Transcripts For WCAU Late Night With Seth Meyers 20161012

Taken off me and i can now fight for america the way i want to. What shackles are talking about . [ laughter ] the only thing that ever shackled you was the 140 character limit on twitter. [ laughter ] and now and now youre going to fight for america . Hey, buddy, youre not rosa parks. [ laughter ] you know how i know . People liked what rosa parks said on the bus. [ cheers and applause ] huge difference. Hillary clinton campaigned in florida today with al gore. Youre making al gore go back to florida . [ laughter ] thats so cruel. Thats like making joe frazier go back to manila. [ laughter ] donald trump told his supporters at a Campaign Event in pennsylvania last night, quote, i may be limping across that finish line but were going to get across that finish line. How things have changed. Hes gone from make America Great again to certificate of participation. [ laughter and applause ] were all winners really. Were all winners. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said in a new interview that she feels the recent athlete protest of the National Anthem are dumb and disrespectful. She feels that people should bow their head solemnly during the anthem just like she does during the state of the union. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] the Cleveland Indians yesterday completed their sweep of the Boston Red Sox and will move on in the alcs. [ cheers ] i hate the indians, said donald trump who wasnt talking about baseball. [ laughter and applause ] samsung and apple brought a case to the Supreme Court today arguing over whether samsung phones too closely resemble the iphone. I dont know though when you look at them side by side theres a pretty big difference. [ laughter ] a new study estimates that pokemon go players took over 100 billion steps in the last three months. Unfortunately not one of them was toward a date. [ laughter ] why . [ cheers and applause ] why . Why would you woo . How did you not think a joke was coming . [ laughter ] the punch line was going to be, and theyre the best. [ laughter ] and we honor their service. [ laughter ] and finally you guys, a new study has been published showing that there is no evidence to the myth that having sex before a game negatively impacts the performance of football players, though it can make things awkward between them in the huddle. We have a great show for you guys tonight. [ cheers and applause ] youre here for a good one. She is one of our favorites here at late night. She is the creator and star of hbos girls, the great lena dunham is here tonight. [ cheers and applause ] from the broadway show, oh, hello, nick kroll and john mulaney are here. A play that just opened last night in new york city, the fantastic reviews so were very lucky to have them here tonight but before we get to all of our fantastic guests and all the other fun stuff we have a plan for you guys tonight, Donald Trumps free fall continued today with the gop engulfed in crisis as republicans distance themselves from trump and trump fires back. For more on this its time for a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] seth in the aftermath of the debate polls of actual debate watchers gave Hillary Clinton a decisive win but not if you ask team trump who loved trumps performance so much they even complimented the way he wandered around the stage. [ light laughter ] like british politician and brexit supporter nigel farage. I thought he was like big silverback gorilla, prowling the studio. Seth prowling the studio . It looked like he was wandering around like he was waiting for his microwave burrito to be done. [ laughter ] also why did we let the brexit guy brenter the United States . [ laughter ] sorry bro but you got to go brack to brengland. Brye brye. Though Donald Trumps political obituary has been written many times so we shouldnt jump the gun here. Watching this election has been like watching the last ten minutes of a slasher movie. Okay, he was on fire and he fell off the roof. Thats got to be it. Oh my god, hillary, hes still alive. [ laughter and applause ] still, still [ cheers and applause ] the poll numbers that have come out in the past few days dont look good for trump prompting many republicans to abandon him and withdraw their endorsements. Trump has responded, meanwhile, with a slash and burn strategy designed to appeal to his loyal supporters throwing the gop, once again, into chaos. 29 days until election day and our new poll numbers out tonight speak to the urgent crisis exploding inside the Republican Party from the top down. Its time for republicans to hit the panic button. Here we have republicans in disarray again. They may be staring at a total collapse of the party by election day. Republicans as much as democrats right now think this is donald trump pouring gasoline over his head and lighting himself on fire. Seth thats ridiculous. Trump doesnt need to pour gasoline over his head. Just drop a flint it in that nest of dry brush he calls a hair cut. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] in fact, Trumps Campaign has even gone so far as to threaten disobedient republicans with trump enforcer Rudy Giuliani suggesting that if he wins trump, quote, will remember who was with him and who was not. Oh, you know, giuliani likes to think of himself as tom hagen from the godfather but hes really more of an uncle junior from the sopranos. [ laughter and applause ] trump has become such a pariah that the New York Times reported over the weekend that trump tower has become a kind of lonely fortress for its most famous occupant who holds up inside increasingly isolated and upset. [ laughter ] you know were about two weeks away from learning the name of trumps childhood sled. Which im guessing was what, trump sled . [ laughter ] it was the best sled. So good. So good at downhill. [ laughter ] the classiest sled. [ laughter ] even before all the gop infighting trump was losing. He was losing before the debate and the access Hollywood Tape and the last week has only made things worse. Of course trump cant stomach the reality that hes losing. So instead he pertains he isnt by complaining that even the polls are rigged against him as he did yesterday. We get crowds like this everywhere. But we get them in ohio, we get them at florida were doing unbel we have one in florida coming up 25,000 minimum, minimum two days but were getting them. But they just said, they said theres no way were three down. Even the polls are crooked. Im telling you. Seth just because you draw big crowds doesnt mean youre winning the election. If all you needed to win was a big crowd of people, our next president would be ikea on a saturday. [ laughter ] also [ cheers and applause ] also buddy, i got something serious to tell you buddy, how can you possibly think everything is rigged against you . Youre a blow hard with a 7th grade vocabulary who became a celebrity billionaire with a super model wife. Life isnt unfair to you, its unfair for you. [ laughter ] but trump didnt stop at complaining about the polls and this is the danger an unhinged trump could pose over the next four weeks, because even if he loses, trump can still do lasting damage by questioning the legitimacy of our political system. For example yesterday he also warned his supporters that the election could be stolen from them. Of course as many studies have proven voter fraud is virtually nonexistent in this country and yet for months trump has been actively calling on his supporters in the Republican Party to illegally monitor polling sites for nonexistent voter fraud. Im telling you, november 8th we better be careful because that election is going to be rigged and i hope the republicans are watching closely or its going to be taken away from us. Seth you want republicans to watch closely for something . May i remind you republicans were caught completely off guard by a bright orange man in a bright red hat. [ laughter and applause ] no wonder the Republican Party is the official party of hunting accidents. [ cheers and applause ] our political system depends on people accepting the outcome even if they dont agree with it, but trump cries fraud whenever he disagrees with something or someone just like he questioned president obama and now hes trying to delegitimize Hillary Clinton by calling her a criminal who should be thrown in jail like he did at the debate on sunday although according to his campaign manager, kellyanne conway, trump wasnt being serious when he said that. Does he stand by that this morning that Hillary Clinton would be in jail if he were the president . That was a quip. Seth yes, a classic donald trump quip. [ laughter ] rudy, chris, gather around. Ive crafted a new quip. [ laughter ] or perhaps its just a blonde mo, ill tell it to you and you decide. [ laughter ] but as trumps m. O. To discredit anyone he disagrees with whether its his opponent or the election itself or even the media. In fact trump has been so hostile to the Mainstream Media and so friendly to the paranoid right wing fringe that he has even actively courted the support of a crack pot conspiracy theorist and radio host named alex jones. Trump granted jones an interview last year and frequently posts links to his website and yesterday jones offered a sober, nuanced, well reasoned argument for why people should support trump over hillary. She is an abject psycho pathic demon from hell that as soon as she gets into power, shes gonna try to destroy the planet. Im sure of that and people around her say shes so dark now and so evil and so possessed that they are having nightmares. Theyre freaking out. Hillary reportedly i mean, i was told that people around her that they think that she is demon possessed. Okay, im just gonna go ahead and say it. Okay . Seth first of all, you cant go that deep into crazy town and then say, im going to go ahead and say it. [ laughter ] theyre aliens from mars living among us and occupying the highest level of government and well, im just going to say it, some of them are a little rude. [ laughter ] thankfully no one takes this guy seriously, right . I just want to finish by saying your reputations amazing. I will not let you down. You will be very, very impressed i hope. Seth and im just gonna go ahead and say it, i wont appoint any demons to my cabinet. [ laughter ] but trump courting the far right makes it difficult to win over swing voters or even the leaders of his own party. Trump has become increasingly isolated surrounded only by his base of loyal supporters. Supporters so loyal infact, that some of them brought a kid dressed like trump to a rally yesterday. Look at that guy over there. Bring him up. Wheres your daddy and your mommy right . Do you want to go