As lockdown restrictions ease, local officials will consider implementing punishments in order to combat the returning epidemic of self-centred pedestrians in the area.
Effective discipline is needed for the inseparable companions who insist on walking side-by-side on Church Street. Walkers who wish to walk this way, must use the new Noah’s Ark lane, so that they may go along in two-by-two. Hurrah! This will spare others from having to participate in the vehicular version of running with the bulls that overtaking such people usually entails.
That infamous situation where two walkers approaching each other attempt to pass the other in the same direction, then do so again and again while muttering ‘Oh, sorry, um, you go- I’ll go this way, ok?’, is to be transformed into a process of grace and beauty thanks to compulsory dance classes for all students.
Rhys Evans asks Swindon Town fans to spend money at Swindon Supermarine instead thisiswiltshire.co.uk - get the latest breaking news, showbiz & celebrity photos, sport news & rumours, viral videos and top stories from thisiswiltshire.co.uk Daily Mail and Mail on Sunday newspapers.
Satire has been given permission to publish all the news stories the rest of
Palatinate is too scared and has too much integrity to publish. That’s right, there’s another Billy B in town, but this is one I’m yet to publicly cry inside.
While my social life is on pause because of exams and a severe deficiency of friends, the ‘news’ keeps on rolling, so here are the headlines…
EU complains as Market Square Tesco queue reaches mainland
A spokesperson for the EU has aired their displeasure at the management of Market Square Tesco’s queue, which this week was forced to extend through the Channel Tunnel and out into the French countryside.