. Its jons best analysis of cnn. And well be using the same hightech Data Visualization tools as cnn itself. As we can clearly see from this bar graph, the winning. Im sorry, i promise you ive never had this kind of problem with this technology before. Well, you know, it is very sophisticated technology. Maybe you want to try Something Else. Yeah, im going to get it up. I just. If you could maybe look the other way and go to a clip. Uh, okay. Our third runner up, cnns coverage of the missing malaysian airline. Jon bleep it, lets go nuts. And they did, with everything in their bag of tricks. Giant floor maps, big fake airplanes, little fake airplanes, holographic airplanes. No airplane detail left unspoken. A plane like this is around 61, 62 meters end to end. 61, 62 side to side. Jon youre telling them what a plane looks like . Did you forget who watches cnn . You can just tell 90 of your viewers look out the airplane window at the plane theyre about to get on. To determine the second place winner, we tallied votes from all over the country. As you can see here. Okay, just close. Close close are you serious . You are not prepared for this at all, are you . Go away. Just play the clip. Wow. Play the damn clip we can see it. We can see it. We already see. This is what rehearsals for. You know that, right . Jon you know, statistics is a funny game, what about bold slippery slope statements . If we do this, it leads to catastrophe the lamest rhetorical trick in the book. And what theyre doing is theyre trying to do this in increments by if they cant do it directly, theyll do it in increments until they finally get us to the point where youre going to have socialized medicine, and if that happens the greatest country in the world, with what i consider to be the greatest Healthcare System in the world, is going to be deeply, deeply harmed. All right, and lets leave it there. Jon no, dont leave it there laughter why would you leave it there . There is a terrible place to leave it laughter unless somebodys going to pick it up later. Does anybody pick it up later . We have to leave it there, gentlemen. We leave it there. And well leave it there. Well leave it there, gentlemen. Were gonna have to leave it there. All right, well, we gotta leave it there. Were gonna have to leave it there, im afraid. Well have to leave it, that part of the conversation, there. Its the Drug Companies that are funding the president s campaign in favor of health reform. Thats not exactly. Were not gonna get into that right now. But you know. Karen, hold your thought because we gotta leave it there, were out of time. laughter jon you have 24 hours in a day how much more time do you need . laughter well, i guess it explains cnns new slogan, cnn nobody leaves more things there. laughter now its not my place to make a declarative statement about the worth of the previous segments that weve seen just now. To ascertain that, weve obviously got to go to our panel. Aasif mandvi, you join us first what do you have to say about cnn . Well, theyre the most professional News Organization in the business. Three times more professional. Most people agree they have 20 to 35 to 70 percent more facts. laughter jon thats an interesting point, aasif mandvi. applause john oliver. They are goat bleep , john. laughter and applause pure and simple. Pure and simple. An organization whose sole desire and drive is the pursuit and seduction of goats. laughter for the purpose of bleep them. laughter perhaps, jon, if the facts of a story were scribbled inside the sexual organs of goats, cnn may have more of an interest in checking them. laughter until that time, if you need a goat bleep , cnn will do it. cheers and laughter jon. Jon this was a very um. Thank you both very much for coming in. Uh, its been a fascinating debate, very strong points of view, unfortunately, were gonna have to leave it right there. chickens squawking jordan, were ready to announce the winner. Why dont you use this display to show us what viewers chose as their favorite segment about cnn . No. Please, no. Okay, heres the winner. Jon the speculation, its like a compulsion. Thats a startling piece of information if that is. In fact turns out to be accurate. This may be information he believes to be accurate, that hes been given, but turns out to be inaccurate. In a situation like this, the information that is flowing so quickly is often wrong. Thats right. And you now have some information for us. laughter jon i know you think that saying this could all be wrong makes it okay to say, but it doesnt make it okay. laughter no one else in the world is allowed to operate that way. Hello, im your doctor, you have cancer. Of course. laughter obviously a lot of my initial diagnoses are very very wrong. That