Transcripts For KYW The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20170726

They were confused. Thats scary oh, and thats not even the worst part. When he finally stopped talking and the scouts thought it was all over, the old pumpkin man slowly lifted up his arms, and he had doll hands aaaarrggh its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes charlie rose, jessica williams, and max brooks. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen hey hey, whats going on whats up . Hey oh thats very nice, everybody. How are you . Thats lovely. Everybody should start their work day like that. Thats incredible. Well, welcome to the late show, everybody. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Its hard to describe what our elected leaders have been doing for the last 24 hours. laughter i do not have the words to describe what im about to talk to you about. Its like describing a new color that youve never seen before. And this color is made of all the other colors dying. Like, if a rainbow got gangrene. First, lets talk about the senate and what they did today. You know how the republicans have been trying to repeal and replace obamacare . Well, since trumps been in office, theyve tried three times, and theyve failed. cheers and applause but they finally figured out why they failed. They failed because people knew what was in their bill. laughter huge mistake. So today, they raised the bar on lowering the bar, okay. Heres what they did. Senator majority leader and raiders of the lost ark, with his face melting, Mitch Mcconnell, called for a vote on the new Health Care Bill but we dont know whether well be voting on the house bill, the first version of the senate bill, the second version of the senate bill. This is a miserable, terrible process, and nobodys happy with it. And were being given no information. There is no one who knows. Stephen the bill, the bill was a total mystery. Its like westworld no one knows exact plea whats going on, but its probably going to be a bad thing for women. laughter and this total lack of information, nobody knows nothing. Was not a mistake. It was the plan. Because if none of the senators know what they voted for, its potentially both good and bad at the same time. Its a black box we cant see inside. Its schrodingers healthcare. laughter but the cat is probably dead, because it doesnt have health insurance. But Mitch Mcconnell assured his colleagues it was safe to vote for it. If it were to pass without any amendment at all, this is twoyear delay before it kicks in. So the takeaway from what im telling you is, no harm is done by getting on the bill. Stephen yes thats the senates hippocratic oath first do no harm. For two years. Then well see what happens. They held the vote today. And the motion to debate the bill passed. Which means they now have 20 hours of debate to fine tune the bill that they did not write for the past seven years. It should be fine. They dont know the big stuff, like it will be printed on paper, and thats it. So thats profile in courage number one. The second gobsmacker of the last 24 hours, was Donald Trumps appearance last night at the National Boy Scout its no surprise he went to the boy scouts. With all his scandal, hes good at putting out fires. Youre too kind, really. Now, obviously, this is an event for children from all over the country, and it is completely nonpartisan event so trump left the politics behind and just talked about his hopes for their future. Im just kidding. laughter he did his thing. Boy, you have a lot of people here. The press will say its about 200 people. laughter it looks like about 45,000 people. You set a record today. applause stephen you know they were going to be there anyway, right . laughter its their event. Not yours. laughter i cant believe all these people turned out for the super bowl just because im here. Im also ive got to say and ill say this im very honored that there are seven billion people on earth right now. Its a new record. Just to see me. Werent that many yesterday. Every day. cheers and applause just to see me. And, of course, trump knew how to work that crowd. The United States has no better citizens than its boy scouts. Stephen take that, girl scouts laughter applause jon wow stephen the boy scouts are known for their love of civic engagement. We have boy scouts in my family. We have an eagle scout in my family. One of the nice things is they do badges on the government. Donald trump took the opportunity to drop a deuce in that punch bowl. You know, i go to washington and i see all these politicians, and i see the swamp. And its not a good place. In fact, today