Transcripts For KYW The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20160809

I did not agree to appear in this. I was just told to wait here with these things on my ears. No one mentioned this is part of the weirdly earnest a cappella song for clinton. Awful. What the hell we talked at the a cappella meeting. I was going to have the hat and the hair this is our fight song again, i did not agree to be part of this. This song is going to irritate people. Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes john oliver. Jai courtney. And Charlamagne Tha God. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now live from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its time for the 2016 Democratic National convincing. Death, taxes, hillary. Captioning sponsored by cbs cheers and applause stephen welcome to the late show. Hey, everybody Stephen Stephen Stephen Stephen stephen thanks so much thanks, everybody cheers and applause thank you, paul. Thank you, mark. Whats up, jon . Whats up, joe . Whats up, jon . Whats up, joe . Hey hey, everybody oh youve got to love it. Its electric. Wooo you can feel it. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for being here. Welcome to the late show. And i mean late show tonight. Im your Host Stephen Colbert we are live on night three of the Democratic National convention. cheers and applause last night, Hillary Clinton became the first woman to be nominated by a major party. cheers and applause it was yay, pretty exciting. You really felt it. It was an historic moment covered by all the papers. Ive got them right here. Lets see. First up, the wall street journal, had Hillary Clinton wins nomination. And the photo. Wow, there she is. Hillary really looking president ial there for some reason. Similar thing on the washington post. Historic nomination for Hillary Clinton right there. Then theres the seattle times. Houston chronicle. Pittsburgh postgazette. And the Chicago Tribune all with no photo of Hillary Clinton. If she wins, i expect her inauguration coverage to read, Justice Roberts performs historic swearing in of unidentified woman. laughter applause cheers im not sure what im supposed to do with all this newspaper on the floor. I think thats a fire hazard. Now, the democrats had big names tonight. My old friend joe biden gave a moving speech. cheers and applause a moving speech that posed the eternal question why cant joe biden be the nominee . And uncle joe wasted no time going after donald trump. Hes trying to tell us he cares about the middle class . Give me a break thats a bunch of malarkey applause stephen what . Malarkey . Joe, please, dont drop the m word. Were live. Next hes going to say fawlderal, i cant believe it. And he closed with a rousing call to optimism. We are america, second to none and we own the finish line dont forget it god bless you all. And may god protect our troops come on cheers and applause were america thank you stephen come on come on lets do this come on you gotta be kidding me what are we doing its ridiculous, is what it is what are we doing . Oh, hey cheers and applause its malarkey is what it is now, joe, joe loves loving. And the theme of the night was love, which seemed to resonate a little better than the r. N. C. Fear festival last week. Its almost as if and im just guessing here its almost as if an audience wants to hear something other than their country is a giant flaming turd pile. Some people like being told we love each other, and everything is going to be okay. Thats why, when you skinned your knee in 2nd grade, your mom didnt say, were broke, and isis is coming to kill us all. laughter applause my mom didnt. I dont know about. cheers and applause also tonight, Hillary Clintons running mate virginia senator and loosefit khakis model, tim kaine was there. The thrilla whos vanilla now, see if you can guess which demographic theyre hoping tim kaine will attract. speaking spanish stephen theyre pushing this spanish thing so hard that tonight they introduced him by breaking him out of a pinata. laughter applause finally, finally and finally, the moment we all were waiting for, president barack obama who gave a great speech. Did you see it . Amazing speech. The guy knows how to talk. He reminisced about his time in office. You fell for my brilliant wife and partner michelle. cheers who somehow has not aged a day. cheers i know. The same cannot be said for me. Stephen its true. He has aged. Jimmy, can we see a photo of him in 2008 . There you go. And now in 2016 . Yikes oh thats without the makeup. Thats without the makeup. You didnt see that . You have to see him without his makeup. Thats what he looks like. He wasted no time building up Hillary Clintons credentials. You know, nothing truly prepares you for the demands of the oval office. You can read about it, you can study it. But until youve sat at that desk, you dont know what its like to manage a Global Crisis or send young people to war. But hillarys been in the room. Stephen and im pretty sure she used to sit at my desk when i was asleep. laughter applause gotta things would move. Things would move around. cheers and applause adjust the chair. And at the end of his speech, obama was joined on stage by a surprise guest, Hillary Clinton. That is nice. That is a really lovely moment. And