Happy thanksgiving. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you, youre great. Now, ill tell you what. Thank you very much. That was very nice and i appreciate it, but would you answer me something honestly . How many of you just stopped in here until the rush hour traffic dies down . [ laughter and applause ] jeez. Whoa. Have you seen it out there . Oh, murder. Its like a sinking ship, people are gettin outta town. Anyway, you should be careful. Its a fouy so dont peak too early. [ laughter ] well, its don johnsons brother. [ laughter ] whoo its my salute to the pilgrims, you know. [ laughter ] [ applause ] indians wouldve killed you. [ laughter ] look at that, cochise. Wow. Just got a report whats going on in the papers today. [ chuckling ] yesterday i guess it started, the, uh, the teflon presidency, um. [ laughter ] has started to turn to flypaper. Uh, did you i looked in the did you read the paper this morning . Yeah. And i see things like, special prosecutor. Laundered money. White house resignations. And for a moment it was like i was time traveling in my delorean. [ laughter ] it was nixon opened the paper, thought he was back in camelot. [ laughter ] whoo, boy. They could just keep doing that was a lot of material there. Did you read that yesterday, at the white house, they presented the president a, um, sixty pound turkey named benjamin. [ chuckling ] now that was right after the National Security counsel, um, presented him with a hundred and eighty pound turkey named colonel north. [ laughter ] [ applause ] the head of the National Security agency, john poindexter, is out. And his aide, oliver north. Uh, they have left. And the president said yeah. [ laughter ] the president said they werent fired. They chose to leave. [ laughter ] now, if you buy that, i have some ious from ivan boesky id like to unload. [ laughter and applause ] but of course, thpr thanksgiving turkey wasnt killed. It volunteered to jump into the microwave. [ laughter ] but anyway, i guess it was today north and poindexter left the white house with little suitcases. And, uh [ chuckling ] poindexter turned to north and said, im sorry, oillie. [ laughter ] and [ laughter continues ] and poindexter said, well, heres another nice mess [ laughter ] [ applause ] boy, things are really rolling back there. And the president you probably didnt hear this. You know, youve been standing in line. Just came over the wire service. The president the president made another shocking announcement just a couple of hours ago. He said, well. [ laughter ] nancy didnt keep me wellinformed of whats going on, so shess replaced by barbara stanwyck. [ laughter ] great. Now, let me if you havent followed this, this is kind of a dicey situation. Let me explain what happened. Uh, apparently, we sent some arms to israel israel reportedly sold them to iran. Iran put the money in a swiss bank, and then apparently washington diverted the money to the contras inin nicaragua. Now if you can follow that, the new tax code. [ laughter ] israel, to iran, to switzerland, to nicaragua. Which is also, i dont know if you know this, is the pan am super saver route to newark. [ laughter ] [ applause ] actually, i guess it was a pretty good deal, because by the time the iranian money got to nicaragua, it earned valuable bonus mileage. [ laughter ] says, and i quote he was not fully informed. Ii think the big question is, what did the president know . And when did he decide not to know it . [ laughter ] [ applause ] there go all my invitations to the white house. [ laughter ] reagans thanksgiving is tomorrow. The reagan family is flying out to their ranch in santa barbara. I guess nancy and the children, the whole family is gonna be there. I understand that those who say, pass the spare parts will not be invited back for christmas. Or maybe pare sparts. [ laughter ] if they dont say it better than that, they wont be back at all. [ laughter ] anyway, i was out this morning shopping for my really . Yes. You cook, dont you . Yes. Weve talked about this every thanksgiving since ive known you. You actually prepare the turkey yourself. Yes, sir. Is that a tradition, or what . Yes, it is. You buy it and you baste it the whole works. Why how come victoria doesnt do this . cause i like to do it. Are you coming over, as usual . [ laughter ] weve known each other 30 years. Its my bowling night. [ laughter ] anyway, i went shopping for my turkey today. Yes, what happened. Just for this joke, i went shopping. And i went to the supermarket. I have a great butcher, murray