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I’m not going outside again for another six weeks or so. It’s because of the cicadas, of course the trillions of them that have emerged or will soon emerge from the ground across parts of the mid-Atlantic and the Midwest like disgusting popcorn. After 17 years, Brood X is back and here to torment me. (My phobia of bugs is intense. Once, while I was in a therapy session, a cockroach dropped from a curtain onto the floor. I grabbed my bag what if the roach scrambled into it?? and leapt across the room before my therapist even realized what was happening. She killed it but later said she should have made me do it. Also, when I was about 8, my younger brother hid a bunch of cicada husks in my bed. A cat found them before I did. I have never forgiven him, not that he has apologized.)

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