Thanks to all of you here for coming. Thanks for braving the heat dome to be here. Have you heard about that . Its a new weather phenomenon, a heat dome. Causing unusually high temperatures in 21 dates. Its expected to get up to 115 degrees in some states. So dont go to those states, okay . And the fear is that the heat dome will turn into a thunder dome, and well have to turn to mad max to help us. [ laughter ] president obama took to twitter to warn us about the heat. Drink water, stay out of the sun, and check on your neighbors. Can you imagine checking on your neighbors in l. A. . I live across the street, just checking on ya. Everything okay . Donald trump weighed in on the heat too, he tweeted, the sun is the worst. Hot, lazy, stupid, donothing sun is a big fat loser. He takes a more direct approach. In cleveland tonight, donald trump officially accepted the republican nomination after almost a full week of people kissing his ass, it was finally time to kiss it himself and kiss he did. Trump arrived atop a goldplated elephant firing bedazzled make America Great tshirts into the crowd. Not really. But its kind of believable, though, right . [ laughter ] when he finished his speech, they dropped 125,000 balloons, poor Chris Christie spent all day blowing them up. [ laughter ] it was worth it. This convention has been a little bit like the special remember the old tv special its the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown . Theres a group of loyal fans huddled together, waiting for the big orange gourd to appear. And it did. What a week, it began with a speech from scott baio, and went downhill from there. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] its a big i mean the big drama last night came courtesy of senator ted cruz, who chose not to endorse donald trump, even though they let him give a speech on stage at the convention. This is how the trump family reacted to that. They should make that their christmas card. [ laughter ] there were a lot of boos for ted cruz. And rightly so, i mean, how dare he not support the guy who berated him for months and insulted his wife and suggested his father may have murdered jfk . Thats just rude. Ted cruz, one of the reasons he didnt voice his support for trump is because he reportedly plans to run for president again in 2020. Why not, it went so well this time. Another of trumps former foes, dr. Ben carson, apparently does not have similar aspirations. By the way they are saying ted cruz has already made up his mind to run in 2020 even if donald trump wins. Have you made any decisions along those lines . Yes. What . I have no intention of running for Public Office again. Never again . No. Why . I wouldnt have done it this time had it not been for the tremendous outcry of the people. They were demanding you do it . Right. Jimmy they were . Who were these people . I didnt meet any of them. [ laughter ] by the way, i do want to say it was a good day for ben carson. He just signed a deal to be the new face of tylenol p. M. [ laughter ] meanwhile, theres another a side feud emerging from the rnc. This one between bill oreilly and Montel Williams. Montel was supposed to go on oreillys show last night. At the last minute, he backed out. We were supposed to have Montel Williams, but he walked out in a huff, right . And the producer tells me he was mad about some gay thing. Do you know what the gay thing i dont think it was anything we said, i didnt hear anything that we said that had any reference to that at all. Does anybody know what gay thing upset Montel Williams . Jimmy no, but i want to know what gay thing upset him. [ laughter ] by the way, gay thing would be a great new marvel superhero. Wouldnt it . Make the four really fantastic. This is some Interesting Data out of the convention this week. A major online purveyor of adult films reports that porn viewing in cleveland is up 184 this week. You think thats what donald trump means when he says were going to start winning again . [ laughter ] they say porn use skyrocketed ahead of the usual leading cities, new york and miami. But you know what . When you got sex magnets like mike pence and ted cruz on display you cant be surprised when people get a little sexed up. Related story. Mcdonalds and starbucks says they plan to block Customers Using their wifi from visiting pornographic websites. Where am i supposed to watch it now . At home with the losers . Maybe mcdonalds plans to bring it back like the mcrib or the shamrock shake. [ laughter ] [ applause ] thank you. While some restaurants are taking porn off their menu, at least one popular chain is attempting to pick up the slack. Breakfast just got better at ihop. This summer all you can eat pancakes are b porn. Thats right. A tall stack of signature buttermilking pancaked with a side of allpork sausage and porn for 2. In my opinion. All day, every day. You say its your birthday . Stop in and enjoy a rooty tooty spank your booty stack. On the house. Its the summer of fun, ihop. Come hungry, leave horny. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy there are so many colorful characters at the convention this week but this is my favorite one of all of them. Ivanka trump, Donald Trumps eldest daughter, she will be the one who does the introductory speech for him thursday night when he is due to accept the nomination. Jimmy that excitable gentleman is donald trump Superfan Jake byrd. Jake has been on our show many times before. He made his way onto the convention floor. Hes been all over the news this week. He got a shoutout on twitter from the new york times. A man celebrated at the convention that hes the man. The wall street journal tweeted a photo of him too. He was really all over the place. They didnt know that jake was with us. We sent a camera with him and he made quite a splash and well see it all, jakes adventure at the rnc next. But first, its thursday night, time to bleep and blur the big tv moments whether they needed it or not. It is this week in unnecessary censorship. This is who we are. Governors and doctors, ceos, and hog [ bleep ]ers. Ladies and gentlemen, donald trump is a [ bleep ]er and i know he will [ bleep ] this country. We remain focused on one thing. This beautiful [ bleep ] that we love so much. My 2yearold grandson has a longer [ bleep ] than donald trump. He goes above and beyond. [ bleep ]. He does. I am not in the habit of supporting people that [ bleep ] my wife. [ bleep ], [ bleep ]. America is no longer leading, but rather [ bleep ] from behind. Theres a nicesized [ bleep ]. Open your mouth wide, and i will [ bleep ] it. My fellow republicans, when donald trump becomes president of the United States of america, the [ bleep ] will be huge. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy were going to take a break. When we come back, jake byrd at the Republican National convention. So stick around. [ cheers and applause ] [ tires screech ] flo [ ghost voice ] oooo [ laughs ] jaaaaamie, the name your price tool can show you Coverage Options to fit your budget. Tell me something i dont know oh ohhh she slimed me. Which i probably shouldve seen coming. [ laughs ] welli do say that, you see. Well, fantastic a lot. I study psychobiology. Im a fine arts major. Nobody really believes that i take notes this way, but they actually make sense to me. I try to balance my studying with the typical college experience. This windows pc is a life saver being able to pull up different articles to different parts of the screen is so convenient. I used to be a mac user but this is way better. Stget great savings on the. Sneakers they need for backtoschool. And kohls cash for you the more you buy, the more kohls cash youll earn. No limit use your kohls cash later on just about anything online and in store now thats the good stuff. Kohls. Now try jim beam apple. Come together to make history. Poured over ice and served with club soda and a fresh lemon wedge. To make a crisp refreshing jim beam apple and soda. Whistle while you work whistling put on that grin and start right in, to whistle loud and long. Just hum a merry tune hum come on get smart tune up and start to whistle while you work. whistle [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back to the show. Viggo mortensen, george lopez, music from colin hay on the way. As you know, the Republican National convention wrapped up tonight. The city of cleveland was besieged by Donald Trumps most passionate supporters. The most passionate supporter of is our friend jake byrd. Jake goes to all the big trump events. He was smack dab in the middle of the action this week to make friends and file this very special report. Hey, its jake byrd, here in cleveland, home of the rock n roll hall of fame, the World Championship cavaliers. Lets go to convention i love your hat. Its all happening its really happening its really happening im from chino, california, right on the mexican border. Texas, thats on the mexican border, too. Were both getting a wall against illegal immigration, but also against the drug cartels coming across the border. I dont think people understand that. Trump supporters are not racist, were not against all mexicans. Heres what happened, juan the pool guy said he needed a place, three days until he fixed his van. Its february. I need mom to kick him out of the house. Im sleeping on the sun porch, my tush is covered in mosquito bites. We need juan out. I dont know this gentleman. Id be happy to talk to you later if youd