[ ] [chuckles] what art thou laughing at . Im reading a scroll. The emancipation of modern woman. What does it mean . Jeannie oh, you dont have to worry about things like that. Oh, but i do. I want to understand your way of life, so that i can please you. Well, you please me very much. Matter of fact, youre. Youre perfect. [giggles] dost thou really think so . Yes. Yes, i do. Oh, uh, do you have to say, dost thou . We say, do you. Oh. Do you think it would be possible for me to view the sights of your village tonight . Why, certainly. [chuckles] [chuckles] oh oh, no, no. Why not . Well, its the way youre dressed. You look like a fugitive from a costume party. Well how should i dress . Oh, i dont know. Uh. Why dont you pick out someone that dresses well and copy them. [giggles] oh, but you do dress well. Well, thank you very much. But ii wish youd stop these silly little tricks. So. Except for the manner in which i speak, dress and act. I am perfect . Thats right. Now, you just keep working at it. Remember. Practice makes perfect. Im a little late now. Ill see you tonight. [sighs] [door closes] master master [car zooms away] hiya, captain nelson hows the old boy . Are you a loser in the battle between the sexes . Is the man in your life aloof, indifferent to you, impossible to please . Mmhm. Does he fail to appreciate what you have to offer as a person, as a female . Hm. The answer is obvious. The answer is obvious. One, you must learn how to challenge his masculine arrogance. [chuckles wickedly] two, you must be independent, selfreliant, unpredictable. Three, you must learn to cope with him on his own grounds. In short, you must become a modern american woman. Roger check manualmode ecs operation. Tony manual mode ecs satisfactory. Check o2 tanks one and two pressures. [click] jjjoookkwf [speaks indistinctly] bellows check suit temperature. Suit temperature is low. Check suit pressure. Suit pressure normal. Im feeling a little lightheaded. Switch to your manual auxiliary oxygen. You hear me, tony . I hear you. Now give me a reading on your oxygen supply. O2 flow is. Normal. Ugh okay. Ill bring you down, tony. Tony roger. Yeah . I mean, roger, im coming down. Oh. [clears throat] hi, roge. Oh, well have it checked. How are we feeling . Hungry, sir. Well, didnt you eat your tube of roast beef . Thats what made me hungry. Ill see you in the morning, captain. All right. Get dressed. I got a real treat for you. I found the greatest Chinese Restaurant run by a greek, and the egg foo yung, mmm. Youll have to count me out. Im gonna have dinner at home. How did you swing that, old bachelor buddy . Um. Well, i have a girl who comes in parttime. And she cooks dinner for you . Yeah, sure. Every night. Well, where did you find this treasure . I, uh, picked her up on the beach. See you, roge. Uh, uh. Think you could have this girl cook for both of us some night . No, no, no. You wouldnt like it. Shes a terrible cook. Jeannie home ahem. Jeannie. Are you there . jeannie . [kicks bag] now, what is going on here . Jeannie. [kicks bag] oh there hiya, master hows the old boy . Hows the old boy . What have you been doing . Ive been doing nothing. Yeah, well, i know that, but i mean, what have you been doing . I have been studying the emancipation of modern woman. Oh. Oh, that. I guess you got so caught up in it, you forgot to do the housework . Oh, i did not forget. I decided to let you do it. How not to be a drudge. Share the work with him. Now, come on thats what it says. Yeah, but that advice is for ordinary women. Now, youre not ordinary women. Youre a genie, jeannie. I mean, all you have to do is bat your eyes, and presto no more presto. You must not take me for granted. Y i never did that in my i never and besides, im an astronaut. Im not a housekeeper. Mmm. You must widen your horizons. Yes. And you must take a little here, i have a present for you. Now now, tha this is going just too far. [doorbell rings] [squeals] oh, no, you dont. No, you dont [stammers] now jeannie, no, no, no jeannie. Will you just calm down, hm . Yes . Man delivery for mrs. Nelson. [squeals] mrs. Nelson . where do you want these . Back at the store. Ill take them. Sign this, please. Whats going on here . A woman should have the kind of wardrobe yeah. The mink coat will arrive tomorrow. Mink coat . Where did you get the money for all this . Chapter three how to open a charge account. Yeah, well, i want you to forget this subversive literature. All those boxes go go straight back to the store. I dont know how you think im gonna have the money to spend on this kind of