Allseeing eye tattoo on it, which is a sign for the illuminaty, and shes laying in bed flashing a666 hand gesture. What is the lum naty . A secret society that controls the world. They want miley cyrus . I hope no. Miley cyrus actually addressed it during a bbc interview. The conspiracy video behind my video. A lot of people think im illuminaty. I dont get it how its that trippy. Like theres a subliminal message. I like how she stopped herself from saying, dont think that hard about my music. Its really not that hard to get. She said the song is about things she does in l. A. Is this the normal thing she does. Teddy bears will sometimes come and dance with you. And french fries turn into skulls. And you cut your finger off. Apparently it was originally written for rihanna who say is a member of the lum naty as well. We know they dont like clothes. Apparently. Lindsay lohan, we remember this tramp was in rehab, right . In malibu. Yall remember the great single, we loved it. Do you know shacka kan left her. She was being very mean. They also said there was five other girls at the rehab. They were saying she acting like a that would have been the perfect opportunity for Lindsay Lohan to feel the wrath of kan. When you go to jail, when you go to rehab, when you go anywhere for something you did bad, all the star power stuff is checked at the door. Yeah. You know what i heard, though . What . Word on the street is Lindsay Lohan really was macka shacka. She kept calling her names. She kept saying chaka khan. Chaka khan. So chaka khan kept ignoring her, which off Lindsay Lohan. It all makes sense. Oh, Lindsay Lohan, i feel for you. Okay. The british are coming. For Kelly Clarkson. Why . Yeah. I can take her. Im okay with that. Kelly clarkson is a huge fan of english novelist jane austin. She paid over 236,000 for a gold and topaz ring that was owned by the novelist. What . Wow. Does she know what topaz is worth . Not that. Just to let you know, kelly. Jane austins house museum has been working to keep this ring in britain. An anonymous donor has already donated 155,000 to keep it in the country. Thats ridiculous. I think the ring should go to Kelly Clarkson if she bought it. Oh, come on. Its not going to fit her in three weeks anyway, with her yoyo dieting. What do you think the anonymous donor is . Justin garina. The runnerup from her season. Just trying to get her back for beating her. From justin to kelly, it was a major blockbuster. Im sure hes still living on residuals. She should give it to somebody who needs it, you know . The ring . Or the money . The money. Theres needy people out there. Im so excited. You may not aware of this. This is a National Holiday today. Really . What is it . National tell a joke day. Really . I have always wanted to be the person, that person at the party who has joke after joke after joke. But i can never remember any of them. I kind of have a new one. Theres two olives hanging out on a table, right . And the other one cracks a joke to the other one and laughs so much he falls to the floor, so the other olive goes over to the edge of the table and says, are you okay . He raises his little stem and goes, ill live. How does a ninja order food at burger king . How . A whopa come on, dog youre ruining the holiday, man. Those are our best jokes. We want to hear what yours sounds like. Follow us on our Facebook Page and we want to hear from you, so we can laugh, too. Yall give it up for the rap of the week hey shall heres a topic i know is going to be a winner. Lets talk about obama versus kris jenner. Kris jenner fighting back at the press. You can have the 10,000 square foot crib. Yo, this battle is ill as swine flu. Hand crack, tell me, what happened with oprah, and wow. Oprahs luck is the worse. She tried to go to switzerland just to buy a purse. Tell me what this crazy old broad did. She tried to say oprah couldnt afford it. I guess she didnt recognize her face. Come on, she got money, she got boom inside her pocket. Richest lady in the world. You should have recognized her, the most famous girl. Have you ever had corn on the cob, Ashton Kutcher kept saying the word job. He won the teen choice award so effortless, but he kept sending the subliminal messages. Nobody knew what was going on. They were wondering what the heck was wrong. Looks like the world is coming to an end. Theres a lot of guys posing for the scene called boudoir. But you know what drove photos crazy, taken by j. C. Can we take that back . Can we do that again . Moving on. Ooh rap of the week yeah exercise your thumb. Exercise your thumb. Exercise your thumb. Dont do stupid things. Oh all this week weve been asking you to post your best captions on the dish nation Facebook Page. Time to reveal your best caption. For this photo of rihanna, mike writes, i feel so overdressed. For this photo of prince charles, charlie