i said we ought to change it from the word swamp to the word cesspool or, perhaps, to the word sewer. Stephen kids, i come here to inspire you your government is a festering river of human waste, and im the madman who rules it on a throne of turds. laughter applause jon oh stephen okay . Biggest ever. Jon oh stephen unbelievable, absolutely, i dont as they say, i dont know. After introducing actual former boy scout Energy Secretary rick perry, trump explained to the boys what a great job his administration is doing. And very soon, rick, we will be an energy exporter. Isnt that nice . Stephen okay, kids, who wants a merit badge in fracking . Anybody . Then he introduced another member of his cabinet secretary tom price is also here, and hes doing a great job. And hopefully, hes going to get the votes tomorrow to start our path toward killing this horrible thing known as obamacare. By the way, you going to get the votes . He better get them. He better get them. Oh, he better otherwise, ill say, tom, youre fired. Stephen ill fire him right now ill fire him right now. Kids, who wants to see a grown man cry . Anybody. Come here, squirt him. Come on, squirt him. Trump than began citing the scout law as the scout law says a scout is trustworthy, loyal we could use some more loyalty, i will tell you that. Stephen we could use more loyalty for instance, that guy on stage just threatened to fire someone he said was doing a good job. And then, as if trumps insecurities and obsessions werent enough poison to pour into the ears of children, he told them this story. And he was a very successful man, became unbelievable he was a home builder became an unbelievable success, and got more and more successful. And he did this for 20 years, and then he was offered a lot of money for his company, and he sold his company for a tremendous amount of money. And he went out and bought a big yacht, and he had a very interesting life. I wont go any more than that, because youre boy scouts so im not going to tell you what he did. crowd chanting should i tell you . Should i tell you . Oh, youre boy scouts, but you know life. You know life. Stephen yeah, youre boy scouts but you know life, you know, billion airs. International waters. No witnesses. Gambling. Cock fights. Some ladies. Everyones wearing loose clothing. I forgot where i was going with this. Anyway, work hard, kids. Then trump laid out his bold vision for the future and by the way, under the trump administration, youll be saying Merry Christmas again when you go shopping, believe me. applause Merry Christmas. Theyve been downplaying that little beautiful phrase. Stephen yes, they are downplaying it for some reason. Im just spitballing here. Maybe its because its july. I dont. cheers and applause i dont. cheers and applause and now that theyve heard from the president , the scouts have updated their oath. Let me just clears throat on my honor, i will do my best to make a tremendous amount of money and buy a sex yacht like that old guy the president knows, to keep myself physically strong with golf and steak, and refer all questions to outside counsel. Merry christmas cheers and applause we have a great show for you tonight. Mr. Charlie rose is here. But when we return, i tell you whether Jeff Sessions still has a job. Stick around. New charmin ultra soft its softer than ever. New charmin ultra soft is twice as absorbent so you can use less. And its softer than ever. So its harder to resist. Okay, this is getting a little weird. We all go, why not enjoy the go with charmin . Oh, its actually. Sfx short balloon squeal its ver. Sfx balloon squeals ok can we. Sfx balloon squeals goodbye oof, that milk in your coffee was messing with you, wasnt it . Try lactaid, its real milk, without that annoying lactose. Good right . Yeah. Lactaid. The milk that doesnt mess with you. So, your new prescription does have oh, like what . Ects. Youre gonna have dizziness, nausea, and sweaty eyelids. And in certain cases chronic flatulence. No sooooo gassy girl. So gassy. If youre boyz ii men, you make anything sound good. Its what you do. If you want to save 15 percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. Its what you do. Next next band playing cheers and applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Jon batiste and stay human right there. Give it up for the band right there. Jon thank you. Stephen folks, i never said this is something. Im about to Say Something i never thought i would say. Jon whats that . Stephen but i am worried about attorney general and shocked grandma Jeff Sessions. Because donald trump has been ripping into sessions all week. Just