Jcpenney. Served on a toasted pretzel roll, our new bacon avocado chicken sandwich comes with fries and your choice of soup or salad. Its just one of chilis delicious lunch break combos. More life happens here. [groaning] deangelo. Hey. [gasping] deangelo, what are you doing . Theres a Live Audience out there. Just go do it by yourself, or get ryan. No, ryan would never do it. Its too on the radar. Look, look. The boss hosts the dundies. Its sort of our perk. This was not part of the job description. Okay, listen to me. Youre not doing this for me. Youre not doing this for you. Youre not even doing this for them. What am i doing it for . Youre doing it for all those kids out there eating off the louie volpes kids menu, who are wondering, does it get better . What i want you to do is i want you to say its showtime. Get out there. I cant. Say it. Stop hitting me. You can do it. Just say it. Hit me again. Now hit me. One, two, three. Both its showtime. All right, here we go. [notes droning] okay, okay, sorry about the delay, everybody. But we were at the dmv waiting in line. [laughter] fall asleep right after sex, huh, guys . Nope. Go back to the script. There are a lot of great salesmen in this office. But one of our great salesmen is also a great dad, and a close personal friend of mine. Jim halpert, best dad dundie [applause] wow, i do not parent for the awards, but i gotta tell you, it feels pretty good. Um, cece, if youre watching this at home, its way past your bedtime. By the way, how did this get televised . Thanks. [sporadic laughter and applause] well done. I dont know. Maybe being a good dad is just following your own compass. I dont know. I dont know. Thank you. Okay. [applause] didnt think to mention me, huh . Didnt i . Which moves us to best mom dundie. This person, well, i guess we all sort of consider a mom around the Office Meredith palmer [chatter and applause] say whaaaat . [all gasping] ill tell you one thing im not gonna be a good mom tonight. Whoo excuse me. Can i get a photo of the best mom and the best dad, please . Step on up. Well, i gotta go do this. Why . Big smiles, folks. There they are. Year after year, i catch aot of flak on this particular award, because year after year, i present this award to a guy instead of a girl. Hottest in the office goes to Danny Cordray danny could not be here tonight. How do i feel about not winning hottest in the office this year . Um, im very relieved. How do youhow do you judge Something Like that . What is his criteria even . Its its so subjective. Stanley hudson is a grump. Everybody knows that. But did you know that Stanley Hudson is also the face of a debilitating disease known as diabetes . [springy sound effect] the diabetes award goes to Stanley Hudson come on up here, you sick bastard. Were proud of you. I have diabetes too, but you dont see me making a big deal about it. They say hes going to be my righthand man. Adlib masturbation joke. Nope. I hate this. I hate it so much. Dwight shrute, please accept this promising assistant manager dundie. [applause] thank you. Thanks so much. Um, i want to dedicate this award to something that, uh, we take for granted in our daily lives. And that is the humble trash can. This is for you, trash can [microphone thuds] [thud, microphone feedback] pippi longstocking. Ronald mcdonalds wife. Ron howard. Ron weasley. What do they all have in common . Redheads. Erin hannon. Come on up here to receive your cutest redhead in the office award this is bull [gasps] thank you thank you thank you this is the first award ive ever won in my entire life. [laughter] people were right about the dundies. They are magical. But i dont feel it, and i think thats because im not with the right person. Gabe. What . We should break up. What . Im not attracted to you. I justi cringe when you talk. I have to be honest. Right . Right, pam . [mouthing silently] thank you for hearing me. Okay, well, this is embarrassing. Um, im obviously really angry at erin. Here comes that quarterlife crisis everyones talking about. It is difficult to recognize the person who will be replacing you. But he is a good guy. So the Michael Scott award for best dundies host goes to deangelo vickers. [cheers and applause] all [chanting] speech, speech, speech, speech hold on. Hold on one second. Okay. Crank it. Ow. [yelling] i want toi want i feel truly blessed, uh, to be working with all of you. You know, before this all started, uh, funny story, i was in the bathroom vomiting and vomiting. The mens