back to them or do you want to stay with donald trump . Trump. [ cheers ] seth to be fair id stay with trump too if my other choice were parents who dressed me in costume and brought me to political rallies. This has been a closer look. [ cheers and applause ] seth well be right back with more from washington d. C. [ cheers and applause ] seth as anyone whos been following the election knows this president ial race is a pretty close one so ive decided the most Scientific Method to find out who will win would be a coin toss with the help of amazon echo. A voice controlled speaker that can do all sorts of things hands free. All right, heads hillary wins, tails its trump. Alexa, flip a coin. You got tails. [ sigh ] seth alexa add move to canada to my to do list. Ive put move to canada on your to do list. Seth thanks. Alexa, play oh canada. O canada, by Symphony Orchestra of canada from your library. Seth im not really moving to canada. Im staying here. Well be right back with more late night. Mom, i have to tell you something. Dad, one second i was driving and then the next. They just didnt stop and then. Im really sorry. I wrecked the subaru. I wrecked it. Youre ok. Thats all that matters. vo a lifetime commitment to getting them home safely. Love. Its what makes a subaru, a subaru. You shoulhey dude. Xxxlhat, now. She wants her fruit chews. Masterpassed. I masterpassed it. That was fast. Because i masterpass. Geico motorcycle, great rates for great rides. I love allday breakfast. T. But you dont love that you cant get all your favorites all day. I dont love that. But now youre gonna love that you can get more all day. Like mcgriddles. I love mcgriddles. So youll have to find Something Else to not love. Hey buddy like exploding fist bumps. Pggggggghew or forgetting what youre about to do. Wait. What was i about to do . Or when people who say you look like. James lipton. Oh man. Its uncanny. Get more choices you love, now with all day breakfast. [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back, everybody. As you probably know a president ial debate was held on sunday at Washington University in st. Louis but what you may not know, what you may not know, is that another one is being held right here, right now. Thats right. I invited donald trump and Hillary Clinton to washington d. C. s warner theater and theyre here and ready to go. So without further adieu the second late night president ial debate. [ applause ] seth welcome to the late night president ial debate. Im your moderator seth meyers. At this time wed like to invite both candidates to walk on to the stage think about shaking each others hands but then decide against it and please make it as awkward as possible. [ applause ] hello. Hello. Hello. [ applause ] seth that was great. Thank you. [ laughter ] lets get started mr. Trump. The first question is for you. Have you picked out who your next wife will be . Ive actually picked 20 of them. [ laughter ] seth secretary clinton, can you name the astronomical phenomenon where a star becomes so big and powerful that it envelopes the entire solar system and turns it to a giant mass of flaming wreckage. Teachers and parents are calling it the trump effect. [ audience ohs ] seth mr. Trump, come on, be honest, do you really think theres a chance youll actually be elected president . Not in this country. [ laughter ] seth secretary clinton, who gets to hear you give a speech . Nobody who makes less than 250,000 a year. [ applause ] seth ive heard that. I heard theyre very expensive. Mr. Trump, this next question is for you, how would you handle the situation in syria and what oh, okay well. [ laughter ] well then never mind. All right . Secretary clinton, what is the name of your Fantasy Football Team . Kurdish peshmerga fighters. [ laughter ] seth and do you have any hot tips on who i should pick up off the waiver wire this week . I would go after baghdadi. I would specifically target baghdadi. Seth okay, great. Thats Indianapolis Colts receiver steve baghdadi. [ light laughter ] mr. Trump, backstage you told me you had a hilarious joke you wanted to tell all of us. Lets hear it. Nobody has more respect for women than i do. [ laughter and applause ] seth very now thats a quip. [ laughter ] mr. Trump, your sons eric and donald jr. Have posted many pictures of themselves posing with big game they have killed. Where did they learn to hunt like that . With isis. Seth okay. Secretary clinton what do you think the trump boys did growing up when they found their stockings on Christmas Morning . They dug that coal out. [ laughter ] seth mr. Trump, when was a time that you were really jealous . Daughters wedding. [ audience ohs ] [ applause ] seth secretary clinton, why do i always want to drink a margarita every time i see a hammock . Its called the buffett rule. [ light laughter ] seth mr. Trump, tell me everything you know about russia, take as much time as you need. I know nothing about russia. [ applause ] seth thank you for your honesty. [ applause ] hey, secretary clinton remember when you and i went to burning man back in 2003 . Thats the highest weve ever been. Seth thats right me too, me too. Mr. Trump, christmas is coming up. Complete this famous line. On comet on cupid on libya, on syria, on iraq. Seth secretary clinton, why isnt the mcrib available all year round . I dont know the reasons but we deserve answers. Seth