this afternoon he said this i am disappointed in the attorney general. He should not have recused himself almost immediately after he took office, and if he was going to recuse himself, he should have told me prior to taking office, and i would have quite simply picked somebody else. So i think that is a bad thing, not for the president , but for the presidency. I think it is unfair to the presidency, and that is the way i feel. Stephen yes, trump feels thats bad for the presidency. Hes afraid is might lead to impeachment. And thats just the latest. Yesterday, trump tweeted, so why arent the committees and investigators, and of course our beleaguered a. G. , looking into crooked hillarys crimes and russia relations . Hes got a point. Hes not looking into hillarys ties to russia. And during the debates, we know she met with known russian sympathizer donald trump three times shared the stage with him. Thats not right. Something doesnt smell right. So if trump hates sessions so much, if he doesnt trust him, why doesnt he just fire him . Well, according to cnns chris cillizza, trump doesnt actually like to fire people and wants to make sessions life so uncomfortable that sessions throws up his hands and walks away. Trumps like a bad boyfriend who whos too scared to break up with you and whos daring you to break up with him. Oh, looks like you caught me in bed with your sister. Also, sorry i forgot your birthday, i was too busy selling your jewelry for drugs. So, you ready for dinner . Trump has plans to replace sessions and has floated names, like former new york mayor and embalmers display model, Rudy Giuliani. Audience boo stephen and hes even considering his former rival, ted cruz. Well, of course you know you want cruz at the head of justice. We all remember how trump spent the Campaign Calling him truthful ted now, obviously this puts Jeff Sessions in a tough position, and today, one of the attorney generals friends even told reporters sessions is totally pissed off about it. And you could tell because every Time Sessions gets angry, the bells on his little curly shoes start ringing. In fact, hes so angry, hes im honored to say that hes here tonight to address the issue publicly. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the attorney general, jefferson beauragard sessions. cheers and applause mr. President , have you no sense of decency, sir . If you are going to disparage my good reputation, at least have the courtesy to do so to my face at my enchanted tree. I am doublestuffed with indignity laughter now, i will not surrender. I stand firm. On the outside. On the inside, i am creamy fudge, sir. I shall never be replaced oh, no oh, no its Rudy Giuliani quick quick quick, stephen. Quick, stephen. Hide me in your mouth gone. Well be right back with charlie rose. cheers and applause r. When it comes to hitting perfect drives, nobody does it better. Hes also into oil painting. Looking good. But when it comes to mortgages, hes less confident. Fortunately for rickie, theres Rocket Mortgage by quicken loans. Its simple, so he can understand the details and be sure hes getting the right mortgage. Apply simply. Understand fully. Mortgage confidently. The ford summer sales event isshovel. L swing. Mulch. Brick pavers. Fence posts. Concrete. Were good. And wood for my castle. We got it. And a slide, and a drawbridge. Take on summer right with ford, americas bestselling brand. Now with summers hottest offer on ford f150. Get zero percent for sixty months plus an additional thousand on top of your trade in. Thats the built ford tough f150 with zero percent for sixty months plus an additional thousand on top of your trade in. Offer ends soon during the ford summer sales event. How was your vacation . Hey, guys, whats this tomato doing at randys desk . [all coworkers laugh] hahahahaha. You know, that actually reminds me, steve. I got you something. Aloha mangoes can get sunburned. Put some flavor in your break with new snapple mango tea make time for snapple. The rock hey siri, read my schedule. [siri tone] [crash] [tires squeal] rock. [siri tone] merci, gimme some. Hey siri, take a selfie. [siri tone] [siri tone] shop for your homeohls and get kohls cash for you get the perfect dorm room chair and get 10 kohls cash get a food network cookware set and get 30 kohls cash or a dyson vacuum and youll get 80 kohls cash this weekend at kohls. Nosy neighbor with a glad bag, full of trash. What happens next . Nothing. Only glad has febreze to neutralize odors for 5 days. Guaranteed. Even the most perceptive noses wont notice the trash. Be happy. Its glad. He gets things done stevfor south jersey. O tell you dont believe him. Because Steve Sweeney gets things done for himself, for the special interests who pay for his campaigns, and definitely for chris christie. But Steve Sweeney doesnt get things done for you. Unless you count cutting education funding, raising the gas tax, and sending more of your tax dollars off to trenton instead of south jersey. If youre tired of typical politics, stop electing typical politicians like Steve Sweeney. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, everybody thank you, jon. I love that song. Thats yours, right . Jon yeah. Stephen i love that. Welcome back, everybody. My first guest has made a remarkable career asking important questions on cbs this morning, 60 minutes, and charlie rose. My question is how does he have time to be here . Please welcome charlie rose stephen nice to see you again. The interview with the boy scouts keeps on giving, doesnt it . Stephen the boy scout thing is extraordinary. Were you a boy scout . I was indeed, but never a merit scout. Stephen i was a boy scout for one day. For one day is a big thing gr we marched through woods i already knew and i said i can do this myself. You were a sowk carolina boy and i was a North Carolina boy, and boy scouts was a big thing. Stephen i wanted to be with my friends and i said cant we play without the adults around . Then we can set fire with no supervise. Its so much fun. Its extraordinary. There is a sort of moral heresy, i think, going to children and pouring your political poison in their ear. Its inappropriate, dont you think . Absolutely. But it was an interview or speech that kept on giving one possibility to do a joke after another. Its like im doing this for stephen. Wherever he is, i hope youre listening. Stephen well, if you are listening, sir, you can stop. All full, thanks. laughter well, listen, how are you doing . Since last time we had you on here, you had heart surgery. I did. Stephen in pb. Are they building a bigger, better, indestructible charlie rose . A bionic man. Ive got two artificial valves and im not sure whats next, but im ready. Stephen well, youre certainly tough as hell. We showed this video at the upfronts when we were talking to all the advertisers this strength get a load of charlie rose i have a brand new ticker, son stephen i say sign me up. Do you know how long it took me to do that . Stephen man, thats incredible. Its incredible. Now, youre known sort of famously as a guy who lost to work. Obviously, you have cbs this morning. You have your pbs show. Reruns on bloomberg. You do 60 minutes. But this year, you were forced to take a break for the surgery. That was hard for you . Well, it was necessary. So, therefore, the doctor says, youve got to do this. So i had a week in the hospital. They did the surgery. Stephen thats ta week . Yeah. Stephen they crack the ribs and its only a week . They did. Opened it up and went in there and gave me a new valve. A cow valve. Stephen a cow valve . A cow valve. They say a bovine. Stephen oh, a cow valve . Honest to god, its a cow in you . It is. And the other one is a pig. So ive got a expig a cow competing to send blood to my heart. Stephen wow. God, i hope youre not jewish. laughter not yet. Stephen not yet, okay, youll get there, yeah. But the idea of work people say, ydo you work so hard . Its not work. Its play, in a sense. I spent the weekend working for 60 minutes. I went out to san diego and a play cawls del mar, where the horse called arogay, is supposed to be the best horse in the world, race horse, and everybody has said is close to, like, secretariat. Hes that good. I went out and hung out with the jockey, hung out with the trainer. The horse lost but it was great fun for me. Its something people would pay to do. Stephen right, people actually do pay to go see horses. Exactly, and bet a lot of money, as i did. I bet on the horse. He didnt win. I lost a bunch of money. Stephen wow, do you need to borrow someone. Just for the taxi back home and ill be okay. Stephen i also wanted to say congratulations to you and to everybody at cbs this morning. Tell me if i have this right. You personally were nominated for two news emmys for cbs this morning coverage of the atlanta and cbs this morning got seven nominations. They did. Stephen and you got a nomination for the 60 minutes story you did on the popes choir. What is the popes choir . Its called the sistine chapels choir, too. Young boys, and they are amazing. But i must say about these two nominations, as you know in television, its a collaborative art no, i know. Not for you. Stephen just you and me, folks. All those jokes i listened to tonight, right out