room. Thats why its been shut down for most of the evening. Thats it this is important. Hes expressing himself. No. Hosts dont get dundies. Thisthis is truly special for me. [microphone cuts off] normal voice and, uh, anyway, its so much lighter were done. Thats it. [all murmuring] michael, are wewhat . Were done. Were done. What if we took all this produce from walmart, and secretly served it up at this produce stand in the heart of apple country. Its a freshover. Come on in, tastes some apples. Tell us what you think. Come othats really good. Pples. Nice and crunchy. This is the bestest. A burst of flavor. Walmart works directly with growers to get you the best Quality Produce theyve ever had. All this produce you see, comes from walmart. Oh my goodness are you serious . Oh, youre kidding i definitely would shop at walmart now. Fine, fresh, crisp apples and all your Quality Produce backed by our 100 moneyback guarantee. Hey, michael. We were thinking maybe we could keep this thing going. What . I know im the cause of this royal screwup, but i would like to see the show go on. No, dont. Youre being too hard on yourself. We had a very truncated rehearsal time. Lets grab some ice cream, go back to the office, and finish what we started. Yeah. So what youre saying is you kinda liked it. Ive fallen and i cant get up the phyllis bit, that was pretty good, right . I dont know that we need to dissect it all right now but that got a big laugh. It did. That actually got a pretty huge laugh. We were laughing, right . I was. Oh, you know what, i have to go to the bathroom. Dont worry. Were really close. You know, i can just run over to the gas station there. We should just wait here and not get good seats in the Conference Room . Thats true, we wouldnt get seats together. Okay, yeah, ill hold it. Im fine. You know, despite a couple hiccups, i thought that went very well. I thought it was the worst dundies ive ever been to. Man. Maybe you should have won the kind of a bitch award. Oh, gladly, id accept that award, because a bitch is a female dog. Okay. What . What are you doing . [grunts painfully] whoo. Please dont stop so suddenly. Seat belts pressing on my bladder. Why are you even wearing a seat belt . Youre sitting in the backseat, baby. What is your problem . I just dont see the point to the dundies, okay . The jokes were terrible, the venue was bad, the fashion was boring okay, that that is unfair. The clothing was safe but tasteful. And next time, why dont you pick a cohost that doesnt have microphoneaphobia. Look, whatever youre going to do, how long is it gonna take . Ballpark . cause i just ive gotta make a decision here. Hehe is in an allout sprint. [overlapping chatter] better than before. Please, excuse me. Here, okay. By his own admission, this person actually tried marijuana in college, so the doobiedoobie pothead stoner of the year award goes to andy bernard [applause] yes oh. Theres a lot of people id like to thank. But i think we all actually want to thank you, michael. Oh, thank you. I mean, we actually really all want to thank you for everything. [soft piano music] oh, my god, somethings happening. 9,986,000 minutes we actually sat down and did the math all 9,986,000 minutes thats how many minutes that youve worked here in costumes in impressions in meetings both in cups of coffee for birthdays stanley more meetin and angela and phyllis email forwards you made us read all 9,986,000 minutes thats like watching die hard 80,000 times you hit me th your car you helped me get off drugs i watch you when you sleep i forgive you for kissing me all remember to call oh, you got to remember to call all remember to call love is a gift from up above all remember to call both text or call or email or call measure measure your life in love all remember to call yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah all remember to call yeah yeah you got to remember to call all remember to call whoohooooh oohooh ooh ooh yeah, okay. [inhales deeply] well, this is gonna hurt like a mother[bleep]. Well take something tasty and healthy. If you wanna go and fly with me its buzz the bee on your tv oh how did i get this way . Hey must be the honey theres a party going on in your cereal bowl os can help lower cholesterol oh why does it taste so great . Hey must be the honey hey must be the honey hey must be the honey hey must be the honey every day, millions of americans suffer from extreme repulsiveness. Someone in our midst is bringing that problem to light. Toby