maybe tomorrow, you know, shell be on a newspaper. laughter its nice for her to get in there. Of course, tonights theme was working together, which they stole from Vladimir Putin and donald trump. Because, in case you havent heard, in case this is news for you, the latest in the d. N. C. Email scandal is that. Is the f. B. I. Suspects russia. And its easy to imagine putin and trump teaming up. After all, whats annexing crimea if not a very aggressive real estate deal . Putin fans here tonight evidently. Of course, we dont know for sure theyre colluding. All we know is that the hacking groups responsible go by the names cozy bear and fancy bear. Cozy bear and fancy bear . Hold on, wait a second. Jimmy, put up a picture of Vladimir Putin. Cozy bear now put up trump. Fancy bear oh, my god. It all makes sense even more suspicious even more suspicious than that. Even more suspicious, putin was recently spotted hunting trumps next hairpiece. laughter applause but theres absolutely no proof that donald trump is colluding with russian intelligence in secret. Hes doing it in public. Russia, if youre listening, i hope youre able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing. Stephen also, those boner pills didnt work the way you said they would. laughter applause if anything if anything if anything, they made my hands even smaller. laughter still, still, i gotta say, it would be great to see hillarys deleted emails. And, russian hackers, while youre at it, see if you can dig up Donald Trumps tax returns. cheers and applause stick around, everybody. Well be right back. With a very special announcement. Youll want to hear it. Whats up schumer . Okay, i got roped into spending the day with my sisters kids makes farting noise and they like keep talking about back to School Shopping . Back to school is like our red carpet. Just go to old navy. They have like the coolest back to School Clothes up to 60 off. Its what we all wear. And they have jeans starting at like 10 bucks. Noice dont say noice. Sounds stank no. Stop. Okay. Um. Guess what were going to old navy. Whos excited . Who wants to go shopping . America thought our pancakes but we knew we could do better. So we did. We made dennys new pancakes 50 fluffier with fresh buttermilk and hint of vanilla. If you disagree, the cakes are free. Thats the dennys loveem or theyre free guarantee. This summer, tmobiles throwing a galaxy free for all. Get a free Samsung Galaxy for everyone in the family. Thats right, free and get 4 lines for just 30 bucks a line. Dont miss the galaxy free for all. Wejust how wet and sticky your current gel antiperspirant is. Now, were going to show you how degree dry spray is different. Degree dry spray. Degree. It wont let you down. Thats why bud light has aes new look. And we want to share it with everyone. Jackpot still the same refreshing bud light. With a new look. applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Hey welcome to the live show. It feels alive. Welcome to the live late show everybody. After the third night of the national convention, before we go any further. Jon you have very special guests. Jon we have rock n roll hall of famer, grammy award winner, hiphop legend, d. M. C. cheers and applause stephen thanks for being here, man. Thank you so much. Folks, im really enjoying these Live Convention shows. You liking them . cheers and applause theyre electric. And one moment that i really enjoyed last week was the return of Stephen Colbert, the host of the colbert report. cheers and applause im glad you liked it. Im glad you enjoyed it. Ill tell you, you know who didnt enjoy it so much . Corporate lawyers. Because and this is true immediately after that show, cbss top lawyer was contacted by the top lawyer from another company to say that the character Stephen Colbert is their intellectual property, which is surprising. Because i never considered that guy much of an intellectual. So it is with a heavy heart that i announce that, thanks to corporate lawyers, the character of Stephen Colbert, host of the colbert report, will never be seen again. Audience no booing stephen i understand. I understand. Listen, i feel the same way, but what can i do . The lawyers have spoken. I cant reasonably argue i own my face or name. laughter and as much as id like to have that guy on again, i cant. So instead, joining me now, live via satellite from philadelphia, please welcome, Stephen Colberts identical twin cousin, Stephen Colbert. Give it up, everybody cheers and applause hello. Stephen thank you for joining me, stephen. Youre welcome, stephen. Hello, america. Hello, colbert country stay strong be brave stephen now, i just want to be clear here, are you not the guy who had a Television Show for a decade. Absolutely not, stephen. Thats my twin cousin. This is my first appearance on television ever. How am i doing, america . cheers and applause stephen youre doing great. Now, identical twin cousin, how does that work . Its simple, stephen. Our moms were identical twins who married identical twin husbands. Then had sex at the exact same moment and gave us the same name. Stephen okay. That checks out. laughter but lets just make sure youre definitely not him. His wifes name was lorraine. Yes, my wifes name is lorrena. Stephen he went to dartmouth. I applied to