yeah, i remember you saying that at burning man. You were up in arms at burning man about that. Secretary clinton, a serious question. Is it worth it, let me work it, i put my thing down flip it and we need to reverse that. Seth thats right. [ applause ] thats right. Exactly the answer we were looking for. Secretary clinton, why are you such a big fan of cottage cheese . The kurds have been our best partners. [ light laughter ] seth and mr. Trump i moderated your debates before and i always like to close with this question, how is your penis . I think that it basically has fallen, okay . It basically has fallen. Seth well looks like were out of time. So on behalf of the candidates, have a good night. Well be right back with lena dunham. [ cheers and applause ] announcer late night with seth meyers in washington d. C. Is sponsored by amazon echo. Every time i travel, its the moments that are most rewarding. Because if you let yourself embrace them, youll never forget them. The new marriott portfolio of hotels now has 30 brands in over 110 countries. So no matter where you go, you are here. Join or link accounts at members. Marriott. Com. An ovenbaked digiorno . Or waiting for delivery . Did you have that beard when we ordered . A hot, freshbaked crust . Or . Did we order extra soggy . Dont settle for delivery. Rise to the occasion. [tv debate chatter] alexa, ask kayak how much is a oneway ticket to canada. When would you like to fly . Now. [toy robot noises] roboboy 3000 to the rescue alexa, order more aa batteries. Okay. Ugh. Alexa, ask uber for a ride. [crash] okay. With the apple that bites back. Redds wicked apple. Also available for a limited time in blood orange. One smart choice leads to the next. The new 2017 ford fusion is here. Its the beauty of a wellmade choice. Do you own a plane . Do you own a bank . Pat toomey owned both. But its the fact that toomey owns a seat in the u. S. Senate that should really concern us. While on the Senate Banking committee, pat toomey voted to rewrite rules to help bankers like him. And he tried to eliminate protections put in place to stop wall streets risky practices. Pat toomey looking out for wall street and himself, not pennsylvania. Senate majority pac is responsible for the content of this advertising. The white house, located at 1600 pennsylvania avenue. The white house is a beloved and historic symbol of american democracy that serves as the residence of the leader of the free world but did you know its also the residence of the president s roommate, eric. Home to the west wing. The east wing, and erics room. The white house has served as the backdrop for several historic moments such as Lyndon Johnson signing the Civil Rights Act in 1964 and when eric beat super mario brothers 3 without using any warp whistles. While people typically maintain a level of respect and decorum in the white house one can often hear the president screaming at eric for being late on his share of the rent which is 375,000 per month. [ applause ] [ cheers and applause ] seth welcome back to late night, everyone. Before we continue, please, a round of applause for the great 8g band right over here. [ cheers and applause ] and were so honored that were joined this week by some very serious musicians from the ground breaking, grammy Award Winning rock band living color, vocalist extraordinaire, corey glover is here. [ cheers and applause ] also from living color, hes a truly innovative guitar icon. Vernon reid is also joining us. [ cheers and applause ] be sure to check out the latest ep from living color who shot ya and also a new album from the band in 2017. Also, joining us on the drums hes a fantastic player currently holding it down with bryson tiller, Thaddeus Dixon is with us. [ cheers and applause ] thaddeus has a new song out all about you featuring timothy bloom and talib kweli. Thank you guys so much for being here. You sound fantastic. [ cheers and applause ] you guys, im excited about this. Our first guest is a golden globe winner, best selling author, and star and creator of the hit hbo show girls. Please welcome back to our show, our friend, lena dunham. [ cheers and applause ] seth are you you have been on the show before. Are you okay . Actually, no, seth, im not because i was i dont really know how to say this i was backstage and one of your Staff Members just grabbed my [ bleep ] seth oh, okay. [ laughter ] oh is that . Oh, im weve had that problem. Okay, if thats the kind of Work Environment youre comfortable creating. Seth no, im not and we will have words. We will obviously have words. Okay. Its great to see you all. Thanks. Seth this is im so congratulations. This has long been one of my favorite shows. You wrapped girls. We did. Seth and i know the seasons coming back in january. [ cheers and applause ] final season. Thank you. Thank you, yeah. Seth was i have to imagine it was incredibly emotional. Oh my god, it was so emotional. Our last day was a night shoot. I was the last girl remaining. Alison williams had wrapped the day before. We had already wept a lot and i knew that i would be doing a lot of weeping and i started my final shot was i was wearing no pants in a field and it was raining, naturally and jenni konner, my best friend and creative partner, was directing me and she said cut and i could tell that she had gotten what she needed and she was and our a. D. Started to say i have