[george] dont you think youre a little over dressed to be going to an Amusement Park darling . Why dont you be a kid . Wear a pair of jeans. These are jeans, they just happen to be silk. And the only reason that you are casting aspersions on my appearance re jealous that you cant go. feigns laughter me jealous . Why should i be jealous . Just because you and web and his friends get to go on fun outings and i dont. Oh come on sweetheart, you took them on a fun outing last week. Yeah, Potato Museum. There you go. Oh you think a Potato Museum is fun . Were talking all afternoon on the history of the spud. Yes and on the way out you got your own individual potato but how can you compare that with cotton candy and hot dogs and i love Amusement Parks . Then darling, cancel your interview and join us. I would if i could but i cant. You know, when youre dealing with a man by the name of bill the hitman kazatsky, you never know if youre gonna see him again. I beg your pardon . Hes a baseball player. Oh, well that certainly clarifies things. Hes the lousiest hitter on the team, right . He lets the pitcher hit him with the ball and he gets an automatic walk. You know that is the stupidest thing i ever heard . Katherine, he is not stupid. Hes a strategist, hes a genius audience laughter where are you gonna interview this genius . The studio or the ball park . The neurology wing at the sisters of hope hospital. He had a slight concussion yesterday during an exhibition training. audience laughter doctor said hes gonna be alright though. Hi guys hi sweetheart. What do you want for breakfast . Thats okay, ill get it. audience laughter i love it when you do that champ. If you were as big as i was, youd be up to your drawers in wood chips. audience laughter george, if i were your size, i wouldnt have to do this. Right. Anybody want anything while im up here . Oh i could go for some figs and some prunes. Pitted or unpitted . Well id like the ones without the pits in em. Theyre um, theyre um pitted. Right. What time is it . [katherine] gasps almost nine. Ooops, then id better hurry. The guysll be here soon. I cant wait for the roller coaster ride. Its my favorite. What is the matter george . Oh im just trying to get you guys in the mood. chuckles yeah, george always screams like that. Even on the merrygoround. Well some of those horses are pretty scary, you know . Especially the ones that go up and down. I mean i do hang a little low in the stirrup. audience laughter maam, not if i have you beside me. Shes gonna scream. We dont know that. Its okay, maam, youre supposed to scream. Yeah, its part of the fun. Besides, you wont always have me beside you. I mean, when a guy goes with his friends, he cant go with his. I mean im gonna wanna ride with you, s very sweet of you darling, but quite unnecessary. A calderyoung never shows fear. We do not shriek, we do not scream. At most, we summon an attendant to remove us from a fearful situation. Always calm, ever dignified. Take her on the tnt. The tumble tilt. Just when you start to think youre gonna tilt, no you start to tumble. And then youre wondering if youre gonna live or not, katherine, katherine, katherine. I get scared to death just thinking about it. doorbell rings oh, theyre here. Guys, ill get it ill get it. Come on maam. Youre gonna scream katherine. [katherine] never your guts out. audience laughter playful music [katherine] hi, were home. Hey, how did it go . Did you win me a cupie doll . Huh uh, how bout a lei . So . How was the rollie coaster . Fine. Fine, just fine . Come on, it was terrific. Was i right or was i right . Youre right george. Did you take her on the tiltntumble . Oh yeah. Did she scream . No. Katherine, youre a spiteful woman. Hey, i gotta be me. How was your interview . Was unforgettable. audience laughter evision. You wanna come watch it with me . Come on. I think id rather go to my room. I get it. Its been a long day for you hasnt it . Zillions of rides, all those hot dogs. Oh boy, wish i coulda been with ya champ. Wish i coulda been with ya. Youre exhausted, right . Yeah, thats it. Nonsense. It is too early in the day to be exhausted. Katherine, if hes tired, hes tired. Let him go to bed, hes a little kid. See . Honey. Please let me go to my room. Okay. What, whats all that about . I mean you guys went to an Amusement Park. So how come you dont look amused . Well you lucky duck. He must have had a blast. George, you are missing the point. He didnt wanna go on all those rides with me. Well then why did you make him . I didnt make him that is the rule of the Amusement Park. Children 42 inches or smaller cannot go on the rides without an adult. Webster is under 42 inches. His friends arent. Then you measured his friends . You are too small to go alone. It took him four rides before he accepted the fact that he was stuck with me. Wasnt there any rides he could ride on his own . sighs the merrygoround. And all the other rides for five year olds or under. Oh i tried to talk about it, you know all the way home. Web . Web. Im here