eric: and the bread, yeah. anthony: oh, and wine. eric: and the wine. anthony: a very, very, very expensive wine. eric: yeah? anthony: yeah, we re blowing out the budget, man. [ eric speaking french ] [ vendor speaking french ] anthony: okay, good. need more money. eric: so we open two reds? we re going to be smashed. vendor: ciao. anthony: merci, ciao. eric: merci beaucoup. anthony: we ll be needing that. okay, that s our cheese selection. here s our pomme de terre, which i ll be artfully plating. baking like a meatloaf all of a sudden. you go from freezing to high heat. i m telling you this provence it s like, uh eric: it s rough, huh? anthony: it s rough. eric: hey, this is not bad, huh? anthony: by the time, we re halfway through this bottle we ll think this is as good as the finest bordeaux. and, by the way, we are not suggesting, advising, recommending, or, in any way, condoning that driving with a motor vehicle, especially a high-powered italian
anthony: bonsoir. eric: take that. give it to the lady. no, no, no. a little bit like that, and give it to the lady. a little bit like that. like that, like that, okay. good. female customer: hello. this one i owe? [ eric speaking french ] anthony: très bien. pizza, i soon notice, is different here. toppings are somewhat on the high end. crème fraîche, reblochon cheese, figatelli, lardons, figs, chèvre. look at this line. stop dicking around with your insane perfectionism. eric: tony, you want pizza the guy. anthony: yes. [ male customer speaking french ] anthony: can you translate this for me? i think this man is speaking in profanities to me. how long have you been working on this pizza? michelangelo worked on the sistine chapel for less time. eric: there s a line of people waiting, tony. anthony: mood is turning ugly out there. eric: tony, the lady wants a pizza. anthony: he s new. he s new. i i i can t do anything with him. eric: what happened? you h
eric: this one is unbelievable. the flavor of that is unbelievable. anthony: yeah, they re not dicking around. eric: it lingers too. anthony: this, i love this. this makes me happy. want some? here, have a piece, here. it s good for you. eric: who wants some? this is the coppa. this one is special. that s coppa. anthony: all right, let s move on. some cheese. ah, look at that. that s beautiful. eric: those ones are milder and young. those ones are strong. anthony: oh, wow. that is some wow. eric: this one too. it looks very inoffensive, but it s like ooh! anthony: that is some deep funk. that is some, wow. see when i eat cheese like this, and i drink wine like this, i start thinking about my don cheech fantasies. maybe you saw godfather ii ? eric: yeah, of course. anthony: i just think i could just spend the rest of my life sitting in a hill in corsica, eating goat cheese and drinking wine and having my enemies killed by remote control. eric: i would love t
anthony: i do. look, i do. i like a fluffy hotel towel. i like a bidet. look, i like warm jets of water squirting up my ass. i mean, who doesn t? i could retire here. eric: i could retire here too. anthony: you see, that s, sort of, the measure of a place for me is like if you start thinking thoughts like that, like, that must be nice. i could live there. just me and my watercolors, you know, just puttering. when you retire are you going to putter? do you know what putter means? eric: what is? no. anthony: dicking around. basically, you wake up and you maybe you paint a little. eric: i can t paint. anthony: you know, well, okay. do you knitting? little make, make a sweater. eric: what do you think i am like? who am i here? i will try to go fishing. i ve, you know, i ve never catched anything in my life. anthony: do you actually fish? do you know how to fish? do you ever fish? eric: i don t know how to fish. anthony: i ll show you how. all you need is a c
[ lionel speaking french ] anthony: so after you belly flop and your food squirts out both ends of you, the fish will feed on it. eric: that s why they re coming. anthony: yeah. oh jeez. eric: oh, look at that. exactly like me in the morning. before breakfast. anthony: okay, good for me. ooh. hey, all right. [ laughs ] come on, man.