Content warning: this article contains graphic description of traumatic birth
Sam, my only child, came rushing into the world as a six weeks early, tiny 4.7lb baby boy in October 2011.
The delivery was complicated. After Sam got stuck in the birthing canal, he was swiftly extricated with forceps as his heart was beginning to fail. The damage done to me in the process was profound.
I suffered tearing through my rectum and into my vagina, leaving me with irreparable injuries and a permanent stoma. An opportunity to repair the damage to my sphincter was missed, an abscess developed, and I was left in extreme pain for several days, until the abscess was discovered after I complained that I was faecally incontinent. I had developed a recto-vaginal fistula, with faeces coming out of my vagina, creating a veritable breeding ground for bacteria and infection. Up to 30,000 women every year experience a traumatic birth, but I was one of the unlucky few to end up with extremely rare, severe
Gill Castle with her husband Chris and son Sam (Image: phoenixfeatures.co.uk)
Placing a protective hand over my bump, I daydreamed about what it was going to be like to give birth.
Pregnant with my first child, I smiled as I imagined the moment our baby would be placed in my arms, my husband Chris and I gazing at him lovingly.
I thought maternity leave would be full of coffee and cake, baby swimming and baby yoga classes.
Sam and I didn’t get to experience any of that. I went into labour six weeks early in October 2011. Sam was “back to back”, which meant I was in a lot of pain and was rushed for an epidural.