george. Uh huh. Bet you cant do this. Bet youre right. None of my friends can either. Were they rough on you today . I guess. Was it the teasing . No. So what do they call you . Mostly shorty, but theres other stuff too. I wanna know the names, the phone numbers and the addresses of all your friends because im putting them in jail for 43 days and two nights. [webster] george. You know sticks and stones. Yeah. Yeah. They called me lumpy. Why . george laughs cause i had lumps where i shouldnt of. laughs yeah, sorta like fat freddy. Yeah. sighs yeah. So, with sticks and stones and all that kinda stuff, m in the 3rd grade. And some of the kids in 1st grade are bigger than me. I mean my friends are outgrowing me by a mile. And i cant do the stuff theyre doing. What if they stop wanting to play with me . So who needs em . I do, george. Even though they tease me, theyre still my friends. Yeah. Theyre still gonna be your friends. And webster it may be taking a little longer, youre gonna grow. Youre gonna catch up to those friends in no time. How do you know . Ive only grown an inch this whole year. What if i never grow again . Well, nobodys here, lets go. audience laughter the door was unlocked, so the doctor must be here and we are exactly on time. Look at that. May be, but i bet im the only one in the world whos got whatever ive got. Regular doctor diamonto anyway . cause he told us to see faraday. Why . Doesnt he like us anymore . Of course he likes us honey, but dr. Faradays a specialist. You know, like a heart specialist, an eye specialist . He is an endocrinologist. He knows all about the glands all through our body that help us to develop and grow. Will he know about mine . Sure he will, know about all of them. Et it, end of conversation. Now wait a minute. Weve discussed this. You knew about the blood test, you said you were gonna be a big trooper about this. Topic, lets change the topic. Uh, would you like to have breakfast . Spanish omelet might be nice. Yes. What about if one of us takes the blood test with you . Both, and the doctor too. No, just one of us. Katherine, take the blood test with him. Why . Okay, alright. That seems the honest thing to do. Im an honest person. Call it. Heads. Call it. See . Even george is scared. Im scared . Im looking forward to takin the blood test. Unless katherine has the decency to talk me out of it. She doesnt. audience laughter webster . Mr. And mrs. Papadapolis . The doctor will see you now. I guess so. Please follow me. George, go first. audience laughter i dont like green suckers. Well me neither. Hell be out, im sure. And . And im afraid i really cant tell you anything until i see the xrays and get the results of the blood test back. Couldnt you make a preliminary diagnosis . Honestly, mrs. Papadapolis, i understand your being anxious. But theres really very little i can tell you at this time. Now, if its an endocrinological problem, we may have to wait until the onset of puberty and then make the decision. The truth is, i really dont know anything at the moment. [george] so what youre saying is our son will never grow . No, what im saying is that its one possibility and we should be prepared for it. Im dressed now. melancholy music such a romantic. Have you heard from the doctor . No, not yet. Have you . No. . Simply because hi honey. [webster] hi maam. . Youre near me . Funny but when youre near me . Im in the mood for prunes . Can you get me some prunes please . I cant reach. Ill get the prunes. Why arent you out playing with your friends, honey . I dont play with those kids anymore. Oh . We dont see eye to eye. stifles laughter good one, webster long. audience laughter so, what do you think . I think you have a spoon in your mouth. See i figure ill take up smoking. I mean its not like its gonna stunt my grown or anything. audience laughter would you mind getting the glasses . I would if i were tall enough. Never had any problem before. Ill get em. George would you walk me to the den . The dens right there darling, just walk right in there. audience laughter george, this is just getting out of hand. Webster is behaving as if hes never gonna grow and were going along with it. Were coddling him. We are not coddling him. Youre right, were not, you are. I am . Since when do you have to get him a glass or reach a shelf for him . Hes always been self reliant. Darling, im just trying to help him out. Its a rough adjustment for him to make. What are you talking rough adjustment . For all we know he could be six foot nine. Come on katherine. Youve given up too. I havent given up george, will you carry me upstairs . What . Those stairs are kinda big for a guy my size. The stairs are kinda big for a guy his size. Wait a minute, wait a minute. No, no, im not gonna do that. But george [george] you want . No, wait a minute, but george. You wanna go up the stairs, you go up the stairs maam you heard him. Okay, but you guysll sure be sorry if i fall. Can you come down for a minute . [webster] if you want me you have to come and get me. No webster, people come