of stephens brain. Stephen absolutely. My writers write them down after the show is over. And they say i wish id written this. Its a collaborative art. Its about the popes choir and got to spend, again, four days in rome. Stephen did you see the pope . I saw him, met him, shook hands, pretty nice. Im protestant. Stephen youre a catholic now. Thats right. Thats first step to conversion. Stephen its like a contact tie diswhr. Exactly. You just went to a place i love, actually, which is russia. I went to st. Petersburg and went over to interview putin. Stephen you have interviewed putin twice, right . I have, indeed. Once in st. Petersburg, a wonderful, lovely city. Stephen it is a lovely city, yeah, yeah. What do you make of him . Having met him and sat down and talked with him twice, what is he like as a person . To his credit, he was engaged. He answered the questions im not sure they were all truthful. For example i said to him, theres a saying in moscow, once a k. G. B. Agent, always a k. G. B. Agent. He said, thats true. Things i learned in the k. G. B. , have never gone away from me. Stephen like undermining the United States of america . Exactly. Whatever he meant. But he was engaged. And after the interview was over he said, do you have time for a cup of tea . And i said, certainly, sir. We went into a conference room, no vodka, just tea. And we sat down and had a long conversation, my executive producer was there, my producer was there, and he had one exprn a translator and we talked an hour and a half about everything but not about donald trump. Stephen did you make sure he sipped his tea first . I did. Stephen i understand you are now picking up an early love of yours that you havent done in many years. Are you starting to surf again . Im starting to find out. I havent asked my doctors yet. And thats a crucial question. Stephen you have to be cleared by your valve doctor. Exactly. Stephen you have to ask the cow and the pig. Right, how about moo. laughter . Stephen you started you started you started surfing when you were younger. I did. Stephen youre going back to something. In North Carolina and virginia beach. I learned at virginia beach. Stephen thats back in the day when there were long boards. When i was a child, 18, 19 years old. I just thought some people i know are doing if and theyre adults and they went to it after having a lifetime of interest in other sports. And they love it. And i thought this is great. I thought it may take a attack of week and find out if there is somebody in hawaii who will give me a shot, spend a week, seeing how much i can pick up and see if i can bring it back. Or in fact they will say to me, youre too old, son. Go back to golf. Glvment is this for tv or just for your life . Just for my life, my experience. Stephen well, at least send some photos, please. Oh, i will. Stephen in the speedo. Well see. You dont care whether theres a surf board there or not. Stephen no, i dont. Just a speedo. I can say one thing about this man, also. On my 75th birthday he was very, very sick, and he made dunt down to a little party for me and was like a trouper. On his 75th birthday 30 years from now, 40 years from now. Ill be 105, and ill be there for you. A deal is a deal. Stephen thank you, charlie. All new valves at that point. Cbs this morning airs week days on cbs. Charlie rose airs week nights on pbs and bloomberg. Charlie rose, everybody. Well be right back with jessica williams. Stick around. Thanks, charlie. And i live with non24, a circadian rhythm disorder that can throw my days and nights out of sync, keeping me from the people, places, and things i love. The people i love have always been there for me. And now, im there for them, too. Talk to your doctor, and call 8442142424 to learn more. Hey. What can you tell me about your new Social Security alerts . Oh well alert you if we find your Social Security number on any one of thousands of risky sites, so youll be in the know. Ooh. Sushi. Ugh. Being in the know is a good thing. Sign up online for free. Discover Social Security alerts. New charmin ultra soft its softer than ever. New charmin ultra soft is softer than ever. So its harder to resist. Okay, this is getting a little weird. Enjoy the go with charmin [crunch] yeah [crunch] hahahaha honoo, honoo, honoo flame, flame, flame [crunch] [growl] [slap] [slap] [punch] [crunch] band playing cheers and applause stephen hey, welcome back, everybody. Folks, im very excited about my next guest. She was the daily showsan now stars in the incredible Jessica James. Please welcome jessica applause there you go. Stephen nice to see you again. Oh, thank you for