And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 671, guam steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, hello hello welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show baby, this is it [ cheers and applause ] welcome. Im so happy youre here. Thank you for being here, thank you for watching. Of course, its the Senate Hearings on russia. And i saw that yesterday President Trump tweeted that the investigation into ties between his campaign and russia is a taxpayer funded charade. [ light laughter ] and he said he would be even angrier about it if he were a a taxpayer. [ laughter and applause ] steve that would get him. Jimmy that would make him really mad. Steve that would make him mad. Jimmy and this is interesting here. Its rumored that trump regrets picking h. R. Mcmaster as National Security adviser. He said, ill be honest, when they asked if i wanted a a mcmaster, i thought it was a a hamburger. Steve really . [ laughter and applause ] jimmy yeah, and i i think i like those. Jimmy this is very nice. I saw that trumps daughter tiffany will attend Georgetown Law School this fall. [ audience oohs ] the president was so excited today he said, congratulations to my nonivanka daughter. [ laughter and applause ] isnt that nice . That was nice. It came from his heart. Steve wow. Jimmy this is pretty big. I saw that bill clinton is working on a new book with James Patterson called the president is missing. [ laughter ] i heard that bill actually suggested a bunch of other titles before they landed on that one. Steve really . Jimmy ill show you what i mean, yeah. First he wanted, are you there, hillary . Its me, bill, ill be home late, dont wait up. [ laughter and applause ] long. Steve wow, thats a long title. Jimmy then he suggested, cheat, pray, love. And you go, well i dont know if thats [ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause ] steve heyoh jimmy and finally he suggested, fifty shades of heeey. [ laughter and applause ] president obama is over in italy right now, and today he talked about what it was like to live and work in the white house. Check out how he described it. It is unique in its isolation. And it is a very nice uh prison. [ laughter ] jimmy he called the e then hillary started chanting, lock me up lock me up lock me up [ laughter and applause ] no, no, hes saying its a a metaphor. Get this, you guys. One of our favorites, shaq, shaquille oneal, he wants to become a sheriff in the next few years. [ cheers ] yeah. As part of his training, hes actually been working as a a dispatcher answering 911 calls. Im not sure its going to work out, though. Take a look at how its going so far. 911, im shaq. Wait, what . Its 911, im shaq. Whats the emergency . I just got back to my house and it smells like gas. You think it smells like gas in your house . Try coming to my house. Not good. [ laughter ] what . Especially this week. We had taco tuesday, thats on thursday. I like to mix it up like that. You can come if you want. Im shaq. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy i mean, its nice. But i dont know what hes talking about. Just in time for mothers day, i saw that dove is selling body wash in six different bottles to represent the different shapes of womens bodies. [ audience oohs ] its being called the perfect gift if you want to offend your mom. [ laughter and applause ] really . Good luck to the husband whose wife sends him out to buy her some body wash. [ laughter ] its like, honey, youve been at cvs for over an hour, everything you okay . Yeah, im just trying to make a decision that wont ruin the rest of my life, so, uh [ laughter and applause ] can we check in on shaq and see if hes gotten any more calls . 911, im shaq. Shaq . Thats what i said. Im shaq, whats the emergency . My cat is stuck in a tree. How high up is the branch . About 35 feet. Okay, ill bend over and pick it up. Ill be right there. [ laughter ] wait, dont you want to know where i live . Im shaq. Jimmy there you go, i dont know. [ laughter and applause ] steve wow. Jimmy this is kind of weird. A statue of Ronald Mcdonald that had gone missing from a a new jersey mcdonalds was just found. When asked why they returned it, the thief said, turns out having a Ronald Mcdonald statue just sitting in your house is a a lot creepier than we thought. [ laughter and applause ] what do we do now . Well, it seems a lot of people have been very upset with the airlines lately. Theyve been having all sorts of problems. But the ceo of australias Qantas Airlines gave a big speech today. And it didnt go well. Take a look at this. Its been six months since ive been here to announce the [ audience ohs ] [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] steve what . Jimmy thats actually how united serves you a meal. Steve are you serious . Jimmy yeah, thats how they do it. [ laughter and applause ] steve get off of my plane jimmy banana cream, my favorite. [ light laughter ] hey, listen to this, guys. A new study finds that smarter people are more likely to lounge around the house naked. [ cheers ] then melania said, thank god donalds an idiot. [ laughter and applause ] and you go, dont say that dont say that out loud. Thats not nice. Steve thats what melania said. Jimmy guys, i saw that today is National Teacher day. Hey [ cheers and app unless youre homeschooled, then its mothers day part one. [ light laughter ] speaking of National Teacher day, i want to say thank you to all the teachers out there. Special thanks to some of my own teachers, mr. Erman, mrs. Gallagher, ms. Umlauft. [ audience aws ] i just had so many great teachers. And of course, im a dad now and my daughters are in school. And they love their teachers. You know who you are. Thank you so much. They love going to school. Thank you to every teacher out there. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, thank you for being teachers. Do we have any teachers in the audience tonight . [ cheers and applause ] stand up stand up youre a teacher . All right. [ cheers ] come on, come on. Come on down with us. Come on yeah. Come on down, here, yeah. Come here. Hey, how are you doing . Nice to see you, thank you for being here. Hi. How are you . How are you doing . How are you . Yeah, you can just go over there. Hey, nice to see you. How are you . Thank you very much. How are you doing . Thank you. Jimmy nice to see you, yeah. How you doing buddy . Hi, how are you . Thank you. Thank you. I have no idea if someone is making this up. Thank you very much. Hey, nice to meet you. Hi, jimmy. Nice to meet you. Come on, lets get in the picture. Get a selfie. Get in the middle here. Can we get a picture . We got a good photo here . Get closer, get closer. Yeah. Youre on tv. This is like a class photo. [ laughter ] you know the pose [ cheers and applause ] thats what teachers do they know the pose i love you guys. Thats so cool. Want to help me start the show . Just read that cue card right there. Ready . One, two, three all we have a great show tonight give it up for the roots [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] p jimmy how amazing. How amazing is that . That is fantastic. Half of my audience are teachers. Steve thats crazy jimmy fantastic. Im very lucky. Guys, we have a big week of shows ahead. Tomorrow night, our pal tina fey will be here. [ cheers and applause ] we have something fun planned with her. I cant wait for that. Its very cool. Then later this week, Michelle Pfeiffer and derek jeter will be joining us. [ cheers and applause ] its a big week. But first we have a great show tonight. Hes one of the funniest people out there. From master of none, asiz ansari is here steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy love that guy. Aziz and i are going to read some dramatic yelp reviews. [ laughter ] theyre real reviews. People go online, you know, they complain about somebody, anen so anyways, well read that. Plus, she starring in a big movie alien covenant. Katherine waterston is on the show tonight. [ cheers and applause ] alien covenant. And im so excited about this tonight we have music from blondie [ cheers and applause ] come on blondie is here i am so excited. Pollinator is the name of the album. Pollinator. And man, oh, man, im such a a debbie harry fan, a blondie fan. Whats your jams . Questlove rapture. Jimmy yeah, raptures my jam, too, yeah. Or like, we have steve heart of glass. Jimmy heart of glass, thats my jam. Or, no, the tide is high, i like. Right . The tide is high is good. Questlove call me. Jimmy call me is great. Steve telephone. Jimmy maria . Do you remember that song . Maria its a later blondie song. Steve oh, okay. Jimmy yeah, its some good stuf i love them. Im so happy theyre here. Blondie is in the house tonight. [ cheers and applause ] hey, guys, its time to take a a look at the stories making headlines today, and weigh the good with the bad. Its time for pros and cons. Here we go. Pros and cons and pros and cons and pros [ cheers and applause ] jimmy tonight well be taking a look at the pros and cons of trumpcare. [ audience oohs ] its Donald Trumps new Healthcare Plan to replace obamacare. Its making its way through congress now. A lot of people are concerned about how it might affect them. So lets take look at the pros and cons of trumpcare. Here we go. Pro, trumpcare will have a huge effect on the medical industry. Con, now when you type in symptoms on web m. D. It just says, oh, you dead. [ laughter and applause ] steve really . They save money on the website. Jimmy thats an interesting way to say it. Pro, even without insurance, americans could still see a a doctor. Con, by dressing up like a dog and going to the vet. [ steve could work. Theyre doctors. Jimmy pro, having to pay for healthcare out of pocket. Con, not being able to afford pants or pockets. Steve wow. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy can you buy pockets separately . Steve buy pockets seperately. Jimmy i didnt know you could buy pockets. Steve maybe a backpack . Jimmy pro, the details of the bill are confusing to many americans. Con, confusion is now a a preexisting condition. Steve what . Jimmy thats unfortunate. [ laughter and applause ] pro, trumpcare is so simple it can be summed up in just three words. Con, dont get sick. [ laughter and applause ] there you go, its very simple. Simple as that. Pro, trump was able to get it passed through congress. Con, its the first pass hes made that was consensual. Steve whoa [ audience ohs ] [ laughter and applause ] hey trumpcare. [ laughter ] jimmy and finally, pro, trumpcare. Con, no, he dont. There you go, thats the pros and cons. [ applause ] well be back with aziz ansari, everybody [ cheers and applause ] and let roomba from irobot help with your everyday messes. Roomba navigates your entire home. Cleaning up pet hair and debris for up to 2 hours. Which means your floors are always clean. You and roomba, from irobot. Better. Together. Chevythree years in a row. Car company really. Lets see how quickly you can read through all their awards. 2017 motor trend car of the year. Kelly blue book 2016 best resale value. U. S. News best cars for the money 10 best blah blah blah only about 90 more to go 2017 iihs. Top safety. 2017 north american car of the year thats a lot of awards get 20 below msrp on all malibu lt models. Find new roads at your local chevy dealer. Introducing the fios gigabit connection with download speeds up to 940 megs that are 20x faster ibly, its 79. 99 a month for one year. Comcast charges you 89. 99 for a triple play that only offers 200 mgs speeds. Switch to the most powerful internet at the most revolutionary price. Get fios gigabit connection for 79. 99 a month and well give you tv, hbo for one year and multiroom dvr service for 2 years all with a 2 year agreement. So act fast. Go to fiosgigabit. Com [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our first guest is a a hilarious comedian, a a New York Times bestselling author, and the creator and star of the Emmy Awardwinning Netflix Series master of none. Season two is available this friday. I know, its so good. I cant wait. [ cheers ] ladies and gentlemen, please welcome aziz ansari [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome. Thank you for coming back to the show. Good to see you. You look sharp, as always. Oh, thank you. Jimmy i saw a photo of you looking really, really sharp at the met ball on may 1st. And it really it made me laugh. Its you and lupita and rihanna. [ laughter ] can we zoom in on what is going through your mind there . That youre not that youre not in the selfie . Or what . I mean, whats going through my mind is, these are two of the most beautiful, talented women on earth and i am a a certified bozo. [ laughter ] jimmy no. How am i in the same plane of existence . Jimmy talk me through this. How did this scene happen . How did this happen . Were just kind of all walking into the met gala area, and i was i know lupita a a little bit and we were talking and then rihanna came. And i know rihanna a little bit. And we all Start Talking and theyre like, we should take a a picture. And i was like, i will step away here. [ light laughter ] jimmy okay, gotcha. Ill just let you guys no way no better way to get the worst photo of aziz ansari ever. [ light laughter ] here are the two most Beautiful People and here am i. [ laughter ] jimmy no, thats not true. Youre a stud. Have you been to the met ball before . Thats kind of a big deal. Yeah, ive been i mean, weve seen the picture, man. [ laughter ] jimmy its unbelievable. We all got what was going on in there. Jimmy i know, no, its just so good. Your face is so good, man. Ladies and gentlemen you should have been in that i think you should have been in the photo. But its fun i was [ laughter ] technically, i am in that photo. Jimmy no, youre barely in the photo. Youre not in that photo. [ light laughter ] i have been before. And i think this is maybe the fourth time ive went. And its so interesting to see how its changed over the years. The first year i went, i remember, i didnt know anybody. I mean, i walked in, and it was like Jason Statham and a bunch of just victorias secret angels everywhere. Jimmy yeah. And this year i walk in, and its like nick kroll and all my comedian friends. Im like, whats happened . Where are the angels . [ laughter ] why is kroll here . Is this a brunch i just walked into . This is jimmy a brunch. And krolls there. I get brunch with kroll. Jimmy you do, yeah. Yeah. Jimmy i want to talk to you about master of none, because i love the first season. Thank you. Jimmy i just every