And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove yeah steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh [ cheers and applause ] oh oh i feel the love [ cheers and applause ] i feel the love [ cheers and applause ] i feel the love on this side. [ cheers and applause ] i feel the love on this side. [ cheers and applause ] i feel the love in the middle right there, come on [ cheers and applause ] welcome to the tonight show, everybody. Heres what people are talking about. I saw that President Trump did an interview with lou dobbs on fox news last night. At one point, dobbs said trump is one of the most loved and respected president s in history. [ laughter ] even trump was like, now, thats fake news. I mean, that cant be true. [ applause ] i dont want to during the interview, trump took a moment to compliment the show. Well, kind of. Check this out. You know, its sort of interesting the way it comes out and youve been talking about the various people on your show, which i watch absolutely, almost all the time. [ laughter ] jimmy i i watch it almost all the almost every day, at least once a week, ive seen [ laughter ] ive seen part of your show, and who are you again . Im sorry. I usually just watch paw patrol. Thats what i watch. [ laughter ] paw patrol paw patrol gotta be there on the double trump also discussed his proposed border wall. Listen to what he said here. You think of a wall as a a wall. Yeah. But honestly, you do need some seethrough ability, because you dont know if its pure concrete, which is a a wall, then you cant see whos on the other side. You know, you have a wall thats this thick and you cant see whos on the other side. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy that story again, hes building a window. Yeah, its been built, its a a thing. [ cheers and applause ] i mean, go for it. Build it, but it opens up and no way. You can [ laughter ] earlier this week, trump had a a lunch meeting with some senators about taxes, and his meal, this is true, his meal was just a bunch of rice and two pieces of cherry pie. [ laughter ] it sounds weird, but i guess hes really into it. He even posted this video for anyone else who wants to eat like him. Check this out. Okay, so you want to eat lunch like the president. Here we go. First, get a bunch of rice. Then, add two giant pieces of cherry pie. Dont worry. Fruit is healthy. Now, season it with a little sugar, and dont forget your vegetables. Mmm, corn. Now, as the french say, bone appetitty. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy as the french say . Steve thats what they say . Jimmy ive never been to france. [ cheers and applause ] ive never been to france. [ laughter ] in a new interview, joe biden was asked about running for president in 2020, and heres how he responded and this is a a real quote he said, i havent decided to run, but ive decided im not going to decide not to run. [ laughter ] pretty confusing. But he didnt stop there. He said, to clarify, ive decided that im not, not going to decide to not not decide to not run. [ laughter ] finally, he said, ive decided, deep inside, to side with my decision that itd be fun to run, but one should not run just for fun, nor run for none. In conclusion, my bidenconda wont run, son, unless he does run, hun. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] this is kind of crazy. I read that Queen Elizabeth has made nearly 9 million in winnings from her racehorses over the past 30 years. [ audience oohs ] she lost most of it betting on cock fights, but still, thats a lot of money to win on a a horse race. Steve thats a lot of money, yeah. [ applause ] jimmy check this out. A Japanese Company created a a 150 noise canceling ramen fork to cover up slurping noises. [ laughter ] so if youve got 150 bucks to spend on forks, why are you eating ramen . I mean [ applause ] thats something you dont [ slurping ] guys, listen to this, i read that massachusetts may join the Atlantic Time Zone and skip an hour ahead of the east coast. [ audience oohs ] while boston will keep its usual time zone, its 5 00 somewhere. [ cheers and applause ] hey, guys, were in week eight of the nfl season and the big sunday night football matchup is between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the detroit lions. Right here on nbc. [ cheers and applause ] big game. Steve big time. Jimmy now as you know, at the end of the season, they give out the most valuable player award, but they also give out other awards during the season. Sort of like the ones in high school yearbooks, like most likely to succeed, class clown, stuff like that. So with that in mind, its time for tonight show superlatives. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] tonight show superlatives [ applause ] jimmy our first player is tyler matakevich. Hes a linebacker for the steelers. He was voted most likely to be the love child of ed sheeran and a squashed pumpkin. [ laughter ] thats nice. [ cheers and applause ] next up for the steelers is juju smithschuster. He was voted most likely to be the drunk pronunciation of, did you smash my rooster . Juju smithschuster . [ applause ] juju smithschuster . [ laughter ] juju smithschuster . [ laughter ] next up for the steelers is james conner. He was voted most likely to be what drake looks like through a a peephole. [ applause ] up next is lions defensive end anthony zettel. He was voted most likely to give it 110 when playing football and 50 when smiling. Steve wow [ applause ] jimmy heres lions offensive tackle emmett cleary. He was voted most likely to be jesuss cousin dave christ. Steve whoa jimmy how you doing, man . Whats up . [ applause ] how you doing, man . Dave. Hows it going . Is that water . Oh, now its malt liquor. There you go, its st. Ides now. [ laughter ] next up for the steelers is kameron canaday. He was voted most likely to be elon musk on the cw. [ applause ] heres lions linebacker nick bellore. He was voted, least shoulders. Oh. [ laughter and applause ] thats a rare, rare award. They they never give that out. Steve never give that out. Jimmy no. [ laughter ] up next for the steelers is david decastro. He was voted most likely to be the love child of Steven Seagal and joey fatone. [ applause ] and finally, for the steelers, its matt feiler. He was voted most likely to store food in his cheeks for the winter. There you go, we have a great show tonight. Give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause ] artificially flavored i never made it so fascinated please dont change it got modified original do you hear me lady youre beautiful just be you you dont gotta try just do cause doing too much might change my view of you so let it grow organic cause its automatic and true you dont gotta try just do you dont have nothing to prove its what you do so let it grow organic cause its automatically you steve oh jimmy that is nice. That is musician and producer stokley of mint condition sitting in with the roots tonight [ cheers and applause ] his debut album, introducing stokley, is out now. Thank you so much for being with us tonight. Thanks for having me. Jimmy this is going to be fun. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we have a fun show tonight. Oh, we love her so much. From live with kelly and ryan, kelly ripa is stopping by tonight. Steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy how much do you love kelly ripa . Steve come on shes the best. Jimmy we love her. I love her. Also joining us tonight, hes one of the funniest dudes out there, he hosts the Jim Jefferies show on comedy central, the hilarious Jim Jefferies is here tonight. Steve oh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy from australia. And hes a funny dude. Amazing. Amazing guy. And we have great music tonight. Cole swindell steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy if you like great Country Music, you should be here. Cole swindell, oh hes fantastic. Guys, guys, sometimes it feels like theres nothing but bad news out there, am i right . Well, we here at the tonight show we decided to do something about that. So we asked real local nbc news anchors from all around the country to read stories that we wish were true, stories that make us feel happy. [ laughter ] ill show you what i mean in tonights installment of, ive got good news and good news. Ive got good news ive got good news ive got good news breaking news from washington, the white house reporting tonight, the president has forgotten has twitter password. [ laughter and applause ] breaking news, a Good Samaritan just found your wallet and guess what . Theres even more money in it now. And the samaritan is hot. And they want to know what your deal is. In tech news, it is now illegal for anyone to loop you into an email chain. Anyone caught looping you in will be immediately banned from sending emails ever again. Im talking to you, rick. Trick or treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat. If you dont, i dont care, ill pull down your underwear. More at 11 00. [ laughter ] in entertainment news, Benedict Cumberbatch and Engelbert Humperdinck have decided to combine their names. I would say that name but, its too spicy for television. A new study finds that every time i blink, a dudes voice says, nice. Nice. Nice. Nice. Oh, yeah. Bed bath and beyond has announced that they are merging with skippy Peanut Butter because that would be funny. [ laughter ] and finally tonight, do you guys ever look up at the night sky and think, what does it all mean . Me too, bro. Me too. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy didnt that make you feel good . [ cheers and applause ] well, stick around. Well be right back with more of the tonight show, everybody. Come on back. [ cheers and applause ] tmobile family plans now come with netflix included. Thats huge. Thats right. Tmobiles got your Netflix Subscription covered. [ explosion noises ] so go ahead and watch however you want. Really . Thats incredible. All at no extra charge. This is awesome another reason why tmobile is americas best unlimited network. And now, you can enjoy all your favorite shows on the best iphone yet. Save 300 bucks on the amazing iphone 8. When you ache and havent youre not you. Tylenol® pm relieves pain and helps you fall fast asleep and stay asleep. We give you a better night. Youre a better you all day. Tylenol®. Welcome to maxx you. You are whimsical, vibrant, statement making. We see what makes you unique. So we have something for everyone, at a price thats just right for you. Maxx you. Maxx life. T. J. Maxx [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, thank you very much. Welcome back, everybody it is time for tonight show hashtags. Here we go. Hashtags hashtags jimmy now, we do this thing every wednesday where i send out a hashtag, and we ask you guys to respond to that topic. So, since halloween is coming up, and lots of people like to dress up their pets, i sent out a hashtag called doghalloweencostumes. I asked you guys to send us pictures of your dogs wearing funny Halloween Costumes. Within 30 minutes, it was a a trending topic in the u. S. , so thank you for sending those. [ cheers and applause ] theyre pretty good. Steve got some good ones . Jimmy now, i thought id share some of my favorite dog Halloween Costumes from you guys. Here we go. This first ones from pelin3356. Her dog costume is, pawlice officer. [ laughter and applause ] steve pawlice. Jimmy thats pretty cute. Yeah, pawlice officer. Steve at least it wasnt paw lice. [ light laughter ] jimmy this ones from andresgs12 his dogs costume is puppywise. Ooh. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] hes in like a little sewer. I mean, come on. Steve dogs love it. [ laughter ] jimmy this ones from, xraytech88. Assuming they are an xray technician. Steve 87, yeah. Theres 87 of them before him. [ light laughter ] jimmy no, i think maybe 1988, maybe they started . Steve on twitter . I dont think twitter was around in 88. [ light laughter ] jimmy but Xray Technology was. Steve i guess youre right. Xray technology, perhaps its marie curie. [ laughter ] this ones from xraytech88. Her dogs costume is pawnald trump. Look at that comb over there. Yeah, there you go. Just got to comb it. Thats an easy costume. Steve yeah, thats easy. Just a comb over, and youre done. Jimmy ive got enormous paws. Yeah. [ laughter ] this next guy is my jam. This is from brussellssprout, and his costume is sproutie the grouch. Look at this. [ applause ] oh my gosh. Look at that dude. Its a good steve scram. Jimmy sproutie the grouch. This ones from 3chisue. Her dog costume is jimmy ruffett. Well, there you go, yeah. Party dog. [ cheers and applause ] steve like spuds mckenzie [ applause ] jimmy this ones from bschout509. Her dogs costume is pughetti and meatballs. Aww. [ laughter and applause ] spaghetti and meatballs. Steve oh, theres a jimmy forget about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This ones from tracedthurmon. Steve oh. Jimmy traced. Traced. Steve traced . Jimmy traced. Steve traced, like tracing a piece of paper, like you trace this . Jimmy like just like thurman was traced by the steve like, maybe on the phone . Like a traced phone call . Or trace as in traced paper. Jimmy hold on. [ phone ringing ] hello . Oh, sorry. Hello . Hello . Steve hello, yes . Jimmy oh, hi. Did i call you . Steve yeah, you just called me. Jimmy oh, i just is this thurman . Steve yeah, it is. Jimmy oh, cool. Ill call you right back. Steve okay. [ phone ringing ] jimmy hello. Steve Denver Police department. Jimmy yeah, did you trace the call. Steve yes, i did. Its coming from inside the house. Jimmy no [ cheers and applause ] coming from inside the house. Steve so thurman was jimmy oh, my wifes name is thurman, i apologize officer. Steve yeah, hes not theremin. Jimmy no. tracedthurman. His dogs costume is furry kreuger. [ applause ] he licks you in your sleep, and this last one is a mind bender. This is one of my favorite costumes. This is from dearmanali. Her dogs costume is toto as dorothy. Thats meta. [ applause ] there you have it. Those are our tonight show hashtags. To check out more of our favorites, go to tonightshow. Com hashtags. Well be right back with kelly ripa, everybody. 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[ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest is the emmywinning cohost of the very popular daytime talk show, live with kelly and ryan. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome kelly ripa [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy please welcome so nice. Jimmy the one and only, oh my gosh. Hi. Jimmy thank you so much for coming back. I love coming here. Jimmy you know, they obviously love you but i love you as well. Aw. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy who doesnt love you . Thank you. You guys you guys are so adorable when the lights are on. [ laughter ] jimmy they are. Theyre adorable. Yeah. Nice. Jimmy theyre dancing and having fun. Yeah. Jimmy i had so much fun on your show. Oh, thank you. Jimmy i just came on the show last week or two weeks ago. Can i tell you what you did for us . You gave our show something that weve never nobody, like, brings us anything. I dont know if you know this, everybody here, but jimmy fallon has taken to pickling. Did your audience know this about you . Jimmy its sweeping the nation. Okay. Jimmy Everybody Knows that i make my own pickles now. Ok but [ laughter ] he brought us pickles. And we were backstage and Ryan Seacrest says, you know, we should eat them. And i was like, we cannot eat them. Because this is archival material. This is going on the shelf next to the emmy, because [ light laughter ] jimmy because we didnt get to we now have a emmy and a a pickle jar. Jimmy well, heres whats funny because i was watching the show the other day. I remember i gave you the pickles. We never got into opening or eating the pickles. I assumed after you just ate it. And i was just watching the other day. And blake lively was on. Yeah. Jimmy and if you just look in the background, use your eye there. I dont even see blake lively. I see pickles. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i see pickles. You see blake lively. Jimmy this is the new m. Night shyamalan movie. I see pickles. I see pickles. Jimmy i see pickles. And you have no idea. Those pickles gave us such life. I mean, we decorated for halloween. And they decorated around the pickles. [ laughter ] jimmy thats just ridiculous. It is so ridiculous. Theres like a ghost behind the pickles. Jimmy i love that its there. Im very proud of these. Theres a jalapeno in there. Its a very spicy pickle. Listen, im sure theyre delicious. But theyre not getting opened. I mean jimmy theyre vacuum sealed. Michelle obama brought us honey from the white house. And somebody opened that and we were like, dead. We will figure it out. Jimmy yeah. Dont you ever. You opened white house honey. This is precious. Jimmy yes. This is Michelle Obama honey, you maniac, you savages. [ light laughter ] so now we have jimmy maniacs and savages. We have a security guard. Im like, you keep your eye on the pickles. Jimmy somebody is going to eat those pickles. I dont care if somebody comes in here with a knife and comes after me, you save the pickles first. [ laughter ] jimmy thats the first thing you do. We have people, like, well have people with, like, the class tours that come in and take the studio tours. Jimmy yeah, of course. And all they talk about usually, they dont care about our show. They want to see the weather wall, you know, where the weather guys do the weather. Jimmy the screen, the green screen. And now they take them into the studio and they go, those are Jimmy Fallons pickles. [ laughter and applause ] its hilarious. Jimmy yes. Its giving us life. Jimmy yes ive done it im so happy. Im so happy. Thank you. We would have manufactured tshirts that say, home of the jimmy fallon pickle. [ laughter ] jimmy they really are. But i mean, i saw another interview too. And it was in the background. It really made me laugh. I mean, you have no idea. It gives us life. Jimmy that made me laugh. We almost its almost like a sports team. Like we come out and touch the pickles for luck. Jimmy just for luck. Like at the apollo, the stone. Yeah, yeah. The pickles jimmy how is mark . Hows your husband, mark consuelos, is on riverdale. Riverdale jimmy and hes getting [ cheers and applause ] yes. Jimmy knockout punches. Its the best hiram lodge, dude it is awesome. Im so into riverdale. Im freaking out. Hes living his best life. Like he is in vancouver jimmy oh the couve. Hes never looked better. [ cheers ] yes. Canadian oh, look. You put your canadians up north too. [ laughter ] jimmy no, they just got bad seats, thats all. They just got bad seats. Our canadians are always like im like, any canadians and up top. Thats so funny. Thats so funny. Jimmy theyre all mounties. Yeah. But he is having the best time ever. Jimmy hes crushing it. And hes awesome. I love it. The greatest thing i wish you could watch i wish you could watch riverdale with my 16yearold daughter, whos finally like, i cannot believe dad is only a show that i actually watch. [ laughter ] jimmy by the way, i like the vocal fry at the end. Well, because when i watch you do ew jimmy yeah, ew. I believe that ew i believe that you are hanging out with my daughter and her friends when you came up with this character. And i just never knew it was happening. Jimmy ew that is who they are. Jimmy yeah. But theyre new yorkers. So its more like ech. Jimmy ech. Ech. Jimmy ew. But she watches riverdale, and shes and, like, you know how so, veronica