having me. I appreciate it. Stephen i havent see e lase you were on here. Since then, youve left the daily show. Things are blowing up uerstande got things to talk about in terms of your career but the most exciting thing ive in alms happened to you. Can you tell the people who your new best friend is. So i recently j. K. Rowling. cheers and applause and i am a huge harryim and it right in the middle of potter mania at that age. Stephen oh, yeah. I was like, mom, take me out at, g a book. Yeah, i totally met her. And how it happened was maybe my second year on the daily show, she started following me on i g, and i was like maybe its like, shes, like, fake following me, like when barack obama followed a Million People and youre like, whatever. She had actually followed me. Stephen how did you know she actually followed you . Because she only follow maybe 300 people at that time. I was like okay, this is not a drill. This is very real. So then, i kind of stopped tweeting. Like, i got twitter shy. Its like what do you say at the altar, you know what i mean, when you get there . Stephen what do you say to her . Yeah, like what do you say what i do say to her . She ended up dming me. Stephen what did he say . I always knew i had the same birthday as harry potter which means i have the same birthday as her because both of our birthdays are july 31. She was like, hey, its me. In my head i was like, i know. And she was like, i was looking up people they share the same birthday with, and i saw that you were one of them and i was going to wish you a happy hour birthday but i bloody forget. And then she put, which is typical me. And she said, anyway, i think that you are funny, brave, and courageous. And always know its going to be a good daily show when youre on. Stephen wow. I was just, like, sobbing. I was like like i was dead. Stephen so what did you say back . I was just like, thank you so much. Where do i start . Ive learned so much from your stories, and i just think youre amazing. Also, happy birthday. I didnt know what to say. Stephen im not sure if i would have had the courage to write back right away. I didnt actually. I took, like a week because i was drafting. I was like, this is trash. This is trash. Stephen did you show it to everybody you know first . I did. I was workshopping it around to a lot of different people. I was like there were no bad ideas and there were a lot of bad ideas. I wanted to know what house i would be in if i went to hog warts gli heard about this, too. What did she say . I didnt ask via d. M. I was afraid to tweet and it seemed like a big deal, too big a deal to slide her d. M. S about. My boyfriend was like we were at a bar maybe, like, a month and a half ago, and he was like, shud. M. Her. I was like, what . And he said, you should message her. I did a shot. And i messaged her. I was like, hey, jojo. Stephen is that your name for her . Yeah, its my name for her. Its, like, ignorant. Its my name for american its definitely joanne. I was like, hey, jojo, its jessica. I just wanted to say hey and see how youre doing . And she messaged back a lot of stuff. And she said, when is the next time you will be in london. I promise im not this blabby after forcocktails. Very overwhelmed. Stephen that led to this . Yes, heres a photo of me and jojo. Its amazing. cheers and applause its amazing. I was nervous. Stephen so go on, tell your story. I want to check something out while youre doing it. Okay great. Stephen i just want to check out if she follows me. Well, she probably does. I was nervous about meeting her. I was worried it would be like a really bad tinder date or something where we bit into a piece of salmon and had nothing to say to each other. But when i met her she was really, really cool. And we had a lot in common, which ruled. So much so that she was like, what do you like to do in your spare time . And i said, i actually love to play the sims. And she feels like, you play the cymes, too. Jkrowl here it is. Stephen j. K. Rowling follows you wait, wait. Im going to follow her. You have to. Stephen im going to follow her. Let me hit her up right here. Okay. Stephen okay, so ill say hey, jojo. Hyphen. Stephen colbert here. Comma. Just hanging with jess. Period. She says you put her in. She told me i was griffendorf. Stephen griffin dorph house. Period siri knows how to spell griffindorf. I know we just met. Comma. Not to put ow the spot. Comma. But what house would i number . Question mark. Hope we meet some day. Period. I love you. Stephen. applause weve got to wait on that, obviously. Were not going anywhere until i find out. Yeah, yeah. Stephen now, you have a new