a really important announcement, this has been an amazing six years and i was like could someone just get me my pants . [ laughter ] i was like i dont want to hug 60 men goodbye and weep into their arms until i have my pants back. Seth well thats good, yeah. Thats a moment thats a moment you want to be pantsd for. It was the right ending but then i needed to be pantsd. Seth there you go. Now, one of the many things the show has won acclaim for is your explicit sex scenes. Yeah, we try to do it unvarnished. Seth yeah and i think its a very honest portrayal of it that we maybe have not seen in television before. Thank you, that was our goal, for sure. It definitely was not to arouse you. [ laughter ] seth but it was, i think, you know, for everybody it was finally nice to say oh right its not always a beautiful act, its sometimes never. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] right but i was trying to think back. Have you ever had fun having sex . Seth no, maybe not. Yeah, i mean its okay. Seth its nice to look back at the time that made our son, like thats a good outcome. Yeah, totally, totally. I feel enthused that ive done it. I can tell people that ive done it for sure. Seth its better than every day before i did it. Totally. Seth but you got, there was a physical risk for you in the show because of those sex scenes and is it true your last season of filming you got hurt filming a sex scene . Yeah. Im fairly accident prone and lots of things have happened to me on set but yeah in the last week of filming i ended up having to go to physical therapy because of a sex scene injury. Seth how did you hurt yourself during the sex scene . Heres what i am going to say. I was really reaching. I was basically telling my scene partner i could do physical things that i cant actually do. [ laughter ] i was like, im so flexible. You cant hurt me, this is going to be hilarious. And hes like are you sure . He was perfect gentleman, are you sure youre okay . Is this like really going to be comfortable for you . And i was like i may not seem athletic but im a beast and i can do my hip flexors are so open according to my yoga teacher i can do anything. Do not worry about my body at all. The next morning i woke up and something was very wrong. Seth yeah. [ light laughter ] and that was wednesday and by friday i was pretty much immobilized. Seth what was the act that brought you to this pain . And again i wrote this for myself. This wonderful actor probably didnt even want to be put in this position. Its something i call the wheelbarrow position. Seth okay. So it looks kind of like were going to pretend theres a guy behind me, okay . Seth okay. And like my face is sort of on the bed kind of like that. Seth there you go. Thats the wheelbarrow. Imagine hes between my legs and imagine im just saying will you lift my legs higher, higher, higher see im going to hurt myself now. Seth yeah. Like i cant do this again. Seth that makes sense that you and so when you go to a physical therapist are you up front with them as far as what happened . No. [ laughter ] seth okay, youre not . I was like i had a crazy week. He was like your hips are really out of joint. And he was like, you really did something to yourself. I was like i had a crazy week, i ran on the beach a little bit. I was like i took a walk uphill with some friends. I slept on a mattress at a Hilton Garden Inn i wasnt used to that. Finally, hes like, what happened . I was like i did wheelbarrow position and i forced a very nice man to hold my legs in a position they couldnt go in. Seth yeah, but youre okay now. Im great. Ive never felt better. I think it was ultimately a really good thing for me. Seth okay, good. And thats for any of those kids out there thinking about wheelbarrow. I think thats the thats the message to take away. I dont think i invented it. Seth no. I dont think i invented it. Seth you popularized it. Yeah, theres brave women before me whove have taken it on. Im just taking it to the streets. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] you will im glad youre physically fit because you are now actively going to campaign for hillary up until election day, yes . Yes. [ cheers and applause ] yes, i just spent the morning meeting a ton of wonderful people at five events in virginia seth oh wow. And then going around the country bringing some amazing friends who i havent announced yet because they havent confirmed, you know . And i feel so lucky that i have this moment to go out and talk about this president ial candidate i love so much and im so thrilled to be able to seth is your goal to sort of bring enthusiasm to Younger Voters who might not be voting or are you actually trying to convince people who are supporting donald trump to vote for hillary . You know i cant do that. Seth yeah. [ light laughter ] and you know if anyone could do that, it wouldnt be me. Seth yeah, im guessing that people at donald trump rallies arent saying you know, im going to wait for what lena has to say. No, theyre like we loved but once lena dunham gives us her thoughts on this, were going to really know whats what. Nope, they either never heard of me or they heard of me in the most repulsive ways you can imagine. So no, but my goal is to make young people, particularly young women and people who feel disenfranchised from the political process understand that voting is part of having