Jackman, Condola Rashad and musical guest flaming lips, featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the uled sn livatheater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause theme song playing stephen hey nice to see ya. cheers and applause hey, everybody welcome to the late show whoo cheers and applause audience chanting stephen thats lovely. Welcome to the show, everybody im your host Stephen Colbert. cheers and applause big news today out of the kremlin im sorry, i mispronounced that. I meant to say the white house. Now, heres the deal, yall you know how theres all this smoke around the idea that the trump folks colluded with the russians to influence the election . And the trump people are saying, nothing to see here, folks . Well, i spy with my little eye, the attorney general of the united states. It turns out, Jeff Sessions spoke with the Russian Ambassador twice during trumps campaign, even though, at his confirmation hearing, sessions was asked this by senator al franken about reports of collusion. These documents also allegedly stated there was a continuing exchange of information during the campaign between trump surrogates and intermediaries for the russian government. If there is any evidence that anyone affiliated with the Trump Campaign communicated with the russian government in the course of this campaign, what will you do . Senator franken, im not aware of any of those activities. I have been called a surrogate at a time or two in that campaign and i didnt have not have communications with the russians. audience reacts Stephen Franken didnt even ask if you were involved why did you volunteer to lie . southern accent id be happy to answer your question, senator. First, let me stand on this ricketty chair next to this full bathtub and please, hand me that toaster. Perhaps an english mus muffin oo down here. What was your question again . piano riff cheers and applause no, officer, i did not see who stabbed the gentleman. By the way, as a young man my nickname was stabby jack, but these days i control my thirst for blood with pure oldfashioned stranglin. What was the question again . laughter now, the russian guy he spoke to is sergey kislyak, the same Russian Ambassador that Michael Flynn talked to before he got the kislyak of death. laughter now, sessions office had an explanation they say that sessions didnt lie. They say he wasnt meeting kislyak as a surrogate, he met with the Russian Ambassador in his capacity as a member of the Armed Services panel. Honey, i wasnt having sex with her as your husband. As a member of the Armed Services panel. Totally different. applause huge humping fans here tonight. So now, folks on both sides of the aisle have called on sessions to recuse himself from any russian investigation. This afternoon, sessions agreed. I have recused myself in matters that deal with the Trump Campaign. Stephen you called yourself a campaign surrogate. Then, you lied under oath that you never met with the russians. So you dont have to recuse yourself youve already bleep yourself. cheers and applause we dont have to bleep that. Jon there you have it. Thats how it goes. Stephen and we probably campaigns russian connections if it werent for some lastminute work by the obama administration. cheers and applause according to a new report, obama officials fought to preserve evidence of Russian Election meddling. Good idea. Though i believe there is a large piece of evidence sitting in the oval office. laughter the obama folks were worried that after trump took office, the intelligence could be covered up or destroyed. Yes, trump could bury it where the public would never see it maybe with his taxes. laughter applause it was all an effort to leave a clear trail of intelligence for government investigators. Oh, its a Scavenger Hunt with clues hidden throughout the government the movie National Treasure is finally coming true nicolas cage, quick, check the back of the constitution. I knew it Vladimir Putins phone number cheers and applause piano riff i knew it was Something Like constitution theres some writing on that side thats pretty damning to trump, too. cheers and applause now, congress has finally started its russia investigation, with House Intelligence Committee chanirma devin nunes saying, on a bipartisan basis, we will fully investigate all the evidence we collect and follow that evidence wherever it leads. Bring a flashlight because its pretty dark up putins butt. laughter one of these things. laughter mr. Trump laughter battery will go down unless you turn it off. laughter and things are getting serious because the white house staff has been told to preserve all russiarelated materials. So you hear that, mr. President . Dont get that mattress steamcleaned. audience reacts jon ooh stephen yeah. I like that joke, too. laughter speaking of donald trump, while his attorney general was going down in flames trump was in virginia, addressing the military in newport news. Or as he calls it, newport fake news. Trump was on the deck of the brand new carrier, u. S. S. Gerald ford, and he debuted a new look. You know, they just gave me this beautiful jacket. They said, here, mr. President , please take this home. I said, let me wear it and then they gave me the beautiful hat. And i said, you know, maybe ill do that. I have no idea how it looks. Stephen like grandpa just stepped out of the changing room at the Army Surplus Store . cheers and applause what do you think . What do you think . applause you buy it . laughter understands the modern u. S. Navy. It really feels