Yeah. On purpose. Phyllis [laughs] we should do it right here in the break room. [giggling] order carrot cake. [laughter] and jessica, just so you know, this is way more about my love for erin than anything wrong with you. Well, andy, im upset, but. You did this in the best way possible, and i knew you as a lover. And ill remember you as a gentleman. Okay. That was one minute and ten seconds. Consider it nailed. [vocalizing] i think we should try it again. This time, worstcase scenario. Okay, here we go. Jessica, im really sorry. I just need you to know [whining] what . I just need you to know what is it . I didnt sleep well last night. [laughs] ugh ow. Nellie, that reminds me. Do you want this chair in the bedroom . cause to be honest, i dont think its gonna fit through the door. Dont listen to jim. Have you ever seen him play tetris . Oh, i think ill just use this line horizontally. Oh, i had no idea what a gift this line is. The one time i will get the chair in. Watch the great schrutini work his magic. Oh, no. Really . Magic . No, no, no. Lets not go there. No, nothing is more repellant than magicians. Bunch of grown men waving wands, pulling bunnies out of body crevices. Magicians are repulsive. Next topic. [cell phone rings] excuse me, one second. Hi. Hey, whats up . Ah, nothing, just hauling some cube with dwight. [shouting] haulin cube thats moving boxes. We just came up with the term to make it sound cooler. So were planning this party for nellie, and were gonna make it really bad. Sounds like every other party. No. Were gonna make it like a prank. Like order bad food, give her this passiveaggressive card. Oh hire a magician. What . Trust me. [laughing] okay. Oh. Wow. Theres a lot of cars here. This is just weird. Andy hey, what are you doing here . Hey, lauren. Look at you. Well, i know. Look at me. I was just on my way back from this business trip, thought id stop and say hi to jessica. Aww [clicks tongue] why is erin with me . Thats a great question. She is my coworker, and she needed a ride because she totaled her car. Oh. God. So im erin. Hi. Yep. This is erin. Nice to meet you. [gasps] well, jess went out for a run, but shell be back soon. Mmhmm. Hey, ladies. Andys here. [softly] okay, andy, that is a bachelorette party, this is jessicas friends, and theyve been drinking during the daytime. Should we go . You know, we had such quick window to make this work, i think we should probably just oh, jess [claps] look who stopped by after his business trip. Andy hey i wonder if kingsized sheets are called president ialsized in england. I really should have a tweeter account. Yes, you should. Ooh nellie, dont open, stupid. Love, nellie. I have to see these shoes. I doubt that theyre sh [exhales] whoa. Whos this guy . Heres the two of them taking a hike. Im guessing hes some kind of friend. Boyfriend. Heres the two of them kissing at a beach and kissing at the eiffel tower. Im guessing hes some kind of close romantic friend. Like a boyfriend . You read my mind. Yeah. Whoa. Heres one with his face whited out. Hmm. Maybe someone threw a pie in his face. New theoryhes a hated italian politician. Better theory this is her exboyfriend, and they went through some kind of painful breakup. Oh, nellie. Oh. Im so sorry. We were just. I see youve discovered benjamin. Thats what i call my box full of photos of henry. Why not call. Shh im serious. We compare our direct rate side by side to find you a great deal, even if its not with us. Oh, thats helpful. Well, our company does that, too. Actually, we invented that. Its like a sauna in here. Helping you save, even if its not with us. Now, thats progressive. Call or click today. No mas pantalones. First date butterflies disappeared when conversation shifted to quoting classic 80s movies, followed by delicious entrees, like our new bacon jack grilled chicken with fresh avocado, from our 20 dinner for two menu. Chilis. More life happens here. God. We owned this flat together. Then one morning, just like that, he was gone. He ran off with the waitress at our favorite restaurant. Thats awful. What kind of restaurant . Dwight. I couldnt afford the flat myself. So i sold it at a loss. Ah, but whats ten years of bliss down the drain compared with the thrill of starting over with nothing and no one . Im so sorry. These must be very painful memorie if it would help you to forget, i could hit you in the brain stem with this candle stick. [softly] thank