in all shapes and sizes. Thats easy for you to say, youre regular size. Well you may be too. And i wasnt always. When i was a young girl i was taller than all my friends. And i got teased plenty, too. sighs we used to go to parties. None of the boys would ask me to dance. Why . Me to dance. Will you dance with me . Okay. audience laughter got the picture . Oh darling, you never told me that. Sit down george, its history. audience laughter and thats what its gonna be for you too. Part of the history of your growing up. Whos coming over . Well we called your friends and you know we told em that you changed your mind and that you wanted to play. You what . Well you cant sit around the rest of your life and mope. How could you do this to me . I cant go with them today. Oh honey, of course you can. But i cant do what theyre doing. Well what can they possibly be doing that you cant do . doorbell rings hi web. Some hoops . audience laughter bright music maam, george . Where are you . Guys, i have to talk to you. Hi, i have to talk to you. Me first. No, me. Me. [george] me. Me. [george] me. George audience laughter drowns out voice i did what . But i could only shoot from the foul line. But i was the best foul shooter of everybody. See, i have this mean, underhand twirl. Did i teach ya that . Katherine, i taught him that. And you were right, maam. Everybody does come in different size and shapes. Its like if i were a car. I might not be a stretch limousine. I might just be a subaru, but ill still get around. Etheart. And i have a surprise for you. Cheese balls . No. You remember dr. Faraday . Yeah. Im okay, i mean im not dying or anything, right . On the contrary, no, youre a very healthy young man. Then why are you here . Well your folks called to find out the results of the tests and since i was on my way home, i just thought id deliver them in person. Now, you see that picture . Thats a picture of your hand. Good picture. Oh its a very good picture. Now, you see the spaces between the joints of the finger and those between the bones in the wrist . Yeah. Well if those spaces werent there, that would mean that youd stop growing. But they are there. Thats right son, youre gonna grow anybody wanna prune . all laughing sweetheart, thats wonderful. Let the doctor finish. [george] yeah. Oh so, when am i gonna grow . Oh now, nothing happens quite that fast. Why . Well, these things take time. Well im a kid, so i guess ive got plenty of that. Yup. And the change is gonna be very gradual. So, dont go looking in the mirror every day. Oh. So, how tall am i gonna be . Well, thats hard to say. Yeah, i mean you may not be, you know kareem abduljabbar, but hey web, how many people do you know that will be . I feel like ive grown already. You know something, i think you have. bright music yay captioning made possible by u. S. Department of education, phillips petroleum, Alcoa Foundation cocacola foundation, rockwell international, and Sony Corporation . What would we do, baby . . Without us . . . What would we do, baby . . Without us . . . And there aint no nothing . . We cant love each other through . . What would we do, baby . . Without us . . I completely disagree, alex. Look from this side. Alex, thats enough. He does not look like richard nixon. Maybe someday. Hes a sweetlooking baby. I cant wait to take pictures. I dont know, dad. Youre not so good with cameras. This talking camera is the easiest camera in the world. It instructs you every step of the way. It is foolproof. Load film now. See . Put it in. See . Load film now. Can i help, dad . You said youd help me with my homework. Its important. Baby pictures are important, too. My child psychology professor says without enough attention from the family, a baby can grow up selfcentered, maladjusted, even of subnormal intelligence. Do now . Sometimes all three. Good. Were all here for the pictures mom, will you help me with my homework . Maybe later. Your dads anxious to use his new camera. And its all set and ready to go. First, well need mother and baby, then big sister and baby, then mother, big sister, and baby by the sofa, then the sofa by the bassinet. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Dad, time out. There are five regular people here, one baby. The possible permutations of pictures with the baby are 178. With each piece of furniture, that will go into the millions. Well, we better get going. Lets start with mother and baby. Oh, thats perfect dont move [click] wait. I know whats wrong. You press this and. That and that. Film exposed. Why you. Whoa, dad, whoa break it up, you guys come on, break it up. Well talk to it, ok . Well make it understand. It lied to me, alex. Will you three be quiet please . Im doing my homework get the group shot now. Mother holding baby. Come on, everybody, take your places. Jennifer, youre blocking the baby. This is where i always stand for family pictures. Where should i stand now . Just move over to either side, as long as that little guys in the middle. Come on, jen. Over here. Ok. On, andrew. Smile. Smile. Load