thing. Jeannie, its i just cant afford this jeannie. You are pleased . Pleased . Oh, youre beautiful. I may keep the gown . Is it. Very expensive . Insanely. You may keep the insanely. Aand the slippers . And the slippers. Aaand the perfume . [sniffs] and the perfume. [squeals] thou art all heart. You didnt learn that from reading any magazine. Famished. [chuckles quietly] what will we have . Champagne. Mmhmm. Caviar. Mmhmm. Filet mignon . What next . Oriental. Uh, uh, fresh asparagus . Mmhmm. Uh, baked alaska. Yes. [chuckles] uh, uh, napoleon brandy with the coffee . Mmhm. [giggles] well . Well, what . Arent you gonna conjure it up . Oh, nay, master. No more of those silly little tricks. From now on, you will do the conjuring, uh, why dont i order for both of us. Uh, well have two filet mignons. We will have fish. Lesson two you must be independent, selfreliant, unpredictable without seeming obvious. Ahem. Well have two fillets. Of sole. May i suggest a white wine with the fish . A nice chablis . Yes, yes. Thatll be fine. Oh, i will have champagne. Lesson number three. No, five. An expensive woman is a popular woman. Champagne, please. Very good. Jeannie, i think its very nice that you want to learn more about modern american women, but a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing. Do you realize, master, that this is the first time you have ever taken me out . I want it to be a memorable occasion. Oh, ill remember it all right. Ill remember how beautiful you look. [giggles] well, that is because i am having such a wonderful time. Good. I have not enjoyed myself so much since the night my master, the sultan harun alrashid, entertained the great marco polo. You really met marco polo . We used to hunt wild boar together. What was he like . Oh, he was a wild bore. Are you sure you need this . Yeah oh, yes, yes. Pour, please. [fanfare playing] [applause] bonsoir, mesdames et messieurs. For your pleasure, the tail of the peacock is happy to present a program of authentic harem dance. [loudly] oh, i used to do those dances at parties for the sultan. Performed by the distinguished artiste, sadelia [applause] [clinking cymbals] in my day, she would be flung to the crocodiles. She has never been a harem dancer. That girl is an impostor [quietly] jeannie, please. She is not fit to dance for an audience of camel drivers. Be quiet, jeannie, please. Ill show you how the dance should be done all right, lady. Now, we are going home. Oh. She calls that harem dancing . Monsieur i know, i know, i know. Were going. Not before you pay your bill. Hm . Oh sorry about that. Sorry about that . Sixtyfour dollars . that includes the amusement tax. We were not amused. Neither were we, mademoiselle. She is my wife. Sorry about that. Here. Keep the change. [mutters] come on. [giggles] [music playing at high speed] [both laughing] thats the funniest thing i ever saw. That poor girl. [chuckling] well, i am pleased that it amused you, master. [chuckles] where are we going tomorrow night . Nowhere. Oh, but but there are 17 more lessons that i have not tried out yet. Yeah, well, forget it. I dont think they had you in mind when they wrote that magazine article, jeannie. But. But ii want to be a typical woman. Well, woman, maybe. Typical, never. A woman, maybe . I have been practicing for over 2000 years. You just better keep right on practicing, young lady, but your behavior this evening was absolutely disgraceful. Oh, and let me tell you one more thing oh, jeannie, im ready for breakfast. Hey, how about conjuring up some. Bacon and eggs . Now, jeannie, come on. You might have waited breakfast. Lets see, uh. Demonstrator wanted. No. No experience necessary. Sams discount center. Good morning. Allah be with you. Huh . Ladies, gaze upon the ultimate in kitchen wonders the miracle oven. Well, what about it . Oh, what about it . Uh. Well. Uh, it its wonders include an automatic timer, electric clock, stainlesssteel counter, builtin meat thermometer, an allnew, builtin roasterama interior, heh. Uh, whatever that is. Eh. Its just like all the others. Come on, pauline. Lets try the shop across the street. Oh, please, wait if you do not fork over, oh, believe me. Believe me. This miracle oven is truly magical. For instance . Well, uh. Iit will cook whatever you desire. [snaps]. Instantly. Instantly . I will demonstrate. It is done. I dont believe it. I will show you. [all gasping] [crowd chattering indistinctly] did you see what i saw, pauline . I think so, frances. I think ill buy one. [all shouting] you wouldnt like it. Now, really, ladies, we when you get home, it