them up, putting them in the bags and then i decided it was time for me to get dinner started. i went in the house, i looked back through our bay window and i saw jaze continuing to rake and when i turned my back, that is when we heard the gunshots and i ran outside and found him laying on the ground, not able to respond. ashley: juanita, you said this doesn t hit home until it upon has, how are you coping, what is going through your mind right now? it is painful, it is very painful and we feel empty. we are we are. there is that void that we feel.