em. Hey, uhhuh, put your chain down in there theyll rob you. Keep your hand on the wheel or they might think thats two guns. laughter so when your mother is your friend and your parent you can make requests like they make requests to their parents, white kids. Look here, mommy, i want to use the garage for a whole week and promise youre not gonna come in there. laughter okay, billy. He down there making a nuke. Lights are flickering, the cable aint working. She at the door, i know hes doing something but i gave him my word. Im not gonna go in there. I dont want to break my promise. You know black people. You better not close no door at your mothers house. You could be buck naked, lotioning yourself and shell kick the door, let go of the lotion. You leave the lotion out here for everybody to use. Im up here late for work looking for the lotion. Pack your get out of here, pack your stuff and get up out of here. See you all later. My name is earthquake. cheers and applause captioning made
Stephen thats it for the report, everyb captioning sponsored by Comedy Central captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org actresses from Comedy Centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [daily show theme song playing] [cheers and applause] jon hey, oh, my god hey, everybody, welcome to the daily show. Any name is jon stewart. My name is jon stewart and i need a haircut. [ laughter ] this is the longest head ive ever had. [ laughter ] weve got a nice one. The actress alison brie will be joining us from the hit show community. P my guess is shell in no way tell us what is going on there but im excited. Lets begin tonight with america. As if you didnt know the reference. I put that up there to let you know. Remember that map from the placemat at howard johnsons. [ laughter ] as you know, our country has been on a difficult run. Gas prices have risen steadily over the last few months. Our president is unsure whether he has the aut
Well, that was our first show and we nailed it. Thanks to amy schumer and aziz ansari. See me live at the mirage and tweet me and on the blog cc. Com jeselnik. See you next week but before we go lets look back at the best moments from tonights show. Women be shopping. Women be shopping. Women be shopping. Oh, boy. Ah, memories. Good night kids. Go read a book. [cheers and applause]actresses from comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [daily show theme song playing] [cheers and applause] jon hey, oh, my god hey, everybody, welcome to the daily show. Any name is jon stewart. My name is jon stewart and i need a haircut. [ laughter ] this is the longest head ive ever had. [ laughter ] weve got a nice one. The actress alison brie will be joining us from the hit show community. P my guess is shell in no way tell us what is going on there but im excited. Lets begin tonight with america. As if you didnt know the reference. I put that up th
Ansari. See me live at the mirage and tweet me and on the blog cc. Com jeselnik. See you next week but before we go lets look back at the best moments from tonights show. Women be shopping. Women be shopping. Women be shopping. Oh, boy. Ah, memories. Good night kids. Go read a book. [cheers and applause] actresses from comedy centrals world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart. [daily show theme song playing] [cheers and applause] jon hey, oh, my god hey, everybody, welcome to the daily show. Any name is jon stewart. My name is jon stewart and i need a haircut. [ laughter ] this is the longest head ive ever had. [ laughter ] weve got a nice one. The actress alison brie will be joining us from the hit show community. P my guess is shell in no way tell us what is going on there but im excited. Lets begin tonight with america. As if you didnt know the reference. I put that up there to let you know. Remember that map from the placemat at howard johnsons. [
Lost its first cyber war . We will have a fair and balanced look at that. We begin with a fox news alert, the nypd telling the Associated Press two Police Officers are dead following an ambush attack today. According to the authorities, a gunman opened fire on the officers this afternoon while they were sitting in their patrol car. The suspect then allegedly running inside a subway station and turning the gun on themselves. Bryan llenas is following this story. Just one gunman at this point. One suspect, correct . Reporter thats right. This reportedly happened just after 3 00 p. M. Today. The two Police Officers as you said, were shot by a gunman in the head while sitting in their nypd patrol cars. The officers were parked on the corner of tom kins and myrtle avenue in brooklyn, new york. According to police and witness, the suspects shot the cops in the head, then ran inside a nearby subway station for the g train and fatally shot himself in the head. Witnesses were standing waiting f