wont work. All yeah. All right. Jeannie oh. Uh, what kind of a cake do you desire . Oh. Devils food. Food of a devil . Pauline oh. Well, chocolate cake . With coconut icing. [snaps] here you are. [all gasping] woman 2 thats fantastic. [whistles] do you know what it is . Sure. Its a fraud. Shes a phony [crowd yelling] pardon me, ladies. Pardon me, ladies. Ladies, ladies, ladies ladies, will you please dont be excited . Its just some little misunderstanding, im sure. I was just pitching a demo, so they would fork over a commission. That Discount Store across the street sent you here to make trouble. Oh, no yeah, lets go, jeannie. Shes not going anywhere. Oh, yes, she is. Dont let her get away jeannie. Youve been in there all evening. Now, come on out. Jeannie, theres no reason to be unhappy. It could have happened to anyone. [sobs quietly] it could not have happened to a modern woman. You were right. Im a failure as a woman. Oh, you are not. Youre everything a man could want. Youre youre warm and considerate. Affectionate. Oh, master. You need an outlet for all that affection in you. Oh, that is what ive been trying to tell you. And i have the answer. Oh. Yes . You need a pet. A pet . Did you ever own a pet back there . Oh, yes. Once. His name was sim. The sultan gave him to me. Good. Well, first thing tomorrow morning, you run down to the pet shop and get one just like him. Or better yet, why dont you. Fetch old sim here . Oh, master, thou art brilliant. Ohh. [nervously] ah, ha. Yeah. [snorts] [sighing] oh. Ooh. You were leaving without me. I explained everything in my note. I was on my way to a [grunts] to a military mission. Where . To a city called hollywood, in a place called california, where they make moving pictures. Why must you go . Because nasa has assigned me as a technical director for an astronaut movie that mammoth studios is going to make. Mmhm. Yeah. Thats right. Well, actually, it stars Rita Mitchell. Rita mitchell has had six husbands and is looking for her seventh. Oh, you are going to need all the help i can give you. Say, thats a cute outfit. Where do you think youre going . I am going with thee. I have never seen pictures that move or a Rita Mitchell. Well, its really nothing much to see. Besides, youve got your studying to do, young lady. And thats important. You got 2000 years to catch up on. Uh, by the way, have you done your homework . But there are so many things in your newspapers and books that i do not understand. Well, just take, uh take the red crayon, and circle all the things you dont understand, and ill explain it all explain everything to you. [sighs] why can i not make red circles in hollywood . Come on. Yes . The car is here, captain. Huh . Can i get your bags . Uh, no, no, ill take care of my own bags. And ill see you in a moment, sergeant. Yes, sir. Thank you. Now, jeannie. Now hey, hey, hey, i got a good idea. A very, very good idea. Look, im gonna iim gonna put my name on this envelope. And im gonna give you the address of my hotel. In hollywood, california, and anything you dont understand, you just mail to me, and ill explain to you by return mail. See . As you wish, master. I hope your journey gives you much pleasure. There are no pleasures involved in this. This is a military assignment direct from washington d. C. Now, you be a good girl. Thank you, jeannie. Write often. [ ] [ ] thank you. Here you are. Thanks. Rita mitchell, huh . [knock] captain nelson . Mmhm . Rita, or should i say, ms. Mitchell, as your technical advisor, i want you to know that no sacrifice is too great. Master, what is medicare . Jeannie, what are you doing here . Dont tell. Dont tell me. I know. I know. You couldnt finish the article until you knew what a medicare was. Thou art so clever. [chuckles] oh, god, if theres anything i cant stand, its a smartaleck genie. If i was so clever, id never have opened your bottle on that beach. Oh, art thou really sorry . No, i guess not. Ive grown accustomed to your smoke. Oh, so that is Rita Mitchell . She is beautiful. Rita mitchells six husbands. Who will be number seven . [phone rings] yes . Yes, this is captain nelson here. Oh, hhello, mr. Tracy. Uhhuh. Ststage 12a . Right. Thank you. Thats the producer. Hes waiting for me at the studio. What am i gonna do with you . Take me with you. As what . A harem dancer . This is business. Meet thy new secretary. Jeannie, im going to put my foot down. You are not gonna leave this room. I cant have you we are late, master. Pardon me, um, im captain nelson. I have an appointment with mr. Tracy. Oh, yes, captain. Mr. Tracy is waiting