flenderson, please come up here and accept the extreme repulsiveness award . Oh, thats so mean. No, its fine. Its his last dundies. You gotta play along, man. Come on, toby. Here he comes all right. You deserved it. I really disagree with this. I think its kind of hateful. Although i am a little happy right now to have a platform to talk about the outcome of a case that i was recently a juror on the scranton strangler. A mans being put to death. I was part of the verdict, and im not so sure hes guilty anymore. [sample from yellos oh yeah plays] this is a gift for your many years of service here. Wow, thanks, michael. I didnt expect can i just say that of all the idiots in all the idiot villages in all the idiot worlds, you stand alone, my friend. [door opens] hello. michael hey hi, good to see you. You too. Im just having a little exit interview. Yeah, i know. Thats why im here. Um, no, no, no. This is very boring stuff. Why dont you take a tour . Have you seen the baler . No, no, ill look at it later. Its part of my job. [chuckles] okay. [clears throat] did you nd me to take notes . Hi, pam. Stay. Okay. Um. All right. Well then, i will proceed. I just have somquestions that i was gonna ask. Um. Who do you think you are . Im toby. Yeah. Correct. Um. What giveswhat what gives you the right . Um, i brought the binder. Do you wanna take a little look . Sure, you know what . That sounds good. Ill take a little looksie. Here we go. Thank you. What would you improve about dunder mifflin . Well, let me see. I would, uh [quietly] ill kill you. I guess everythings okay. Toby, why dont you open your present . No, no, no, no, no, no. No, thishey, hey, hey. This might not be what i think that i dont even know is in there because there are a lot of presents in my car, and i dont know which is which. Suck on this. michael what the hell is that . pam michael. Thats what do you mean michael . Thats not even my handwriting. [loudly] hey what the hell is going on here . who thought it would be hysterical to give toby a rock for his goingaway gift . you did. No you made me wrap it. [michael humming] i thought it was over the line. I just you know what that is . You know what that is . That is. A psyche. Psyche. So, that is not my real gift to toby. So what is your gift . My gift is forthcoming, pam. What is it . I am going to give toby. Your watch . Yes, i am. That was it. How did you know that . I just knew. How did you know . Oh, that is so sweet. Well. Thats my watch. Thanks. Im gonna set it to costa rica time. Hey, thats good. creed hey, its the kid. Lo, look, look, look. Hey. Its the temp. Look. dwight oh, my gosh. Its the temp. pam wow. Is that the police . dwight yes. Mmhmm. oscar well, this is what happened. Uh, ryans big project was the web site, which wasnt doing so well. So ryan, to give the impression of sales, recorded them twice. Once as office sales, and once as web site sales. Which is what we refer to in the business as misleading the shareholders. Another good term is fraud. The real crime, i think, was the beard. [cheerful music] oh, my god. Ryan. Oh, my god. holly whats protocol on this . Well, i normally do nothing, i guess. No, you shouldnt [knock on door] michael, are you okay . [strained voice] im just worried about my friend. Aww, of course you are. Justim fine. Im holding it together. I have a business to run. Im cool. No, hey, stop. You can let yourself be upset. Hes your friend. You know what i usually find . Michael Holly is sweet and simple. Like a lady baker. I would not be surprised to find out that she had worked in a bakery before coming here. She has that kind of warmth. Im pretty sure shes baked on a professional level. kevin cool a bouncy house kevin, take your shoes off first. [bossa nova music] no antigravity machine, huh . Sorry, michael. I dont think theyre real. The ferris wheel is pretty cool, though. Wow. Look at our parking lot. Yeah, whod have thought . pam is jim gonna propose tonight . He is, isnt he . No, hes not. Is he . holly oh, it was a pretty good company, but i just couldnt see a future there. They kept hiring from the outside. It was easy to get in, but impossible to rise up. Thats what she a lot of places are like that. I think its really cool you hired kevin. Thanks. You have it . Almost. Okay, here we go. Here we go. Put it in. Thatthats my car. [raccoon growls] hey. What are you doing . michael what is that . Mose what the hells going on here . nnothing you need to know the details of. There is a raccoon in the car, dwight