you. No. Jim, dwight, please. [sniffles] dont tell anyone about this. No, no. Of course. Just one quick question. Was this, um, halloween or. No. Thats the most embarrassing thing of all of this. What kind of fool gets her heart broken by a bloody stage magician . Hey, you know what, pam . I was thinking maybe we should change course here. Lets give up on all this mean stuff. What . No no, i just had this brilliant idea everyone loved it. You dont have a copyright on pranks. I might be better at this than you. No, thats t what i jim, could you give us a hand . Absolutely. Yeah. [whispers] call it off, pam. Call it off, okay . Its way more complicated than you think. Cancel the magician. Trust me. Oh. Ookay. Okay, i will. Pam, we have a great idea. Listen to this. Were gonna have the fluorescent lights flickering. Its gonna make everyone sick. Or what if. Okay. We discuss. [women giggling] the idea of doing the party totally normal . Like. Not mean. Just a regular party. Not mean. I knew shed crack i wanted to leave you out, you know. Were in far too deep. We cant change course at this point. What are you talking about . Of course we can. What i mean to say is we dont want to. Toots, were not stopping this train, so get off the tracks. Suck it [whooping, applause] andy itll be fine. Just act natural. Do you wt a gummy penis . No, ill just have some gummy bears. These are delicious. But. Theyre penises. And we come to matthew, the guy who was with his old girlfriend basically the whole time we were together. Oh eew eew aw that seems gross. At first blush, right . But relationships are always more complicated than you think. I mean, we dont know matthews history with this other woman. Maybe sheaved his life. [laughs] i dont know. I justi dont think we should rush to judgment about matthew. Maybe we dont pop that one. No, pop matthew. Pop it pop it [whooping] hey. Hey. Sorry. Its kind of a madhouse. Aah oh ha ha ha megan you are one of the good ones, nard dog. Aw. No, really. Wheres my andy . I dunno. Oh, hes out there. Are you gonna sing for us . Well, you guys are doing a pretty good job with the scary yelling, so. Thats not like you. Thats not like you. Come on, sing sing beyond bonnie banks and beyond bonnie braes okay, theyre almost here. What . Come on if you guys are gonna be mean, can you at least be subtle . Oh, in the warehouse we use code names for people we want to talk about. Andy was jelly roll. Mike was dennis the menace. Ryan was douche bag. Hey, thats not a code name. Thats just an insult. Plus, everyone would know who you meant. Yeah. No. Thats a great idea. Yes, lets have a code name. How bout mondays . I hate mondays . Mondays are the worst . Nobodys named monday. Hey, how bout we go with pam . Simple, easy to remember. cause theres someone already here named pam. All hey welcome to your party. Everybody get comfy now. This first songs over a half hour long. [playing offtune notes] best gig ever. They asked me to play only originals. I said, have you heard my originals . Theyre terrible. They said, even better. I said, i get it. Its an ironic party for nellie. Maybe we should just go. No. I gotta do this. Hey, jessica, can i talk to you . Uh, yeah, sure. Whats up . Maybe we could talk in private. Uh. Yeah. What is it . Well, first let me just say that i hope when im done with the sort of ugly bits that we can stay friends. Youre breaking up with me . Uh. No. No. You always do this. You twist my words around. Part of me thinks we should just end this right now. Oh, my god. Are you leaving me for erin . You said she wasnt relationship material, and she wasnt as good as me, but its her, isnt it . Whoa thatno. Okay. You want honesty . Superhonesty time. Im gay. What . I am gay, and i prefer men. I knew it you did not, kenny you invited me to go shopping with you. I like hanging out with you. Youre a cool guy. Which proves my point. That im gay. Andy, youre not gay. I mean, we were. Together. And you seemed pretty excitable. Well, i was faking it. I had to fake it every time. I had to imagine that i was in a steam room with john stamos. I cant say it doesnt make sense. Well. Look, its i mean, i was good at hiding it, but its fine, andy. I didnt think we were gonna get married or anything. I just. Im just upset for now. Understandable. And im really sorry. I really am. [grunts] so. We should probably. Go. And its just not your day let the fresh scent take you to a fresher place there are