for you on stage 12a. Youll find it down this way. To the left. Thank you. Charlie, i want you to make Rita Mitchells spacesuit look like a bikini. Remember, the male eyes of america expect to see her that way. Well, captain nelson. I see it didnt take you long to get here. Tony thank you very much. This is my secretary, miss. Jeannie. And what is your first name, my dear . Uh, jeannie. Oh, jeannie jeannie. We havent had one of those around here since simone simon. Nnow our picture deals with an american astronaut named thompson, who finds himself in a rather interesting predicament, inasmuch as it has become necessary to reduce him to the size of a pinhead. The size of a pinhead . You see, captain, by reducing this little astronaut. It is now possible to inject him into the body of a russian astronaut. Say, about the size of you. Now, here, we have an enlargement of the astronaut. Oh, hes cute. The tiny american works his way slowly but torturously through bone and marrow into his very brain. Oh, even i cannot do that. Ill bet you could. Shes got a sense of humor, huh . Oh, yesyes, shes a million laughs. What does he do the little astronaut. Once he gets inside there . I hope he does not sneeze. Not a bad idea. On second thought, negative. It might scatter the information hes obtained. Nownow we have the little astronaut inside the big astronaut, and he has obtained information vital and necessary any questions . Yes. How does the little astronaut get out . Good question. How does he get out . Id better track down that writer of ours, wherever he is. I want you to know that we have put the best story minds in hollywood on this. And we have spared no expense in casting. Weve done our part. Now you must do your part. And whats that, sir . Keep this picture believable. Man ms. Mitchell, ready on the set, please. I want you to meet our lovely astronaut, ms. Rita mitchell. Ready, ms. Mitchell. The famous captain tony thompson. Nelson. Oh, well, im impressed. Henry, i never thought id get to meet a real live astronaut. Wewell, i never thought id get to meet a reallife. Rita mitchell. Im giving a little Cocktail Party tonight in your honor at my house. Um, shall we say 7 00 . Oh, 7 00 will be fine. Good. Ooh, and of course, youre invited too. Oh, thank you. It will be a Welcome Change from staying home alone with my bottle. [coughs] theyre ready for you, ms. Mitchell. Oh, yes. [ ] oh, there you are, darling. Come in. I am sorry we are late, but captain nelson had much dictating to do. Im three olives ahead of you. [both chuckle] this is captain nelsons secretary. And i think maybe im in the wrong business. [laughs] maybe youre in the wrong business. Isnt she scrumptious . This is jeannie jeannie. A name worth repeating. This is hubie, and this is chris daily. How do you do . Tracy tell me, how long have you been a secretary . Uh, since noon. Oh . And where did you study stenography . Uh, where did i study, uh, what . Ive always been fascinated by space. Im a scientist at heart. [chuckles] no kidding . You dont look like one. Dont laugh. I have a masters degree in physics. Really . Well, maybe youre in the wrong business. Maybe you should think of becoming an astronaut. Jeannie. You dont mind if i call you jeannie, do you . You know, you really ought to think there arent many girls like you around. How did you know . Well, i [chuckles] you know, honey, youre my kind of people. [chuckles] the, uh, neck ring fits onto the suit here, and the helmet threads onto it. And the unit is carried by hand. Do you believe in fate . Oh, yes. I do too. Oh, you and i are gonna make beautiful musicals together. Lets have a drink on that. Well, i cant offer you the excitement im sure youre used to as an astronaut, but i do hope youll let me show you the real hollywood. [thunder crashes] that sounds exciting. Good, then well start with lunch tomorrow in beverly hills. Beverly hills. About 1 00 . Oh oh oh, boy jeannie, you cut this out now, jeannie, im not kidding, this time youve gone too far [with stuffy nose] you rained on me. Go on, deny it. Deny that you were that rainstorm. I refuse to answer on the grounds that you might get angry. Get angry . Id like to mail you home. Your home, not mine. You are going out again with the woman of many husbands . Yes, as a matter of fact, i am. Were gonna have lunch and discuss the picture. And i dont want you raining in my soup. Master, if i were a movie star, would you have lunch with me . Sure. Sure. Any time. Ill see you later. Goodbye. Then i will have to become a movie star. I do not know how, but if it will save