episode was its own thing. And i loved it so much. And then you actually moved to italy, or you lived in italy . Yeah, after the first season, if you didnt see the first season, im about to ruin the end, so close your ears for five seconds. [ light laughter ] but my character decides to move to italy. Jimmy how close is the character to you . I mean, its pretty close. After the season finished, i decided i would move to italy for research for the role. You know . And my character learns how to make pasta. So i actually lived in italy in this small town called modena. And i, you know, learned how to make pasta. I worked in these pasta shops and stuff. All the places you see in the series, i actually worked there. Jimmy you just made like learned how to make pasta . Thats fantastic. Yeah. You know, leonardo dicaprio, he sleeps inside of a bear carcass, i go and learn to make pasta. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy there you go, same deal. Same deal. Were both dedicated to our craft. Jimmyme yeah. Jimmy do they recognize you there . Do they know youre famous . No one knew who i was. Which was really cool. Like no one knew who i was. They just thought i was this random dude from new york who really wanted to learn how to make pasta. [ light laughter ] and then one day, one of the ladies and these people are, you know, theyre real italian people. None of them spoke english. I had to Learn Italian and stuff. And then one day, one of them came up to me and theyre like, why do you have 4 million instagram followers . [ laughter ] and i was like, i dont know. Jimmy thats so good. Hows your dad doing . And your mom . Theyre good. Theyre back in the show. Jimmy your dad last time, your dad was really kind of theyre both getting famous. And hes really into it. Yes. My dad is very into it. My mom is not. My mom doesnt really like acting. You know . This is what was crazy, okay . A few months ago i got an email from one of my manager people, and theyre like, okay, you know theyre making this oceans 11 movie with an all female cast. With like rihanna and sandra bullock, and mindy kaling, and all these people. Jimmy sure, yeah, yeah. Theyre like, would your mom ever be interested in playing [ light laughter ] yeah, not you, aziz [ laughter ] jimmy youre like your moms agent now. Get out of here. Jimmy yeah, yeah, yeah. Make this deal for us. What about your mom . Would she be interested in playing mindys characters mom . Jimmy in one of the biggest movies. So my mom is being type cast as indian peoples moms. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy no, thats not true. Thatt not thats not the point. Oh, is she gonna be an indian mom . [ laughter ] jimmy did she say yes . Well, i sent it to her. And my gut was that she would not want to do it, because she doesnt even want to do my show. Before we started the second season, shes like, say that the mom character is on vacation. [ laughter ] and i was like, we cant say shes on vacation the whole season. Vacation and then maybe she has to go to a wedding. [ laughter ] youre really good at coming up with excuses, but no. But, so i sent her this and im like, you know, you should think about this. This is a very big deal. Its a huge movie. You know, all these big stars are in it. Jimmy absolutely. It could be something interesting. And she, in the nicest way just said, tell them im so honored that they would even consider me, but i must politely decline. And i was like, you are the nicest person ever. How did you give birth to a a garbage person like me . [ laughter ] jimmy thats not true. And then that was it, right . Jimmy yeah. And then two days later, i get a call from my dad. Hes like, one, is there a dad character . [ laughter ] two, why have they not considered me yet . Jimmy why has no one called me to play mindys dad in the film . I love that guy so much, man. Hes great, man. Tell him i said hi. He really is the guy in the show. Jimmy yeah, he is. He really is. Jimmy so this season youre in italy. And youre there with your best friend, who is played by eric wareheim. Yes. Want to send any spoilers or anything like that. I just want to show maybe a a clip or do you want to set this up . This is a clip when erics character, arnold, comes to visit me in italy and were kind of driving around in italy. Jimmy all right, heres a a clip from master of none. Take a look at this. I dont know, dev, it looks pretty tight. I think well be fine. Lets just fold the mirrors in. Okay. Lets go. Just take it slow. Looking good. Slow, slow. Youre good on this side. Its really tight over here, man. Got a little space here. Just go to the right a little bit. Easy. Easy. We got room over there . Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, wait, wait oh ah keep going. [ engine revving ] i cant. Were [ bleep ] stuck what . [ bleep ], you said were good on that side. But then i said wait, wait, wait. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy master of none is on netflix this friday. Heres what i love about this. That really happened to you. Yeah. [ laughter ] so when i was living in italy jimmy wait until you see this. People are always like, what stuffs real, man . How much is it like in real life . Well, this is exactly like my real life. [ laughter ] because eric came to visit me while i was living there in italy. And we were like, okay, lets, you know, go just spend time together and hopefully therell be some things that happen that maybe inspire us. And within a week when he got there, we were driving around in this area in sicily, on this tiny road. And just like what happens in the show, we see this little tiny alley and were like, i dont know if we can make it. And this truck just barrels through. Were like, oh, well the truck made it, well be fine. [ light laughter ] then we go in. And we get stuck. And i brought a picture of the real incident that happened. This is the real one. Jimmy i cant believe it. Oh, you got it here. I thought it was going to be jimmy get ready. [ laughter and applause ] that really happened. What did you do . How did you get out . You just dont you know what was crazy . You know who was behind us . Jimmy no. Lupita and rihanna. Jimmy thats not true. That is not true. Aziz ansari, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] season two of master of none is available on netflix this friday. More with aziz when we come back, everybody [ cheers and applause ] look closely. Hidden in every swing, every chip, and every putt, is data that can make the difference between winning and losing. The microsoft cloud helps the pga tour turn countless points of data into insights that transform their business and will enhance the game for players and fans. The microsoft cloud turns information into insight. 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A meticulously crafted interior. All of these are feats of engineering. Combining them with nearperfect weight distribution. Is a feat of amazing. Experience the firstever 471horsepower lexus lc 500 or the multistage hybrid lc 500h. Experience amazing. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back, everybody. Were hanging out with aziz ansari [ cheers and applause ] master of none this friday. Hey, aziz, i dont know about you, but whenever im about to go anywhere, i like to look at the reviews on yelp first. Sure. Jimmy yeah. Well ive noticed that sometimes the owners of these places will respond when someone posts a negative review, and it can get a little mmhmm. [ light laughter ] jimmy so, i found a bunch of great yelp fights between customers and owners, and i think we should act them out. It is time for dramatic yelp reviews. Here we go. [ cheers and applause ] dramatic yelp reviews jimmy now you should know that all of these yelp reviews and responses are all 100 real. For each of these, ill be playing the customer, and aziz will be playing the owner, okay . Heres the first one. [ light laughter ] i stopped in for lunch today for the very first time, was charged 12 for a chicken parm and a couple of spoonfuls of baked ziti and a small piece of italian bread on a styrofoam plate, along with a bottle of snapple. The piece of chicken was modest in size. They provide the smallest plastic utensils available. I will not return. [ laughter and applause ] you did not receive only one piece of chicken. Ive never been more certain of anything in my life [ light laughter ] if you wanted more bread, we would have given you as much bread as you could have shoved down your throat. [ laughter ] its just a deli, not the olive garden. Piss off, bro [ cheers and applause ] jimmy what . Wow. Jimmy wow whoa that got heated that got heated fast. Jimmy real quick. Whoa. Thats the owner saying that. All right, here we go. Whew. Lets do another one here. All right. [ light laughter ] jimmy ive never been a fan of this place. And i dont get why people like it or why my friends insist on coming here frequently. The drinks are overpriced. The service is hit or miss. The menu is very basic. Ive never had a good meal here despite having been here about seven times. Let me help you out, buddy. If your friends all like it, and people keep suggesting you come here, and they all seem to have a good time, and they enjoy the food, and they somehow find a way to afford the skyhigh prices and brave the onslaught of hitormiss service, what are the odds that you have no freakin idea what youre talking about . [ laughter and applause ] by the way have you heard about our Loyalty Program . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy that would be good if they did sign up for that Loyalty Program. All right, so we switched it up a little bit on this next one. This one is for a dentists office. Oh. Okay. Jimmy yeah. Dr. Goldmans chairside manner, god, its awful. [ light laughter ] ac shame because of a cavity i had. At least she lets you choose a a dvd to watch while she gives you a filling. The last time she recommended a a dvd, i was taken aback by the many scenes that took place in a strip club. [ light laughter ] many topless women were prancing around. [ laughter ] on the bright side, if you have an emergency, she can get you in asap because she always has openings. [ laughter ] okay, lara. [ laughter ] the movies are always picked by the patient, and we offer a a variety of pg movies. Since you were over 18, we offered an rrated one. And when you chose what you did, i told you there was nudity, and you said, not a a problem. [ laughter ] looks like theres holes in your story, and your teeth. [ cheers and applause ] oh all ri i feel like any film where within the first five minutes theres topless women prancing around, its pretty apparent from the cover thats what youre in for. [ laughter ] jimmy exactly. I dont even know yeah. Why would you even well, why would you choose that film . Also, if youre the dentist, just take the one with nudity out. [ laughter ] whos like, youve got anything with a little nudity, maybe a little diane lane unfaithful action . [ light laughter ] i want to see a little bonin while im getting my cavity filled. [ laughter ] you can say boning. [ laughter ] jimmy no. Theyre not bleeping you dont need to bleep you dont if anyone is here a a guest on a late night talk show, just so you know, boning doesnt need to be bleeped, as far as i know. [ laughter ] jimmy i dont know for a a fact. I wonder whats happened at home right now. Is that being bleeped . Do they know what im saying . [ light laughter ] jimmy no, we describe it as soin [ laughter and applause ] jimmy and it involves the definition is taking a bone out of the steak. Yes, exactly. [ light laughter ] jimmy thats legally a a thing. Now we can say boning. [ light laughter ] if you give it now, if you take a bone and you shove it jimmy hey, hey, ho, hey [ laughter ] that would be jimmy i just want to get my i just want to get my cavity filled. Thats all i [ laughter ] i didnt they made that joke. I didnt make that joke. [ cheers and applause ] you made it, yourself. They made that joke, themselves. We were talking about teeth. Jimmy it was at the dentist teeth, exactly. The next time we should actually get these people in here so we can find out what really happened. Jimmy yeah, i would do that. I would do that. I just wanna see actually what they have because theyre real people. I would love to meet that crazy dentist. [ laughter ] jimmy here we go. We have time for one more. This ones actually from an i had a horrible experience at the radiator wizard. [ laughter ] i paid this place a 65 fee to diagnose my cooling problem. They insisted upon replacing my entire cooling system to the tune of 2,000. Beware. [ light laughter ] i started this business in 1985. [ light laughter ] and from day one, i have not and will not tolerate extremely rude and disrespectful behavior in my business when i ran you out of here for being so rude and disrespectful, you quickly found out that you were indeed not a man, but rather a little boy [ laughter ] now, you hide behind a computer playing the role of internet tough guy to spout out your intentional lies. Should you ever develop any manhood in your lifetime, you will come to realize this truth. You can run around and lie to everybody in this world but there is one person you cannot lie to, and that is yourself [ cheers and applause ] [ light laughter ] yours truly, the radiator wizard. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy that is up for an emmy award, right there [ cheers and applause ] aziz ansari season two of master of none is available on netflix this monday well be right back with Katherine Waterston, everybody [ cheers and applause ] til then youre beautiful and i just stare sometimes you capture the moment, and sometimes it captures you. Experience moe as a member. The marriott portfolo has 30 brands in over 110 countries, so no matter where you go, you are here. This is the story of how q got curly. Quin was crazy about curls. Curly fries. Curly straws. Curly haired dogs. Even those cute curly tails on pigs. But to quins chagrin everything about her was so very straight. Which made the next twist so amazing. Did she expect to find a highend hair curler at a mindbendingly low price . Never. But thats the beauty of a store full of surprises. You never know what youre gonna find, but you know youre gonna love it. Marshalls. Your surprise is waiting. Republican leaders are to Affordable Health care. Im Tom Perriello and in congress i voted for obamacare because it was wrong that a million virginians werent covered while Insurance Companies held all the power. Now im running for governor because its wrong that most virginia incomes havent gone up in 20 years. Together, we can stop donald trump, raise wages and build an economy that works for everyone. And well make sure this never happens in virginia. [doorbell] when you have doctors working as a team for your health, visit kp. Org to learn more. Kaiser permanente. Thrive. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our next guest is a a great actor who youve seen in films such as inherent vice, steve jobs, and fantastic beasts and where to find them. On may 19th, you can see her in the new movie, alien covenant everyone, please welcome Katherine Waterston [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you look gorgeous. Welcome to the show. Thank you for being here. Ive never met you before, but im a big fan. And i feel like i saw you in fantastic beasts, and i feel like i discovered you, kind of. Yeah, you did. [ light laughter ] you did. Jimmy and i like when i do that. Sometimes i go, oh, who is this . Shes a new actress. Shes fantastic. Yeah. Jimmy and i go, well, someone already discovered her. So they put her in a movie. Well [ light laughter ] jimmy you did not anything. But you were great. Did you see it with your kids or are they too young . Jimmy they were too young, yeah. Yeah. Jimmy i saw how old are they, or the older one . Jimmy theyre three and two. Oh well. Jimmy really . [ light laughter ] well, i dont know. I mean, i saw alien really young, and i feel like it shaped me [ laughter ] maybe in a negative way, but jimmy i mean, i dont know. My kids cant see maybe it would send your kids into show business or something you dont want to have happen. Jimmy i just we go to a a dentist that provides us all the films that we see. [ laughter and applause ] more than enough more than enough movies. My dentist jimmy same dentist, same one . Well, its not the same one. But my dentist shows the nudie movies, and its, like, really disturbing. Because you dont always you dont know the movie before you select it sometimes. And so, you, you know, theyre middrill, and theres some hankypanky happening, and you cant get out of there. [ light laughter ] its really awkward. Jimmy ive never had that experience at all, yeah. I dont recommend it. Jimmy no. I have to say, im a big fan of your dad as well. Sam waterston is your dad. [ cheers and applause ] i love him. I love his work. Have you ever worked with your dad in acting . No, no, no. My my jimmy law order or nothing . Oh, man. J you were in law order . Oh, boy. This is, like, one of those moments where i wish i could come up with some fake news on the spot. I did a guest spot on the show. Jimmy you just never did it . And then, everybody was so blown away, they made me a lead regular, and the rest is history. But in actual fact, i couldnt even get a callback on that show. [ light laughter ] i auditioned multiple times. Jimmy are you serious . And i auditioned multiple times, and so did every new york actor i have ever met. Jimmy yeah, of course. And theyve all worked on the show. Jimmy yeah. Everyone in our audience has worked on law order. Yeah, youve all been [ cheers ] jimmy weve all been were you ever on the show . Jimmy i was never on law order. No, i dont think they would accept me either. No, no. Who were you auditioning to be . Were you, like, the dead body . Do you just go in, and youre just like [ laughter ] couldnt even i couldnt even get a job as a corpse. Jimmy theyre like, not believable. Im not buying it. I can see youre breathing. [ laughter ] im happy. Whatever. It all ended up perfect, because look at you now. I mean, gosh, youre in the biggest movie of the world. Mmhmm. Jimmy alien covenant is going to be a giant film. This is a big, action, scary, ac its alien. Yeah, dude. Jimmy aliens and, yeah, i mean, sigourney weaver. This is this is the thing. Jimmy well, her dad, pat weaver, started created the today show and the tonight show. So i owe a lot of credit and thanks to the weaver family, yeah. Yeah. [ applause ] we both do. Jimmy we both do. So yay, thanks weavers jimmy twinsies. Yeah, thanks, yeah. Have you ever met her . I did, actually. One of my first jobs in new york was at a theater in tribeca called the flea, and sigourney weavers husband runs that theater. So it was one of my first little breaks. Jimmy wow, thats fun. Its like a 40seat theater, and she came after one of the performances and said some encouraging things to me. And i was right on the verge of thinking, maybe i should go to law school or something. [ light laughter ] tiffany style. Jimmy you were just gonna yeah. Yeah. Jimmy Tiffany Trump Tiffany Trump style, yeah. Yeah. Jimmy and go into law. Avoid the bright lights. Jimmy yeah. Yeah. Jimmy but now, youre in alien. This is fantastic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So its a littul jimmy i love