dartmouth. Stephen okay, so totally different guy. Totally different guy. Also, pretty sure hes gay. Nothing wrong with that. Just saying he talked about it a lot. Where theres smoke theres fire. Stephen ill take your word for it. Most of all, stephen, i want you to know im happy to be here tonight to save this country and join the late show team. Stephen wait a minute. So you want to be a permanent part of this show . Stephen, whenever you need me, wild horses, ridden by corporate lawyers, could not keep me away. Stephen well, youre a good man. Yes, i am. Stephen thank you. Stephen colberts twin cousin. Stephen colbert, everybody cheers and applause have a great show, everybody youre a damn fine looking man, by the way. Stephen hes a good guy. Hes a good guy. I like him. Happy to have him on board. But it would have been great to have that other guy with the tv show. I really like some of the bits he used to do. But, again, what can i do in the face of corporate lawyers . Which brings us to tonights werd the lesser of two evils. Folks, the two weeks of Political Conventions are drawing to a close, and we now know one thing for certain we know this november it will be Hillary Clinton against donald trump. And polls show that many of us have already chosen the outcome we really want. We want neither. Both clinton and trump have historically low approval ratings. In fact, 52 of Trump Supporters say theyre only voting for him because they dont want hillary to win. And i dont blame them for that soft support. Donald trump is a hard man to stand behind. Meanwhile, 56 of hillary supporters say they just dont want donald trump to win. Hillarys critics see her as untrustworthy, selfish, and too willing to bend the rules. laughter meanwhile, Donald Trumps critics say hes prejudiced, unprepared, and has the wrong temperament for a president. Think about it. Its not like anyones going to change their minds about these two. Both candidates are already decadesold brands. If you dont like wonder bread, youre not going to like president wonder bread. Same goes for the new mcdonalds angry meal. Lets face it, lets face it. cheers and applause both candidates know it. Thats why this is expected to be the most negative campaign in american history. Hillary clinton will say things. That make trump seem racist, and trump will attack hillarys integrity. laughter this negativity could likely turn away voters from the polls. But there is another option. cheers and applause since Many Americans cant bring themselves to vote for a candidate, this year, i say, we should change the system. So on election day, you can vote against the candidate you dont want. Then at the end of election day, we just count all the against votes, and the candidate with the lowest score becomes president. It makes voting like golf if on the outside chance they do not institute my plan, no matter how you feel about the candidates, please, you still have to go to the polls on election day. Yes, you might have to vote for a person you dont really want, but its better than getting the person you really dont want. And thats the werd. Well be right back. cheers and applause [son] mom. Dad. Nurse. Bees are born fully grown. Put some flavor in your break. Make time for snapple. What if i told you there was a car companyawards. That received all of these awards . One company won an award in all of these . Chevy. Ahhhh chevy chevrolet is the most awarded car company over the last two years. I love it im just going to stay in here, is that okay . This summer find your tag and get 16 of msrp cash back on select remaining 2016 vehicles in stock. Thats over 4,100 cash back on this all new 2016 chevy malibu. Find new roads at your local chevy dealer. Just when you think you know what a computer is. 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Stephen i didnt mean to interrupt your dance break. I know at heart, youre really just a hoofer. I speak with my body. When my body feels the beat, it expresses that beat, and it does that with whatever this is. Stephen okay, did you watch did you watch the convention tonight . I did, i did. Ive just been watching it backstage. Im all about tim kaine. Where are my kaineiacs in the audience. That is the view of tim kaine in america. Oh, yeah . He spoke tonight . I dont know if you saw him, if hes going to be americas step dad, that was an exemplary performance. The dad jokes and expressions that came out of that mans soft face. He is a tall glass of lactaid. His donald trump impression doesnt just not sound like donald trump. I dont think it sounds like anybody. laughter i would buy he even he did a dad flex at the end where the only thing he was flexing was his face. He went. We did it cheers that guy. Tim kaine. Thats the star of the evening. Stephen yeah. Forget the president. Tim kaine is where its at. Stephen did you watch joe biden . Sure, but again, i cant no, no, Tim Kaine Stephen no joe biden. Joe biden was fine. Stephen feelings. I nevermented to be called scamp by someone as much as i have. Stephen hey, sport. Bedtime, scamp, late. Stephen assistant manager of a local Hardware Store . Exactly. Here, ill open your beer. Id rather you drank it here with me. Stephen so hes the cool stepdad. Hes as cool as could possibly be. I never saw anyone more about