a voice and that it may feel like youre just your one vote doesnt count but the fact is is that its one of the ways that we exercise our power and were so lucky to live in a democracy and i feel like especially as women we have sisters around the world who are not able to do that, who are not able to vote, who are not able to engage in choices about how their government is run [ cheers and applause ] and so i think we dont just vote for ourselves. We vote for them. Seth and your you have long been a fan of hillary when you were six years old is this when your love affair started . Obsessed. So its not like im like, well i think shes the best person for the job. Its like im crazed for her. Like my boyfriends always like, what u2 is to some people is like what Hillary Clinton is to lena. Seth how did it manifest as a 6yearold . What would you do . Honestly i saw her on tv and i was like shes so pretty. The way everything begins. I was like, shes beautiful. Look at her hair its so smooth. Look at her face. Its so pretty. I thought they were such a beautiful family. I remember just loving what they looked like and my dad was like yeah, theyre good. Theyre democrats. Like, you can be excited about them. [ laughter ] so i remember waking up and being like who is the president and my dad was like bill clinton and doing this insane dance around the house when i was like six. I was obsessed with hillary. I literally asked for a bob. I had like long, stringy hair and i was like i want a smooth bob. I was like my mom took me to daffys, a Discount Store and i bought many like business separates. [ laughter ] like the way like some children felt about, like i want a poster of Yasmine Bleeth i was like cutting pictures of Hillary Clinton out of newsweek like a tiny psychopath. I wrote a term paper about her tea and cookies comment. Once i was in a deli and a man said i looked like Chelsea Clinton which i do not and i dined out on it for like six years. Seth thats great. I had a socks doll. Like i was like seth oh, a socks the cat. Socks the cat. Seth gotcha. Yeah, a socks the cat doll. Seth gotcha. So its not a new thing for me. Now of course, i understand that shes like an incredible Public Servant with 30 years of policy experience and that shes made some really important strides for various underrepresented communities but back then it was all about looks. Seth and you have also, donald trump tweeted about you, yes . Yeah. Seth he said you had no mojo is that right . He said i was it wasnt a tweet, i think he said it in words. He said i was a blist actor with no mojo. Seth wow. Which like, i was stoked about. Seth yeah. [ laughter ] i was like, i dont like you either. Clearly. And my mom was like yeah, youre offending the right people. Like, lets do this. My dad was like please dont call any attention to our family from donald trump. Hes like this is horrific. He was like he probably has people put to death constantly. Why are you doing this . And also i dont have mojo. He wasnt wrong. Mojo is like, what is that . Like you could open a marvel movie or something. Seth yeah, i dont know. I dont have it either. Like in my mind Margot Robbie has mojo. Like whatever that would be. I feel like my whole life would have been so different if had i had mojo. I cant imagine. Seth yeah, well thats nice that even though you have completely different political opinions of him youre willing to find Common Ground on you not having mojo. Yeah, hes right. When hes right, hes right. Seth yeah he is. Thank you so much for being here. Have a great, whatever it is, 27 days until this election. Its 28 days mother bleepers. [ cheers and applause ] seth lena dunham everybody. Well be right back with our friends nick kroll and john mulaney. [ applause ] the heart of every hybrid. Only a few. Truly move us. Electrifying the road forward for over a decade with over one million on the road, lexus hybrids are always charged and always ready. Initiating retrieval sequence. Target acquired. Dang it ah come on astronauts can vote from space. Take a break from the election with red or blue tea. Make time for snapple. When its time to potty train. Its time for training underwear new pampers easy ups. Has an allaround stretchy waistband. And pampers protection. So youll see drier nights. And theyll see their first underwear. New pampers easy ups. I missed a payment. Aw, shoot. Shoot this is bad. No were good this is your first time missing a payment. And youve got the it card, so we wont hike up your apr for paying late. Thats great it is great thank you. simultaneously nhl fans, show your team pride at discover. Com nhlcard. Heyyyyy its the Little Things that make life rich. Ritz. Inthousands ofk barrels lay silent aging, building a fuller smoother flavor that only comes from being aged four long years at jim beam our history is made from the inside how will you make yours . Now try jim beam apple poured over ice and serve with club soda and a fresh lemon wedge to make a crisp, refreshing jim beam apple and soda. When i was one year old, i was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer on my spinal chord. But i spent my whole life fighting back. So you can imagine what i thought when i saw donald trump say. I dont know what i said, ah, i dont remember that reporter he is talking about suffers from a chronic condition that impairs movement of his arms. I dont want a