the butcher. And i said, how can how can you make a turkey tender and mouthwatering . And murray said, thats a question for doctor ruth. [ laughter ] [ chuckling ] i didnt realize how expensive turkeys are. I dont understand how anything that ugly can be so expensive. Thats an ugly bird, you know it . Dont you think theyre ugly . You know how turkeys you know what turkeys do when they mate . They close their eyes and think of swans. Anyway, tonight, we have a fascinating show for you tonight first of all, one of the, uh, more brilliant comedians working, george carlin. [ cheers and applause ] marvelous actor from england, ian mckellen is with us tonight. [ applause ] now last night, we had jim fowler on the show with a lot of animals. Now, normally we do not book animals twice in a row. Its a rule of showbusiness. Never use animals twice in a row. We did tonight. cause we have a gentleman by the name of barney odum. I believe barney is from South Carolina . [ cheering ] hey, yo and he has a dog, believe it or not, called flat nose that climbs trees. Im talking. Trees, although i understand you didnt believe it, doc. [ laughter ] and later on, if the dog is successful, youll probably get better acquainted with the dog. [ laughter ] now, let me tell you let me tell you what im talking about. This afternoon i have not seen the dog perform yet. I have not seen the dog perform yet. They had a tree, a simulated tree here, about eighteen feet tall. Yeah. Oc and the guy said, we have a guy here, mr. Barney odum, who has a dog whos gonna climb that tree. And doc had his own dog with him. He says, if any dog can get halfway up that tree, i will kiss that dog. And he mentioned a specific [ laughter ] he mentioned a specific area of contact. [ cheers and applause ] so stay where you are. Well be right back. [ applause ] attention are you eligible for medicare . The medicare enrollment deadline is just a few weeks away. Changes to medicare plans could impact your healthcare costs. Are you getting all the benefits available to you . Increase your benefits and lower how much you pay out of pocket. To update your coverage or enroll for the first time call healthmarkets. Well help you make sure you have the right medicare plan. Hi, im doctor martin gizzi. Its a new medicare year. That means more changes. And more confusion. Heres what i tell my patients. Start by asking. What kind of care is best for your Current Situation . Have there been changes in your is what can you do now, to ensure you get the care you need in the coming year . To find the coverage you need, call healthmarkets today. New medicare plans in your area may offer better coverage and lower costs. Healthmarkets has access to thousands of Medicare Options from leading Insurance Companies nationwide. Plans that may. Cost less. Cover more. With more choices. Like dental and vision care. And the freedom to choose your own doctors. All at a price you can afford. We help find the right plan for you. O it at no cost. There were so many benefits i wasnt taking advantage of. Healthmarkets can find me the right plan. And their service doesnt cost a cent. When i try shopping on my own, i get nowhere fast. Healthmarkets takes away the confusion. Too often i see my patients paying more than they need to because they dont know what theyre entitled to. Make sure you have what you need to get the care thats right for you. You have only a few weeks left. Call a licensed healthmarkets agent now. Call now. Call this number by the deadline. And let healthmarkets find the right medicare plan for you without cost or obligation. [ music ] [ indistinct chatter ] [ applause ] anyway. To all of you, happy thanksgiving. This crowd has already started celebrating. Theyre ready to celebrate. Anyway, tonight, in a moment you will meet, as i said, barney odum and his very talented dog. Its gonna be a close personal friend of docs. [ laughter ] if things go well. Ian mckellan and george carlin, of course. Now, tomorrow is thanksgiving. Right. We have done this before, and we have a lot of fun ask children to do things, and theyre honest, you cannot write Better Things than they do, because their fertile little minds just spit it right out. We asked several groups of second to fifth grade children, called their teachers, from the los angeles district, various questions about thanksgiving, and we asked the teachers just to pose these to the students, have them write their answers and send them to us. Now, im gonna mention the schools sunrise elementary, plasencia elementary, van gogh