You know, installing your own barbecue pit is no harder than adding an aviary or olympicsized swimming pool. In fact, its a snap or if youre not into chicken. No, no im into chicken how about wild boar or swordfish or hippo . Mmm. Hippo. gurgling announcer lighthearted apron not included. Snapping fingers may not make food appear. How about it, bart . Would you like a new Backyard Barbecue pit . Can i burn evidence in it . We can all burn evidence in it. There. That wasnt so hard was it, honey . Dad, i really need to rest my back. Okay, sweetie. Daddyll take over. Oh, yeah. Thats a finelooking. Dohh okay, no big deal. shrieks stupid lisa i got to build fast, cement drying lets see. Oh. English side ruined. Must use french instructions. Le grille . What the hell is that . Aw, come here. Get. Come on, fit. You. grunting ah. Yeah, thats one finelooking barbecue pit. Why doesnt mine look like that . screaming why . Why . why must life be so hard . Why must i fail in every attempt at masonry . screaming hows your fathers project coming along . I think hes almost done. screaming yeah, hes done. clears throat id like to return this barbecue kit. All returned items must be in a box and accompanied by a receipt. Well, if youll follow the flashlight youll see the receipt embedded here and here and elements of the box here here and possibly here. Sorry, i didnt get this hammer hat by handing out refunds. Oh grunting come on. Hold on, there, santa claus. That box is for toys only. Well, of course. Any kid would love to have this. Uh, activity center. It teaches them while they learn. Yeah, nice try, saint nick. Now, hit the road, kris kringle. You heard me, pear noel. What you got there . Beanie baby. crashing ill never get rid of it. Itll follow me to the ends of the earth. clanking all right my bumper fell off tires screeching not my fault. Act of god. Act of god. Uhoh. Ah. tires squealing shaving my shoulders im getting it all shaved off. Homie, someones at the door. They want to talk to you about some sort of car accident. Take the kids out back. Ill handle this. Mr. Simpson . I believe something of yours struck my car yesterday. Prove it. Thats your license plate, isnt it . Uh. sobbing all right, just go ahead and sue me everybody else does. The average settlement is 68,000. chuckling im not here to sue you. My name is astrid weller. I own an art gallery and id love to display your piece. You mean this hunk of junk . This isnt art. Its just the barbecue that pushed me over the edge. Didnt you . Didnt you . You stupid. art isnt just pretty pictures. Its an expression of raw, Human Emotion in your case, rage. Oh, i got that, lady. Is everything okay . I got worried when i didnt hear any shots. This lady says im an artist. You . An artist . Your husbands work is what we call outsider art. It could be by a mental patient or a hillbilly or a chimpanzee. In high school, i was voted most likely to be a mental patient hillbilly or chimpanzee. Well, you should be very excited because outsider art couldnt be hotter. So youd better catch the fever. Catch it. munching dad, chew with your mouth closed. Youre losing your mystique. Lisa, all great artists love free food. Check out jasper johns. You squeal on me, ill kill you. Mmm, i dont know. I studied art for years, but i just dont get this. Sounds like somebodys jealous. No, im not. I just cant believe some people are paying hundreds of dollars for something a hillbilly pulled out of the trash. Hey, i done studied for years on how to get over that junkyard fence. Then i learnt the gate was open. Smithers i think im in love with this sculpture. Sir, thats by Homer Simpson. I dont think you want to buy it. Smithers, years ago, i blew the chance to buy Picassos Guernica for a song. Luckily, that song was White Christmas and by hanging on to it, i made billions. Anyway, i love this hideous thing. Young lady, ill take it. Congratulations, homer. Youre now a professional artist. Woohoo look, marge, my first sale in your face jasper johns grunting where are you going with that junk, dad . Im going to be an outsider artist. That way, i can turn all these old baseball cards disney memorabilia and antiques into something valuable. Homie, im really happy you sold your sculpture but dont you think it may have been a fluke . Hey, ive always had an interest in art dating back to my schoolgirl days when i painted portrait after portrait of ringo starr. Thats my life youre describing. I think i remember my own life, marge. Astrid said