no, theres not. Why did you do that . It was playful hazing. No, theres no such thing as playful hazing. Dwight, i want you to look at holly right now. Everybody, i want you to look at holly right now. And maybe if you look at her deeply enough, you will see what i see in her. Nd that is that we are all very lucky to have her here holly is the best thing that has happened to this Company Since world war ii. 50 years she is the best. Take care of that, all right . Its not rabid. Shh thanks for bringing that up. Get it out, come on, get it out, get it out. Im really sorry. Michael, thank you so much for saying that. I feel so welcome here. Yeah. I just um. Excuse me. Did you see that . Did you see it . Did you see what wowwee uhhwell, jan didnt believe in showing affection, so sometimes i dont know how to react to when a girl touches me. Oh. I like it. Doorbusters startcer ] this friday at 3p. M. Columbus day sale. To saturday 1p. M. Like 50 off outerwear and select cold weather accessories for her and 60 off stafford and j. Ferrar dress shirts. Jcpenney. Served on a toasted pretzel roll, our new bacon avocado chicken sandwich ces with fries and your choice of soup or salad. Its just one of chilis delicious lunch break combos. More life happens here. Hey, mrs. Vance, were all out. Hey, kev, i need you to do me a solid and go buy some more barbecue sauce. Okay. Cool. You drive your own car . Yup, this is my car. Do you drive your own car . Yep, just like you. Okay, bye. Bye. [starts car] kevin. Im really proud of you. [music ends] all right. Lets hear it for phyllis for this awesome party, huh . Yay, phyllis [applause] michael probably the best one that we have ever had. Right . [cheers and applause] but the real reason that we are here is to say goodbye to a guy who we will probably never, ever see again. Nowa lot of you know that i am an accomplished songwriter. Song parody writer. I have done things like, um, beers in heaven. jim classic. Or total eclipse of the fart. Not my favorite, but i like that one. I love to sing them, but i am not going to be doing that today. I am going to be doing something i wrote specifically for toby. Do you know, um. Goodbye stranger . Supertramp. Yeah. [playing goodbye stranger] it was Early Morning yesterday i was up before the dawn and i really have enjoyed my stay but toby must be moving on im gonna miss toby. He has a nice, calming presence in the office. [higherpitched voice] goodbye, toby its been nice hope you find your paradise dont tell him i said this, but i always thought he was kinda cute. Come tomorrow, feel no pain feel no pain toby. Toby tobeeeeeey tobys goin away see ya see ya, toby, see ya hes outta here. Ohh goodbye, toby goodbye, toby goodbye, toby goodbye, toby not bad. Oh, hey. Thanks. Someday i would love to hear beers in heaven. Oh, okay. Yeah. Well, actually, too soon. Its, uh its very sexual. [cell phone ringing] sorry. Kevin. Kevin, where are you . You missed my song, buddy. kevin yeah, michael, im at gerritys. You have to come down here. Just pay for it and well reimburse you when you get back. No, i i brought my money. Michael, theres something that you need to see. What is it . Just hurry. Is he okay . Yeah, hes at the supermarket. He needs me. Yeah, well, the party, driving to the supermket it was a big day for him. Yeah, thats true. Dont move a muscle. I will be back momentarily. All right . [laughs] no, you can finish your drink and then illokay. Ill be back. jan it was good to see you. It was great to see you, jan. Okay. Hello, jan. Hello. Michael. Wow, kevin, really . Weresorry. Were in the middle of a party. Is this why you called me down here . Yeah, michael, i just, uh i think you kids ha a lot to catch up on. Oh, okay. Yeah. Thanks, kevin. Um. What if we took all this produce from walmart, and secretly served it up at this produce stand in the heart of apple country. Its a freshover. Come on in, tastes some apples. Tell us what you think. Thats really good. Nice and crunchy. This is the bestest. A burst of flavor. Walmart works directly with growers to get you the best Quality Produce theyve ever had. All this produce you see, comes from walmart. Oh my goodness are you serious . Oh, youre kidding i definitely would shop at walmart now. Fine, fresh, crisp apples and all your Quality Produce backed by our 100 moneyback guarantee. Awesome cheeseburger. No, its not. Its not awesome . No, its not a cheeseburger. Look whats on a pretzel bun now. Wendys new pretzel pub chicken. Now thats better