elementary, and woodlake elementary. Now the first we asked and ill give you each question. The first question was, you, the student, are a father turkey. What will you say to your wife and children the day before thanksgiving . Thats the first question. Youre the turkey and you have to talk to your wife and children okay. Bonnie evangelista, shes in fourth grade at woodlake avenue. Heres what she says. Go soon to a place that is not very pleasant. One of us. Hes laying it off. Its not me, but one of us. A boy from wood lake, fifth grade. Ben grestilt . Grestille or grestilt it is. All right, i would tell my family, make like Michael Jackson and beat it. [ laughter ] what are fifth graders, Something Like that . All right, this fifth grader from woodlake. It just says amy g. Shes a father turkey. Why do they have to take us turkeys . Why dont they just get a pigeon . We dont like them anyway. [ laughter ] its true. Good, logical turkey. A turkey never loused up a windshield either. No, thats right. Okay, heres eduardo, sunrise elementary. Eduardo says youre the father turkey. It was nice knowing you, but tomorrow is my last day, so we better live it up and go out and boogie. [ laughter ] some well known turkey disco, i guess, right . Uh, cesar garcia from sunrise says as a father turkey, um, if you dont want anyone to eat you, put a girdle on and they will think you are real skinny. From woodlake avenue. Oh, i love this one. Youre a father turkey, and youre talking to your kids. What would you say . She repeats it about eight times. Bak Bak Bak Bak Bak bak bak bak. Bak bak. Bye bye. I love that one. Bak bak. Thats all, folks. I want a divorce. [ laughter ] father turkey says to the family. Now we asked them some other questions. This time, instead of being you are a turkey. Write a letter to the person whos going to eat you at thanksgiving dinner. Youre a turkey and you gotta write a letter to the person whos going to eat you tomorrow. Okay, Jose Barragan from sunrise said, dear person, i dont want you i hate you. [ laughter ] right off, he calls it. I cant read the name on this one, but it says, dear anybody, if you kill me, im going to call my family, friends, and have you beaten up. [ laughter ] uh, eduardo. Heres eduardo, the same kid again. Youre a turkey, write a letter to the person. You rascal, why dont you eat someone of your own size . Im a little too fat for you, so good night. Georgina says, dear person, if you eat me, you will have a stomachache for a week or two, so its better to eat a duck. I cant. I cant make that one out. Okay, this is, uh, flora kempo, i believe. All right, dear boy or family that is going to eat me, i hope you will have me over, because im very handsome and responsible. Responsible . Responsible . What do you do . Run a credit check on a turkey . [ laughter ] oh, i love this one. The students name is lincoln, woodlake school, fifth grade. Be about ten years old . Yeah. Okay, man. The turkey to the person. Okay, man, i have an idea. Ill give you all my money. My wife, child, my house. Come on over. What do you want . Ten years old . Yes. Uh, please dont tie me up to the tree and chop off my head. My friends will kill you. They have knives and guns. Theyre like rambo. [ laughter ] a turkey with connections. Scares you. I cant read that one. Dear person, if my leg gets in your stomach, i will kick your stomach. [ laughter ] dear person, oh, please dont eat me. Oh, please, dont eat me. Ill give you 10,000. Ill make you rich if i have to. Sounds like you. You may already be a winner. [ laughter ] okay, we got one more question we asked the kids here. Write a letter to the turkey that youre going to eat for thanksgiving. Now its the person thats gotta write the turkey. And heres what sharis hughes said, of van gogh school. Dear farmer hughes i guess thats what . [indistinct]. Please. Please dont eat me because i have a wife and three kids. Thats sad. What was that . Write a letter to the turkey youre going to have for thanksgiving dinner. I cant read this one either. Okay. Woodlake school. You will like my stomach oh, this is writing the turkey. You will like my stomach because theres another turkey in there somewhere. [ laughter ] im sorry you have to go, but thatfe so see you at thanksgiving. [ laughter ] kids are real turkey, i will make a grave for you and i will put your feathers in your grave. Oh, this listen to this. Allison marcus, sweet child in grade three. Thatd be about 8, right . Very sweet. Dear turkey, youre going to be eaten by me. Goodbye, and have a