being said. laughter that being said, you have cancer, unless you dont, these test results are just coming in here so fast and furious laughter and i cant wait, ill know for sure in an hour if you have cancer or not, but bleep it, you have cancer i just got to get it out laughter and applause chickens squawking not as easy as it looks, is it pretty boy . No, john king. Why dont you just learn an easy lesson, keep your hands off bleep . Oooooh be right back. Why are you deleting these photos . Because my teeth are yellow. Why dont you use a whitening toothpaste . Im afraid its bad for my teeth. Try crest 3d white. Crest 3d White Diamond strong toothpaste and rinse. Gently whiten. And fortify weak spots. Use together for 2 times stronger enamel. Crest 3d white. [ male announcer ] digiorno . Or delivery . Digiorno . Or delivery . Taste for yourself why the shortest distance between you and a delicious, freshbaked pizza, is your oven. Thankfully, its not delivery. Its digiorno. [ male announcer ] give extra. Get extra. Youre getting 3 here. Alright . Here goes. Yep. [ crunching ] oh cheddar, sour cream onion and salt vinegar. Wow wow how did you do that . i can see through the blindfold. [ male announcer ] pringles teds morning was not going well and when his battery light lit up it went from bad to worse. But a quick pit stop to autozone where they check that for free and ted and his car were back to peak performance. Get in the zone. Autozone. Its called the zone and well help get you there. Get in the zone. Autozone. groan im starving. Weve been compromised dont let hunger kill your game. Hot pockets brings you new snack bites. Bitesize hot pockets sandwiches with 100 real cheese. Guys im back new snack bites from. Hot pockets i heard i could call angies list if i needed work done around my house at a fair price. Sure can. So i could get a faulty light switch fixed . Yup or make a backyard pizza oven . Oh yeah. I can almost taste it now. Tastes like victory. And pepperoni. Welcome back. You voted for your favorite daily show segments, and tonight, were bringing you the results. And lets get right to the votes for jons best interviews. The first race was for your Favorite International guest. And suck it, tony blair, because it was a landslide for egyptian tv satirist bassem youssef. Jon its very interesting that the medias in our country theyre not, theyre sort of an establishment media, and then theres whats going on in the street, and the twain dont really meet. Yes. Jon and you try and occupy that space in the middle of that. Yes, because it has been extremely funny and hilarious to watch the media right now. I mean, back in egypt. Its as if, were not very much different. Jon no, i think you look better in a suit, but other than that i think were the same. Its an armani. laughter jon look at you cheers and applause next up, we have the winner of the overall most memorable interview. This one goes to the child my parents wish they had, malala yousafzai. And its no question winning this internet vote will be the most impressive accomplishment on her resume. Probably not. Maybe. Jon when did you realize the taliban had made you a target . Oh, when, in 2012, we were, i was with my father and someone came and she told us that, have you seen on google that if you search your name, the taliban have threatened you . And i just could not believe it, i said, no its not true. And even after the threat, when we saw it, i was not worried about myself that much, i was worried about my father, because we thought that the taliban are not that much cruel that they would kill a child, because i was 14 at that time. But then later on, i used to, i started, i started thinking about that, and i used to think that a talib would come, and he would just kill me. But then i said, if he comes what would you do, malala . Then i would reply myself that malala, just take a shoe and hit him, but then i said. laughter then i said, if you hit a talib with your shoe, then there would be no difference between you and the talib, you must not treat others that much with cruelty and that much harshly, you must fight others, but through peace and through dialogue and through education. Then i said, ill tell him how important education is, and that i even want education for your children as well. And i would tell him, thats what i want to tell you, now do what you want. applause wow, um. We should like volunteer or something, because. Okay, stay focused, hasan. Because now we have the race for the most tense and uncomfortable interview. And the nominees are a whos who of who you never want to talk to. Im talking about donald rumsfeld, timothy geithner, and of course, the big winner in another landslide, the host of cnbcs mad money and enabler of the