writes, im going to hug him and squeeze him and call him george. Britney spears, marlon writes, guys, my eye is up here. You get a bag, you get a bag, you all get a bag. Caption this is powered by novation capital. Next our one direction is forming a super boy band. Which one of the bearded boys from duck dynasty wants to be a senator . Watch out, kanye, another kardashian says hes god. Thats what we dishing about. [ ma you work hard to stay healthy. You deserve a multivitamin that supports your efforts. Newly reformulated one a day mens has more of 10 key nutrients than centrum men under 50. Weve stepped it up. Newly reformulated one a day mens. Weve stepped it up. Are so soft, chewy, and filled with their fruity selves. They think this world isnt big enough for the both of them. But we assure you it is. Bites. Little greatness. Could save you fifteen percent or more on car insurance. Mmmhmmm. Everybody knows that. Well, did you know that old macdonald was a really bad speller . Your word is. Cow. Cow. Cow. C. O. W. E. I. E. I. O. [buzzer] dangnabbit. Geico. Fifteen minutes could save you. Well, you know. Todays national joke day. I love it. Did you actually hear today that the actress got stabbed, reese, whats her name . Oh, my god. Witherspoon. No, with a knife. Guys, time for weve got issues. This is where we get all the tabloids ahead of time. Believe it or not, Kim Kardashian, cover girl again on life style. Only 2. 99. She had the most miserable pregnancy documented by a reality show and shes surprising everyone by saying she wants to try for number two. Kanyes not open. She said shes open to having a number two. Open to having number two . Im open to that. I have number two every morning. Im totally open. I know youre not into girly baby things, but what do you think of baby george, prince georges little nursery room . Isnt that cute and sweet . Its a little girly for me, but he is british. I dont care. Why dont you care . I dont know. Whats wrong with me . Have you ever had a yearning at all in your loins for a child . Oh, take off the child. Then we have us weekly. Jennifer aniston, always on the cover of us weekly. They just change the headline every week. One week shes pregnant the other week she throws a birthday bash. For herself. Nobody showed up. Thats not true. She had cats there. We finally find out why Kim Kardashian has been hiding in all this time. Shes tortured by her body. Now she feels how her instagrams feel. Fast lane brought to you by the toyota rav 4. Were heading to l. A. We could potentially have the biggest boy band ever being formed. Ed shirren, zane mallek from one direction, johnny depp. What . Yes. These three were all seen walking into a Recording Studio together, and also there was alexander deleon. Youre a fan of him, right . He posted a photo of himself with johnny depp, zane mallek in the studio and said pirate lessons from the one and only. Thank you for having us, mr. Depp. You need to give up some of these jobs you got, getting the cool fame and chicks and money and stuff. Pass the ball. You want to be in a boy band . No, im just saying theyre hogging. Theyre acting, now theyre singing. Let us have some fun. Next in the fast lane, we go to my hometown of san diego. You remember ron burgundy from anchor man, right . Will ferrell . Ron burgundy is writing a memoir about his good times as a member of the channel 4 news team. J. C. , you realize this is a fake memoir. Hes not even a real person. Hes a character. I disagree with you on that one, kelly. Ron burgundy is real. I saw him on tv. Youre buying it, arent you . Yes. Were headed to louisiana. Theres a duck dynasty star who might rung for congress. You know the dude with the long beards, one of the friendlier guys on duck dynasty. The republican strategists are trying to push him to run for one of the open seats that came up. He would definitely win. He is really popular. And its almost a given he would get it if he ran. But he said he feels like he doesnt have the time to commit to running for congress. Do you know how much they make per episode . 200,000, split amongst all of them. How many of them is there . Enough. Were in the wrong hustle. Why arent we on duck dynasty . This tdude is start. He should take everyone hunting. Under the new ramification. Under the new what . Under the ramification of the new salary thing. The what . You used the word in the wrong sentence, dude. Used the word in a wrong sentence. Are you serious . A new show called duck dynasty. The rav 4 makes the journey as amazing as the destination. Smart, stylish and down for whatever. Toyota, lets go places. Next Liam Hemsworth and josh play a different hunger games. Do you ever have the dream where you forget to you forget clothes . Someone should tell lady gaga shes awake. Thats what we dishing about. With the name your price