the key to my art is anger, but you know me. Im mr. Mellow. So im giving you kids permission to get me mad. Come on. Gimme what you got. Well, if itll help, um. Mom found out her Engagement Ring is made of rock candy. grunting good work, honey. Keep it coming. Im flunking math, and the other day i was a little attracted to milhouse. yelling screaming moe, this is astrid, my dealer. And these are my fans gunter, kyoto and cecil hampsteadoncecilcecil. So, uh, you guys are eurotrash, huh . Hows that, uh, working out for you . Eh, to be honest, we are adrift in a sea of decadent luxury and meaningless sex. Uhhuh so, where might this sea be located . I must get back to my hotel and practice my affectations for tomorrow. Bon soir. What do we owe you, moe . Nothing, just give me a priceless sketch with a certificate of authenticity. All right. mumbling hey, moe, could i pay with a drawing . Yeah, nice try, there, 12step. Aw uh, homer, youre making us a little bit uncomfortable. Relax, big guy. Hes just doing this for his art, right . Oh, yeah. Art. Why wont you be art . Here he is. This is where the magic happens. Wonderful news, homer. Is it about pies . Uh. Um. No. Were going to hold a show devoted entirely to you. Wow. Its like marges dream come true for me. Isnt that great, marge . For me. grunting look, marge. Theyre advertising my show in art in america. Its the first time ive been mentioned there that i know of. Im happy for you. Now, good night. Good night. Hmm. Youre upset about something. Is this about that trip barney and i took to machu picchu . Now, homer, being an artist was my dream but now, without even trying youve accomplished more in a week than i have in my whole life. Aw, honey, ive always liked your art. Your paintings look like the things they look like. Thats sweet, but. How would you like it if i. I dont know. Entered a belching contest. Frankly, id be a little turned on. You dont understand. Marge ive screwed up everything ive ever done. I mean, look at bart but i finally found something where people worship me for screwing up and that feels pretty good. I guess nothing else matters as long as youre happy. Now youre making sense. Good night. snoring homer is the most dangerous artist on the springfield scene. Now, lets see what surprises he has for us tonight. I give you botched hibachi. The tricycles on loan from the Maggie Simpson collection. This piece i call failed shelving unit with stupid, stuck chainsaw and applesauce. And finally, my thing de resistance attempted birdhouse i. chirping appalled murmuring shall we start the bidding at, say, 10,000 . All right, how about a million . Ill give you two bucks for the bird if its still alive. Whats going on here . You weirdos love this stuff. Homer, im afraid they only love whats new and shocking. These pieces are just like your earlier work. Youve gone from hip to boring. Why dont you call us when you get to kitsch . strained laugh come on, gunter, kyoto. If we hurry we can still catch the heroin craze. Wait come back im a god to you worship me or fear my wrath oh, please, fear my wrath please call me. why dont people like my art anymore . Homer, i know you worked hard but all of your. Things were kind of the same. Hey, Ray Jay Johnson never changed his act. And hes more popular now than hes ever been. Who . You can call him ray or you can call him jay or you can call him rayjay but you. Im sick of him already. The point is great artists are always trying new things like michelangelo. Or shaquille oneal. You just need some inspiration. Its so exciting to do something cultural together. Matt groening . Whats he doing in a museum . He can barely draw. Ow oh, no im being erased move it, bub. We got an installation to installate. Mmm, a claes oldenburg. Hes a european who defied convention and embraced american popular culture. whistles he must be a hundred feet tall. Now this is a joseph turner. In an era when everyone else painted portraits he broke away by painting the venetian canals. Its glorious. The streets are paved with water. You could ride a walrus to work. And picasso started out painting realistically then moved on to cubism. By the end of his life he was just painting crank letters to the editor. They call it his angry jerk period. gurgling splitpea. gasping with ham any ideas yet . No. These guys are geniuses. I could never think of Something Like soup or a pencil. Oh im just going to rest for a minute. snoring what the. . karate yell grunting no ow ow hey ow youre