drinks shes 16 also. And she drinks mimosas at breakfast. Jimmy yeah. And my daughters like, dad never lets me drink mimosas at breakfast. And i go, yeah, cause hes a a real father. And thats a character on tv. Jimmy hes acting. Hes acting in the show. Dad would never let me do that. Dad would never let my boyfriend drink alcohol. [ laughter ] jimmy you just made her mad on the way over here. Because you threw a Throwback Thursday photo on i did. Its so bizarre. I never im never allowed to post a photo of her ever. Jimmy thats not fair. Exactly. Why did i have these kids if not to exploit them on social media . [ laughter ] jimmy thats great, buddy. And then i was like, you know what . She cant get mad at an 8yearold photo. Its a halloween Throwback Thursday jimmy its throwback halloween photo. Im in the elevator coming up here and i get the phone rings. And i see it says, lola. And i was like debating. I was like, maybe i shouldnt answer it. But what if its an emergency . She was like, you take it down right now [ laughter ] [ inaudible ] my friends follow you for some reason. And they will see that. Jimmy im having a mimosa right now. [ laughter ] so i was like, you know what ill do . Jimmy im having i was like, do you know what . I will take it down. Ill take it down for you. And that was the end of the discussion. She didnt say, where are you going . What are you doing . She didnt say a word. Jimmy take it down from there. I was like, i will take it down from instagram. Jimmy and ill put it up here. Right there. [ cheers and applause ] [ laughter ] jimmy i love you. I love you so much. Jimmy we love you. We love you. You know we love you. Were just playing. More with kelly ripa when we come back, everybody. We love you [ cheers and applause ] starbucks narino 70 cold brew coffee. In stores now. Only at starbucks. That one. This. That one. So, dathe family up to the lake for the weekend. But without the White Knuckles this time. cuz his new 2018 ford f150 has blis with trailer coverage. Its brainiac smart. Not only does it watch your f150s blind spots, its got your trailer covered too. One less thing to spoil the weekend. No, it cant make the fish bite but maybe theyll work on that. This is the new 2018 ford f150 it doesnt just raise the bar, pal. It is the bar. When i walked through a snowthats when i knewtte, i had to quit. For real this time. Thats why im using nicorette. Only nicorette gum has patented dualcoated technology for great taste plus intense craving relief. Every great why needs a great how. Giveyoure finished curse you, heman, you interfering imbecile give us one good reason we shouldnt vanquish you to another dimension ok, guys, hear me out. Switching to geico could save you. Hundreds on Car Insurance. Huh, he does make a point. I do like to save money. Catch you on the flip, suckas geico. Because saving fifteen percent or more on Car Insurance is always a great answer. Why are south jerseyans so angry headlines at sweeney . Up. Sweeney repeatedly sided with Chris Christie to underfund south jersey schools, increase standardized testing like parcc, cut takehome pay for teachers, and broke his promise to fund the pensions of hundreds of thousands of new jerseyans all while padding his own. Steve sweeney says a lot of things. But the truth is, hes not on our side. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back. We are hanging out with kelly ripa, ladies and gentlemen, right there. [ cheers and applause ] hi. Jimmy we love you. You know what i love, theres many episodes i enjoy from your show. But this is the thing that i love about your show. The halloween episode. Oh, its our favorite. Its our favorite. Jimmy kelly and ryan. Now this is Ryan Seacrest i think many of you must sleep through that one. Jimmy no, no. No, no, no, well i mean trivias always good. I love that part too, but the halloween episode is a a mustsee, mustsee tv its our favorite. Jimmy because you guys go for it, and its always great. I dont think i could do a a costume on this show. Well, its very funny. As i watch this show, nightly, i always realize, like, our halloween show is like your show every day. Like, its the only show weve produced, and we, like, we rehearsed, and we do bits, and we write things, and we have costumes. Jimmy you dont do that for your other shows. No, we just sort of go out there, and we read the newspaper, and talk to each other, and then we interview guests. I mean like, listen, right now, all of my producers are like, what do you think i do . Theyre like jimmy no, no, they know. Theyre like, oh do you think you come up with those questions on your own . Jimmy genius . Yeah, exactly. I know what you mean. But honestly we have produced jimmy but this is a thing. But this is like a thing with bits, and routines, and dance routines, and jimmy and does ryan know when he signed on for this gig that he has to dress up. Whats so funny is so i was not