some lizards that are eating your legs [ old spice whistle ] too small. Too soft. Too tasty. [ both laugh ] [ male announcer ] introducing progressos new creamy alfredo soup. Inspired by perfection. [ female announcer ] at 100 calories, not all food choices add up. Some are giant. Some not so giant. When managing your weight, bigger is always better. Ho ho ho green giant ho ho ho this humble but sincere effort is all for our valued new colleague. Excellent. To nellie bertram. You are a most welcome and friendly presence at our company. Cheers. Why, thank you. Pam, on the other hand, is a most unwelcome, entiled, unfriendly presence in our company. All cheers. Nellie is terrific, but to be honest, every day i imagine how happy id be if pam died. [laughter] oh. Well. I feel that as someone who knows pam only a little bit. Enough. A good amount. Not the most, though. I would say that she is misunderstood and that maybe theres some stuff in her past that you guys dont know about thats a little messed up, and probably makes her such a torture to work with. We hate pam. We hate pam. All we hate pam we hate pam we hatpa so weve established. No. No. That you guys hate pam. Do you ever wish she would just. Disappear . Oh [laughter, murmuring] that was a really rough scene. Right . Rough scene. Yeah. Oh. At least we can kiss now. Oh, yeah. You know, that stuff that i said about you to her. I didthats just i had to say it. You know, i was dating her at the time. Yeah. Yes, of course. Ah. I feel really tired. Yeah. Probably fromeeing that turkey. Oh, yeah. When we drove by the farm. Ohh. Always does it. Are you nellie . Oh, i think youre my volunteer. Come on over here, huh . [laughing] oh, ill do it. I will volunteer. No, nellshe ill do it. Oh big guy, huh . Hows the air up there . Watch out for. Birds. [chuckling] all right, lets, uh lets do some card magic. Now, what i want you to do is. I want you to pick a card just by looking at it. Do not say what it is. Its the 4 of hearts. Oh, no, you looks like we got a guy from another country here, huh . No hablo el cardo, senor . Hmm . Ha. All right, the card is picked. Now, sir, will you please shuffle the deck . You didnt just do that on. Purpose, did ya . Why is jim treating the magician poorly . Word of advice, give up trying to figure out that weirdo. All right, hey, lets try something without a volunteer, huh . Thanks, jim. For nothing [chuckles] okay, you know, littleknown fact about me before i was a magician, i used to work. At a rope factory. Not true. cause thats not a real place. But i never could seem to figure out those knots. Thats not a real knot. When you pull on it, it disappears. [yells] what the hell . All right, wheres phyllis . Whos phyllis . Look this is really uncool, okay . I put on a clean show here okay, scram, wizard. What . You heard me ho oh well, nellie, im sorry. If id known jim and pam would use this party as an excuse to abuse a magician well, i thought it was quite fun. In fact, i think theyre brilliant employees in their own way. Dont you see what i see . Interesting. Yes. No, yes, i see that. Great work, team. Great party. You think this is a great party . This cake has vegetables in it. Like a salad bar, robert. How do i get this taste out of my mouth . What . Why are we i just gotta do one thing. Oh. Hello. Hey, everybody, look whos here. What are you doing here . Hi. Superduper honesty time. Im not gay. In fact, im so not gay that im in love with a girl. Her name is erin hannon, and shes right there. Shes sweet, funny, and beautiful, and total relationship material. Why the hell did you come back here . Go away. Get lost. Get out okay. Youre done bye, guys. Get out. You ruined my party i dont want to see your face in here ever again. Who does that . Are you kidding me . Yeah, run away, andy. Run away youre disgusting i cant believe youre not gay yeah, get outta here. Dont come back. Uhoh. [laughing] bye, andy loser nice car have fun hey, hank. Yes, maam. I thought i was very specific about you not letting up a magician. Yes, maam. I got my eyes open. Well, turns out he actually made it up there. What . That aint right. Yeah, he came and went. Wait a minute you said it was a magician, right . You dont think he coulda used. It couldnt have been ma lets justlets go. Nightnight. Turn around every now and then i get a little bit hungry and theres nothing good for me around turnround every now and then i get a little bit tired