that. With the weavers. Jimmy see this . I love those stories. Yeah, totally. Jimmy yeah, do you want to set up whats happening in this film . Mmhmm. Yeah, in this clip . Jimmy or in the movie in general . Oh, oh. Yeah, yeah. So, in the movie. Jimmy covenant is the name of the ship . The ship, yeah. Its a colonization mission. And so, this movie comes after prometheus, but before sigourneys first alien movie. So, basically, we dont know what went down with the people in prometheus. This is, like, 10 years later, and were a colonization mission. We found this new planet. We think we can sustain life there, because probably the earth is somewhere no one can live in a couple hundred years. Yay. [ laughter ] jimmy its not really a a comedy, no. Its not a comedy, yeah. I want to show a clip. Heres Katherine Waterston oh, yeah. Jimmy and Danny Mcbride in alien covenant. Take a look at this. Hey, hey, hey wait weve got company what . Other side of the ship open the door hold tight im starting my climb hold on holy [ cheers and applause ] jimmy that is frightening. And i should say its directed by ridley scott, who we love. Oh, my gosh. Katherine waterston, everybody [ cheers and applause ] alien covenant is in theaters may 19th. Blondie performs for us right after the break stick around [ cheers and applause ] yoheres your reward. 100,000th point. Can i get one more . Thatll be 15,000 points. Some Loyalty Programs arent always rewarding. Thanks captain obvious. But hotels. Com is. Its small batch. Instant savings now, free nights later. Hotels. Com. Classic hersheys outside. With a new creamy, crunchy inside. New hersheys cookie layer crunch. Classic reimagined. At lincoln, were all about making things simpler for you. Like, imagine having your vehicle serviced. From the comfort of your own home. 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Performing long time, please welcome blondie [ cheers and applause ] ive been running circles round a night that never ends ive been chasing heartache in a city and a friend ive been with you so long even seen you lose it but who cares racing down the bowery on a crowded afternoon draping from the davenport of your insecure typhoon can you even want me or this is just a way to keep you safe take me then lose me then tell them im yours are you happy does it take you a long time does it make you upset does it make you think everybody wants to be your friend i can give you a heartbeat i can give you a friend i can make you think everybody wants to be your friend drinking with your cell phone with a smile on your face happy in success but still a thousand miles away is this what you wanted is this everything you had in store take me then lose me then tell them im yours are you happy does it take you a long time does it make you upset does it make you think everybody wants to be your friend i can give you a heartbeat i can give you a friend i can make you think everybody wants to be your friend take me then lose me then tell them im yours take me then lose me then tell them im yours take me then lose me then tell them im yours take me then lose me then tell them im yours [ cheers and applause ] jimmy oh, my goodness. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Blondie [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much. The rage and rapture tour kicks off in july [ cheers and applause ] blondie well be right back, ladies and gentlemen [ cheers and applause ] theseare heading back home. Y oil thanks to dawn, rescue workers only trust dawn, because its tough on grease yet gentle. I am home, i am home, i am home well its a perfect nespresso hold on a second. Orge. Mmm. [mel torme sings comin home baby] hey there. Want a lift . Where are we going . No dont tell me. Let me guess. Have a nice ride. Thats a cup above . I brought you nespresso. Nespresso. What else . [ cheers and applause ] jimmy my thanks to aziz ansari, Katherine Waterston, blondie once again, ladies and gentlemen [ cheers and applause ] and the roots right there from philadelphia, pennsylvania. Stay tuned for late night with seth myers. Thank you for watching. Have a great night. I hope to see you tomorrow. Byebye, thank you [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight danny devito from i love dick actress kathryn hahn president and ceo of planned parent hood Cecile Richards featuring the 8g band with thaddeus dixon. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. Seth good evening everybody. Im seth meyers, this is late night. How is everybody doing tonight . [ cheers and applause ] great to hear. That is great to hear. In that case lets get to the news. President trump yesterday attacked the investigation into his ties with russia tweeting quote, when will this taxpayer funded charade end. Yes mr. President , when will this taxpa
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