privy to any of ryans contract negotiations except for one part. I go, you told them hes going to have to wear a dress, and a a wig, right, on halloween . Did you tell him that . Jimmy yeah, because thats part of the deal. Thats a deal breaker. [ laughter ] jimmy is he dressing up . Not only has he dressed up, like, because weve shot a a bunch of the bits. He is gorgeous as a woman. Like [ laughter and applause ] i was like, im not kidding, because a lot of times, when guys are handsome, they dont make pretty women. Like they dont look so great when you put a wig, and a dress on them. He is gorgeous. Like, i felt so bad about myself. [ laughter ] i was like, this is is this what working with a kardashian does . It intuitively makes you prettier as a woman . Jimmy gorgeous . Yeah. Because he is gorgeous. Jimmy can you give us hints on anything that youre going to do . Because i dont want to spoil anything. So we do like, were doing a lot of popular, like, pop culture moments, but we have a weird twist on everything, so we do something with the handmaids tale. But its got the most bizarre twist youll ever think about. Jimmy okay. We do game of thrones, but its bizzarre its bizarro game of thrones. So everything has like a weird double meaning, and a weird double purpose, if that makes sense. Jimmy it does make sense. All right, good. I want to see i always look forward to seeing it because you just go for it. I love you as a person, as a a host. I love you too. Jimmy i just always come by the show. Please, please, please. [ cheers and applause ] im really great. Jimmy thank you so much. Kelly ripa, everybody watch live with kelly and ryan weekday mornings. Well be right back with Jim Jefferies. Stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] [bell rings] so i was at mom and dads and found this. Cds, baseball cards. Your old magic set . And this wrestling ticket. Which you still owe me for. Seriously . 25 i didnt even want to go. Ahhh, your diary. Mom says it is totally natural. 25 is nothing. Abracadabra, bro. The bank of america mobile banking app. The fast, secure and simple way to send money. 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Its google home mini, and the rest of the google home family. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our next guest is an internationally renowned standup comic as well as the host of the Jim Jefferies show, which airs tuesday nights at 10 30 on comedy central. Say hello to a very funny man. Here is Jim Jefferies, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy Jim Jefferies you are a very, very funny man. Thank you. Jimmy welcome to the show. Thank you for having me. Jimmy thank you for being here. You now youre from australia. And now you live in los angeles. You have a 4yearold son . He about to turn five. Yeah, hes four hes four now. Hes about to turn five. Jimmy yeah, okay. Good, yeah. Thats how it works. Jimmy yeah, thats how it [ light laughter ] if he was about to turn seven. You go, thats a weird kid. Jimmy hes turning yeah, so anyways. Is he psyched for halloween . He is psyched for halloween. I mean, i used to hate halloween as an australian. Because we didnt celebrate halloween. The most experience i had with halloween was watching like the simpsons cartoons. Jimmy yeah. [ light laughter ] and i would always just think, ah, stupid americans, getting dressed up. And then i went to a Halloween Party like seven years ago. And i saw how all the women were dressed. And i was like, halloweens all right. [ laughter ] im all right with halloween. Every year i do a different outfit. And like like two years ago, i went as, like, a storm trooper. Dont do that. Uncomfortable outfit no good. Jimmy oh, yeah, very stiff. Yeah, very stiff. Then i went as oscar the grouch, which is just oscar the grouch and then a big bin, like a skirt. Jimmy yeah. Beautiful outfit. Very airy. Right . [ laughter ] so now im at that stage with your kid where i got to go to the Pumpkin Patch. I dont agree with the Pumpkin Patch. Just go to a supermarket and buy your pumpkin. You dont have to go to a a special pumpkin place. Like imagine if we did that with every other vegetable, how hard salads would be. But people do it. People do it. Because its a good Color Palette to take your child and get it photographed next to a a pumpkin. People like the orange next to the child. Its more for the parent. [ light laughter ] its for the parent to take a a good photo. And the good thing is, if you have a really ugly kid, it will always look good next to a a pumpkin. [ cheers and applause ] right . Jimmy um, sure, i guess so. Unless youve got like a a really ugly kid and then someone takes it as a pumpkin. And then your [ laughter ] jimmy so you dont support the Pumpkin Patch . No. What is this, you go pumpkin there might be a a little bit of a hay ride or something. Its boring for me. Jimmy how about like, any other thanksgiving . I