like. Yeah, we can get together later. Who are you most excited to see at the convention . I already saw him, ted cruzs father. Rafael cruz. That was it. Hes the one that killed john f. Kennedy, right . Theres a great joke. Hey, hillary, its cleveland, not beveland. Mr. Trump understands that we have power through might. Hes a wonderful negotiator, and hes going to be awesome. Exactly. Hes also going to be the kind of leader if something bad is happening, hes standing at a urinal, he can just tuck it back in and go. And hillary clinton, shes going to be like, im wiping im wiping come on, we got to go im wiping over here. Im wiping. Thats why we need donald trump. Thank you. Thank you. Goodbye. Yeah, you go. Byebye. And the health of our country. Charles in charge. Charles in charge of our nights and our womens reproductive rights. You did it, scott. That was beautiful. That was beautiful. Beautiful, man, beautiful. Nothing says the future like an actor from the 70s that played a guy from the 50s. Scott baio. [ laughter ] give the guy some air i would have picked you. I would have picked you. Hes hilarious. I love this guy. Chicken parm. Chicken parm. Whoo note youre my brownskinned aurelian oh, my gosh, its him its him ive got to stay up for this. Its my great honor to present the next first lady. Yes yes oh, my god, she received him. She received him. Donald trump is ecstatic about cleveland. He loves cleveland. He loves cleveland, talks about it in his book, think big and kick ass. Listen to this. 1982. I was having some trouble with the crime family and had to get out of new jersey. I decided to hide out in cleveland. I said to my limo driver, whats good to do in town . He said, donnie, youve got to try a cleveland steamer. He took me to an underground club called the chocolate whistle stop. The smell was ungodly. Wow, what a bunch of freaks. Back to new york for me. Think big and kick ass. Head down to the chocolate whistle factory. See you guys. Oh, there you are. Oh, im sorry, i thought you were my mom. Im so sorry. They found the delegates they got the delegates its all happening, like in my dream the delegates it is my honor to be able to throw donald trump over the top in the delegate count tonight. Throw him over the top 89 delegates. Oh, yeah its happening its happening thats our guy thats our donny thats our donny i did this. I did this. In my dreams. In my dreams, i made this happen pinch me pinch me, pinch me, its a dream, pinch me dont touch my body well, jake, you did it, buddy. What do you think don would say now . Ill tell you what donald would say. Your support has been yuge [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thanks, jake. Take care. We have a great show tonight. Colin hay is here, george lopez is here. And well be right back with Viggo Mortensen, so stick around [ cheers and applause ] hey there. Hi, im looking for a deal on an iphone. I was thinking, something along these lines. Oh, okay. Well, how about this . Heres my answer. Is this you with a dinosaur body . Its just me with happy hands. It just means ill take it. Right now, buy an iphone and get another one free when you add a second line. Craso come dive into disheser like the new alaska bairdi crab dinner with sweet crab from the icy waters of alaska. Or try crab lovers dream with tender snow and king crab legs. Love crab . Then hurry, crabfest ends soon. One day, ms. Jenkins told us to make whatever we wanted with crayons. Whatever we wanted. So we did but, the art room wasnt big enough. It only made sense to build a bigger school. And houses, offices, and a whole neighborhood. Turns out, you can do anything with crayons our biggest event of the year just got better im free to do what i want and have a good time. Announcing zero for seventytwo across the entire lineup of ford cars, trucks and suvs. So hurry in for 0 financing for 72 months. Thats freedom from interest. And freedom to choose with ford. Americas best selling brand. Im free, baby now get 0 financing for 72 months across the entire lineup of ford cars, trucks and suvs, during the ford freedom sales event. Toquicker than everybody. Es, Allyson Felix needs to be to win at home, she needs to be quicker than. Allyson chloe thats why Allyson Felix uses bounty. The quicker picker upper. Bounty is faster and 2x more absorbent. Bounty the quicker picker upper. Jimmy welcome back. Tonight, hes a very funny guy with a new allstar tour called comedy get down. George lopez is here. Then, maybe the most underrated artists of the 80s. You know him from the band men at work. His latest album is called next year people. The great colin hay from the studio stage. Next week on the show, danny mcbride, david spade, andy garcia, greg kinnear, bryce dallas howard, ozzy and Jack Osbourne will be here, dana white from the ufc, and we will have music from prophets of rage, the gogos and the strokes. Please join us for all that. [ cheers and applause ] our first guest tonight is a terrific actor whom you know from the lord of the rings trilogy and many films in which he doesnt wear chainmail. His new movie is called captain fantastic, its in theatres now. Please welcome Viggo Mortensen. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy hows it going . I come bearing gifts. Jimmy thats nice. I wish more guests brought me gifts. Youre a mets fan. Jimmy i am, are you . I am. Jimmy nice. This is tom seaver, 1972. Jimmy oh, wow. Thats pretty great. Boy. I had this card when i was a kid. I think my mom threw all of them away. We used to flip these. Have you ever flipped cards . Yeah. Jimmy you did that . Yeah. Jimmy its like a nice entry into gambling. [ laughter ] darryl strawberry, signed. Jimmy i guess i should show these to the audience instead of just looking at them myself. See, that is indeed tom seaver. Darryl . Oh, wow. Most beautiful swing in baseball. Probably the man that looked the best in a baseball uniform. Jimmy i never imagined you as a baseball collecting kind of guy. I have soccer cards, baseball cards. Jimmy you dont have to apologize. [ laughter ] and to bring it up to date, david wright. Jimmy david wright, how, thats beautiful. Look at that. Thank you very much. And this is my mom. You cant have her. Jimmy can i show her . Look at that. Your mom played baseball, huh . She did. Its not signed but its authentic. Jimmy a very young mom. My mom is an old lady, thats crazy. And a shortstop. Jimmy ill tell you keep that one. I have one more. I know the producers, some of them are here, from the movie. Theyre probably going to skin me alive. Jimmy thats okay, well talk about the movie. This is a team i liked. I grew up with, san lorenzo soccer team, argentina. Its not the team jersey, but it would be sad if it were, but its a jersey that i made. Jimmy you made this . On the occasion of the centennial in 2008. Jimmy wait a minute what do you mean you made it . Did you draw this stuff . Sure. Jimmy really . I gave lots of them to fans. I was going to give it to you in 2008. I was thinking maybe i would have been invited. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy im very impressed by that. Better late than never. I washed this one. Jimmy thank you, wow. Youre very crafty, thats very impressive. Wow. Thats something else. Well. I didnt know youre a melts fan. All this stuff is very exciting. You this is a photograph that, now, this is your team. What are they called . Whats the name . San lorenzo. Jimmy youre a season ticket holder. Boy, i would be scared of you as a season ticket holder. Where did you get the picture . Jimmy i dont know, somebody gave to it me. Will you sign it and ill keep it with my baseball cards . [ laughter ] [ applause ] thats the look, for those who havent seen the movie, captain fantastic, that was during the shoot. I look very serious, but we were playing for the championship of all latin america, which weve never won and always been ridiculed for never winning that, and we won. Jimmy you did . This was at halftime, and it wasnt looking promising at that point. Jimmy i see. So you decided to commemorate that dark moment. [ laughter ] but we won. Jimmy thats pretty exciting. This movie captain fantastic, sounds like a superhero movie, but its not. Im going to be honest with you. I watched the first part of it, and it looked great you turned it off. Jimmy no, i didnt turn it off, it just stopped on me and i spent the rest of the night cursing at my television. Tell everybody what the idea of this movie is. I play a father with a big beard. And six children. Jimmy yes. And we live in the middle of the forest, off the grid. And at the heart of it, its a road trip movie. We take a bus. An Old School Bus we converted into a lab, and study place, classroom. And we drive across the country to crash a funeral. A funeral of the kids mom. Jimmy to which you were not invited . We were not invited. We were warned by the grandparents that i will be arrested if i go. The kids will be taken from me if we go. The kids convinced me that we must go, and thats our mission. Jimmy its the old funeral crashing movie. Weve seen it a thousand times but its a new twist. Jimmy when you have when youre in a movie playing a guy in the middle of the woods do you do any do you need to prepare to get into that mindset or live in the woods or do any of that kind of stuff actors tend to do . We did have to do a lot of we had a sort of boot camp where we did rock climbing, martial arts. Had to skin a few goats. Jimmy a few . That