great recession, jim cramer. I am trying to expose this stuff, exactly what you guys do and im trying to get the regulators to look at it. Jon well see, thats interesting, roll 210. I would encourage anyone whos in the hedge fund to do it, because its legal. Right. And its a very quick way to make money, and very satisfying. Okay. By the way, no one else in the world would ever admit that, but i dont care. Thats right, and you can say that here. I can, but im not gonna say it on tv. laughter its on tv now laughter jon i want the jim cramer on cnbc to protect me from that jim cramer. laughter i think the way you do that is to show. applause okay, thats. The regulators watch the tape, they realize the shenanigans that goes on, they can go after this. Now, they didnt catch madoff thats a shame. Jon but why, when you talk about the regulators, why not the Financial News network . Thats the whole point of this. I got to tell you, you know, i understand you want to make finance entertaining, but its not a bleep game. And i. When i watch that i get. applause i cant tell you how angry that makes me, because what it says to me is, you all know. But. Jon you all know whats going on. Our final race was for your favorite interview with an actual friend of jon stewart. Great guests like paul rudd denis leary, and the winner, ricky gervais. Pandas are one of the most endangered species on the planet, right . Were all rushing round going, lets save the panda, lets save the panda, but theyre not meeting us halfway. laughter theyre not having sex, so thats whats, thats fundamental to surviving, you have to. When did they stop having sex . laughter what are they so. Middle class bohemians going, were not going to have children. laughter why, just. They tried to show them porn to get them. Jon pandas . Yeah. Jon panda, panda porn or porn porn . Oh, i assume its pandas as opposed to two humans. laughter jon it really is, at least for me, if its not pandas bleep , its nothing to me. laughter its gotta, its got to be panda, its got to be panda porn. Yeah, exactly. You go in there and you go have you got Something Else . You might wanna have a look at that. laughter raccoons. Everything. laughter jon let me just ask you this what is this . laughter because i dont, i dont. What is because i. And this isnt, again. Im not gonna put it out there and say like oh, im a big aficionado of the sexual arts, but ive been masturbating for a long time. laughter no, that wasnt. Let me, that means like. That wasnt me saying ive got a huge girth, and thats how i masturbate. laughter i can do it with one hand, all right . Jon so was this you holding a raccoon . Yes laughter jon oh all right. Well, that makes sense. It was me, and but wait, no jon no, no, no, thats fine. Im fine with that. Shut up laughter and cheers jon no, no, no, let the record state. No, it wasnt me as me raping a raccoon. Jon no, no, no. I wasnt raping it, why was i raping it . Jon how do you know . Youve got in my head it was consensual sex, the raccoon, but i was a panda. laughter so it wasnt bestiality, it was just interspecial consensual sex. The panda was there like, look at that little bleep raccoon. bleep . Jon well see, heres whats different now. Okay, but heres the thing. All of a sudden, when its the panda, its with one hand, but when its you. The panda does it with one hand, but ricky gervais, give me that raccoon, come on laughter then i go. Turn it around. laughter and applause now lets go live to ricky gervaiss campaign headquarters. Here we go, ricky how does it feel to be voted jons best friend . Yeah, um, ive got a couple of questions. Uh. I dont have to do anything, do i, with it . Its not like hes gonna want to borrow money . Hes not gonna suddenly need a kidney . Or anything. Like that . Um. Also, just cause im his best friend, that doesnt mean i have to say hes my best friend, does it . cause obviously ive got better friends, so. But yeah, that being said, with those provisos, its a great honor. Ha, yeah, love that british sense of humor. Dont understand it, but i really love it. Thanks a lot. Well be right back with more election coverage after this. Running my own shop has been brutal. But then i got a domain and built my website all at godaddy. Now i look so professional i just got my first customer who isnt related to me. Get a domain website and email starting at 1 month all at godaddy. groan im starving. Weve been compromised dont let hunger kill your game. Hot pockets brings you new snack bites. Bitesize hot pockets sandwiches with 100 real cheese. Guys im back new snack bites from. Hot pockets [ horn honks melody ] well, well. If it isnt the belle of the ball. Gentlemen. You look well. Whats new, flo . Well, a name your price tool went missing last week. Name