movie called. The incredible Jessica James. Stephen okay, and is this your life . Are you Jessica James or how much of Jessica James is you . Well, Jessica James and i are similar in that both both six feet tall and were both black women, which is correct. And, also, we are similar its not based on my life. Dithis movie with this writer and director jiemed jim strouse, and i did this movie people, places and things a couple of years ago and it was really fun. And the nice thing that he said, he was like, i cant wait until somebody writes you a movie. Because i was a supporting character. And he said, i can write her a movie. We worked together from the beginning of the idea. We shot it and i became executive director of the movie. And Jessica James is basically this 25yearold playwright who is living in brooklyn who is going through a really bad breakup and really wants to suck seeped in her career and its a comedy with a lot of romance in it. Stephen we have a clip here. Do you know what is happening in the clip . , i do, actually. Its where Jessica James is set up on a blind dade with chris odowds character. Tasha thought it would be good for me to get over this guy i thought i was in love with. But to be honest, this whole thing is making me think about him more intensely. How so . Im just reminded of how much him youre not. Cool. I mean, i get it. Um. You are the complete opposite to my exwife. What is she dumb, short, and bleep . Stephen congratulations on the new film. I appreciate that, thank you. The incredible Jessica James is on netflix on friday. Check out her podcast. Jessica williams, everybody. Well be right back with author max brooks. Whats going on here . Um. Im babysitting. Thatll be 50 bucks. You said 30. Yeah, well it was 30 before my fees, like the pizzaordering fee and the dogsitting fee. And the rummage through your closet fee. Are those my heels . Yeah yeah, were the same size. In shoes. With tmobile taxes and fees are already included, so you get four lines of unlimited for just 40 bucks each. For a limited time save 300 dollars on the amazing iphone 7. [music imagination by andrew simple] hey whistle woo [sfx kids laughing] whistle woo with imagination. There aint nothing, nothing we cant do. Come on lets build a future. [sfx click] brighter than the sky is blue. [sfx coin rattling] [sfx ice cream bells] with imagination, yeah yeah yeah sc johnson. A family company. What are all these different topped loaded meals . Its an american favorite on top of an american favorite, alice. Its like rodeos on top of rollercoasters. Get your favorites on top of your favorites. Only at applebees. cheers and applause my next guest is the bestselling author of the zombie Survival Guide and world war z. Please welcome max brooks. Hey, max. Come on up. There you go. cheers and applause now, the New York Times called you the zombie band playing cheers and applause laureate of the United States. Because zombies have been popular, you know, for a long time, but youve been writing about them since 1997. What draws you to the zombie genre . Well, i dont think it so much draws me as repel meas. Its fear. Because i grew up in a pretty nervous household. Stephen right. Your father is the great mel brooks and your mother was the great anne bankroft. Amazing. Thank you. My mother is addition to being the great anne bane kroft, she got Death Threats in the 60s when she kissed Sidney Portier at the oscars. Its Standard Practice whoever was giving away the oscar gives the winner a peck on the cheek. That happened. Sidney portier came out, and next day, a mountain of mail threatening her life. So she was a little jumpy, and she was a little worried i would be kidnapped. Now, heres the thing. Most of us have moms out there, you know, who are worried were anything to be kidnapped. But not everybody has an Oscar Awardwinning actress acting out how you would be kidnapped. laughter . Stephen do you have favorite scenarios you remember . Oh, yes, my mother would act it out. It would be a play, the curtain would go up and shed say, all right, youll be at a field trip and youll be out and some guy will come up and say hey, kid. You want a chocolate bar . My mother grew up in the 30s. So not only would i be kidnapped but by a prohibition mobster jimmy cagney. Come here, kid. Were flipping a coin. That was my childhood. Stephen and did your dad lighten tat all or was he just like, i leave that to your mother. When we talk about my dad you think of him as mel brooks the genius, i know him as a man who spent his formative years defusion mine s. Stephen so also jumpy. A little jumpy in my family. Stephen you