kind of stuff. Jimmy did the goats know it was for a movie, were they excited . I think they were union. Jimmy union goats. It was cool. Jimmy were getting skinned again have you ever skinned a goat before . I hadnt. Really, to be honest it actually was sheep, im sorry, apologies to the goats. It was the two middle girls, it was a brood, three girls, three boys. The two middle girls had to become expert in gutting and skinning animals because they have to do that with a deer. Its a family movie. Jimmy yeah, right. It really is, really is. Theres a moment. Jimmy these little girls and audition for a movie. At what point do they say, and by the way, you know the cute little animals from your storybooks . Imagine them with with no wool or flesh. [ laughter ] i dont know if its in the contract. Jimmy yeah. Or if they sprung that on them. Heres your knife. Yeah. I dont know. Thats a good question. Jimmy were going to take a break. When we come back, well show a clip from the movie. 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Four snacks in one. William. What the that almost hit me if i wanted to hit you, i would have hit you. You just shot an arrow at me. You told me theyre in school. They are, leslie and i were their teachers. Youre teaching them to steal. Of course not. Mission free the food . That was part of their training. So youre training them to steal. Jimmy thats Viggo Mortensen in captain fantastic, in theaters now. I misspoke earlier. In the movie, there are seven kids. And the only digital thing in the movie, its not like the revenant. We were actually inside an elk, the whole family, for real. You know what i mean. Jimmy these kids will never act again. The special effect in that movie was that we had to remove one of the children. A lovely 4yearold girl. Beautiful. You know. Pink cheeks. Redhead. Curly hair, looked like Shirley Temple a little bit. And because this thing with the bow and arrow, kind of a weird thing that Frank Langella brought to the part. He showed up with his equipment. He said, i cant do the scene unless i have my weapons. He wants to use weapon in the scene. And i said, what does that mean . Were just talking, right . He says, im going to shoot, i have very good aim, i wont hurt them. But he was always walking around, shooting. Sometimes shooting into the sky and then running. He clipped one of the kids. Jimmy oh, no, he did not. He clipped the little redhead. He clipped Shirley Temple, shes fine now. [ laughter ] but she wasnt able to continue with the production. So, its a very effective scene. Perhaps i shouldnt have told you. Jimmy perhaps, perhaps. Perhaps its not even really true. I dont know, i cant really tell. I hope its not true. No. Jimmy sounds like the kids went through a lot. It really does. Do you know any other viggos . Is viggo a name youve met other its a danish name, its my dads name, sort of through the centuries, every firstborn male has that name, either as a middle name, its not common. When i was born, it was like calling your kid otto, oswald, hildegard. Jimmy right, yes. Which would be a weird name for a boy. [ laughter ] of any generation. But in that generation, it was weird. Now theres a lot of little kids, i get, i think because of lord of the rings, people, because hes sort of a viking guy. I dont know. Jimmy people want to name their children. I get email, people send me pictures. Jimmy thats flattering. Once in a while kids. Mostly its animals, though. A lot of cats, a lot of ferrets. [ laughter ] and mostly dogs. And mostly, like, dogs that are clearly, should i say, what would be correct . Unwanted. Oneeyed, threelegged. Jimmy oh, i see. You know what i mean. Jimmy imperfect. Heres viggo, you know . I dont know what that says. Jimmy i dont know if you ever think about this, but you are americas favorite viggo. You really are. [ cheers and applause ] and i dont know if you have business cards, but theres a danish connection on the new york mets, syndergaard. Jimmy yeah, thats right. Pitcher. Jimmy you must love him, huh . The way you pronounce him in danish, completely different. What it means, and im not kidding, look it up. It means, farm of sin. Or farm of evil. Jimmy so, like really . Take another look at him. Jimmy wow. Wow, thats going to be intimidating for the opposing batters. Farm of evil. Jimmy i wish wed known that in the world series last year. Like Texas Chainsaw Massacre but from denmark. Jimmy thats pretty good baseball trivia from Viggo Mortensen. See captain fantastic in theaters right now. Well be right back with george lopez. [ cheers and applause ] only those who dare drive the world forward. Introducing the firstever cadillac ct6. Man, im glaaflac c pays cash. Isnt Major Medical enough . No whos gonna help cover the holes in their plans . Aflac like rising copays and deductibles. 