your what, now . It gives you Coverage Options based on your budget. I just hope whoever stole it knows that it only works at progressive. Com. So, you cant use it to just buy stuff . No. Im sorry, gustav. We have to go back to the pet store. [ gustav squawks ] hes gonna meet us there. The name your price tool. Still only at progressive. Com. Youre getting 3 here. Alright . Here goes. Yep. [ crunching ] oh cheddar, sour cream onion and salt vinegar. Wow wow how did you do that . i can see through the blindfold. [ male announcer ] pringles imagine she wont have to remember passwords. Or obsess about security. Shell log in with her smile. Hell have his very own personal assistant. And this guy wont just surf the web. Hell touch it. Scribble on it. And share it. Because these kids will grow up with windows 10. Get started today. Windows 10. A more human way to do. Give it to me im worth it. Baby im worth it. Uh huh im worth it. Gimme gimme im worth it. Give it to me im worth it. Baby im worth it. Welcome back. Were going to check in now on some very big races, so come with me this way, to the room where hassan and jordan are actually calculating the incoming votes right now. Its just at the end of this very long hallway to emphasize how important the work is, i guess. Oh, goddammit. Guys, hello what do you guys have for me . Whats up . Hey, welcome whats up, whats up . Welcome to our vote counting control center. Command this is the command center. The vote counting command and control center. Yeah, dude, whatever. What do you have for me . Um. Okay, yeah, yeah, i got one. Uh, best congressional takedown. When jon got mad at congress for not passing the 9 11 First Responders medical care bill. That was good. Okay, yeah, that was great super important, but were trying to do, like, a lighthearted clip show. We talked about this. Is there anything that you have thats less 9 11y . Less 9 11y . How about favorite time jon took on federal bureaucracy, which was. V. A. Backlog. Okay, the story about veterans not being able to get health care for a million years . Yeah. Thats something lighthearted to you . Ish maybe. Okay, fine. Why dont we just do something on favorite correspondents . All right. Yeah. Everybody loves the correspondents. Jon if youre anything like me, uh, you cant digest milk. But also. laughter you watch a lot of television news. And if you do, you might have noticed, theres a question that is increasingly on the medias mind. Was this racist . An Alabama Sorority accused of rejecting a candidate because shes black. Race is race an issue here . Was that racist . Was race a factor . Are you racist . Am i a racist . laughter jon never ask a question you dont know the answer to. laughter but listen, this is the media. Theyre just asking, they dont know. What, is everything happening racist . Theyre just passengers on this crazy bus called news. laughter well, fear not, for tonight we settle these vexing questions with our brandnew segment, racist. Or not racist . laughter with our own panel jessica williams, jason jones, aasif mandvi. Thank you so much for being with us, guys. We are very excited about this segment. Its a beautiful segment. Okay. Jon its a big segment. Okay, well, first of all, that is one weak segment title. laughter jon do you. Do you have a better title . Yeah, of course i do. Jon okay. Welcome to straight trippin or we cool . laughter jon i dont. Isnt that title racist, though . Oh, yeah, definitely, but not if i say it. Jon oh, all right. Um. Well, lets just go on to our first story if we can. Were gonna start with a. This is an easy one, if you want easy one. Halloween is over, but the controversy surrounding a costume is continuing after a craigsville boy dressed as a member of the ku klux klan. audience reacts jon okay, remember, were starting slow. Panel, what do you think . Racist. I wanna say adorable. laughter that is racist, jones what are you guys talking about . He looks like a pointy ghost. What . Okay, fine, racist, but. Adorable racist. laughter jon all right. Were gonna move on to a story slightly more difficult. This is difficult. And a white republican from texas came up with an unorthodox strategy to appeal to a mostly black democratic voting district. He just simply implied that he was black as well. Jon ooh, white republican. White republican, black voting district, implied that he was black. Racist, not racist . Uh. Im gonna need a little bit more info on this one, jon. Yeah, like, how did he imply that he was black . laughing i know. Maybe he indicated he had a. Dont, dont, dont. laughter and applause you dont even know what i was gonna say but dont i, though . Dont i know what you were gonna say . Okay fine, you probably do, yeah. Jon you know, actually, i think