president who makes fun of me. I want a president who inspires me, and thats not donald trump. Priorities usa action is responsible for the content of this advertising. Announcer the smithsonian founded in 1846. The smithsonian is the Worlds Largest museum and Research Complex with 19 museums and Nine Research centers. Though it is home to such prestigious institutions as the National Museum of american history. The National Gallery of art. Did you know the smithsonian is also comprised of some lesser known museums . Such as the museum of danny glover. The National Pots and pans exhibit. And the museum of alcoves where teenagers on class trips go to [ bleep ]. [ light laughter ] get into olive garden now for our lunch duos choose your favorite pasta, piadina or sandwich. It all comes with our neverending soup or salad. And all the breadsticks you want. Starting at just 6. 99 get neverending value for lunch, today at olive garden. Dry spray . Thats fun. Its already dry no wait time. This is great. Its very soft. Can i keep it . laughter all the care of dove. Now in a dry antiperspirant spray. Awarded best of beauty by allure. Ill have that goat cheese garden salad. That gentleman got the last one. Sir, you give me that salad and i will pay for your movie and one snack box. Can i keep the walnuts . Sold. But i get to pick your movie. Can i pick the genre . Yes, but it has to be a comedy. A little cash back on the side. With the blue cash everyday card from american express, you get cash back on purchases with no annual fee. Throw. Its more than cash back. Its backed by the service and security of american express. Its mor[ hawk squawk ]k. Start boldly with the apple that bites back. [ whip cracks ] redds wicked apple. Its about to get wicked. An ovenbaked digiorno . Or waiting for delivery . Did you have that beard when we ordered . A hot, freshbaked crust . Or . Did we order extra soggy . Dont settle for delivery. Rise to the occasion. Its not delivery. Its digiorno. Im jamie foxx for verizon, introducing lte advanced powering americas largest and fastest 4g lte network ever. And im also jamie foxx for sprint. And im also jamie foxx for tmobile. both also americas largest, Fastest Network ever. Oh, youre just repeating everything i said . both oh, youre just repeating everything i said . Im switching to verizon right now both im switching to verizon right now announcer vo theres no better time to switch to verizon. Now get the next gen network and the best value with no surprise overages. Switch and get 20 gigs and 4 lines for 160. All on americas best network. I would support legislation in pennsylvania that would ban abortion and i would suggest we have penalties for doctors who perform them. Would you put people in jail for performing abortions . At some point doctors performing abortions i think would be subject to that sort of penalty. Dscc is responsible for the content of this advertising. Its not a weekend hobby. Ance . You have to live and breathe it for 50 years. Its the sound. And the fury. Its letting it all hang out there, and its hanging on for dear life. That is what amg driving performance means. And this is where it lives. The 503horsepower mercedesamg c63 s coupe. Do you own a plane . Do you own a bank . Pat toomey owned both. But its the fact that toomey owns a seat in the u. S. Senate that should really concern us. While on the Senate Banking committee, pat toomey voted to rewrite rules to help bankers like him. And he tried to eliminate protections put in place to stop wall streets risky practices. Pat toomey looking out for wall street and himself, not pennsylvania. Senate majority pac is responsible for the content of this advertising. Announcer late night with seth meyers in washington d. C. Is sponsored by amazon echo. Check out more election stories by adding the nbc news red white and you flash briefing on your amazon echo and then ask for the news. [ applause ] seth welcome back to late night everybody. I apologize. We thought we would have nick kroll and john mulaney as our next guests but they did not show up. Luckily, we have the stars of the new broadway play, oh hello which opened last night to rave reviews at the lyceum theater. Please welcome back to the show gil faizon and george st. Geegland. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] seth gentlemen, welcome. Hello. Hello. Seth meyers hello washington d. C. Washington d. C. [ cheers and applause ] seth so gentlemen, i want to congratulate you right away. So your show opened last night. Your broadway show. Rave reviews the New York Times called it stupendously entertaining. What is your show about . Oh well, you know its an autobiographical play. Would that be fair to say . I think thats fair to say. I play a working actor who is also an unlicensed doula. And i play a version of myself. You know, im neither jewish nor a woman but like many men over the age of 70 ive reached the point in life where i am somehow both. [ light laughter ] seth so you guys, do you come to d. C. Often . Sure. Oh yeah, well, the last time we were in d. C. , it was actually you were here. He was here. Seth okay. You were doing you were there, he was here. This guy was here. He was doing the white house Correspondents Dinner and we were doing a waffle house correspondents course. Seth oh. It was day seven. Yeah. Where you learned to spread the cold cube of butter