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Oh, okay. Well, how about this . Heres my answer. Is this you with a dinosaur body . Its just me with happy hands. It just means ill take it. Right now, buy an iphone and get another one free when you add a second line. Walking to school is serious business. Especially on class picture day you have to stay clean. [dogs barking] youve gotta be responsible. Whoa and no matter what, be on time. Its no big deal for a second grader. Cat and jack uniforms. Guaranteed for one year. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back. Still too come, music from colin hay. Our next guest is a very funny man, his new comedy get down tour is coming to your town, please say hello to george lopez. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy its very good to see you. Have you been watching this convention, the Republican National convention . Oh, yeah, of course. Jimmy you like watching that stuff . Well, trump has said some very disparaging stuff about my people. Jimmy he has. Called us criminals and rapists, so when i see him, im going to rob him and [ bleep ] him. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] i never really said my plan before. Jimmy its a solid plan, a good platform. How can we pretend that Melania Trump speaks english . Why are we looking like and my husband this country doesnt mind accents, as long as theyre not mexican ones. You look at arnold schwarzenegger. You know the one in the military . Mobile strike download now at the app store what the hell was that . That was the one they used. Jimmy that was the take they chose. Download it now what about when he had a baby with his maid, and he said it wasnt his baby. And the baby had the big forehead, and started talking mom, i want it now no, little arnold, no. Jimmy funny you mentioned that. I actually, swear to god this is true, i had this conversation this morning with a guy. I wonder if after arnold had sex with the maid, he made her make the bed . Oh my god. Jimmy i know. Well, she is the maid. She has a job to do. You know what . She shows up on friday, ill let you know tomorrow. Jimmy this is very interesting. I know you love golf, you play all over the country, all over the world. I do. Jimmy donald trump owns a lot of golf courses. Do you ever run into him . I played with him, like nine years ago. Jimmy you played with him . We played on fathers day. It tells you what kind of fathers we both are. [ laughter ] so, we play at a trump place in bed minister, new jersey. Im waiting for him, hes not there. Im looking for cars. Aufls all of a sudden they say, hes coming im looking down the road. Theres a black dot in the sky. He lands on the driving range in his helicopter. The trump helicopter, the most impressive entrance anybody could have. We play golf, and he says, you want to stick around for lunch . And i said, yeah. Ill stick around for lunch. Hes sitting there. Theres like a Grilled Cheese sandwich. Hes got a big bratwurst with a pound of yellow mustard. Hes putting yellow mustard on. And we walk into the kitchen, you know scooby do, you open the closet, all these little eyes pop up. In the kitchen, all these little eyes start to appear at the window. When donald trump is sitting down, all these little latino chefs come out, they bring carne asada, carnitas, frijoles, rilgs, tortillas, corn and flour. And donald trump says, is this on the menu . They say, no, senor trump. Its george lopez. [ cheers and applause ] he says, when trump is here, i get a bratwurst. George lopez is here, he gets the whole fiesta buffet . And the chef goes, mr. Trump, george lopez estupido i think thats the day he decided to do the wall. Jimmy that is, yeah. Thats where the spark came. Last time Anthony Anderson was here, we were talking about you, because you went on a golf trip. To hawaii. Jimmy anthony said you guys roomed together. Which seemed odd to me. It is odd. And anthony says to me, i think i got us a suite. Were staying together. We staying together, baby. Jimmy thats a good anthony imitation. You and me. Were grown men. He always gets there early to get the bigger room. Jimmy i see, of the two rooms. He got a room with a millipede in it, like a hawaiian snake about six feet long. And i hear shrieking. Aah grabbed my camera, hes chasing this millipede around. Jimmy we have it on video. Tell us about this while we look at this video. [ screaming ] thats the sound he made. [ bleep ] jimmy look at the size of the monster in the bucket. Thats like a snake. [ cheers and applause ] and when we go to dinner, he acts the same way when they bring the check. Aah jimmy is anthony thrifty . Is