him, then i must do it. May i get down now, please . Hold it. Dont move. You could get hurt up there. Ill let you down. Ooh. I wish you extras would quit playing around with our equipment. Hey, who are you . Youre not one of our extras. I am looking for mr. Tracy. Uh, is he here . Oh, is he expecting you . Oh, no, i do not think so. But last night he said i should be a star like Rita Mitchell. Oh. Ohho, just like that, huh . Yes. I would like to be a star by tonight, if it is not too much trouble for you. Oh, no, no. No trouble at all, hahaha. You know what she needs . A screen test. What can you do . Well, i can make myself into smoke. Oh, no, no. Everybody does that. Did you have a scene ready . A scene . A scene. Lines. Some dialogue. Do you know, uh, the face on the barroom floor . No. But i can recite the rub iy t of omar khayy m. He would not mind. He was a friend of mine. A friend of yours, huh . Oh, yes. He used to try out all his material on me. He wrote poetry. Oh, look. Oh, how lovely. Its just like home. It is empty. [laughs] isnt she beautiful. Isnt she beautiful. Say, listen. For the test . Iif you so desire. Action. [gong] the moving finger writes and, having writ, moves on nor all thy piety nor wit can lure it back to cancel half a line nor all thy tears wash out a word of it and when like her o s k , you shall pass among the guests starscattered in the grass and in your joyous errand reach the spot where i made one turn down an empty glass [applause] who is she . Im sorry, mr. Huberts. I didnt know you came back from lunch. Ill get rid of her right away. I wanna test her. Oh. Screen test . Jeannie, they were putting you on. Putting me on what . I mean, they were teasing you. You just cant walk into a film studio and get a screen test. I did it for you. Now i can please you as much as Rita Mitchell does because im going to be a big star. Yeah, who said so . Jason huberts. He is a very nice man. He is going to help me. Hes gonna help you what . Oh, master. Is it that you are jealous of him . No, dont be ridiculous. Of course im not jealous of him. I justwell, i hate to see a nice genie like you make a fool of yourself. Thats all. He makes a very handsome caliph. Listen, the last time you got involved with a caliph, it cost you the best 2000 years of your life. I wish you would not speak to me as though i were a child. After all, im im older than you are. Yeah, on a mere technicality. Jeannie, im just telling these things to you for your own good. Ive gotta go and meet ms. Mitchell. Oh, i was hoping that you would come see my screen test. Well, i cant. The whole things ridiculous. Where is it showing . At the studio. In mr. Tracys projection room. Well, i have another engagement. I cant. This had better be good, hubie. Youre taking me away from oh, hello, jeannie. Youre gonna love this kid, henry. I cant wait. All right, roll it. [projector whirring] man action. The rose is pale and lifeless compared to thy ruby lips. Jeannie oh, mighty caliph, the strength cometh from my love. Hold me. What is this . Whats the gag . Huberts my desert siren, when thou lookest at me this way, it seemeth as though thou wert looking right through me. All right, cut it. Cut it. Whos the droll fellow that thought this little stunt would be amusing . You, hubie . Me . I tell you, she was in that test. She was brilliant. It must have been the cameraman or special effects. Dragging a busy man away for this nonsense. When hes got little astronauts to worry about. Jeannie, i [sneezes] sorry. [sobbing] master, wha . What are you doing here . I came to see your screen test. I did not know they could not make pictures of me. Jeannie. Here. If theres anything i cant stand, its a crying genie. You are being kind. Do do not bother with me. I cancelled that date. I promise ii will not rain on you anymore. You what . I cancelled that date. Why . Well, i was a little worried about you. Oh, master. I cannot believe it. You cant believe what . I have taken thee away from the biggest movie star in hollywood. [laughing] [ ] master, what is all this . Hm . Oh, these are footprints of hollywood movie stars. Oh. Theres clark gable, wallace beery. Well, for one thing, you cant do it that way. Uh, the cement would have to be soft. Oh, tabitha, your daddy is going to be awfully proud of you this evening. Imagine pointing at your age. Hi, sweetheart. Hi, darling. Hello, tabitha. Did you have a nice day today . Well, we had a very important day today. Darling, you have a most unusual daughter. Well, what makes you say that . Well, what did she do that was so unusual