to break into a harmonica solo than that man. Stephen he can do it. He can do it. I think he must have been frisked on the way out. Tell me you do not have it with you, tim. They want to hear it. I promise you, they dont want to hear it. Well slap it out of your mouth. Stephen thats your impression of Hillary Clinton . Thats right. I will open hand slap it out of your mouth. I so wanted to him hear say, i hereby accept the nomination for i accept the nomination except my impression of a harmonica is more like a tim kaine impression because it sounds nothing like a harmonica or anything. Stephen thats because youre trying on play your fingernails but you cant do that. Like a stubby flute. Stephen did you watch last week . Did you watch the Republican Convention last week . Did you enjoy that . I did. I think thats why i needed tim kaine so badly. I just needed a break from everything. This has been 18 months of hell, and i needed stepdad to come in and tell me it was going to be okay before flexing. laughter stephen what was interesting to me was that this week from the democrats, they they did the thing that you always do in a Political Convention that the republicans forgot to do, which is to say, great country. Its going to be greater. Its an incredible thing to forget to say for four days. laughter to get to the end of four days and go, we definitely said we loved america, right . Check the tape. We must have said it. We say it all time. Why would we not have said it. Stephen i thought you were going to say it. You definitely said it. Stephen i was going to say a flaming poop pile. Someone said it, im sure. We must no audio we said it. Stephen one think we didnt say is s h because this is live. Stephen thank you for being here for my last broadcast. What an honor youre my last guest. Because of hbo, you got off lightly with that curse word. It could have been a lot worse. Stephen youve have some great shows lately but one of the things that stands out for me is that you actually use the power of your perch. Yes. Stephen to help a russian warlord find a chechen warlord. Its a geographical gray area. Stephen the russians putin would say youre absolutely right. Stephen well, vlad and i go way back. You actually helped a warlord try to find his cat. Well, what happened was laughter so a chechen warlord lost his cat, and hes, apparently, very active on instagram, which is objectively ludicrous. So we thought we would help him find his cat. Stephen and he tweeted you he instagrammed you. His account this is a chechen warlords instagram account. And again, think about that sequence of words and now nonsensical it should be. And hes very angry with me. Stephen why, you helped him find his cat. No, hes still not found it. Stephen and he blamed you . What we did was tell people if they saw any cat anywhere tweet and instagram him and say, is this your cat . cheers and applause he didnt he has stephen weve got to go here in just a second because were up against a hard break because were live. But i understand you have this amazing news is that Gilmore Girls is launching. Im a huge Gilmore Girls fan. Who isnt. Stephen this was in the teaser trailer for the Gilmore Girls. If you lead i will follow any, anywhere do you think john oliver would find me hot . cheers stephen do you want to answer that . Do you want to answer that right now . The answer is, yes, i do find you hot. And ill tell you why. Im a redblooded male with an inbuilt heat detector, and my heat detector registers you as en fuego. cheers and applause stephen do you know who would sound good saying that . Tim kaine. John oliver, everybody. Last week tonight airs sundays on hbo. Well be right back with jai courtney from suicide squad. Bud light party here to discuss equal pay. Women dont get paid as much as men and that is wrong. And we have to pay more for the same stuff. What . Yeah. Cars. What . Dry cleaning. What . Shampoo. What . You pay more but get paid less . That is double wrong. Im calling everyone i know and im telling them about this. This has got to stop bud light proudly supports equal pay, thats why bud light costs the same no matter if youre a dude or a lady. 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No whos gonna help cover the holes in their plans . Aflac like rising copays and deductibles. Aflac or help pay the mortgage . Or child care . Aflaaac and everyday expenses . Aflac learn about one day pay at aflac. Com boat blurlbrlblrlbr applause stephen welcome back, everybody. Thank you, jon. Beautiful. My next guest starred in the divergent series and terminator genisys. He is now in the starstudded suicide squad. Mind games. Whats that . Theyre not real, mate. They want to trap our minds. How do you know this . Just trust me. I know. Now, im gone. Because ive got a life to live. The question is, are you coming . Yeah. Smart. Stephen please welcome, jai courtney. applause stephen all right, i want to get to this movie in just a second. Im more excited about this movie than anything this year. But first i want to ask you youre from australia. Correct. Stephen right . Okay. Have you been watching the election over here . From afar. laughter . Stephen from afar, even though youre here. Even though im here, exactly, yeah. Stephen what do australians think of us right