i was just trying to get ahead. jesse: what have you been up to? do you have a job? i m glad you asked. no. i ve been working on a comedy special. i got a lot of funny jokes. you want to hear some? jesse: why not. why did the chicken cross the road. jesse: why? because anderson cooper kicked it off the new year s eve show. want another one? jesse: sure. north carolina. jesse: who s there. anderson cooper. jesse: anderson cooper who? exactly. you re dead to me. ready for some more? hillary couldn t be here tonight. she already dropped the ball once this year. jesse: oh, boy. well that was last year but that s okay. whatever. are you drinking to night, jesse? jesse: i wish. i bet president trump is drinking white russians. get it? because he colluded with the russians. jesse: very good. so fun.
Found out the general the president was talking to, he was giving the orders to give the go ahead on the operation to pursue osama bin laden. interesting. so you see, the news dictates the tone, we expect that to happen tonight about two weeks after the boston bombings. president obama will acknowledge that, and will say of course, the families they have our condolences. and i think you will see him perhaps stay away from certain things ins jokes. and ultimately, though, i think we re going to have some really good laughs, too. because even ahead of when he was going after osama bin laden we saw some p funny jokes, and it is a chance, the celebrities and politicians, they believe it is a chance to have good jokes. it is even more telling, the as he said, the funniest ones
Toyotas are having trouble stopping. washington hasn t seen a snow job like this since the last stimulus package. it was so cold, nancy pelosi had to sit in her driveway for 10 minutes defrosting her eyeballs. that s how cold! in fact, it was so cold sarah palin had to cancel a speech because she didn t want to take her gloves off to read. four funny jokes. you know what, gretchen? i think you have just witnessed why jay leno might go right back to number one again. because he s an equal opportunity offender. exactly. just like johnny. fair and balanced. he has been. unlike dave. yes. let s talk a little bit about the breaking news this morning. it s that second huge snowstorm in less than a week. it s crippling the east coast, mid atlantic and northeast. these are live pictures right now from the nation s capital. the federal government shut down as the white house says the president s schedule will be pared back as a result of the storm. baltimore could get another 20 i