The president of the United States was in china today. Either that or they sent him to the epcot center and pulled it off. [ laughter ] i think he was in china. Heaves palling around with chinese president xi jinping. He seemed to be enjoying himself. He loves chinese food. Hes been having all his favorites. The number 3, the number 7, the number 12 with mustard sauce. [ laughter ] donald trump has had harsh words for china in the past. He called them americas enemy, he said they were responsible for the greatest theft in the history of the world, he said they created the Climate Change hoax, he accused the chinese of raping the United States. They had a parade for him, all is forgiven, now everything is good. [ laughter ] [ applause ] its possible if we send him to mexi mexico, hed tell them he isnt trying to build a wall, hes trying to build a Racquetball Court or something. His tune changes dramatically. The president gave a speech in beijing today and put his best foot forward. Both the United States and china will have a more prosperous future if we can achieve a level economic playing field. Right now, unfortunately, it is a very onesided and unfair one. But, but, i dont blame china. [ laughter ] jimmy really. To a smattering of applause. Because when youre running for president you did say oh, never mind, lets hear the rest. After all, who can blame a country for being able to take advantage of another country for the benefit of its citizens . I give china great credit. Jimmy this is how he thinks. He gives them credit. But he gives himself more credit. The most credit. He even gives himself credit for giving them credit. But thats how you win all the time. And he does, by god. Meanwhile the first lady attended she was at an Elementary School in beijing. And she seems like she doesnt know where she is or what the hell is going on. All right, get me the hell back to bergdorf goodman. Medical lawn yas headed home tomorrow, shes not continuing on to vietnam. She doesnt have to, her marriage is her vietnam. [ laughter ] while the president was overseas we got a special delivery. A new trump bigly box. This is the real thing. This is a Monthly Subscription box sold by the make America Great again committee. This is trumps group. For only 69 a month you get a trumpthemed surprise. Last month, for real, we got stickers and pins and read solo cups made of extrathick plastic, so you dont throw them away, you reuse them. This month, lets find out what we got this month. Its got red paper in it, of course. All right, we got some buttons, pins. Im georgwith you. A play on im with her, hes still obsessed with that. A little box. Oh, youre going to like this. Just in time for the holidays. [ laughter ] a make America Great again tree ornament. [ applause ] isnt that beautiful . I know what grandmas getting for christmas this year. [ laughter ] hey, speaking of great value, if youve been watching our show this week you know that i have been encouraging people to sign up for trumpcare, which i know sounds weird coming from me because there are many things the president does i do not agree with, ive been vocal about those things. I went to his website, healthfair. G healthfair. Gov. The more i learned about the Affordable Care act he has going, the more i like it. It does a lot of the stuff we need it to do. It covers preexisting conditions, no lifetime caps, you can keep your kids on it, it gives you essential health benefits, et cetera. Something else important, the president only knows insurance only works if everyone signs up for it. Thats why trumpcare has something called the individual mandate. Which means this year youre going to have to buy insurance or owe a penalty on your taxes and the irs just made it clear theyll be collecting that penalty. So dont get hit with a penalty, open enrollment is happening now until december 15th. Go to healthcare. Gov, the official white house website. Many people, 54 of people who get financial help can find a plan at healthcare. Gov with a zerodollar premium, thats free. This is a huge change from obamacare. [ laughter ] so sign up right away. Over the past few days, i will say ive got a mix of responses on social media. Including some very positive notes from Trump Supporters like tea lax, thank god you came to your senses. [ laughter ] donald trump giving americans Affordable Health care, i could not believe it, Trumpcare Health care. And i respect you jimmy kimmel, very opened minded, not like all the other sad liberals. [ laughter ] thank you, bro chauch cho, i respect you too. On