now . Australians really like canadians. cheers and applause because, because theyre like americans, but, like, a little bit more australian. Stephen because we really think australians are charming. We kind of like you guys. We think youre like us, but without Nuclear Weapons yet somehow more dangerous at the same time. Thats it. Thats how we like to be thought of. laughter . Stephen now, in the movie, this is all bad guys who are being used for a good purpose, right . Yeah. Stephen and youre boomerang. Captain boomerang . Captain boomerang. Stephen now is that thats thats typecasting. laughter boomerang. They could have called you captain kangaroo. I mean, youre australian. They couldnt call me captain kangaroo. Yeah, and, listen, im glad it went to an aussie. We spend so much time trying to steal roles off the americans. It wouldnt have surprise me if they sort of flipped the switch there. Stephen did you actually train with a boomerang . Of course,. Stephen will is there a trick without killing anybody in the room, whats the trick. I cant stephen you cant. Dont throw it. How are you supposed to hold this damn thing. You hold it like that. Stephen like this . Like that . Like that. And hopefully well, you know, hopefully you hit your target. But if you dont, you want to hope that it comes back. laughter . Stephen ive got a question for you there this movie there are people who can shoot flames for, like, 100 feet with their hands, and guys who can shoot you at, you know, 4,000 feet. Whats the boomerang guy do . laughter does he he throws boomerangs. laughter stephen give me that. Give me that give me that i understand is there ive been talking to a couple of other cast members. Intense training program. David ayer, the director, put you guys through an intense regimen both physically and mentally. What did he do to you guys . He had us in martial arts training. We were interrogated by detectives. Stephen really like interrogated . Kind of. Its all part of this process. And there were these sessions that were happening and people were kind of walking out of them like it was some bizarre sort of therapy. And everyone was saying, did you see the police guy . And, you know, theres is he is he running a cult . I mean, he might be. I dont know. Im in, though. laughter stephen did you guys actually become close, the yeah we became very close. We really did. Its kind of its a little cliche, but its kind of good to be promoting a movie where youre not, you know, falsifying the fact that you really all got along. Stephen i wouldnt know, i wouldnt know. You have lied often in interviews . Never, never. Stephen id believe anything you said to me right now. I get along with everyone. For real. Were good friends. Thats the truth thats the truth stephen i cant tell now. I cant tell now. How about the fans . Do you enjoy it . You guys just did comiccon. You did the big room, haul h, right . Its wild down there. Stephen did you have fun interactions with the fans . Did they let the fans at you . They do a little. There was a great competition. A costume i should give a shoutout to ricky. He won the comp for his captain boomerang. The lengths people went to. Stephen did he do an australian accent, too . No, his accent was was was terrible. Stephen how is your american accent . Its all right. Stephen give it a shot. No way, man. Stephen come on. Ill try australian if you try american. Ill try it, okay . cheers and applause . People pay me a lot of money to do an american accent on film. Stephen what thats good. Okay, ill try. Outback steakhouse is the best. laughter applause so are our bloomin onions. Thats not a knife. laughter thats good, thats good. Im impressed. Thats not bad. Stephen you are good at lying. Youre very good at it. Congratulations. 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Wade which would allow states to criminalize abortion. Pat toomey hes focused on his own agenda, not us. Majority forward is responsible for the content of this advertising. Walk this way walk this way cheers and applause stephen just give me a kiss. Welcome back, everybody to our live show. My next guest tonight is a fellow south carolinian. Thats about where the similarities end. Please welcome, Charlamagne Tha God applause good to see you again, my fellow south carolinian, my palmetto state. Absolutely. Thank you for having me again. Stephen i wish i had boiled peanuts. I had them over memorial day weekend. Stephen people who arent from down there dont understand about boiled peanuts. I make them and i give them to my friends and they say, oh, great, here comes colbert with more of his damp food. All right, so you have called, as i said, the last time you were on here you called yourself the prince of pissing people off, the ruler of rubbing you the wrong way, and the architect of aggravation. So i assume you are a trump supporter. No stephen he does all those things, too. He loves doing those things. No, absolutely not. I think donald trump is an insult to americas intelligence, you know. cheers and applause i watched the Republican National Convention Last week, and im watching the Democratic National convention this week and im looking at all of these bright, experienced people at the d. N. C. , whether its joe biden, barack obama, Michelle Obama, elizabeth