We have years of experience prosecuting imaginary voter fraud. Even with zero evidence, we will prove you lost because of glitches, not enough observers, too many observers, counted illegal votes, counted legal votes, sharpies werent allowed, sharpies were allowed, vote written on a sandwich, youre a terrible candidate, dead people voted, not enough dead people voted, and people voted. But dont take my word for it, listen to these satisfied customers. translated roger cornsworth is my lawyer for life because he made me president for life. translated i received two votes from my uncle one from him and the other from the dog i fed him to. translated if it wasnt for roger cornsworth, filipinos would be parading through the streets with my liver on the stick. We wont stop til your democracy is a pile of ash and your ego is soothed call today if you want power thats a cinchely call the attorneys cornsworth and pinchley 1800coupcoupcachoo announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonig
Call your aunt ronda because of the restraining order . Deep state. And just like your actual crazy uncle, he doesnt know when to leave. Its pronounced kamala. Casa blanca . No, its kama, then la. Kookaburra . Yahtzee. This is settlers of catan. belches blowup crazy uncle. Because a family that inflates together celebrates together. You know any female sex dolls you can set me up with . Hell, give me a beach ball. Im not picky. Announcer its a late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonights transition to greatness. Plus stephen welcomes glenn close and musical guest kane brown with sway lee and khalid, featuring jon batiste and stay homin. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen hey, everybody welcome welcome heres mud in your eye to a late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. Im very excited. Im also a little tired because i got up way early this morning and interviewed barack obama today. The only thing keeping me drivi
The past couple of nights, but the low humidity levels continue to be a problem running in the 15 to 25 range now and thats going to be the case into early tomorrow morning. Once the sun comes up and temperatures start to heat up even more, these numbers will go down to around 10 by tomorrow afternoon, but the fire danger should be lower at that point in terms of the rapid spread of fires that prompts a red flag warning because the winds are going to calm down. The winds wont be nearly as strong tonight as the past couple nights, 15 to 20mile an hour gusts later into tonight. On top of the peaks those gusts could approach 35 to 40 miles an hour, but the winds are not going to pick back up tomorrow and theyll change direction a bit, just hint of an onshore wind by saturday afternoon, but the red flag warning for the north bay mountains and east bay hills continues through 8 00 tomorrow morning. For solana county the red flag warning has been continued to 3 00 tomorrow afternoon. Well co
Tonight, taylor devine. Plus teefn welcomes mindy kaling and former c. I. A. Director john brennan. Featurinjon batiste and stay homin. Now live on tape from the ed sullivan Theater Office building in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen hey, everybody welcome to a late show. Im your host Stephen Colbert. You might notice when the show is open these days im leaning back in the chair a lot. Im either very comfortable in this job these days or i no longer have the core strength to sit up. Lets figure out which it is. Folks, the coronavirus pandemic continues to rage in americas hot zone 1600 pennsylvania avenue. And reports say the west wing has turned into a ghost town. Previously, the only ghost haunting the mansion was mike pence. Hes at least a zombie. Why else is he attracting all those flies . Things have gotten especially tough for white house correspondents like cnns joe johns who had this happen to him during a broadcast. Get there he is roaring the damn, frickin raccoons,
Breaking news, at least five people shot, our first look at the two crime scenes, what happened. More breaking news tonight, two teenagers just confessing to starting this big fire right near a bay area landmark. Its another night of high fire danger, but there is good news in the forecast, gradually cooler temperatures heading through the weekend, tracking the current fire weather conditions coming up. And weve never seen anything like this before. Well take you inside the bay areas first drivethru Haunted House. We werent going to let halloween get canceled. Good evening. Im elizabeth cook. Im ken bastida. Lets get right to that breaking news in San Francisco. At least five people were shot in two separate incidents in the span of about a half hour. This is our first look at one of the crime scenes around 8 30 tonight four people found shot on scherwin street in sunnyvale. One of the victims died. A man was shot and killed on Hunters Point road, that victim between 45 and 50, no word