[cheers and applause] thank you, thank you for receiving us with open arms. even if they are covered with black sabbath tattoos and number 77 sunscreen. let s cover some news before we go to the monologue. an american who was trapped in ukraine for eight months says he evaded russian troops by prevpretending to be irish. in other words, he was drunk. comedian gallagher sadly has passed away at age 76. his family scheduled a private ceremony. followed by smashing him with a giant hammer. [laughs] laura: we had to show the picture of the watermelon. amazon s jeff bezos and ncb giving his fortune to charity, earning praise for hunter biden who gave most of his fortune to charity a month and the other girl dancing wednesday night shift. [dracula sanctuary city of philadelphia.- [cheers and applause] sparking outrage from migrants who packed for martha s vineyard. this isn t what i signed up for, said one refugee named beto o rourke. the department of energy is projecting he
researchers argue the same fate awaits us unless we identify the destructive attributes within ourselves and do something about it. kat has acknowledged it s time to stop crashing wakes to take advantage of the open bar. tyrus has realized cannonball pluralists cause tidal waves cannonballs cause tidal waves. dana admitted starting bar fights never helps anyone. and tucker has killed livestock to make a documentary on someone killing livestock. all right! tucker, this is your wheelhouse but how do you explain all of those mysterious ufo footage and what about the mutilation of the cattle anyway? it s all real, actually. i don t know what to say and my producers mocked me. john cougar in charge of our document arrays. i don t want to see cattle