like a place you stand on that deck and you feel like youre standing on a very big piece of land, but this is better than land. Stephen congratulations. Youve just described a boat. laughter its like land on water. But its dry. Its like a hotel, but its on its side, and its not sinking, and theres no room service. The worst. laughter and as befits the commander in chief, he went out of his way to compliment the men and women in uniform. Our navy is great, our navy is great. Our people are great. Great. cheers and applause stephen your vocabulary, but everything else, great. Now, say hi to jon batiste and stay human, everybody cheers and applause stephen wow, this russian thing is developing so fast. A new thing every day. Heres the thing, it is only getting out in the public because of white house whistleblowers. No one knows who these people are. cheers and applause trump is getting frustrated and he thinks he may have found the source of these leaks. I think that president obama is behind it because his people are certainly behind it, and some of the leaks possibly come from that group. Ste obama could be behind the leaks. Hed have to be in the inner circle. We have a picture of trump with his cabinet. Pull it out, jimmy. Ahha jon yeah yeah stephen hes so clever. But this is great news for me because, if trump thinks the leaks are coming from obama, then he hasnt caught on to my super secret source in the white house. Which means its time for another edition of late show president ial leakrets. cheers and applause welcome to late show president ial super secret source, high up in the trump administration. To protect his identity, we have dimmed the lights, and put him or her behind a screen. Hello, anonymous source. Hello, stephen. Stephen im glad your voice is still disguised. Me too. The machine has two settings. It has this low mode, or, i can switch it. To a jon batiste setting. laughter applause stephen wow, that really sounds like him. Yeah. Where ya at, yall . Hoo laughter stephen so whats the mood of the white house right now . Well, you know the phrase whistling past the graveyard . Stephen yeah. Ive heard that. Its like that, but no whistling. Its all graveyard. Stephen so theyre pretty upset about Jeff Sessions news . Well, a little. But mostly theyre upset about katy perry i mean, it doesnt get any more romantic than naked paddleboarding. And i must say, Orlando Bloom has quite the paddle. Stephen okay, but its clear now, sessions met with the Russian Ambassador twice before the election, but denies discussing the campaign. How deep do sessions ties to the russians go . Oh, really, really deep. Russia is the home of the enchanted tree, where sessions and his family bake all those cookies laughter his code name is e. L. Fudge. Stephen how did you know that . Lets just say a little bird told me. laughter comrade comrade cheers and applause stephen any idea of where trump goes from here . At this point, Everybody Knows theyve got to appoint a special prosecutor. Stephen who will it be . Its down to former solicitor general ted olsen, or trumps choice, matlock. laughter stephen he would be really good. Now, this sessions business is overshadowing trumps very wellreviewed address to congress. Did the president write this speech himself . No, that speech was written by having a thousand monkeys type for a million years. Stephen so steve bannon didnt have any input at all . I didnt say that. Bannon brought the monkeys over from breitbart. Theyre white supremachimps. Stephen now, trump had an different factions are fighting in the white house, is that true . Yes, theyre fighting in the pit trump had installed under the oval office. This morning, Kellyanne Conway gutted an intern with Reince Priebus sharpened femur. Stephen wait, Reince Priebus is dead . Only the first one. His clones are fine. Stephen can you tell us why the president still refuse to release his taxes . Hes just really modest and doesnt want people to know about the millions he gives to charity every year. Stephen i would never have guessed that. Because its not true. Its all the russia stuff. He claimed putin as a dependent. Isnt that right, little bird . Da bird attacks cheers and applause stephen anonymous source, everybody well be right back with hugh jackman. whispering dad trust me, we are going viral. Ing to work . kids laughing whispering mom lets send in max. kids max max now this, is internet gold going viral . Get scrubbing bubbles clean and disinfect. What . 20,000 views sc johnson. You may be muddling through allergies. Try zyrtec® for powerful allergy relief. And zyrtec® is different than claritin®. 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Enjoy the go with charmin. cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight is a golden globe, emmy, and Tony Awardwinning actor, but his most impressive hardware is his adamantium claws. Hes back as wolverine in logan. Whos this . The guy telling you to get back in your nice truck and go play oak oaky dickhead someer else. Looks like he has muscle. That way. Friend of mine. With a big mouth. I hear that a lot. You probably hear this, too gun racked more than i would like. You know the drill. Im going to count to three and you will start walking away. I have rights. One. I have a lawyer, now. Two, three. Ah, ah you all right, boss . Know the drill. Get theel hell out of here. Stephen please welcome, hugh jackman cheers and applause stephen thank you, man real movie star entrance. Whats that . Stephen movie stars have a slightly different entrance than everybody else. Really . Stephen they take the moment, stand over there, address the audience first. Uma thurman did the same thing. Youre a true movie star. I have to thank you publicly. We hosted an event in central park. Stephen i have a picture. Yes. Stephen this is global citizen. Light as a feather, by the way, light as a feather. Stephen we cohosted, you had a long trench coat on your shoulder. I came out from way to stage left only to discover my eyesight has gotten bad. I said, could you read it . I stood there the entire time while you covered for me. I now have contact lenses. So thank you for that. You carried me on your back. Yeah. laughter stephen the thing i find humbling is we rehearsed this once in the studio, and i got on his shoulders, and i was afraid, i dont know why, i was going to hurt your shoulders by sitting on them. But when i got off, i limped away from being on your shoulders. Our wives were there. My wife said, are you telling me you hurt your leg sitting on his shoulders . laughter it was likely humbling. applause thank you. Stephen adamantium clause . This is a basal cell carcinoma, at least form of skin cancer. Wear sunscreen. Get checkups. But im all fine. Layer. I think there was something about sunscreen. I dont ever remember my parents putting it on me. Maybe they did. Stephen we rubbed oil on ourselves. A loof outthat a lot of that. Get burned and peeled and that was your look. Stephen burn you, peel you, they would make you into a book. laughter i heard you were 13 when you first decided you were going to make a life in the theater. Oh, wow. Stephen okay, is that a true story . Kind of. My father was converted by billy graham at a revival before i was born. I was brought up in the church and we went to a revival meeting. I was about 13 and i remember looking up at this minister. He was up on stage having a very, very strong sense i would one day being on a stage in front of a lot of people. Stephen did you think maybe you were going to be a preacher . At the time i thought maybe a preacher or Something Like that. Just a slightly different religion, like comic books. Stephen when did you find out there was another option . A lot of people people dont know you, necessarily, as a brilliant stage actor because they know uh you from all the movies. Ive done it since five. I did camelot when i was five. Stephen lancelot . The king. Stephen oh, sorry. Had the crown, didnt quite fit. I remember halfway through the song the crown fell literally over my face. For half a second, i was mortified. Just embarrassingly right in front of my face. Everyone laughed and i thought, its all good, doesnt matter. Thats sort of when i got hooked, when i was five. Stephen one of the reasons i got hooked on comedy is because i had done drama for years and i found out if youre doing comedy, and you bleep everything up, you still get a laugh. I thoht laughter when i met you and your family, your son found you funny. I remember that. I remember him laughing, you telling jokes and your wife and son were laughing. I thought that was amazing, like normally. cheers and applause it is, right . It is amazing. We have a good time with the show. I laugh at them, too. Yeah. Stephen i remember my son having a friend come over, he was about 13, and the guy was peppering him with wolverine questions. My son said nothing and im in the room next door and i said, listen, my dad is nothing like wolverine, he is not tough or cool. Dont ask me anything more about it. Stephen my kids are cool. I steal jokes from them all the time. I stole this joke from my son, Mitch Mcconnell had been made Senate Majority leader. My wife and i were talking in the front seat and my son in the back seat goes mcconnell sha the same Mitch Mcconnell ive never heard of . laughter very good stephen i was, like, stolen stolen well take a break and be back with more hugh jackman. Stick around, everybody cheers and applause everyone, shut up listen, do you hear that . You always h. Have been. My best. Friend. Forever. To friendship. Music piano cover of guns n roses sweet child o mine nobody does unlimited like tmobile. While the other guys gouge for miunlited data. Tmobile one save you hundreds a year. Right now get two lines atof dfa r 100 dollars. With taxes and fees included. Thats right 2 unlimited lines for just 100 bucks. All in. And right now, pair up those two lines with two free Samsung Galaxy s7 when you switch. Yup free. Wiback like it could used to . Neutrogena hydro boost water gel. With hyaluronic acid it plumps skin cells with intense hydration and locks it in. Hydro boost. From neutrogena what bad back . Gels work so fast youll ask what pulled hammy . Advil liqui gels make pain a distant memory nothing works faster stronger or longer what pain . Advil. Only tylenol® rapid release gels have laser drilled holes. They release medicine fast, for fast pain relief. Tylenol® cheers and applause welcome back, ladies and gentlemen as you can tell by the excited crowd, were here with our friend hugh jackman. Now, listen, the good news is youre here. The bad news is this is the last time we get to see you play wolverine. Yeah. Stephen your first movie was wolverine . My First American movie. It just over 17 years ago. Stephen why dont you age . For those of you who dont know the story, logan was a little older than this. This, three and a half hours. laughter stephen because youre not going to play the role, can we look forward to, finally, fat jacksman . laughter because weve seen all theres to, ive seen you working out with scott pelley, ive seen you