nice day. We got one more here. This is gene carer carrera, i think it is. Dave carrera, sunrise elementary school. Okay, this is the turkey youre gonna have for thanksgiving dinner. Say your prayers, chicken, cause youre dead meat. [ laughter ] [ applause ] oh, they are wonderful. That kid oughta have a part on miami vice. Well be back with barney odum and his dog. Okay, now, folks. [ applause ] uh, our first guest came to us through the attention of a fella by the name of mark garrison who is a reporter in north carolina. And tonight, were gonna meet flat nose the tree climbing dog, but first we thought youd like to meet his owner. Please welcome barney odum. Barney. Barney, how are you . Im doing all right. I seen a lotta things. Saw a lotta things out here . I really enjoyed lookin at. Youre from the carolinas, are you . Because you said thang right off, right . Now, if you cant understand me, you let me know, and ill talk try to talk a little bit plainer. I understand you perfectly. I spent i spent a lot of time in the south when i was in the service. Ah. They speak a little bit different in carolina than they do in georgia, and it through the south. They speak a lot different down here than they do in dovesville. Thats your hometown, deauville . Dovesville, doves oh, excuse me dovesville. Dov yeah. [ laughter ] well get it. I just dont have your knack for that, barney. Is this your first trip to california . Yeah, first time i ever been on an airplane. Are you serious . Yeah, but i brought me two along in case i needed em, you know what im talking about . Really . Was it they had they had a show on that plane. I never would have believed that. A show . A floor show . I watched a movie. Oh, a movie on the way up here. The only thing i worried about it fallin, but i wouldnt ever knowed anything about it anyhow. Yeah. You worried about falling. So first airplane trip, huh . Yeah, first time i ever been on an airplane, but i enjoyed it. I sure did. They treated you nice and everything . Yeah, they some good people in california. Yeah, you gonna spend a little time here with us, or are you gonna go right back . Well, were gonna leave and go back tomorrow. I got to get into that turkey, you know what im talking about . Yeah. [ laughter ] you lived in South Carolina all your life . Yeah, i lived out im a country boy. I lived there all my life. And youre married. Got a family out here i understand. Yeah, but i didnt wouldnt three times. [ laughter ] [ applause ] obviously you get all the latest news out there. Well, thats true, barney. Im sorry to say thats true. How bout you . Just one time . One time. How old were you . Did you get married when you were young . I dated my wife i dated about a year. Yeah. And she said, barney, will you marry me . I said, well, frankie, youre gonna have to give me a few years to think that thing over, you know what im talking about . Yeah. So we dated on about six months. She said, barney, if you dont marry me, imma quit datin you. You know i thought a lot of her. You know what . I love her, you know what im talking about . So i made a deal with her. I told her ill marry her and i been working ever since. Yeah. [ laughter ] mr. John, she fooled me, you know what . But i enjoy her, too. Shes all right. I love her, i do. Well, thats good. You sound like a real happy man. Yeah. You have children . You gonna get hitched up again . I dont know, barney. [ laughter ] if i can get the same deal if i can get the same deal you tried to get, yeah, i might. I got four children. I got four boys. I got one thats 25, i got one thats 24, i got one thats 23, and the youngest ones 17. You know people ask me why wait to name the last one barney, jr. The last ones barney, jr. . Yes, and i tell them, i dont know. And i be wondering about that, myself, you know what im saying . [ laughter ] [ applause ] if i were you, barney, i wouldnt press her for an answer. [ laughter ] yeah, okay she probably gonna kill me when i get home for tellin you that. Oh, no, no, i dont think so. But i know how to beg her, you know what im talkin about . Now what . Beg her. Beg . Yeah. If she get on me too hard, i know how to get out of it. Yeah. I been married 26 years. When you been married 26 years, you learn how to get out of stuff, you know . [ laughter ] you better have learned to get out of stuff. Yeah. You got a good attitude to marriage, barney. Now ill tell you what. Were gonna come back and, uh, bring your dog out here called flat nose. I have never seen a dog in my life climb a tree. Dont climb