of craving something that i cant have turn around, barbara forever ive been praying for a snack in my life and now i have a brownie ending all of my strife i finally found the right snack [ ] now on whacked out sports, from white water wackos, oh, the cycle psychos. Plus a blast from the past. Literally. And permanents are optional. Weve got hides on horseback plus the whacked out sports top 5. Try to get along, wont you . Whacked out sports is right now. [ ] hey, thrill seekers, thanks for checking us out as we check these stunt junkies in. To the nearest emergency room. If youre a connoisseur of comas, concussions or good ole compound fractures, youve come to the right place. All right. Helmets on because were heading down to raleigh raceway to check out the exciting world of drag racing. Today showing us how its done is rookie sensation is bobby gene owens getting ready to take his qualifying run. Theres special drag racing slick, handmade by sushifed craftsmen in kyoto. Theyll run you 200 per but in a sports this competitive, you cant afford second best. All right, bobby jo gene, crank it up and let it fly. To win at this game you gotta control that thousand horsepower beast, something he obviously bobby jo gene sucks at. Oh, thats bound to break something. Lets see it again from our bounttobreak exclusive bound to break something cam. [ ] as everyone holds their breath and whispers silent prayers, the Emergency Vehicle rushes up to rescue the victim. Do something, guys, theres a quarter million bucks of mangled metal sitting there. Can they get that bike to the icu and hook it up to a penzoil drip in time . Godspeed, boys. We can only pray youre not too late. Guys, hello . Bleeding from the ears here. Salvage the bike, i love her. [ ] coming up on the end of the season ande are overstocked on bicycle accidents. Thats why were having another whacked out sports clearance sale. Only bike crashes are priced to move. Some are missing a few spokes but ey all must go. Youll get printless picnic table trick, inner ear disorder, when bikes fall in love, hey, get a room, you two. And so much more. Theres so many people falling off bikes, and who doesnt, simply must not miss this sale but if you do, its no skin off our arms. No refunds, no exchanges and none of your backta. Just get down here to the whacked out bike crash blowouts sale. From bicycle blowouts to funny cars that crack themselves up, all you antique car buffs out there will recognize this beauty, a 39 chevy sedan. Oh, yeah, so fine. It took its owner Chuck Charlie hanson 12 years to lovingly restore this classic. To strip it down to its chassis and sandblast every nut and bolt. Now that hes created his masterpiece, its only natural charlie wants to put it on the track and see what this baby will do. Today hes racing against miles carlon and his superintendent suped up 87 hudson road meister. Nice set of wheels but no competition for charlie. All that money and all that time was worth it. Hes riding like a dream, if your dream is crashing into a wall at more than 100 miles an hour. Did i mention chaie took second mortgage on his home to build er and it broke up two marriages and his kids h gone to go without orthodontist and they had to keep the dog. One too many . Yeah where youre right. With any luck, rescue crews will get there in time to stop the bleeding before it roons tha ruins the upholstery. Bleeding before it ruins that new upholstery. But on the bright side, if charlie regains consciousness, hell get to restore her all over again. Maybe this time hell remember to attach the steering wheel. Up next, head meets gills. What would summer time be without drowning . This snowmobiler is slicked for swimming, plus bareback never looked so good. And the whacked out sports top five. Thats coming up. This is whacked out sports, your weekly dose of the most deathdefying smackups, insane pileups, we could cram into a show dedicated to the men and women who risk life and limb and just about Everything Else so you dont have to. On whacked out sports, their pain is your gain. My adrenaline is pumping i just saw that al gore movie on cable. I cant remember the name of it, the one abouglobal warming. Little miss sunshine, i think. Anyway, al says our gasoline is causing our earth to overheat. Theres evidence all over. So far the planets just been sitting back and taking all our high octane abuse
comparemela.com © 2020. All Rights Reserved.