facebook, rich, breaking news, hollywood liberal latenight talk show Host Jimmy Kimmel promotes trumpcare, finally a hollywood liberal comes to his senses and it seems he won over his liberal audience. All right, robert, well said. [ cheers and applause ] as much as kimmel rips trump to shreds he praises his health care plan, there must be good in it, take a look at the video. I just signed up today, im 63, making 40,000 a year in north carolina, i just got beautiful insurance, the best insurance, and the monthly premium is zero, you read that right, zero, thumbs up President Trump, he promised the best health care and this is it, go to healthcare. Gov and see it for yourself. Not everyone was excited as rick was. Some of the angry feedback i got, most of it came from liberals who lashed out at me. Like grace, what has happened to jimmy kimmel, i want the old one back. Marcus, im unfollowing because i hate trump, ill never give that old disrespectful man any credit. Daniel, i just lost my respect for you, no, i dont get it, this is bs. This is america, well agree to disagree on some thing. I know its confusing. Health care is confusing. I have to say, while i dont particularly care for the tone of this psa, i do agree with the call to action in support of trumpcare, take a look. The liberals and fake news are trying to kill trumpcare. Trump care is a sham. Trumpcare seems dead. Trump and his team have stacked up a massive amount of promises theyre not going to be able to keep. But President Trump kept his promise. On the first day of open enrollment, more than 200,000 chose trumpcare. Up 22 from obamaera health care. 54 of eligible americans can find a plan at healthcare. Gov with a zerodollar premium. Send a message to the lying liberals and fake news media. Sign up for trumpcare at healthcare. Gov today. Jimmy thats right, it only lasted another five weeks then its closed, so its extra important to sign up now. Lets make health care in America Great and affordable. When the president comes home, we can thank him for it. [ cheers and applause ] maybe we can press the reset button on all of this. I mentioned the president is headed to vietnam. This is an historic visit. His bone spurs have healed up, hes finally able to set his tender pink feet on vietnamese soil. [ laughter ] the reason hes going, well, while in vietnam, trump is expected to meet with the russian president , Vladimir Putin, who just happens to be visiting there too. You know. [ laughter ] you know what im saying. This will be trumps third meeting with putin. Trump has spent more quality time with Vladimir Putin than he has with barron this year. [ audience moaning ] jimmy truly, of all the things, that was the one . [ applause ] i was wondering what theyre going to be meeting about. We reached out to his top president ial adviser Kellyanne Conway who joins us now from washington. Hello, kelley an. Can you grab me another chardonnay . Hi, jimmy. Jimmy hi. How are you doing . Are you at a party, kelley an . Yes, here still celebrating the oneyear anniversary of Donald Trumps land side electoral victory over crooked Hillary Jimmy oh, well. Well, i hate to interrupt your party. But i just wanted to get your take on the president s meeting tomorrow in vietnam. Fine. But before i give you that, i think President Trump deserves an apology. Jimmy an apology from whom . From all the liberal losers who said hegoing to vietnam. Hes going. [ laughter ] hes there, okay . Happy now . Jimmy well with all due respect, i think suck it, john mccain. Our president went to vietnam too. And guess what. He didnt get captured. Jimmy oh, thats that is not really thats not at all fair, kellyanne. Do you know how painful bone spurs in the foot are, jimmy . Jimmy no, i dont know. Its very painful. Its more painful than watching three hours of anderson pooper. Am i right, everybody . Anderson pooper. Jimmy kellyanne whats, whats this . No, thank you. Jimmy wait a minute, was that lester . Oh, were going to get sued by the willie tyler estate. Kelley, kellyanne, what are the president and putin going to be lets get back on track. What are they going to be talking about at this meeting tomorrow . Well, lets just say, everything is on the table. Jimmy all right, what does that mean . What do you think it means . Jimmy i dont know what it means. I was thinking you might have you ever seen a table . Jimmy yes. Have you ever put something on a table . Jimmy yes. I put things on tables. Now just pictures everything on a table. [ laughter ] jimmy okay. Thats not actually helpful at all. Youre not