grew up in the hurt locker. I did, and my mother was a survivalist. She had an earthquake quake. I brought home my girlfriend and my mother said casually, well, we can eat the dog. Has a lot of meat on it. It could be a week or two. Stephen so youre totally set up to write the the zombie Survival Guide. Yes, i took it all and put it in book s. Stephen as someone who has thought a lot about this, you see people online a lot of times posting what they think would be the ultimate zombie survival lair, like a house or location or mountain or fortress that could survive a zombie apocalypse. Do you have a favorite house or design that you think would survive the shambling mass . Yes. I designed a zombieproof home. Never published it. Stephen really . Yeah, better homes and gardens actually has a software where you can design your dream house. I dont think thats what they intended. laughter . Stephen what was your house like . Round. Because of the physics. Because stephen round exactly stephen as if that explains everything. What do you mean the physics . Zombie cant grab round things. You have a flat surface it channels all the force to crack it but if its round, it evenly distributes the pressure. Stephen oh, i see, i see. Ive thought about this way too much. Stephen yes, this is all its all clear now. You have a problem. laughter . Yes. Stephen well, your new book is called minecraft the island, minecraft second biggest selling video game of all time, like buying tetris. Why a book of a video game . Do you think video games are a gateway to reading . They can be. This one can be. Because i am a parent. Youre always looking for ways to educate your kids because you know, this poor generation coming up, they dont have the role models that we grew up with. You know, the kids of today, they dont have good, solid role modelmodels to teach them how te their lives like we did. We had mel gibson, o. J. Stephen yes. So youre always looking for new lessons. And i started playing minecraft with my kid, and i realized oh, my god. This game teaches you everything. It teaches you planning. It teaches you preparation. It teaches you how to recover from failure. What does tetri teach you, anger management. Stephen what to do with an lshaped piece of thing . Thats it. Minecraft literally trains you how to be create and i have survive the challenges of the 21st century. Stephen the great great george romero, who invented the modern concept of a zombie as an undead that eats you or bites you. You turn into a zombie yourself. He just died last week. He did, god bless him. Stephen sadly. Do you remember the first time you saw his movies, like what went through your mind . Yes, of course, i did. I was young. Some time in high school and night of the living dead came on. I was very scared of zombies but romero gave me hope. This was a way to fight them. You just had to figure out what that way was. You could survive. How were you going to do it . And that was pretty much a great metaphor for life. Stephen yes, fire and hiding is how you do it in that one. You just named my 20s. Stephen lovely to meet you. Nice to meet you, mack. Thank you. Stephen the book minecraft the island is in stores now. Minecraft the island is in stores now. Max brooks, dear fellow citizen, spending time hunting treasures with my daughter is wonderful. Because before im even ready, shell be off to college. And though ive planned for it, i may need a loan to help her pay her way there. Just like i do for my son. Citizens bank student loans, call 18669990150. As a leader in student lending, we have student loan options that others dont. Including better alternatives to federal loans. I can show you how to pay for your own childs way to college. In case you dont find that treasure chest. If you have a question about student loans, ask me. Sincerely michele wright, fellow mom and fellow citizen. Citizens bank student loans, call 18669990150 to apply now. Citizens bank student loans, mmmm. So areers are the veggies. Hs that one is mine. Nice job guys. Hope it tastes as good as it looks. giggles hey gus, i brought Something Else you might like. Million dollar silver and gold. Yeah. The new scratchoff from the pennsylvania lottery. With top prizes of a million bucks youve always had good taste. laughter keep on scratchin the late show, everybody. Tune in tomorrow when my guests will be michael moore, sutton foster, and musical guest, black. Now stick around for james corden and his guests, julie chen and edie falco. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show announcer ladies and gentlemen, all the way from the sidneyous cluster, give it up