Those interested in proving the existence of alien species are no doubt familiar with Frank Drake’s Equation which estimated the number of possible alien civilizations in the Milky Way in the millions, and with Enrico Fermi’s paradox, asking “But where is everybody?”. Now we have a new calculation which, in a strange way, combines the Drake Equation and Fermi’s Paradox into a new astrobiological posit which agrees with Drake on the possibility of alien civilizations in the Milky Way and answers Fermi’s question with, ‘They’re all dead.’ What do we call this formula – the Cemetery Calculation? The Dead Didactic? The Morbid Musing?