very helpful. Jimmy okay. Oh, shrimp cocktail. Jimmy okay, i feel like we caught you at a bad time, kenly ann maybe its a bad time for you. But not for me, for me its a great time. Who wants to get wasted . Whoohoo jimmy thank you, Kellyanne Conway. [ cheers and applause ] how about that, all right. Were going to take a break. When we come back, flu season coming. The pope hates cell phone news. This week in unnecessary censorship too, so stick around, well be right back. The all new 2018 camry. Toyota. Lets go places. speaking hindi speaking spanish hraaerrr wookiee . Campbells new star wars soups. Made for real, real life. But having his parents over was enlightening. You dont like my lasagna . No, its good. Hmm. Oh. Huh. [ both laugh ] here, blow. Blow on it. You see it, right . Is there a draft in here . Im telling you, its so easy to get Home Insurance on progressive. Com. Progressive cant save you from becoming your parents. But we can save you money when you bundle home and auto. Progressive cant save you from becoming your parents. The reuben is back for a limited time at subway. So much reuben. I got it from the same place i bought your present from last year. Its the thing from the link you sent us. And the year before. I found the perfect gift for you. But it wouldnt ship in time. So i just. Texted you a photo. I bought it with one click. I included a gift receipt. Its the thought that counts . Dont shop like everybody else. This year shop ebay for brand new, nearly new, and totally you gifts. Jimmy hi there, welcome back to the show. Josh hutcherson, Dale Earnhardt jr. , and music from dan auerbach is all on the way. First, flu season is upon us. This is that magical time of the year when we get to see those cartoon mucous people on tv all day every day. They say the flu is expected to have such a bad season this year, theyre thinking about renaming it the chargers. [ audience moaning ] [ rim shot ] jimmy trying to figure you guys out, where your lines are. You have two options in flu season. Get a flu shot, or spray anyone who comes near you with lysol until they go away. We wanted to have fun with this subject. We asked people on the street how they stay healthy during flu season, and heres what they said. What do people in france do to stay healthy during cold and flu season . We drink a lot of tea. [ coughing coughing ] we eat a lot of vegetables and soup, we love soup. What do you do to stay healthy . [ coughing ] for me, bundle up sorry. [ coughing ] jimmy bless you. Sorry. Did you get a flu shot this year . Uh, yeah [ coughing ] i dont keep up with the [ coughing ] with the number of ill people in california, im just kind of busy [ coughing ] you do it like this in france, right . Mwah [ coughing ] jimmy all right. [ cheers and applause ] thats how you do it, i guess. At the vatican, you know that place where god lives, the vatican . Apparently so many people are using their cell phones during mass at st. Peters the pope had to scold them. For real, the pope said yesterday, this is a quote, at some point, the priest during the mass says lift up your hearts, he does not say lift up your see that phones to take pictures. Which is kind of funny. And also sounds like somebodys bitter he couldnt get the new iphone x. [ laughter ] in a way i see the popes point. Youre at mass, you should be focused. On the record, if we dont post pictures of ourselves in church, how will god know we went . [ laughter ] maybe the pope needs to get with the 21st century and embrace smartphones. There are a lot of good things you can do. Imagine how much time the pope could save listening to confessions very text. Like for instance, forgive me, the devil made me hit my baby brother with a hammer. [ laughter ] heres another. Im sorry i stabbed my Yoga Instructor who is sleeping with my wife. [ laughter ] and, forgive me, father, i pooped in the chocolate chips. [ laughter ] then all the pope has to do is text Something Back like, youre forgiven, hey 100 mail marys, throw out those cookies too. What do you think . Do you like that . [ cheers and applause ] also when the last time, may i ask, that you went and sat down for confession . Guillermo more than ten years. Jimmy more than ten years. Do you remember what you confessed at that time . [ laughter ] a little bit. Jimmy okay. When we come back from the commercial, i want to replay his body language in slow motion. [ laughter ] all right, were going to do that when we come back. First, its thursday night which means its time to bleep and blur the big tv moments of the week whether