fit. That would be a real challenge with you as an actor just to get fat by the way, thank you for the baguette and the cheese you had up in my room. I thought, this is the beginning. Its gone. Stephen thats it. Already gone stephen i can tell. laughter but you must be excited because you do have to be in a training regimen when youre shooting, right . Its sort of unbeliev which i got better at. The first one, i thought you could get shape in three weeks, and the director had to push all e shirtoff scenes to the end, four months later. Stephen he looks and says, no one wants to see that. Really. He really said, were going to have to hide the camera here, if you go back and see that movie, some embarrassing shots. Stephen not really. laughter so, yes, now im eating and loving it, and sometimes just waking up at 2 00 in the morning to have breakfast cereal and go back to bed with it in my laugh. laughter stephen you have a particular regimen for when you do the shirtless scene. Yes. Stephen whats i find out the date which is the shirtoff thing, about a threemonth runup. You have to be in pretty good shape. The three months before this is specific. Finches with dehydration. You increase your water intake think what the gal nls is, but you have about ten litters of water, three gal nls of water a day stephen no way to convert that. You drank a lot of water. A lot of water. And then you stop about 36 hours before you shoot, but because you drank so much youre peeing all the time. Time. Then you go as much as you can and put the clothes on. So you lose about ten pounds of water weight. Stephen if i know there is a shirtless scene coming up, for the three months ahead of time, i do nothing and quit the day before the scene. Works out every time. Perfect. Stephen now, i was talking to patrick about it last night. Ive seen the movie, absolutely beautiful movie. Thank you. Stephen while it is in the family of the xmen universe, and its incredibly moving because you got to know and love the characters and you see them brought low. There is a vulnerability in your character who is entering senior dmen shavment what was it like the play this character . It was so much fun. People loved the idea of doing something different. Stephen who is idea was it. I woke up 4 00 in the morning. I have a tape, it was a memo today, two years ago, i 4 00 in the morning, i woke up bolt upright and i thought how cool would it be to esee wolverine not just taking people out you do see that, by the way. Stephen in ways youve never seen before. But afterwards, whats it like for the soldier who returns home and tries to find peace for his life because hes aio its easy to say, lets do Something Like unforgiven and shane and wrestler, and then he went off and wrote it and directed this beautiful movie which im proud of. Stephen its a beautiful film. I recommend everyone see it. Thank you. Stephen the xmen movies and the books before them, the xmen have represented so many different marginalized populations, but i just want to ask you this question, i meant to ask Patrick Stewart last night, if it turned out there were mutants among us that had clause and abilities, we would have to round them up, right . Theyre dangerous. Theyre dangerous. laughter yes, but lets put them to good use and make them happy. Lets put them in a home with massages and let them eat. Can we let them eat . Stephen i think youre describing yourself. Its me. Sorry. Stephen thank you so much for being here. Logan in theaters hugh jackman, everybody. Back with donal Condola Rashad cheers and applause ito become dangerous. D for an everyday item new tide pods child guard pack. Align, press and unzip. cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody cheers and applause my next guest is a twotime tonynominated actress who stars in showtimes billions. You have no history of investing in securities. But on april 8th you invested your entire savings, 117,000, in International Potash stock two days ahead of a merger at the caused shares to rise. Are you some kind of potash expert . No. Just a what . Im sorry. Youre actually the Flight Attendant on the Corporate Jet of the bank that financet the merger. Stephen please welcome Condola Rashad cheers and applause stephen you have a very impressive cv, twotime tony nominee. You are jewel yet versus Orlando Blooms romeo. Yes. Stephen hes on the market again. Did you see his butt on the paddle board . Open broadway . No. laughter stephen i have. Lovely. Its absolutely lovely. Check it out. Its online. Youre back for season 2 of stephen i had Paul Giamatti on here. Yes, i saw that. Stephen and i was saying, i cant watch the show with my kids because theyve got the s m relationship. Can i watch your scenes with my family . Yes. Kate has a little bit of a potty mouth, but beyond that stephen thats actually good for them. That toughens them up. Great. Stephen now, im not surprised youre if show business because your mom and dad are both in the business. Yep. Stephen your mom, of course, is fa lissia felicia rashad. cheers and applause did you know you were going to be in show business . Yes, my mother took me everywhere, not only to events, but i was backstage with her, i was in the rehearsal room with her. I never felt separated from who she was as an artist. She incorporated me into that. When she was off doing plays, she would do plays in atlanta often, and she gave me the assignment of being her assistant. So i was in charge of waking her up from her nap, for telling her when it was time to do her vocal warmup, getting her tea ready. I