over a waffle and you know how it sorta gets stuck in that little trench of the waffle, thats all of day seven. It really was. But you were out there you were out there you were so funny at the white house Correspondents Dinner. Seth oh thank you guys, thats very kind. You were being humorous and what i loved the joke yeah. Where you attacked trump, right . Seth uh huh. And then i remember you made fun of him and then you cut to him. You were like oh and then he waited six years and now hes running for president and he is just a mcdonalds burp away from destroying the world, so. [ laughter ] that was you, dude. That was you man. Thank you, thank you. Seth no, i dont youre like the guy that didnt buy hitlers paintings. So he was like, okay, ill try plan b. Yeah. Its true. It really is true. I would say hes more like a guy who like snuck into an Elephant Sanctuary and punched an elephant in the face and then stole one of the elephant cubs and the elephant gets so mad that it comes and tramples everything. Yeah. The irony of that analogy of course is that then trumps sons paid to kill an elephant. Yeah. To feel like men which is weird because like a chin implant is what, only 12,000. Yeah. [ laughter ] and the irony of all of that of course is that an elephant is the symbol of the Republican Party and donald trump is single handedly destroying that. Yes. He destroyed jeb and now billy bush. I mean he is [ laughter ] going to have a problem. And billys fired from the today show just before the today show halloween episode which is always a joy. Yeah, it is. Drunk ewok doing the moonwalk, baby. This year theyre doing nude body suits. Yeah. Seth now how do you, you mentioned about trump, how do you feel about the people that are standing by him . The Chris Christies, the Rudy Giulianis . Oh [ inaudible ] Rudy Giuliani Chri Christie these are great guys. Chris christie, i dont know his end game, you know what i mean . Yeah. Like, what is he going for, you know . I have a theory this election is going to end sopranos style. Yeah. Itll be Chris Christie eating onion rings in a diner while dont stop believing plays and then hell look up and itll cut to black. But you know, Rudy Giuliani what a guy. What a guy. What a delicious man. Rudy giuliani, you know, he had these gestapo like tactics when he was in new york. I mean the guy got rid of all the pornography in times square and now you have to walk one block west to 8th avenue . [ laughter ] i mean, come on. No thank you. And then 8th avenues disgusting now. You go to 44th and 8th to that hand job parlor, whats it called, its shake shack, i think. Oh, yeah. Come in our come in to our whacky shack and well shake you off and theres families going in there. Oh, and oh, yeah and while youre waiting here is a vibrating butt bead to stick up your tush. Oh yeah. Use this to milk your prostate while you wait to get a shake off and were the ones that get thrown out. I mean. But honestly seth, all joking aside, Rudy Giuliani truly was the hero of 9 11 because no one else was mayor that day. [ laughter ] seth now, you have your big broadway show. Have you long been theater fans . Oh, sure. Come on. Oh, sure. Oh, please. Weve seen the second acts of many broadway shows. Snuck into the second acts. Sneaking in, wed take a menthol cigarette butt and go i was just outside and then you go in and you see the back half of cats. And by the way, the back half of a cat does look like a rolo. Yeah. But thats a story for another day. Seth its such a fun thing to say. But we love the great traditions of the theater. Seth the great traditions of the theater. And we true we love broadway. We love, broadway. The great traditions of the theater and that is why we pay homepage to them in our show. Sure. Seth whats a great tradition you pay homepage to . So many. Well said, seth. Lets see, for example, for me the one sided telephone call. Oh this is very good. Do you know about this . Seth no, i dont. This is big in plays. This is when a character makes a telephone call. Okay . But then they repeat the phone Call Information out loud in a very stagey way to the other characters. Do you want to help demonstrate this . Alright. First, first, get a telephone no one would have in real life. Oh, hello . Yeah. Then as an actor you do way too much business with the phone, okay . Really make a meal out of it, all right . And then ladies and gentlemen, a one sided phone call. May we have some melodramatic lighting . Oh, hello. Well charmed im sure. The police . Thats who you are. Uh huh. Uh huh. A car accident . Georges daughter . Oh my. Her head ended up where . Oh, im on the phone. Im on the phone. [ laughter ] okay. Well ill try to find a way to tell him. Okay, charmed im sure. Oh, george, my dear, dear friend i dont know how to tell you this but that was a one sided telephone call. [ cheers and applause ] give it up for gil faizon and george st. Geegland everybody. Well be right back with more late night. [ applause ] [ cheers and applause ] seth my thanks to lena dunham, gil faizon, george st. Geegland, Thaddeus Dixon, corey glover, vernon reid, and of course the 8g band. Stay tuned for carson daly. Well see you tomorrow. [ cheers and applause ] carson hi there, im carson. Its nbc, youre watching last call. Thank you. Tonight we got a good one for you. Were coming to you from skylark here in new york city. Heres what we got