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Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20141106

I dont know if youre watching but it is a red wedding out there. A blood bath beyond anything you can imagine. I was over at cnn today. I said something on air and it created a bit of a story. I said this did you vote . Jon no. No. I just moved. I dont even know where my thing is now. laughter jon let me explain something. First of all. Ive known where my thing is since i was 13. laughter but i did vote today. I did know where my i was being flipped and it kind of took off and, you know what . I want to apologize because i shouldnt have been flip about that because i wasnt clear enough i was kidding and it sent a message that i didnt think voting was important or i didnt think it was a big issue, and i do, and i did vote and i was being flip and i shouldnt have done that. That was stupid. So i apologize. applause anyway. Now, i want to get to some results. In new york, Governor Cuomo was running for reelection and won eight weeks ago, but i thought we would announce it tonight. Its clo

Transcripts For COM The Colbert Report 20141105

Jon stephen, arent you covering the midterms . Stephen why jon, didnt you already cover them . Jon i did, but theres more. Stephen who . Alaska. Stephen who else. Jon louisiana. Stephen thats a state, shaped like a boot, right . Any big house races . Jon im not going to do the show for you. Stephen im paint ago fence tonight damn you, stewart cheers and applause stephen join us tonight for Election Results. Jon i would urge you to stay tiewntd for our good friend, very talented, lovely man, lovely person, mr. Stephen colbert cheers and applause eagle caw stephen detour to gridlock and things i am totally interested in. No, dont change the channel cheers and applause well come to the report welcome to the report audience chanting stephen thanks, folks weve got to do the show. Thanks so much, everybody thank you so much, folks thank you for joining us in here and out there for this an historic night, the 2014 Midterm Elections no election has ever been more midportant. So many questions

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20141105

[flies buzzing] poor jim didnt make it out alive. [gurgling, flatulence] again again thats better than [bleep] six flags screw those rich bastards. If we cant keep the poor out, let em pour in. Argh step right up, ye poor people ride the sunken monkey aah [keys clacking, typewriter bell dings] cheers and applause jon welcome to a special live Election Night edition of the daily show. Im jon stewart. Tonight, the 2014 midterm results weve all been. Well a handful of people have been waiting for. I mean the senate. Democrats are about to lose the good senate restrooms. laughter later on, were going to have the chairman of the Republican National committee. He will be giddy. I predict his interview will be the worst part of the greatest part of his life. laughter i dont know if youre watching but it is a red wedding out there. A blood bath beyond anything you can imagine. I was over at cnn today. I said something on air and it created a bit of a story. I said this did you vote . Jon no. N

Transcripts For COM The Daily Show With Jon Stewart 20141105

Jon welcome to a special live Election Night edition of the daily show. Im jon stewart. Tonight, the 2014 midterm results weve all been. Well a handful of people have been waiting for. I mean the senate. Democrats are about to lose the good senate restrooms. laughter later on, were going to have the chairman of the Republican National committee. He will be giddy. I predict his interview will be the worst part of the greatest part of his life. laughter i dont know if youre watching but it is a red wedding out there. A blood bath beyond anything you can imagine. I was over at cnn today. I said something on air and it created a bit of a story. I said this did you vote . Jon no. No. I just moved. I dont even know where my thing is now. laughter jon let me explain something. First of all. Ive known where my thing is since i was 13. laughter but i did vote today. I did know where my i was being flipped and it kind of took off and, you know what . I want to apologize because i shouldnt have b

Transcripts For CSPAN President Obama On The Economy 20140802

Maher slide james is here. And you are here. [applause] if you have a seat, feel free to sit down. Startingant everybody to fall out. If you dont have a seat, dont sit down. But bend your knees a little bit. Its always good to spend a little time in kansas city. Last night i had a chance to get some barbecue at arthur bryants. They had run out of coleslaw. I said, did you save some coleslaw for me . They said, no. Im sorry, what are you hollering about . [indiscernible] i believe in god. Thanks for the prayer. Amen. Thank you. [indiscernible] i want to be on record, because people have been asking me this question. I deal with a lot of tough issues. I am not going to decide who makes the best barbecue in kansas city. Yants barbecue was tasty. Effector is right. I did plow through it pretty good. I did not have enough samples to make a definitive judgment. I will have to try some other barbecues and next time i come here. Victor was not shy about eating, either. I just want to be clear.

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