mean. playing happy spanish music hasta la vista, baby. machine gun firing moaning what the. . Eww dohh soups on, fat boy. Ow hey no no ow nno ow no andy, no homer. Homer marge oh, why does art hate me . I never did anything to art. Oh. Lets get out of here. Well, dad if the museum didnt inspire you maybe you should do something really radical, like christo. Is he that jerk that revealed the magicians secrets . No. Christo is a conceptual artist who does huge outdoor projects. He once wrapped the reichstag in plastic. Not the reichstag oh, yes, and he also set up hundreds of yellow umbrellas along the california highway. Why . To make the world a more magical place, i guess, although they did blow over and kill some people. Killer umbrellas . Of course. Exquisite. No, my point is you have to do Something Big and daring. Big . Daring . Lisa, thats it ive got an idea for a wonderful art project thatll make everyone love me again. Step one steal all the doormats in town. Hit the road, welcome home. Adios, casa de flanders. See ya in hell, god bless this house. So long, the simpsons. Dohh homer step two snorkel the animals. panting it wasnt easy but i got all the grizzlies. Great. Ill do the pony while you do the lions. Make sure you strap em on real tight. Now, step three. grunting are you sure this is art and not vandalism . Thats for the courts to decide, son. water gurgling wake up wake up, springfield ive got a surprise for you. Oh, lord, what now . chattering oh, oh, that cant be good. People of springfield behold, my latest work homer, what have you done . Its conceptual art the grand canals of springfield. Just like venice without the black plague. What do you think . I think some people are going to be upset. I love it, homer. Youve turned this town into a work of art. I just wish jasper johns hadnt stolen my boat. So long, suckers well, theyre in the business. Real people might not be so understanding. Flanders what the flood . Maude, its a miracle the lord has drowned the wicked and spared the righteous. Isnt that Homer Simpson . Ugh. Looks like heavens easier to get into than arizona state. Oh i hate these flood pants. Hey theyre working my feet are soaked, but my cuffs are bonedry. Everythings comin up milhouse. Burn victims ah. Arrivederci, roma edna, im going to pop you a question. I hope the answer is yes. Do you think mother would like this hat pin . Oh. Yes. Oh, youve made me the happiest man on earth. Well, homer, i have to admit you created something people really love. You truly are an artist. No, im just a nut who couldnt build a barbecue. Youll always be the artist in the family. Oh. Is that our house . Yep. And is that us on the roof . Thats us. Are we kissing . Ooh, i dont know. Could be. I need some inspiration. Arrivederci, roma. Jasper johns yoink. Its time. [captioned by the Caption Center wgbh educational foundation] license and registration please. Whats this . Uhh, its my Geico Insurance id card, sir. Its digital, uh, pretty cool right . Maybe. You know why i pulled you over today . Because im a pig driving a convertible . Tail lights out. Fix it. Digital insurance id cards. Just a click away with the geico mobile app. Previously on the big bang theory. I am going to the Arctic Circle with leonard, wolowitz, and koothrappali. For three months . Yes. What did you mean when you said you were going to miss me . sighs it means i wish you werent going. Oh, thank god were home. I cant believe we spent three months in that frozen hell. It was like a snowy nightmare from which there was no awakening. I dont know what arctic expedition you guys were on, but i thought it was a hoot and a half. Oh, hi, mom. No, i told you id call you when i got home. Im not home yet. All right, im home. The arctic expedition was a remarkable success. Im all but certain theres a nobel prize in my future. Actually, i shouldnt say that. Im entirely certain. No, mother, i could not feel your church group praying for my safety. The fact that im home safe does not prove that it worked. That logic is post hoc ergo propter hoc. No, im not sassing you in eskimo talk. Im gonna go let penny know were back. Mother, i have to go. Yeah, love you. Bye. Hello, old friend. sighs daddys home. Leonard, youre back. Yeah. I just stopped by to say hmph sighs yeah. So, hi. Hi. Damn it. I should have gone over and told her we were back. Yeah, it was firstcome, firstserve. Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state
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