warren, bernie sanders. And im thinking, these experienced people are trying to convince us that they can run the country better than the star of Celebrity Apprentice . Like, somethings off about that. Its like Kim Kardashian telling us, you know what . I can play basketball better than lebron james and make the n. B. A. Great again. cheers and applause . Stephen listen but you put her in the outfit, she might get some good ratings for trying to do it, you know . Yeah, i can see that. Stephen trump it all about getting attention. And kims ass gets attention, and trumps an ass, so makes sense. Stephen a equals b equals c. You also pride yourself on asking the obvious question, what you call the obvious question that people arent asking. Whats the obvious question for Hillary Clinton that people arent asking . The obvious question for me would be if i was hillary dont you want to look at america sometimes and say what the hell is wrong with you all . I clearly have the most experience out of this guy and i have to, once again, convince you all that im the person that can run this country . You know . Stephen she has trustworthiness problems. She does. Stephen why do you think her husband is like demonstrably, you know, disloyal and has said a few things that arent true. Why do you think he skates when the idea of untrustworthiness sticks to her . Because bill clinton came out on arsenio years ago and played the saxophone. So that that really humanized him. And, you know stephen but, honest to god, he skates by because hes charming . Thats what it is . Because hes charming and he has a lot of dirt on him in the white house and everybody remembers lewinsky. That humanized him as well. Stephen that humanized him and he got in trouble and people like him for it and why dont they like hillary for it. Because guys can understand a guy getting some fellatio. Stephen is that okay . Were all good. I feel like hillary should talk about those things. It worked for beyonce. Beyonce talked about her husbands infidelities. And we could say, you know what, hillary, we feel you. Stephen she should drop her own lemonade. What about trump . Whats the obvious question for trump that you would ask . How long have you had erectile dysfunction and the reason i say that only a man a man that is that angry and that hateful has to suffer from erectile dysfunction. Theres no other excuse for it. Stephen what about barack obama . This is sort of his swan song. This was his last big speech tonight. He did a great job. He killed it. Whats the question after eight years in office. I think barack did a great job, but i would say to barack applause do you feel like you made it look so easy that donald trump feels like he can do it . laughter you know what im saying . Stephen uhhuh, uhhuh. Or did you do such a bad job in somebody like Donald Trumps eyes he says, you know what . I can do better than him, which is insulting to barack obama. Stephen there were some rough patches in there. It wasnt an easy eight years. You saw how he looked like eight years ago and now. Absolutely. Its the presidency of the United States of america. Its not going to be easy. Its not going to be easy for whoever gets in the white house next. Stephen what was the highlight of the convention for you this week . The highlight of the convention for me . Michelle obamas speech. cheers and applause yeah. I think i think i think Michelle Obama is the epitome of what we call black girl magic. You know, shes Stephen Black girl magic . Is that a thing . Yeah, shes beautiful. Shes intelligent. Shes got a great. Whats Serena Williams got and beyonce got can i say ass . Shes got a great ass. Sorry, president barack obama, she does you know. Stephen know he can hear everything you are saying. Hes got those big ears. He also has an army. So i would watch out i mean that in the nicest possible way. I mean that in the nicest possible way. She is the epitome of everything that is beautiful about black women, Michelle Obama. Stephen do you think she should run . No, i dont want her to age like barack has. She hasnt aged at all yet. But as soon as she becomes president , because she could win, shed start aging like a white woman. Im sorry. Stephen thank you so much for being here. That is the architect of aggravation. The Breakfast Club is available on iheartradio. Uncommon sense is on mtv2. Charlamagne tha god, everybody well be right back. applause dear fellow citizen, i know what its like to live a full life. But living for today doesnt mean forgetting about tomorrow. Most people spend more time planning their vacation than they do for retirement. But i like to think of retirement like its a 30year vacation. So how are you going to get there . Dont worry. It just takes some planning. And i can help. So if you have a question about retirement, ask me. Sincerely, Bernard Tynes fellow vacationer and fellow citizen. Stephen thats it for the late show. Good night captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org reggie are you ready to have some fun tonight, are you ready . Are you ready . Come on baby, itll be so much fun, just wait for the light reggie ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the late, late show and give it up for your host, the one, the only james corden cheers and applause