tool, you tell us what you want to pay, and we give you a range of coverages to choose from. Who is she . Thats flobot. Shes this new robot were trying out, mostly for, like, small stuff. Wow look at her go shes pretty good. Shes pretty good. Hey, flobot, great job. Oops. [ powers down ] uhoh, flobot is broken. The name your price tool, only from progressive. Call or click today. For Digestive Health . Yes and did you know that trubiotics is a daily probiotic that helps in two ways. It supports digestive and immune health by working in your gut where 70 of your immune system lives. Try trubiotics today. Its time for this celebrity squish. We combine the celebrity couples into a creature that only their mother could love. Well reveal the answer later in the show. Can you guess this celebrity couple that we squished together . Heres a hint. She once rode the Pineapple Express and he was once known a welcome back to dish nation. Weve got the answer to our dish celebrity our dish celebrity squish is amber hurd and johnny depp. Or as we like to put it, jamb jamberdurd. Who do you think this is . Let us know on facebook and twitter at dish squish. All right, guys, here is my joke for national tellajoke today. This elephant turns to a camel and says, dude, why do you have two boobs on your back. Pretty stupid question for somebody with a wiener on his face. Bonding over white castle. Not in the same way herald and kumar. A particular film that had a real impact on me as a teenager was harold and kumar. It had a deep impact on me. I understand that. Clueless had a deep impact on me. Thats one of those things you dont really want to admit to. Liam is australian. They dont have white castles down under. They were filming hunger games in kentucky, Josh Hutchinson took him to one for the first time. They got, quote, briefcases of burgers. Three hours later they were throwing up together. Thats always a good way to bond. Who held whose hair back when they were throwing up . Jennifer lawrence held both of their hair. Toughen up, dude. Dont you remember hunger games . White eating at white castle. It wasnt like they vomited from eating too much. It was a planned vomit. They binged and then purged. Thats what you do in hollywood. Who loves games more than me . You. Im the only one. Time to play cuckoo for gaga. Im going to tell you two outrageous lady gaga stories. Tell me which ones true, which ones false. Lady gaga pot up all the live bait and set it free. Or lady gaga channels the joker with her new look. I can see her setting live bait, like buying minnows and whatever, worms and setting them free. Ill go with the bait and tackle freedom. Ill go against the guys on this one and take the joker one. Jennas cuckoo for gaga. She got it right. Shes actually channeling the joker. Did you see this . Oh, man. She was photographed looking like this. I thought she just fell down in a gay parade. Time to play another round of cuckoo for gaga. Here we go. Lady gaga held out at the chateau wearing only her underwear. Or lady gaga wears a bra made out of fossilized tarantulas. The second one for sure is real. Im going to go against al. Hes always wrong. Ill go with the underwear. The underwear is usual for her. Ill go with that as well. Shes done that before. Yep. Actually, al, im sorry. Youre wrong. Heres a picture of lady gaga in her underwear. Am i crazy . I think this is the best shes ever looked. She has a little bit of a baby rash. I think thats mesh. I can spot that from a mile away. If she put a little cream right there. Youre studying that a little too close. Thats the daddy in me. Since youre such a rash expert, would you take a look at something after the show. Oh. Again . Wasnt that fun . Yeah. Thank you for playing cuckoo for gaga. Next kardashians, we think theyre a little more like horses. Thats what we dishing a little more like horses. Thats what we dishing itsin vivid color. Live color sensational the vivids, from maybelline, new york. Brighter color from our vivid pigments. Honey nectar for a creamier feel. Color sensational the vivids maybe its maybelline. [ female announcer ] today, flintstones means more than multivitamins. Introducing flintstones healthy brain support gummies. An omega3 dha supplement. Specially designed to help support healthy brain function. Thats the flintstones effect. Courtney kardashians commonlaw husband, they might as well be commonlaw at this point, he loves to refer to himself as lord. He just reposted this photoshopped picture of a fan keeping up with the kardashians came up with, and he just posted it on his instagram now. I guess scott is slow getting to all the pictures sent to him. That explains why kris isnt in there. Thats sacrilegious, with the uses and everything. I dont even want to look at it. This is before kanye was part of the picture. Is that kanye . Wait. What is kanye