we do have, if i may, we have a little bit more info. Here is one of the candidate dave wilsons radio ads. Bruce austin is killing the hopes and dreams of our children. Ive had about enough of him. So what we gonna do . Im voting for dave wilson. Jon hmm. And heres dave wilson. Panel . Racist. Smart, but racist. Jon jason jones. Im gonna go with creative. laughter i think its hilarious, but its totally racist. Okay, right, yeah, yeah, big surprise there. Excuse me . Wh. Just, you know, because, you know, youre. Well, what . Im what . No, no, no, well, its cause hes. Hes got. What what am i . Because hes not b. Wh. What . All im saying is itd be nice if we could get some impartial judges in here. audience groans jon you know what . I think. Let me just say this. No, no, no. You feel like youre not in a power position here. I understand that. Lets get some other judges in here. I think that might help the situation. Seriously . Because that would help me out a lot. Jon all right, let me do that. Please welcome key and peele. Key and peele, can you come out here, please . cheers and applause have a seat. Thank you. Jon key and peele. I think well be all right. All right, i think we can do this now. I think we can do this. Jon, theyre. Theyre not impartial. laughter what are you talking about . Were both mixed race. It literally doesnt get any more impartial than that. Come on, youre both. Youre both. Whoa, whoa, what . Whoa, whoa, whoa. Thats racist. Racist, right there, racist, racist. laughter jon can we just stay focused . Its a couple more here. Were just gonna stay focused. Theres a Washington Post columnist named Richard Cohen who recently defended the tea party against charges of racism by suggesting that the country is just changing faster than they can adapt, which he phrased thusly. People with conventional views must repress a gag reflex when considering the mayorelect of new york, a white man married to a black woman and with two biracial children. Jon gentlemen . Thats guys straightup racist. Oh, yeah. Yeah, hes a volcano of hate. laughter against white people. Jon wait. What . Oh, yeah, hes giving white people no credit. Yeah, basically hes saying, hey, you gotta cut the tea party some slack, because they cant think straight, because theyre trying too hard not to vomit when they see a black guy with a white girl. Yeah, yeah. audience groans all right . Or maybe two white girls. Yeah, or three. audience groans or like, you know, three white girls and an asian guy. Oh, yeah, whats he doing . Whats he doing in the scenario . Nah, hes just chillin it. At first. Spell it out. Jon guys, listen, can we just. Panel laughter man i can see why they gave the show to that trevor noah guy. He is hilarious. What . That was key and peele. Theyre literally two different people. If you say so. Well be right black. Are you serious . You just said black. Well be right black. Did i say it again . Well be right back, for real. vo after 50 years of designing cars for crash survival, subaru has developed our most revolutionary feature yet. A car that can see trouble. And stop itself to avoid it. When the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety tested front crash prevention nobody beat subaru models with eyesight. Not honda. Not ford or any other brand. Subaru eyesight. An extra set of eyes, every time you drive. Introducing the Samsung Galaxy s6 active only from at t. Tested to withstand pretty much anything life throws your way. Switch to at t and get a 300 credit with eligible purchase and tradein. groan im starving. Weve been compromised dont let hunger kill your game. Hot pockets brings you new snack bites. Bitesize hot pockets sandwiches with 100 real cheese. Guys im back new snack bites from. Hot pockets aah, the majestic hermit crab. They mate once in a lifetime. And he who has the most unique shell. To him, go the spoils ohhhh. Well played, sir always be one of a kind. A handpressed burger, melted cheddar with crispy hash browns and an egg your way. Now thats a burg. explosion groans you want that to go again sweetie . The thing burger. Welcome to dennys. Fantastic 4, only in theaters. Jim and it all comes down to this stormwind champion vs. Ogre brute. Bob im feeling really good about stormwind he[re]. Whoa am i seeing this right . Jim could be a scare tactic bob, could be nerves. Bob i dont think scare tactics work with ogres jim uh, you know from experience. Bob ok, well lets not get into my personal life. Jim hold that thought, looks we have a substitution. Its Tinkmaster Overspark bob this guys a very technical player. His games about nuance, precision. Both whoa jim thats hearthstone. Bob play it free on your phone or pc innkeeper rated t for teen welcome back. Joining us now is the daily shows