film now. Thanks for making breakfast. Andy kept me up. Yeah, i heard. He woke you up . A little bit, but i dont mind. Hes your only son id rather hear babble. Good morning, everybody. Time for an empirical demonstration of sensory influences on infants. What are you doing . Im making sure andrew has all the proper influences. The earlier he gets started, the better athlete hell be. Yo, andy. This, big guy, is a football. This is what america is all about. Teamwork, competition, shaving points, bonecrushing tackles, playing in pain, spitting blood. Thats enough baby talk, alex. Wheres dad . Hes out getting the pictures developed. Im tired of waiting he promised to take me take it easy. Hell be here. Did you get the pictures . Yeah. I waited 15 minutes for the store to open. Im turning this kitchen into a darkroom. Let me see. Whoa good shot. Look at him. Hes laughing. Whos that, huh . I have to study, remember . Ready to go . No. I was so anxious to get the pictures, i forgot to get dressed. Ill be down in a minute. I got to get dressed, too. This is great. I should put them in the album. Look after andy. Yeah, sure, mom. I can quiz him on the suicide blitz. Come on, big guy. Stop talking to the baby for two seconds ok, jennifer. The baby spilled milk all over my homework nice going mommy, daddy, the baby spilled milk. Jennifer, its not the babys f fault. Thats why im glad youre a guy. We dont get upset over Little Things like spilled milk. Aaawww mom mommy [andrew crying] what are you doing . Im going to get andrew. Youve picked him up five times since midnight. Elyse, hes crying. If you pick andrew up whenever he cries, hell never stop crying. In his crib . Not if we raise him right. [crying] elyse, how can you be so cruel . Hes only been alone for four minutes. Four minutes is a big chunk of his life, elyse. Were not going to spoil this baby, steven. Lets go back to bed. [crying] boy, has this kid got lungs. Andrew, andrew. [stops crying] elyse oh where are you going . To straighten this picture. Elyse. Hes still crying, honey. I cant bear to hear him cry. He stopped crying. Ah ah ah [crying] is andrew up again . We cant get him to go to sleep. Maybe we should sing to him. We want him to sleep, not try and escape. We should try singing. We should try anything. Ive got to sleep. Sing what . Something for a baby. You know lets get crazy by prince . It was our wedding song. No. Im not singing anything by prince. Come on. Lets sing . Down by the old millstream . . Where i first met you . . You were 16 . . My village queen . . My village queen . . Down by the old . . Old . . Mill . . Stream . . Good night. [crying] oh. Oh. Oh. Look, we can work this out. I know we can. What has stopped him from crying so far . When we sang, he stopped crying. When we sang, stopped crying. When i brought him out here before, he stopped crying. Brought him out here, stopped crying. Ive got it. Shh, shh. What are you doing . Ok. Take it easy. Thats my boy. Little baby. . Down by the old mill. . [crying] . Stream . . Nice try, dad. Whats going on . Andrews having trouble sleeping. I have to get up early to finish the homework he ruined honey, were trying. I have to sleep hes not keeping you up on purpose. Im not so sure. All you ever think about is yourself i hate you i wish they never had you jennifer. John, were giving you a raise. Thats fantastic honey, you got another present. No thank you, dad. Who says no to more . Time warner cable internet gives you more of what you and those little data hoggers want. Like ultrafast speeds up to 300 megs. Thats 50x faster than dsl. This Internet Speed is sick. Get 50 meg internet starting at 39. 99 a month. Call now. And with home wifi, the whole family can be online at once. G reat for kids to stream scary shows while not cleaning their room. Youll also get our exclusive 1hour arrival window, a moneyback guarantee, and theres no contract to sign. Get 50 meg internet with no data cap starting at 39. 99 a month. Plus, free installation and access to over 500,000 twc wifi . Hotspots nationwide. Would rex pass up more beef stew . I dont think so. French toast is up. Come and get it uh. Maybe you could bring it over here. Yeah, sure thing, dad. Elyse. Elyse . Hmm . French toast. Vive la france no, elyse, not a french toast. French toast. You might as well. You might as well eat it. I cant reach it. Oh, sure. Maybe you should take a sip of coffee. Mallory made it. I think itll perk you up. Whoa i used five times the regular amount of beans wheres jennifer . I saw her upstairs. She looked upset. She thinks weve forgotten about her. Thats ridiculous. We havent forgotten about her. As soon as, uh. Mmm. Jennifer. Jennifer gets down here, well talk to her. Shes showing the classic symptoms shes acting younger than she is. Did alex regress when i was born . Lets see, he was 2. For a couple weeks, he refused to tie his own tie. I wonder if ill regress now that andrews born. Youre at ground zero now, mallory. You regress any more, youre going to disappear. We have