they need it or not, this is week in unnecessary censorship. If youre a republican, youre waking up to a reality which is, to win a primary, you have to [ bleep ] donald trump. This governor will [ bleep ] your [ bleep ]. To everyone here today who serves your country in uniform, [ bleep ] you, [ bleep ] you, [ bleep ] you. You have a big old [ bleep ]. Like five feet wide. Senator mcconnell was threatening to bring the senators back the saturday after thanksgiving. I will [ bleep ] your [ bleep ] if that happens. So look and enjoy them. Yes, even all the pigeons. Just dont [ bleep ] them. Im not opposed to [ bleep ]ing my own [ bleep ]. Thats not a euphemism for something you need to cut out of this either. Heres a fun question for you, when was the last time you [ bleep ]ed . Two weeks ago. This is my best friend spongebob. As you can see, he sucks his [ bleep ] when he sleeps. Wait, thats me. Jimmy oh, patrick. [ cheers and applause ] tonight on the show, music from dan auerbach, Dale Earnhardt jr. Is here and well be right back with Josh Hutcherson. Dicky portions of Jimmy Kimmel Live are brought to you by the kmart bluelight special. Kmart. Com. Simon and garfunkel ] the volkswagen atlas. With available pedestrian monitoring. Lifes as big as you make it. Ive gotta hit the loo. We cant stay here why . Terrible toilet paper ill never get clean way ahead of you, big daddy. Aww. Charmin ultra strong. Its washclothlike texture helps clean better. Its four times stronger and you can use less. Beautiful view. Thanks to charmin. And you, honeybear. Awwwww. We all go. Why not enjoy the go with charmin . Hey, girlfriend. Hows your cafe au lait . Oh, its actually. squeaking of balloon its ver. squeaking im being so serious right now. I really want to know how your coffee is. Its. squeaking of balloon, laughing i had a second balloon goodbye oof, that milk in your coffee was messing with you, wasnt it . Yeah, it happens to more people than you think. Try lactaid, its real milk, without that annoying lactose. Mmm. Good, right . Yeah. Lactaid. Its the milk that doesnt mess with you. And now, try our real sour cream. Its delicious. Jimmy were back. Tonight on the show, hes fast, but never furious. This month, he retires from nascar. The great Dale Earnhardt jr. Is here. [ cheers and applause ] then later, his latest album is called waiting on a song, dan auerbach from the mercedesbenz stage. Next week, we have some whats next week. Owen wilson, colin firm, julia roberts, patton oswald, frankie shaw, music from bishop briggs, manchester orchestra, gucci main. Its my 50th birthday on monday and the whole show is a surprise, i dont know what the staff has planned. Whatever it is, im sure it will be embarrassing and youre all invited to witness it. Are you involved in that . Do you know whats happening . Guillermo a little bit. Jimmy a little bit. I asked you if youd been to confession. Do we have that tape . He had some interesting body language. I want to show it in slow motion. I said, have you been to confession . And you went mm. Looked like a real wave of tension went through your body. Do you remember what you confessed for ten years ago . Guillermo oh i told the priest that i was drinking too much. Then no matter what i do, i cannot get away i cannot get alone with my motherinlaw. Jimmy oh. Ten years later youre still drinking and you do not speak to your motherinlaw. Guillermo no. Jimmy yes. Guillermo no. I dont speak to her. Jimmy right. Guillermo yeah. Jimmy right. Guillermo so im doing great. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy all right. The first time our first guest was on this show, he was only 13 years old the first time he was here. Now he shaves and i dont. His very funny new scifi Comedy Series is called future man, it premieres november 14th on hulu. Please welcome Josh Hutcherson. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy josh, do you have any are you a religious may be, anything youd like to confess . Id rather not go there, a subject to stay away from, i feel like. Jimmy thats probably wise. Guillermo did not learn that lesson, now you know, now you know. Jimmy how are you doing . Good, man. Jimmy everythings good . Youre from kentucky, right . I am. Jimmy thats nascar country. Are you a Dale Earnhardt jr. Guy . Well you know. I was a [ laughter ] i was a jeff gordon jimmy jeff gordon, yeah. I think theyre friends. Are they . I dont know. You can ask him. Jimmy ill ask him when he comes out. Yeah i love cars. I love racing and things like that. Jimmy you do. Have you been in a race . I