senior seething rage correspondent, lewis black. Lew, we brought you on to talk about jons anger issues regarding a certain tv network. bleep nickelodeon close. Fox news. And not only did the viewers select jons best fox news takedown, fox has also come out as the winner for favorite recurring segment, favorite overall smackdown and, not surprisingly after all that, favorite daily show feud. Somebody tell jon to relax about fox news. Hes gonna have a heart attack for christs sake. Heres your favorite recurring segment, which began after president ial candidate mitt romney said that all poor people should be skinned alive. Im paraphrasing, but thats what he meant. Jon it touched off a firestorm everywhere, but nowhere more acutely than at Romney Campaign headquarters. laughter and applause where it triggered something i like to call. echoing chaos on bull bleep mountain laughter and applause jesus christ they spent more money on that graphic than theyre paying me to be here tonight. Wait, youre getting paid . If you wanna call it pay. Are you getting paid . Moving on. Right. For your favorite fox takedown, you chose the time fox caught jon in a factual error and jon responded by listing dozens of factual errors fox had made and never apologized for over the previous few years. Health care bill includes death panels. Ooh, that one was politifacts 2009 lie of the year. laughter and applause wow laughter and applause fox news is like a lying dynasty. Theyre like the new england patriots. laughter of lying. Without the patriots part, cause i think we all know patriots cannot tell a lie. That wasnt the only time fox caught jon making a factual error. Nope. There was also this time when jon made a mistake about Police Misconduct incidents, and Brian Kilmeade crossed the line. Just so you know, just to put these stats in case jon stewart wants to include this tonight, 85 n. Y. P. D. Officers were killed after 9 11. Jon bleep you, brian. Seriously. applause bleep you. That is so far out of line that even within the confines of this bit, ostensibly accepting blame for everything thats coming my way for the factual error i really do regret, bleep you. Ears, eyes, nose, and throat. In fact, if i hadnt told you to bleep off, i would have had to apologize on tomorrow nights show for being factually incorrect. That is a ridiculously over the top use of profanity. I love it ooh, then you are going to love this, which is the best smackdown winner. It actually started with jon trying to bury the hatchet with fox contributor Bernie Goldberg. Jon i want to take a minute to talk directly to Bernie Goldberg. music playing baby, i dont want to fight, baby. And i know youve been hurt before by them liberal elites. Theyve done you wrong, bernie jon dont let that close your heart, brother. I dont hate you. I mean, youre not dick morris. Yeah, what is wrong with that guy . Jon yeah, seriously hes starting to look like that guy from men in black. Jon which one . You know, from the first one, the guy who came down and walked around in other peoples skin. Jon oh, shalhoub . No jon oh, the Vincent Donofrio guy. Thats the one. Jon yeah, thats right, okay. laughter you see, ive learned people are complicated, bernie, and hard to categorize. I mean, ive got some conservative views. Hes a promilitary bleep . Peace to the troops jon ive got some libertarian views. Legalize it jon gay marriage uhhuh. Jon pot uhhuh. Jon gay pot marriage now youre making bleep up. applause jon and i know that i can be intolerant. Lactose and otherwise. Dont let this man eat any blintzes. Jon and i believe this country should provide some kind of social safety net for our most vulnerable citizens. Communist laughter jon and i also believe power should be passed down to the firstborn son of the reigning king. Monarchist jon and i believe in ghosts. Boo laughter jon but i will tell you this, Bernie Goldberg. Oh Bernie Goldberg, i will tell you this, Bernie Goldberg im telling you, bernie im telling you bernie audience clapping to music jon oh yeah, Bernie Goldberg you can criticize my interviews. Theyre dull jon yes, they can be. Incoherent jon thats the editing. Not funny jon i try to be funny. Why dont you watch the movies . Jon i dont have time to watch all the guests movies my point is this. Im telling you, bernie. Hes got a point now. Hes got a point now. Hes got a point now. Jon Bernie Goldberg, i dont need to satisfy your version of what fair satire is or should be. Im not fair, im not balanced. Hes unstable laughter jon thats not what i meant. Hes coco loco jon thank you. Youre criticizing me for not living up to your tagline oh, lord and you dismiss any criticism as further evidence of how the rest of the media persecute you. You like to pretend, Bernie Goldberg