dont. Ive been trying to do thanksgiving. My ex is canadian, so we have an american child, so we try to all get together for thanksgiving. But we really dont know what were doing. And so i just sort of give him some turkey. And im like, are you enjoying yourself, mate . [ laughter ] theres some turkey. Theres some cranberries. Jimmy are you enjoying yourself, mate . Yeah. [ light laughter ] well thats a i think its i think its stupid, thanksgiving. Im on board with halloween. Jimmy yeah. I think thanksgiving is stupid. I dont understand the people who get very excited by it. You always meet someone whos like, dude, i love thanksgiving, man. Thanksgivings my favorite. Jimmy yeah, they know. [ cheers and applause ] why . Whats going on . Every time i ask you, they go, this is what we do, man. This is what we do. We get together and we eat, and eat, and eat, and eat. But im like, how is this different from any other american day . [ laughter ] and they go, oh, we watch football as well. Oh, thats a big game changer. [ laughter ] you eat and you watch football. Lets all take the day off work. [ laughter ] but you always get jimmy you get things, you have the cranberries, you have stuffing the stuffing. The stuffing does my head in. Dont even bring stuffing up. cause everyones got like a a grandmother or a mother. And theyre like, dude, my mother makes this stuffing. And it is literally my favorite thing in the world. And she only makes it one day a a year. And im like, is your mother an asshole . [ laughter ] you just said you just said its your favorite thing in the world. Favorite thing in the world. Why isnt every tuesday stuffing day . [ laughter ] well, no, tacos already got the market on tuesdays. So, make it wednesdays. Stuffing jimmy taco tuesday. Why is why is she holding out . Does it take a long time . [ light laughter ] jimmy no, shes just being cruel. Just being cruel. Are you enjoying the show . Congratulations. Well, im jimmy the Jim Jefferies show. [ cheers and applause ] your names in the title. But its fun. I mean, so what do you do there . Youve got cue cards, see . Jimmy yes. They put cue cards up for you. Just so occasionally i have to go his name is Jim Jefferies so you can remember. Jimmy thats correct. [ light laughter ] occasionally you look over and go, thats my guest. You know kelly ripa. Jimmy yes. And lets be honest. We all knew that Ryan Seacrest would look good in a dress. That was no surprise. [ laughter and applause ] i love the way you played along. Like, really . Like it was ed oneill, like really Ryan Seacrest . Jimmy ed oneill. Good looking in a dress. Jimmy ed oneill impressions . No im not doing it. Im just saying that, you know anyway jimmy we have cue cards. Yeah. You have cue cards, i have to read from an auto cue or a a teleprompter, or whatever they call it. And what i found out through doing the show is, i can do funny and all this other stuff, but im doing more of a news show. And i found out that i cant read. [ light laughter ] and thats thats an upsetting thing. Jimmy thats tough, yeah. And so it takes me like 20 takes sometimes. I was i did a whole piece on fentanyl last night. And i couldnt say the word, fentanyl. And it took me 20 takes. And im telling you jimmy how long is the show . 20 minutes. Once i did a show in 25 minutes. Taped the whole thing and like yesterdays or tuesdays show, took like two hours. It was the like the worst thing ever. But im telling you thats why john oliver wins emmys. Is cause hes the best reader. [ laughter ] im serious, it is. Its just about and you can tell you can tell hes smarter than me, because he has glasses and stuff, right . Jimmy yeah. Like when you watch john oliver, youre like, that guy really understands what hes talking about. When you watch my show, you go, that guys learning to read. [ laughter ] jimmy no, no, no. [ applause ] you do things, though. cause you go you go on tour all over the world, you went to the u. K. , for instance, and yeah, yeah, well, thats the thing. Is i wanted to do like we had some field pieces for the show. cause i do all me all my own fill pieces. And i wanted to do, like a a ridealong with some police in britain, cause its funny, cause they dont have guns. Theyre really just guys in cars with sticks. [ laughter ] just riding around the suburbs like, stop it, ive got a a stick. [ laughter ] you know, ive got a bit of pepper spray, so dont kick off, because ill pepper and stick you. [ laughter ] jimmy ill poke ya, ill poke ya. And then like some of the elite cops in britain have, like, tasers. But theyre like, oh, they brought in the tasers. [ laughter ] jimmy hold on, let me let me charge it up. Every cop in britain has less weapons than a standard person walking the streets in america. Right . [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, that is true. So i just i just tweeted out, does anyone know any cops . And the like, some cops in birmingham they were just like, okay, you can come out here. And thats actually a really good birmingham accent, but none of you all know. Birmingham accent is the worst accent in the world. The most famous person from birmingham is ozzie osbourne. And you think his voice is drug affected. Its just from birmingham. [ laughter ] so we went out jimmy thats the actual accent, yeah. And we road around with the cops. Jimmy i want to show a clip because it it went viral on the internet. But heres Jim Jefferies doing a ridealong with the police in birmingham birmingham, england. [ sirens ] theyve got the siren on now. This is very exciting. I didnt think i get a little rough for blood. As soon as your setting it up how fast are we going . 