have. Jimmy oh, really. I actually did this course up in napa with audi, they teach you to drive really fast around the track. I tried to apply that to los angeles. Jimmy yeah, no. Its really a bad idea. Jimmy it doesnt work. I sold my fast car and got an electric toaster oven which i now drive around. Jimmy do you go back home for the holidays . I do, im hoping to go this year. We kind of started this new tradition a couple of years ago, we have an ugly christmas sweater competition. Jimmy a competition. Yes. My great grandma is the reigning champion. Yes. I brought a few jimmy a picture here, whats your great grandmas name . Helen fightmaster. Jimmy thats the west. What . Yeah. These are very strong, naked men. [ laughter ] and theres another one. Jimmy where did she get this sweater . Oh, she made these, man, are you kidding me . [ laughter ] picture this woman sitting next to a fireplace with a glass of bourbon, knitting the crotch. [ laughter ] watching murder she wrote. Jimmy oh my gosh. Helen fightmaster, thats good enough just to start. Can we get in really close . Really get in there, youve got to appreciate the nuance. Jimmy to see the detail there. Jimmy thats actually great. She really made this . Yes. Jimmy grandmas a pervert. [ laughter ] no offense. Is she as good as i imagine shes got to be a pretty fantastic person. Shes incredible. Shes the great grandmother of the family. Jimmy yeah. Shes kind of a more conservative era. Shes always pushed liberal progressive mentality. You dont want to get on her bad side. Jimmy no, fightmaster. Her name is fightmaster, first of all. I love you, grandma. [ laughter ] jimmy i love her too. This is happening. No, she will like hold a subtle grudge for decade. Really. A subtle grudge. Theres a certain coldness if you dont like do certain things. What kind of things will set her off . Dont return a phone call. Jimmy uhhuh, yeah. You have to greet her properly . Yes, you have to give her nice hugs. When you walk up and when you leave. You know, shes like a don. Her names fightmaster. Kiss the pinky ring hello, good to see you. Jimmy of course. Is your family like excited that youre an actor . Yeah. Jimmy made it in show business . Yeah, they still are shocked and dont believe it. My mom backstage, shes here as well, she was we were talking to one of your producers. My mom was like, we thought it was a phase he was going through, we didnt think he was going to become successful at this. Jimmy right. No, my familys super supportive. My grandma donna, however, is like my actual number one fan. Jimmy she is. Yeah, like her entire house is covered in memorabilia of mine. Jimmy oh, really, like what . The 110ounce soda cups you get from theaters like hunger games all over it and popcorn boxes . Limited Edition Japanese bobbleheads that i didnt know existed. Every time i move in there, its like [ bleep ], what is this . Incredible. Jimmy a little josh museum. Does that sit well with the rest of your family . All that attention paid to you . Yeah, no, theyre cool with it, theyre fine with it. Jimmy they are. Maybe my little brother wishes he had a shrine. Jimmy yeah. We can make him one. Jimmy its so sad when people in your family dont have their own bobbleheads, isnt it. So true. Jimmy great grass gift idea. When we come back, i saw your show, its hilarious. Josh hutcherson is here. Hes got a new show called future man. Well be right back. When this guy got a flat tire in the middle of the night. Hold on dad. Liberty did what . Yeah, Liberty Mutual 24hour roadside assistance helped him to fix his flat so he could get home safely. My dad says our insurance doesnt have that. Dont worry i know what a lug wrench is, dad. Is this a lug wrench . Maybe . You can leave worry behind when liberty stands with you™. Liberty stands with you™. Liberty mutual insurance. Guys weekend deals you know what that means. 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Coming through, coming through, coming through this weekend save 15 on thanksgiving prep essentials. Save big with weekend deals, only at target. Jimmy Josh Hutcherson is here and hes got a new show future man. Explain the general concept of future man. Ill try, ill really try. Its basically about a guy whose name is also josh, a janitor, he loves video games. He beats this game thats unbeatable and basically the people from the video game, the characters come to life and tell him that this is a training device sent from the future to find the savior of humanity. We go through a crazy adventure through all of time to Save Humanity from