and fox news, that the relentless conservative activism of fox news is the equivalent oh, the equivalent of the disorganized liberal influence you find on nbc, abc, and cbs. But fox news, you may be able to detect a liberal pathogen in their bloodstream, however faint, but fox news is such a crazy overreaction to that perceived threat. Youre like an autoimmune disorder. Im not saying the virus doesnt exist in some small quantity but youre producing way too many antibodies. Fox news, youre the lupus of news. cheering so. cheering continues i guess what im saying is this. Go jon as long as fair and balanced is how you sell yourselves. bleep . Jon i guess what im saying is this. Yourselves cheering jon go bleep yourselves go bleep yourselves go bleep yourselves cheering check it out, we actually preserved the spot on the floor where that mic was dropped. Well be right back. Im telling you, bernie im telling you, bernie im telling you bernie groan im starving. Weve been compromised dont let hunger kill your game. Hot pockets brings you new snack bites. Bitesize hot pockets sandwiches with 100 real cheese. Guys im back new snack bites from. Hot pockets autozone matched jenn with a new pair of duralast wipers to cut through the rain. You call them wipers, she calls them blades. And where there are blades there are ninjas. Its called the zone and well help get you there. Get in the zone. Autozone. Lilly baker is preparing for college. Shell use that education to get a job. Shell use that job to buy a home. This is lilly baker. Her mom just refinanced their home and is putting an extra 312 a month toward lillys tuition. Lilly is about to take over the world. Whos with her . Buy in. Quickenloans home buy. Refi. Power. Prep trauma unit 5. Whatve we got . Bp 64 40 sterilize sites. Multiple foreign objects in the body. Tweezers. buzz buzz if youre the guy from the operation game, you get operated on. Its what you do. buzz if you want to save fifteen percent or more on Car Insurance you switch to geico. Its what you do. Introducing the Samsung Galaxy s6 active only from at t. Tested to withstand pretty much anything life throws your way. Switch to at t and get a 300 credit with eligible purchase and tradein. Youre getting 3 here. Alright . Here goes. Yep. [ crunching ] oh cheddar, sour cream onion and salt vinegar. Wow wow how did you do that . i can see through the blindfold. [ male announcer ] pringles aah, the majestic hermit crab. They mate once in a lifetime. And he who has the most unique shell. To him, go the spoils ohhhh. Well played, sir always be one of a kind. Dennys new fantastic fourcheese omelette is packed with crispy bacon and fresh veggies. explosion check please introducing the fantastic fourcheese omelette. Dennys. Welcome to amercias diner. Fantastic 4, only in theaters. Welcome back to news your own adventure, our coverage of your picks for best daily show moments. And no election coverage would be complete without coverage of the daily shows election coverage. In the running, such major events as the cluster bleep of bush vs. Gore, samantha bee daring republicans to say the word choice, and, of course sarah palin saying words. But the clear winner is when jon stewart took control of Stephen Colberts 2012 super pac. Jon im concerned i guess is the issue that i want to say. I dont want to seem ungrateful for the Staggering Amount of money with almost no limitations you put at my disposal from the super pac, but. Dadadada. As you know, jon, federal law prohibits me from coordinating with you. Jon dammit look at us i know. Jon so close, yet stymied by the impossibly strict regulations concerning federal elections well jon, if i may, there is one small loop chasm. Im calling on the super pac. I cannot coordinate with them, i cannot communicate directly, but i can speak out as a citizen talking to you. Im calling on them to either edit out every single mistake or to pull the entire film. I cant tell you, but i can tell everyone through television. And if you happen to be watching, well, i cant prevent that jon. Jon but stephen, i really dont have time to watch your show tonight. Wait a second. Oh, i have an idea laughter cheering is that gonna work . Thats gonna work. I got it right here. I got it, i got it. laughter applause jon okay, here we go. All right, let me just set it to the colbert report. Tonight, i talk to jon stewart about super pacs without coordinating with him this is the colbert report screeches imitating colbert report theme i jump over a word thank you, thank you. Audience, please sit down. laughter nation, so much to get to tonight but first, i am calling on the super pac. I cannot coordinate with them, i cant communicate directly, but i can speak out as a citizen talking to you. And i am