60. Oh, it felt faster. [ light laughter ] great. So, where are we going to now exactly . Theres a guy who is running down the road throwing drugs. To stop his car. Hes throwing drugs around . Yeah. [ light laughter ] where would he throw these drugs . Where would they be . [ laughter ] you should confiscate those. So where did he dump those drugs . I can help you with those, if you want to find those. Jimmy lets get down to the real questions. Our thanks to Jim Jefferies, everybody [ cheers and applause ] the Jim Jefferies show airs tuesday nights at 10 30 on comedy central. Cole swindell performs after the break. Stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] steve sweeneys negative headlines keep piling up. Why are south jerseyans so angry at sweeney . Sweeney repeatedly sided with Chris Christie to underfund south jersey schools, increase standardized testing like parcc, cut takehome pay for teachers, and broke his promise to fund the pensions of hundreds of thousands of new jerseyans all while padding his own. Steve sweeney says a lot of things. But the truth is, hes not on our side. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy he is a platinum selling singer and songwriter who is the only solo artist in the history of Country Music to hit number one with his first seven singles. Wow. [ cheers and applause ] thats awesome. Performing his new song, stay downtown, please welcome Cole Swindell [ cheers and applause ] i feel my phone buzzing aint even gotta look down i know its you thats calling a couple drinks in by now so i say hello you say hey babe say youre bout to catch a cab over to my place see you in five but baby this time stay downtown keep moving your heels on the floor let the bartender pour you up another round tip the cover band find another hand to dance and call him your rebound another late night love another last call crush with the neon shining down girl this time around stay downtown aint gonna lie if you knock on my door im gonna let you walk in let you leave drunk lipstick marks like tattoos on my skin but you know in the morning were gonna regret everything we did so why even start what aint good for our hearts stay downtown stay downtown keep moving your heels on the floor let the bartender pour you up another round tip the cover band find another hand to dance and call him your rebound another late night love another last call crush with the neon shining down girl this time around stay downtown keep sipping your drink keep spinning the room keep chasing the night like you always do keep letting the good times play dont let me get in your way stay downtown keep moving your heels on the floor let the bartender pour you up another round tip the cover band find another hand to dance and call him your rebound another late night love another last call crush with the neon shining down girl this time around stay downtown stay downtown yeah this time around baby stay downtown [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh come on. I love it, man. Thank you so much for being here. Cole swindell [ cheers and applause ] thats how you do it right there you should be here is out now. My thanks to kelly ripa, Jim Jefferies, Cole Swindell [ cheers and applause ] stokley [ cheers and applause ] and the roots right there from philadelphia. [ cheers and applause ] stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Thank you for watching. Have a great night. I hope to see you tomorrow. Byebye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight liev schreiber, from a bad moms christmas, actress cheryl hines, from saturday night live, comedian mikey day, featuring the 8g band with sonny emory. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. Seth good evening. Im seth meyers. This is late night. How is everybody doing tonight . [ cheers and applause ] thats good. Fantastic to hear. In that case, lets get to the news. Fox news host lou dobbs interviewed President Trump last night and told trump he is quote, one of the most loved and respected president s in history. [ light laughter ] i dont know about that, but hes definitely in the top 45
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