trees. They just do they . Well, uh, i got, uh, six of em. Six dogs. And i used to walk them around the woods, i reckon, about a mile around some woods. And i sic em through the woods, and flat nose dog went up on top of the pine tree. Yeah. I started to whip him about it. One day i was out in the yard, and flat nose went up a pine tree. I said, well, ill be dog gone cant climb a tree. You know what im talking about . How did you give him how did you give him the name flat nose . Them children of mine named him that, when he was little, cause his nose was real flat. So hes called flat nose . Flat nose. Hes somethin, too. Well, i cant wait to see him. Will he now, i understand he did fine this afternoon in rehearsal. Yeah, he done a good job. Okay. Is this his first time on television . I guess maybe hes worked people been out to the house. Oh, they been out to the house. Yeah, pm magazine, channel 13, channel 3 out of charlotte. But this is the first time in the real big time, right . Yeah, this is the first time he ever been on anything like this here. Me, too. Oh, thats right. [ cheers and applause ] hey, mr. John. Yes, barney. I got six dogs. I got one named grisby. Grisby. And i got one named target. Target. cause he got a patch over his eye. I got one named peeper. Named him cause his eyes look funny. You know what im talking about . Yeah. I got one named little bit. Named her that cause shes real small. She weighs about 35 pounds. Then i named one george. I took when they were little puppies, i took em all up to the Country Store up there. The store. Named george up there, and one of em wet on him, so i so i told george im gonna name him that. You know what im talking about . Well, i think its a nice honor, yes. And there been a lotta people out there at that store, you know, they pick him out the crowd, that fella. Well, hes uglier than the bulldog. Okay, well, in just a moment, were gonna come back. Were gonna meet flat noska were gonna have to take a break here, but were coming right back. Stay where you are. [ cheers and applause ] for adults with advanced nonsmall cell lung cancer previously treated with platinumbased chemotherapy, including those with an abnormal alk or egfr gene whove tried an fdaapproved targeted therapy, this is big. A chance to live longer with Opdivo Nivolumab . Opdivo demonstrated longer life opdivo significantly increased the chance of living longer versus chemotherapy. Opdivo works with your immune system. Opdivo can cause your immune system to attack normal organs and tissues in your body and affect how they work. This may happen any time during or after treatment has ended, and may become serious and lead to death. See your doctor right away if you experience new or worsening cough; chest pain; shortness of breath; diarrhea; severe stomach pain or tenderness; severe nausea or vomiting; extreme fatigue; constipation; or urine; swollen ankles; loss of appetite; rash; itching; headache; confusion; hallucinations; muscle or joint pain; flushing; or fever. As this may keep these problems from becoming more serious. These are not all the possible side effects of opdivo. Tell your doctor about all your medical conditions, including immune system problems, or if youve had an organ transplant, or lung, breathing, or liver problems. A chance to live longer. Ask your doctor about opdivo. See opdivotv. Com icians [ music ] okay, we are back. If you just tuned in, folks if you just tuned in, were about ready for the big moment. Were talking with barney odum from dovesville, right . Dovesville. Dovesville. Im getting that, barney. Now can you understand me . I knew you meant store. Yeah. And if youre driving your car, and you have a flat, you have to get a new tahr. Thats right. You dont get a tire, you get a new tahr at the sto. Thats right. Sure, i understand you completely i told you. I spent time down south. All right, are we ready now to bring flat nose out . Yeah. Okay, lets go over there and meet your dog. Come here, flat nose. [ indistinct chatter ] okay, flat nose is waiting. Come on. Get to know flat nose. Come here flat nose. [ applause ] hey, flat nose, how are you . What kind of a dog is he . Hes a pit and english bulldog. Now, i notice you have a little pillow or something tied up there. Yeah, hell go up there to that pillow and get it. I dont believe it. I dont believe it. Are we all set . Well, we gonna get a chance to see that fella kiss him before its over. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]
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