calling on them not to run vicious character assassination ads that impugn and borderline slander any candidate if in any way those ads could be traced back to me. laughter jon god, what is he saying . Its so obtuse i just wish we could communicate directly and clearly. Its so frustrating. I wonder, is American Idol on . laughter i got the moves like jagger i got the moves like jagger cheering jon ill tell you what, dawg, if youre gonna try christina, you gotta bring it. Hey, whats on bet . Nothing is on bet laughter jon fine its not working just get rid of the tv and everything. I feel like ive got to call the lawyer for my super pac. Not before i call the lawyer for the exploratory committee. Jon well, who should we call first . Well, since they are the same person, why dont we just call at the same time . Jon right still cant believe thats legal. laughter here we go. phone ringing hello . Hello, trevor . Are you there . Hello, stephen. Hi its trevor potter, everybody. Hi, i am sitting here. cheering Superstar Campaign lawyer. I am sitting here with jon stewart. Jon oh, but dont worry were not coordinating. Well, it doesnt sound as though you violated the coordination rules. Even though there are criminal penalties that are on the books, nobody i can think of has gone to jail solely for coordinating, so that should make you feel better. But you might get fined. Jon fined . How much . Four to six figures. Jon four to six figures . where am i gonna get that kind of money . laughter no trevor . I know this is going to sound a little crazy, and matter of fact, i feel weirdly criminal even asking, but if i get fined could i pay that with super pac money. Yes, probably. cheering this is awesome well, stephen, it has been great not coordinating with you. And it has been great not coordinating with you, my friend jon i will see you tonight on the ride home. On the bicycle built for two . Jon yahoo sniffling hasan, are you crying . Yeah, i am, because im going to miss him. Aw jess, hasans crying. laughing zoom in stop hey, im being vulnerable, stop it you guys suck. Aw, little baby boy anyway, thats it for our look at your favorite moments from nearly 17 years with jon stewart. And now, heres our final election winner your favorite commercials at the end of a clip show. You just said final. Aw. Captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by from come Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york this is the daily show with jon stewart. cheers and applause captioning sponsored by Comedy Central jon oh, welcome to the daily show im jon stewart. Boom my guest tonight Amy Schumer Amy schumer is going to be here. I forgot lets begin tonight were very excited because weve got good news. The California Drought is over because last week a special group in california made it rain big stop on the money trail in the race for the white house. The Koch Brothers hosted five candidates over the weekend at a business conference in southernical call. Theyre spending their time pitching to whats been called the koch primary. Jon the koch primary . laughter the Koch Brothers have pledged to give almost a billion dollars to buy the next election. Meaning five of the Top Republican can the das were happy to come on down for a chance to done el some koch. No, ted cruz carlee fiorina Scott Walker Jeb Bush and marco rubio worked the talking points and cradled the special interests in the hopes of one of them after a period of what minutes to an hour would induce the money shop. And really they didnt care which koch went off. To be fair though thats not really why they were there. In the end money doesnt win elections. Ideas do. I wish the whole world could see what goes on here. laughter jon oh i think we see it. And i think it looks a little Something Like this. laughter applause you know i wonder i wonder what wry commentary the spider whoive wills above the pig would have if his rather corrupting picture oh my god oh she couldnt take it. Charlotte oh sweet charlotte you were supposed to die of Natural Causes you know under a shoe or at the business end of a rolled up news magazine. But the governor from wisconsin makes a good point. Though the world should see what goes on at these conferences why hasnt the world been more aware of what goes on at koch events . Freedom partners founded by the Koch Brothers normally conducts its summer conference in secrecy. This year its a little different. They are letting us listen to some of the gop candidates. Jon ooh, yes nothing says freedom partners like occasionally, partially pulling back the veil of secret president ial forums. You know i felt the same way when i was invited to cover the american liberty patriot conference. I just said yeah, there you go. laughter dark quiet fed