Was here. She was right over there. Since then i found myself in the middle of an online conspiracy theory. As you may know many of Hillary Clintons opponents have been questioning whether or not she was healthy enough to be president. So when she was here i challenged her to see if she was Strong Enough to open a jar of pickles. She did it. And thousands, maybe millions, are convinced that i somehow rigged the pickle jar. One of those peel is a guy named alex jones high find very entertaining. He is one of those guys who believes big foot is responsible for 9 11. He believes everything. He applied his investigative powers to a pickle jar that he believes was loosened. There is no pop when she opens it. She acts like she has to turn it all the way around. Like shes opening a can of peanut butter. But anyone who has opened a sealed can of pickled vegetables, tomatoes, garlic, olives, whether it be pickled fruit, knows there is a pop. You dont turn around it. You cant open a captain pick
Well see wacky hats crazy ties worn by thousands of white guys an entire airplane hangar filled with Donald Trumps exwives well see newt, ron and rand, maybe members of the klan but no muslims or latinos because i think theyve all been banned it will be crazy you cant deny its like christmas in july in cleveland to the quicken loans arena its the finest place youve seena it can nearly fit each person fired by Carly Fiorina its the q, but lets be clear q doesnt stand for queer though it really doesnt matter there arent many of them here it will be crazy you cant deny its like christmas in july cheers and applause stephen build a wall around me, dancing delegates stephen and theres so much more in store, because its not one night, its four so. Reince priebus will campaign huffing paint to ease the pain and paul ryan will be crying while ben carson juggles brains ted cruz is drinking whiskey no ones sitting with Chris Christie and mitt romney bungies in to say does anybody miss me . Jeb i
Featuring yo gotti and the legendary roots crew. Questlove 522 woo steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon . . . . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh oh, hey, thats what we want thats exactly what you want right there. Welcome, everybody. Thank you so much. Welcome. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. [ cheers and applause ] this is it. Youre here at the show. You made it. You are the show. But first, heres what people are talking about. Of course, its the election. Donald trump is trying to turn his poll numbers around and recently told his supporters that if hes elected, the white house will become the peoples house. [ light laughter ] he was like, because i aint living in that dump. [ laughter ] im going to get a mansion down the street. [ applause ] and ill check in every other week. [ laughter ] face time only. And listen to this, Harold Bornstein you see that guy, hes in the news . Well, he says he only took five minutes to write the letter claiming that trump will be th
Special night. Today, my friend, our band leader cleto turns 50 years old. Cleto thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i met cleto in january of 1977 when my family moved from brooklyn to las vegas. Cleto lived across the street from us. The first time we met i was riding a bike wearing boxing gloves and my mothers sunglassesun glass and cleto saw me and assumed i was mentally challenged. We began a lifetime of friendship that was can only inflict on an older brother can inflict on you without being arrested. One time i built im going to share a couple stories about you. Cleto okay. Jimmy i built a go cart out of wood, ham evered nails, put wheels on. Cleto snuck into my garage and glued the Steering Wheel so i couldnt turn the wheel left or right. I went right into traffic. Cleto had a bicycle with a side car attached to it, we called it drive me directly into garbage cans and bushes. When i would leave my house to go home i would sometimes have to run home because id tur
Daughter. Shes 25, shes very slow. [ laughter ] my other daughter. Shes 2 years old. Her name is jane. Jane has decided she will only sit on the potty and go if it is on the trampoline in our backyard. [ laughter ] so needless to say im exhausted. Anyway. I feel like this might be some kind of carlic payback for the man show on the trampoline. Years from now when my daughter is old enough to vote and i will have to explain this election to her, i feel she wont believe it. We are less than 70 days away from deciding who our next president will be. On september 26th donald trump and Hillary Clinton will face off in a debate at hofstra university. This is interesting. The Clinton Campaign is using psychology experts to create a personality profile of trump to figure out what his approach might be. Which i dont know, are they preparing for a debate or trying to catch the Zodiac Killer . [ laughter ] Hillary Clinton said, im not taking anything for granted, i dont know which donald trump wi