that why he wants to share a room . Anthony is incredibly thrifty. Jimmy hes lost a lot of weight. He has, but hes a little bit diabetic. Jimmy oh, he is, thats right, he is. One time he stays at my house. And i said, i got some desserts. He was like, im a diabetic. In the morning, they were all gone. [ laughter ] jimmy hes a hungry diabetic. You play golf, your group is anthony, don cheadle, and cheech marin is there. Its like a little you have a mini Golf Tournament between you, right . Every year, we have a Golf Tournament called the brownie cup. Jimmy the brownie cup. You play nine holes completely sober, and on the 9th tee, you cut a brownie. You get two brownies and you cut them in half and everybody eats the brownie. Jimmy i see. Then you count every shot on the way in. Jimmy i see. So this is not like a duncan hines brownie. No, this is a medical marijuana brownie. Jimmy i see. And youre all very sick. And you drink a double vodka cranberry at the turn and one on 14. And you get so high. Jimmy i bet. Were in the middle of the fairway, the 14th hole, and cheech is like, i think i saw a ball theres a ball were all looking for the ball. I said, i hit the ball, and anthony is like, i think its over here and cheech is like, i saw it go down in the middle 25 minutes later, i put my hand in my pocket, hey, man, i have it here. [ laughter ] [ applause ] jimmy this tour that youre on, why is it called the get down . It used to be called the black and brown comedy getdown. And people said, why is it about race, and why am i the only brown . Then i had to say, because when you hire wone of us we do like four other jobs. Mr. Trump, george lopez so, we decided to call it the comedy get down. You know. 80s, 70s. Jimmy i gotcha. Whos on the tour . Myself, cedric the entertainer, d. L. Hughley, charlie murphy, and eddie griffin. Jimmy eddie griffin, correct me if im wrong, hes a crazy guy, right . Hes crazy. Drinks champagne and patron. That will make you [ bleep ] crazy. Jimmy do you have fun . Is it like a great thing to travel with these guys . Ill say this. Not one show in the year and a half has started on time. [ laughter ] and they drag me down with them. Im there at 5 00 p. M. , im getting ready, making carnitas, tacos. They start at 8 30. And im on stage, i was like, i was up at 8 00. I was on time until i started working with black people. Its hard to be late, you got a clock on your phone, your watch, your iphone. In the old days, it was on the microwave, the microwave would be the clock. I thought you had to go . Its 1 10. Youre like, push clear. Oh, [ bleep ]. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy go see george live this summer on the comedy get down tour. All summer long. Thank you, george. Well be right back with colin hay. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy id like to thank my guests. And apologize to matt damon. We ran out of time. Nightline is next. But first, his album is called next year people. Here with the song if i had been a better man, colin hay there were kings and queens and could have beens and pretenders to the throne i was a sweet contender then now my seeds theyve all been sown i scorched the earth behind me i could have made a better plan if i had been a better man my promises were not to keep but thrown into the dirt there must be more i told myself as i buttoned up my shirt well i could paint myself in glory now and be proud of who i am if i had been a better man stumbling through deep suburbs in my mind as secrets of silence unwind i will sing you so long now only love only love makes me strong your charity i took as mine i claimed it as my own i followed my ascending star to far away from home i was mesmerized by shiny things now in frozen time i stand if i had been a better man now im kneeling and im digging deep deep into the ground im searching for my soul to keep like a buried treasure found in dreams i speak in ancient tongues lost in wind and sand if only i had been a better man if i had been a better man if i had been a better man [ cheers and applause ] jimmy that was great. Thank you. Thank you. Colin hay, everyone. Good night. Very nice. This is a special edition of nightline. Daughters for sale. Tonight id like to be a doctor. From a pictureperfect childhood to being sold for sex online. I was in shock. A familys nightmare. They took everything from my little girl. Backpage. Com. At the center of the storm, now under investigation for possible links to underage sex trafficking. Were with vice cops on dramatic stings. Whats your name . Please, youre under arrest. We track down the man behind backpage. Youre a father what do you want to say to him . This special edition of nightline daughters for sale will be right back