herpes, when is what leads to the end of humanity. [ laughter ] theres a lot. Watch it, youll get it. Jimmy seth rogen is one of the producers of the show. Yes. Jimmy did you know him before . I actually had a small role in this movie the disaster artist which is coming out. Jimmy i heard that movies excellent. I havent seen it yet. Jimmy you havent, okay. I met seth there. He hit me up about doing the show. Jimmy was he very involved in the show . Yeah, very much. He was the one who orchestrated all the elements coming together. From the creators of Sausage Party and this is the end. Seth is great. Seth and evan. When youre onset with them, the laughs. The set rogen laugh. Its underrated. Even though we talk about it and the whole world knows about it, until you actually experience it, it just warms your soul. Its like warm roasted nuts on christmas, i dont know. Jimmy it does remind me of nuts, yes, it does. [ laughter ] not in that way, but yeah. He is always hes laughing. He laughs a lot. Yeah, no, its like hell ob set and you get the seal of approval if its funny or not because youll be in the middle of a scene, and all of a sudden ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha youre like, you ruined the take. Jimmy youre not supposed to laugh in the thing, but he cant help it. He cant help it. I dont know why he cant help himself from laughing all the time. Jimmy yeah, that is i wonder why. Maybe theres some kind of a medical substance that causes him to [ laughter ] you know what im saying . I dont. Please elaborate. Jimmy i dont think you would understand. We have a clip from the show. I think you need to set it up. So basically this is when we travel back to 1969. And im in my parents home. And im like basically seeing my father when he was a young man. And this is what happens. Jimmy this is what happens, here you go. What the heck . Daddy . Who are you . Im your agh [ bleep ] [ bleep ] somewhere else, [ bleep ] oh, mom calm down, calm down mom, mom time to see his moves. Get him, dad, get him get out of my house mom future man, do a threat assessment and fight back grandma, its me, joshy. Jimmy oh, wow. [ cheers and applause ] thats a fightmaster too, right there. Very true, yeah. Jimmy the shows very funny. I think people are going to like it a lot. Well see. Jimmy this is future man right here. Premieres november 14th on hulu. Josh hutcherson. Be right back with Dale Earnhardt jr. at ally, we offer low rates on home loans. But if thats not enough, we offer our price match guarantee too. And if thats not enough. We should move. Our home team will help you every step of the way. Still not enough . Its smaller than id like. Well help you finance your dream home. Its perfect. Oh, was this built on an ancient Burial Ground . Okay. Then well have her cleanse you house of evil spirits. Well do anything, spiritual chatter seriously anything to help you get your home. Ally. Do it right. For those who know what theyre really building. Always unstoppable. Hurry in get fifty percent off all jeans, sweaters, and outerwear at old navy. Do i use a toothpaste thati had whitens my teeth or one. Thats good for my teeth . Now i dont have to choose my dentist told me about new crest whitening therapy. So, i tried it from crest 3d white comes new whitening therapy. Its our best whitening technology. Plus, it has a fortifying formula to protect your enamel. Now i get a whiter smile and healthy teeth, all in one. The 3d white collection from crest. Healthy, beautiful smiles for life. I got it from the same place i bought your present from last year. Its the thing from the link you sent us. And the year before. I found the perfect gift for you. But it wouldnt ship in time. So i just. Texted you a photo. I bought it with one click. I included a gift receipt. Its the thought that counts . Dont shop like everybody else. This year shop ebay for brand new, nearly new, and totally you gifts. Jimmy hi, were back. Still to come, music from dan auerbach. After two decades, our next guest has announced that he is retiring from racing to drive fulltime for uber. He is the most popular driver in nascar and will be missed. Please welcome Dale Earnhardt jr. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy gosh, i cant believe youre retiring. How long ago did we meet each other . Man, it was jimmy almost 20 years ago. You were on the man show. Jimmy you were already the man there. Yeah. That was a long time ago. Jimmy it was a long time ago. Here we are at the end of the road. Gray in our beards. Jimmy has it hit you that youre retiring . Yeah, two races left. Its starting to finally jimmy are you going going to be extra careful in these races . No. [ laughter ] well, you try to get everything out of your system. Jimmy uhhuh. You want to finish all the laps. You feel this obligation to the fans. Because people are coming to see you race for the last time. So youre like, man, i cant crash or screw up. Jimmy do you feel your fellow drivers will be less aggressive when it comes to racing with you . They probably think im like a little more reserved, and oh hes retiring, so hes probably not going to be trying. Jimmy and also think if one of those guys ran you off the track. I like to race them really hard now because theyre like, whoa hes still competitive. Jimmy i see. Like a rocky kind of thing. Still has it up there, yeah. Jimmy have you been getting gifts from people . Yeah i have. We tried to gore all the tracks away from gifting us things because, you know, this things these things pile up. Jimmy yeah, right. Well, last year they gave a driver that was retiring like miniature horses. And i dont need livestock. [ laughter ] so in order to sort of avoid that, we tried to steer them toward doing charitable initiatives in their own communities, which theyve done, and its been awesome. Jimmy thats good. A couple of people did give me gifts. Jimmy nobody listens to that fully. What have you gotten . Whats the weirdest thing you got . The weirdest one was probably in new hampshire. Being from the boston area, the patriots, they gave me a musket. [ laughter ] its awesome. Jimmy you have to do this . Yeah, im not an expert at muskets but i thought, this is a beautifully crafted, giant long gun. Im thinking, man, i cant wait. My wife amy is in interior design, shes going to love this this is going to go in the house, im bringing it home, something shes going to be excited about. But its still in the box. Jimmy that never turns out to be true. Its still in the box. Probably going to stay there. Jimmy what interior designer doesnt want a musket hanging on the wall . Yeah, this looks great in the living room. Jimmy youre about to have a baby, congratulations by the way. [ cheers and applause ] yeah. Jimmy first child. Yeah, yeah. I mean, ive really been good all my life at being able to explain things and use natural jits. But i cant put words to what jimmy yeah, we see that, yeah. I cant explain. I dont know. Theres nothing that compares to that feeling when you know that your wifes pregnant and youre going to have a child. Jimmy how did you find out . Were you on the road or at home . Okay, this is really im a huge Washington Redskins fan. They invited me to this luncheon thats a kickoff for their season. I got to do a q a at the end of this luncheon on a stage in front of the whole team. So im sitting there talking to my favorite team. Im talking about me. Theyre asking me questions about racing and all this. The whole teams listening. This is the greatest day of my life, right . And i come home. And im telling amy about it. Im like, amy, this is the greatest day so me and her, were sort of addicted to amazon. Jimmy okay. Im the same way, yeah. We do most of our shopping online. Theres a bit of competition when theres a box on the table at the house. Were flipping it over to see whose names on it. And this one person thats usually disappointed, one very happy. So she says, well, thats cool that you got to see the redskins and all and talk to them, theres a package for you. And i see this Little Package and its open. Im like, you opened my package. [ laughter ] you know whats this my package. Thats kind of an unwritten rule. You get to open your surprise. Right . [ laughter ] if youre married, you know what im talking about. [ laughter ] so im like, so you know what im im saying this to her and she starts filming me with her camera. Im like, you know whats in here. So shes like, yes. So i reach into this little pouch and i pull out a onesy. And im like, i dont i mean, i know right away what that means. And im like, you know, just weird words are coming out of my mouth. [ laughter ] i dont even know what i said. It made zero sense. And then shes like, well, theres more in the bag. So i reach in there. I pull out the pregnancy test. And so you know, i start were crying. Shes crying, im crying. Jimmy right. And shes like im like, im going to put the onesie and the pregnancy test in a ziploc bag, in a safe downstairs. And shes like, why . Im like, well, this is like the first thing, tangible thing for this baby. And i want to show it one day. This is the test. Shes like, the batteries will be dead, it will be useless, what do they care . Im like, it will care, one of these days. I have the video of it she just shot. Jimmy of what . Of me opening the jimmy of making the baby . No [ laughter ] jimmy thats what you save for the kid. See how you were made daddy was excellent [ laughter ] i love that you want to put the musket on the wall but the onesie goes in the safe downstairs. [ laughter ] priorities, yeah. Jimmy youre having a girl, i understand . Yeah, a little girl, may 2nd. Jimmy nice, nice. Very exciting. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy dale could be a name for a girl . Well, so me and amy started a note on our iphones and you can include other people in the notes and edit it and all that stuff. Were doing this name note. Jimmy oh. And she shes put her list of names down. I put my list of names down. Thats how we started it. She didnt like any of my names. Jimmy uhhuh. She said, how about my names . Do you like any of my names . I erased all my names and pulled names from her list that i like. So ive learned that its not 50 50. [ laughter ] that its really her decision. And ive just got to decide which of the names that maybe i like the best in her list. [ laughter ] jimmy thats the way to go. Or offer to have the baby come out of you, i guess. [ laughter ] i think you should probably pick from her list is the way to go. Youre way ahead of me, im learning all this. Jimmy youre going to be working on nbc . Youre going to be out there . Yeah, yeah. Im retiring from driving fulltime. Im still going to race a couple of xfinity races. Thats our College Level jimmy will you change diapers . Or a pit crew doing that . Of course ill change diapers, yeah. Im going to be totally involved, im loving it. Jimmy i cant think your wife is lucky because i cant think of anyone better suited to drive a woman whos pregnant to the hospital. Yeah, right . I know. Jimmy than you. The one thing that i better not screw up. Jimmy its an important thing, yeah. Its very good to see you. Congratulations on a great career. Dale earnhardt jr. , everybody his final race november 19th, homestead miami speedway. Be right back with dan auerbach dicky the Jimmy Kimmel Live Concert Series is presented by mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. Dicky the Jimmy Kimmel Live Concert Series is presented by mercedesbenz. The best or nothing. Jimmy i want to thank all my guests and apologies to matt damon, we did run out of time for him. Nightline is next, but first his album is called waiting on a song here with the song stand by my girl, dan auerbach theres a man in a blue plaid shirt comin knocking i dont know what hes coming for but i know its probably isnt gonna hurt anybody if i dont get up and answer the door no i believe i stay here on the floor im gonna stand by my girl dont think i wont im gonna stand by my girl because shell kill me if i dont i said shell kill me if i dont i never shouldve messed up i shouldve gone ahead and fessed up im gonna look good all dressed up for my own funeral im sure shell look beautiful im gonna stand by my girl dont think i wont im gonna stand by my girl because shell kill me if i dont i said shell kill me if i dont i love a girl with fire in her eyes its what i used to say but now ive come to realize if i wanna live another day i cant be living that way im gonna stand by my girl dont think i wont im gonna stand by my girl because shell kill me if i dont im gonna stand by my girl dont think i wont im gonna stand by my girl because shell kill me if i dont i said shell kill me if i dont [ cheers and applause ] need to find me a flame who wants to burn with me not a cherry bomb who wants to turn on me shes sweeter than an apple pie but she doesnt care enough to try cherry cherrybomb cherry cherrybomb took a job at the mill so i could earn for her make her pretty all the heads are gonna turn for her but soon as the money went away my cherry blew up right in my face this is nightline. Tonight theres no greater threat to women than men. Were the number one threat. Louis ck defending women in his hbo special, but now in real life the comedian accused of sexual misconduct. The new wave of disturbing hollywood accusations. One filmmaker claiming leading man kevin spacey groped him. He grabbed me very hard. I felt completely helpless. Joining a mother who says shes standing up for her son. Spacey stuck his hand inside my sons pants. Plus, greys milestone, a milestone 300th episode. Were going into the o. R. With the cast of greys anatomy. Put the gown on, put the