a problem to solve. When one has a baby late in life, theres a tendency to become obsessed with said infant. I dont think were obsessed with said infant. What do you think, steven . Ooja, baby. Ooja, boo boo boo boo babababy, boo boo boo boo steven . Hi, jenny. How are you feeling . Fine. Um, jennifer, lets discuss what happened last night. What happened last night . You yelled at the baby. Oh, that. I was just tired. Ill see you guys later. Im eating breakfast at crissys house. Bye. Very interesting. A fascinating subject, isnt she . Shes not a subject. Shes your sister. Im just trying to keep a detached professionalism about this. Mr. Keaton. Maybe alex has a point. She didnt even peek at andrew when she came in here. When she comes home today, well have a talk. This whole thing could blow over. All thats required here is a gesture of love. Slip her 100 bucks. You cant show love by giving someone money. Give her leg warmers. Maybe we should pay more attention to her, make her feel special. Remember how she felt when we threw that Birthday Party . Lets give her a special night tonight. She can plan the whole evening. Itll be fun for all of us. Keep 100 bucks handy, though, just in case. Mom, this cake is great. You always like chocolatechip cake with double fudge frosting. Nope. Im loving it. Is there anything special you want to do after dessert . Lets play charades. Ive got one. All right, lets go its a movie, three words. Second word. [andrew crying] ill go. Its a deer. Its got horns. Moose i dont know. Wheres the baby powder . Its not there ill be right back. [crying] you ought to go up there, mom. We can play charades some other night. Mallory and your father are capable of handling the situation. Mom elyse go ahead, jen. Go ahead with your charade. Ok. I got it i got it the Macneil Lehrer report. Hes ok. He just wanted some company. Yeah. Jennifer, were ready. A movie, three words. The Macneil Lehrer report. Second word, second. Have i seen this movie . Ok. Ok. So we know its a cartoon. Uh. Bouncing moose. [andrew giggling] that sounded like a laugh come on, mallory, thats impossible. Hes laughing its his First Official laugh. Hey, come on its the rattle. Hes smiling thats his first real smile oh, look, a quarterback. Hes not going to play football. I have to find a place where there are no babies. [knock knock] jennifer . Ive already heard the baby laugh. Thanks anyway. Mind if we come in . You want. What are you doing . Finding a new place to live. The best ive come up with are new jersey and iceland. Whats it going to be . Im leaning towards jersey. About tonight, jen. Were sorry. We wanted tonight to be special. It didnt work out that way. Of course it didnt. Then crawling, then hell be eating solid foods and not spitting it up. How could i compete with that . Its not a competition, jennifer. We know it was probably a mistake to have a jennifer night. It was phony. I dont know what happened. I was looking forward to the baby before he came. Then when he got here, in the way. In the way . Now, look, honey, this is your home. Were your family. Youll never be in the way. Do you still love me . Honey, come on. Of course. We just dont realize we have to remind you how we feel. You silly. Thanks for telling me all this stuff. Forget it thats what parents are for to tell kids stuff. [knock knock] hiya. Hi, jen. Hey, sorry about your night getting spoiled. I was really looking forward to playing charades. But you hate charades. I came to be nice. Give me a break, jen. Oh, sorry. Could you excuse us . Jen, andrew, and i have some things to discuss. Well, sure. Andrew, youre going to hear a lot of girl talk, so just nod a lot, like it makes sense. You know, jen, when you were first born, i was jealous of you. You were . Sure. Howd you get over it . Well, pretty soon i realized that you were cute and you were fun. Thats true, i am. I realized mom and dad have enough love for all of us. Youre a great big sister, mallory. Its not such a hard job. Youre going to be a great big sister, too. Maybe you should give him to me. Sure. You guys look great together. Andrew. Can we talk . This is a great time of your life. Youre lucky. Ow up thats around 7 things change. You go from helpless and cuddly to a low person on the totem pole. Youll be expected to do the dishes, take out the garbage, wash my bike. Yesterday when i said i hated you, i didnt mean it. Im sorry i said that. Youre my brother. I love you. Gaa oh, andrew, youre laughing. A real laugh. Oh, my gosh. Come quick, everyone the babys laughing oh, youre laughing. Jenny . Oh, honey. Oh, he was. Smile for me. Look here here we go [click] captioning made possible by u. S. Department of education, phillips petroleum, Alcoa Foundation cocacola foundation, rockwell international, and Sony Corporation . What would we do, baby . . Without us . . What would we do, baby . . Without us . . And there aint no nothing . . We cant love each other through . . What would we do, baby . . Without us
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