would sit in the audience and take notes. I brought them to her. I would say, that line at the end, you dropped off. I need more. Stephen you tough on your mom . Totally. Stephen thats what you want. Ive got to push her to be your best. Stephen tid you go to work with your dad ever . I did. Stephen which was more fun . Its hard because both for different reasons. Going to work with my dad was fun because i got to eat a lot of candy. There was studio, so theres just candy for the crew. My dad wasnt as strict with what i ate so i could sneak candy all the time. Much veers to do it at my dads work. Stephen all right. Now, since your dad, you know, was a former n. F. L. Player and a big guy, did that intimidate boyfriends when you were younger . Did that scare off anybody . It didnt scare off anybody. I think everyone kind of played it cool, but, yeah, i imagine it was pretty intimidating. For my fiancee now, it was prety intimidating. He facetimeed my dad the day before he proposed, so i can imagine that was a little bit stephen did your dad know it was coming or did he just, bling, bling, daughters hadnt in marriage, please. No, essentially, we had been together for about two years, but my dad spent a lot of time with him so i think he knew it was coming. Stephen were you there when it happened . Had he already asked you and then said, i have to clear ut with your in december. We planned a huge trip to mexico. We were there. I was going to surprise everybody else on the trip, i was going to take tell me on an amazing boat ride. Im sitting here at the edge of the boat looking at the ocean. I hear turn around. I did, and there he was. I remember as he was asking me, i was literally at the edge of the boat, all i could think about is, but, quick, put it on because this could easily turn into a titanic situation, we dont have scuba gear here, get it on the finger because we dont have time. Stephen the character you play on billions, assistant d. A. Kate zacher, a kind of wonky role. Did you have to bone up on the legal issues on wall street . Yes, and i think the best because you can do research, and in terms of looking things up. Of course, thats helpful, but for me it really helps to someone talk to me about it. Luckily, my sister, she is an attorney and she works for the mayor in atlanta. Shes my goto. Whenever i have a question, i ask her. What does this mean . Make this sound real. Basically. Stephen does she get frustrated because you have the job. Totally, she says, way to get the job i wanted but youre playing it and im the real one here. Stephen and you didnt have to go to law school. Totally frustrated about it. Stephen and your job pays better. Sadly. laughter stephen thank you so much for being here. Stephen billions airs sundays on showtime, and a dolls house, part 2 opens april 27 on broadway. Condola rashad, everybody. Well be right back with a performance by flaming lips. Stick around before you set out, you plan to capture every moment. But what you really cant plan for is when the moment captures you. 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Go to getfios. Com or call 1. 888. Get. Fios get the best. Get fios. cheers and applause Company Three years in a row. Really. Lets see how quickly you can read through all their awards. 2017 motor trend car of 10 best blah blah blah 2015. Only about 90 more to go thats a lot of awards now through march 13, get 20 below msrp thats over 8,000 on this chevy impala. Find new roads at your local chevy dealer. We cant stay here why . Terrible toilet paper ill never get clean charmin ultra strong. It cleans better. Its four times stronger. And you can use less. Enjoy the go with charmin. My advice for looking get your beauty sleep. And use aveeno® absolutely ageless® night cream with active naturals® blackberry complex. Younger looking skin can start today. Absolutely ageless® from aveeno®. Not really. My back right . Yes, you do. Every single time i. Get down there you are. You always have. My back my back music piano cover of guns n roses sweet child o mine stephen here performing there should be unicorns, please welcome back our friends the flaming lips cheers and applause yeah, there should be unicorns the ones with the purple eyes it should be loud as bleep hope the swans dont die there should be burning sun and naked slaves and if the police show up well give them so much money it will make them cry forgive us, forgive us yeah, there should be unicorns the ones with the purple eyes not the green eyes yeah, there should be unicorns the ones with the purple eyes not the green eyes yeah, there should be unicorns the ones with the purple eyes not the green eyes yeah, there should be dayglow strippers ones from the amazon some edible butterflies we put ketchup on some motorcycle stunts that always crash and if the police show up well bribe them into helping us steal the light of love from the rainbow sluts that live next door the ones with the purple eyes not the green eyes yeah, there should be unicorns the ones with the purple eyes not the green eyes cheers and applause stephen their album, oczy mlody is out now the flaming lips, everybody well be right back. Stephen thats it for the late show, everybody plelase tune in tomorrow when my guests will be cate blanchett, paul rust, and comedian mo amer. Now stic idris elba, jessica lange, and scott foley. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where you come from its gonna be all right its the late, late show ladies and gentlemen, all the
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