doing there with Kris Humphreys . He looks like hes doing kim. Kim was cheating on chris in the last supper with kanye . I think theyre just tagging up. You cant tag team at the last supper. Not at the table. Thats a dirty supper. It was dirty if ray jay was in the picture. Ray jay was under the table. He was under the table, i ate it first. The food, kelly it first. The food, kelly oh captions by vitac www. Vitac. Com good morning, everyone. Rn its 4 5 on this monday, august 19. A live look outside. You see the moon from behind the clouds. Cant seat moon just the lightt of it. Its the first day of school for tens of thousands in our area. Prince georges and frederick counties heading back to school today. Well see what the weather is likeea for your bus stop foreca. Good morning im sarah simmons. S a lot of excited children and parent as well about getting ge back to school. Well check in with Tucker Tuc Barnes and see how the weather is going to play out today. Its go fine here for the morning commute. C might beom a few showers laterer this afternoon as were watchint another system from the west. Theres a live lock at your radar. Generally weve got clearing c across the area. A. We do have fog that has developed. Keep an eye on the roadways there for fog development over the near term. Otherwise, continues are fine here. Rain showers developing to east and West Virginia and south. Later this afternoon a piece of energy in here and bringing more cloud cover. Over the threat of showers but widely scattered. Temperatures nice and cool. 63bwi marshall. Highs low 80s, mostly cloudy with a few scattered showers for your monday. Lots more with the weather. In the news this morning, the file for the man charged with murdering virginia teen vanessa pom is due to begin today. Julio Blanco Garcia is accused of stabbing her to death. H. Investigators say garcia was high on pcp and he became enraged when fam took a wrong turn. Its expected to go for two weeks. The sentencing phase of Bradley Mannings Court Martial is in the final stage today. Manage has been found guilty on most of the charges after sending more than 700,000 military and diplomatic documents to wikileaks. He was working in iraq as an Intelligence Analyst at the time. He faces a maximum of up to 90 years in prison. S no word on what caused smoke aboard a jet blue flight fromrom boston to bwi. The crew smelled smoke and were forced to land in philadelphia just before 6 00 last night. N none of the 95 passengers andngr crew were hurt. Passengers were put on other planes headed to our area. Today marks the first day of school for students in frederick and Prince Georges County schools. To make sure everyone stays safe a major safety overhaul on theau roads isl underway. Und Prince Georges County leads the state in deadly crashes. One intersection in forestville is the scene of big changes. We have more this morning. Its a deadly combination of cars, pedestrians and bicyclists. 12 pedestrian crash as long this stretch of pennsylvania avenue in forestville in the last four years, many of them fatalities. Crazy. Razy because the cars never stop. P. They keep going and sometimes they are speeding by. Prince georges county officials have teams up with the states Highway Administration a to trydm to improve Pedestrian Safety here just in time for the start of the new school year. This new crossing signal in the middle of the block is key especially for pedestriansor trying to p get to nearby shoppo and eateries. Its dangerous at night and dark and needed in the community. Unit this say pedestrian activated signal. You have to push the but the yom to get traffic to stop. Ff once it does, you have 30 seconds to make it acrossic, ros pennsylvania avenue safely. Its a god send for parents pushing kids in strollers. Lers listen to what it used to be like before the new crossingssin signal went in. T you had to look at that light down there making sure it was ws red before you cross and worry about if they are speeding or not and look at that light down there to make sure they are not speeding. With a baby its harder, way harder. Besides the signal there are signs and flashing lights to alert motorists in both directions about the pedestriann crossing up ahead. A wait. And when they cross, a constant and very loud beep sound. Im glad its here. It prevents a lot of accidentscd happening on that corner overr there if it half one life county officials pushing for the improvements will be worth it. Audrey barnes fox 5 news. Good morning, live look over washington, d. C. Right now. Time now is 4 30. 4 its monday, august 19. A lot people excited becausecaus its the first day of school for teachers, students and administrators in the area. Were excited. X also excited about the weather not being too bad right now. On
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