Transcripts For KPIX The Late Show With Stephen Colbert 20170527

Its the late show with Stephen Colbert. Tonight, stephen welcomes gordon ramsay. David sedaris. And musical guest, pixies. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now, live on tape from the ed sullivan theater in new york city, its Stephen Colbert stephen wooo cheers and applause jon yeah stephen welcome to the late show, everybody. Im your host, Stephen Colbert. Its friday. Its friday. cheers and applause thats not just any friday crowd. That is the friday crowd before the friday before summer begins. It is summer, ladies and gentlemen. Congratulations. You made it. Thats it thats it. Im going to get a tan, man. Im going to get a tan this summer. Im doing the cocoa butter. Its going to be fantastic. Yes, i am. Im going to do the cocoa butter. Im going to smell im going to smell like a buffet at a jimmy buffet restaurant. Its the first day of ramadan. Happy ramadan, or whatever emotion goes with ramadan. I dont entirely know whether its a happy day. Its a time of fasting, so hungry ramadan. Just have a good one, thats all i ask. Donald trump is still out of the country. cheers and applause we still have time to change the locks. Hes in sicily for the g7 meeting. Theyre talking about Climate Change down at the g7 this year, or as trump calls it Weather Channel fake news. Gets cold every winter, dont understand. laughter yesterday, donald trump was in brussels for the nato meeting . Yeah, the newto meeting in brussels. And the moment everyone is talking about is his handshake with newly elected french president and guy who wants to try it with the lights on tonight, emmanuel macron. laughter the White House Press pool described the handshake this way each president gripped the others hand with considerable intensity, their knuckles turning white and their jaws clenching and faces tightening. Pretty exciting stuff. Jon pretty exciting. Stephen thats pretty exciting stuff. The White House Press pool is also now writing erotic fan fiction. Get ready for 50 shades of orange cheers and applause trump was in brussels for the nato summit, as i was saying before. And when they were lining up for a photo, look at him get kind of handsy with the Prime Minister of montenegro. All right, outta my way, you montenegro alpha male coming through. Sit down, pink hair. What a jerk. laughter get out of the way i got it. Adjust the jacket, no one will notice. I dont think that kind of shoving is appropriate for an international summit. Thats the kind of shoving that belongs at the buffet line at maralago. And trump wasnt done offending our allies. 23 of the 28member nations are still not paying what they should be paying and what theyre supposed to be paying for their defense. Stephen while trump was dressing them down, look at the nato leaders faces. Check this out. Oh, come on. Cheer up. Hes not your president cheers and applause you dont have to live with him here. No wonder that trump was left largely on his own after the speech as leaders mingled and laughed with each other. Oh, they wouldnt let poor donald join in any nato games no, nope, no. Guys, guys, wait up. Did i ever tell you the story of when i won the election . I won michigan. I won wisconsin. Where are you going . I didnt tell you about pennsylvania yet. Wanna guess whether i won it . laughter now, james comey is back in the news again. Comey stories now are the new is Jennifer Anniston pregnant . This new story goes back to last july, back comey was still the f. B. I. Director, and we were all 80 years younger. Back then, in the middle of the election, he took the unprecedented step of holding a press conference to announce the f. B. I. Had found no criminal conduct in the Hillary Clinton email investigation, but that she had been a very, very bad secretary of state. Bad clinton. Nobody knew why comey did it, until now, because the Washington Post reported that comey based his decision on a russian document now viewed within the f. B. I. As unreliable and possibly a fake. Comey, comey fell for fake news he should have known when the documents return address was 12 actual avenue, truthburg, realtucky, usa. applause laughter yeah, apparently all the stamps. Apparently and i dont understand how this happens. Theres a lot about the story i dont get. Apparently, the russians sent the f. B. I. A fake Intelligence Report about attorney general Loretta Lynch assuring the Clinton Campaign that the email investigation would not push too deeply. Comey was then worried that Hillary Clinton was improperly pressuring someone to drop an investigation which, in hindsight, makes her seem very president ial. laughter applause yeah, sure, why not . And when comey read the fake report, he believed he had to come forward because he feared that if lynch announced no charges against clinton, and then the secret document leaked, the legitimacy of the entire case would be questioned. So he did it, clinton lost, and now only the legitimacy of the entire election is in question. So thats it. Comey fell for a fake email. But but you know what . He landed on his feet. I hear hes earning 2,000 a week working from home on his laptop. Yeah. I just there are so many comey stories. Theyre an emotional roller coaster. I just dont know what to think about james comey. First, he seems like hes a good guy, then he seems like hes a bad guy, then it seems like he sacrificed himself to save other people oh, my god. Is james comey severus snape . Are we going to find out he loved us all along . laughter applause no . No. Im being told no. Im being thoald, that, no, he is not severus snape. One positive thing for the administration is that while trump is overseas dealing with the other leaders over there, he is less likely he is too busy to say dumb stuff to get him into trouble. Luckily, his staff has stepped up to do it on his behalf, starting with hud secretary and man counting how many black people there are in the cabinet, ben carson. Dr. Carson did a radio interview recently for sirius radio, and had this to say about the state of poverty in america i think poverty, to a large extent, is also a state of mind. Stephen yes, poverty is a state of mind. No, no. This is true. Do you know in many states, its legal to pay your rent with optimism. Its not in reality, but it is up here. Unfortunately, he went on. You take somebody who has the right mindset, you can take everything from them and put them on the street. I guarantee you, in a little while, theyll be right back up there. And you take somebody with the wrong mindset, you can give them everything in the world, theyll work their way back down to the bottom. Stephen yeah, its all about mindset. I mean, remember the Great Depression when america had a case of the blahs . Look at this debbie downer. Come on turn that frown upside down, little lady. Why not look at the bowl as half full of dust . laughter and spooking of the administration, we just learned an important detail about donald trump. He has diched his Android Phone in favor of an iphone with one app twitter. Just the one. Just the one. I guess i shouldnt be surprised. What apps did i expect him to have, words with friends . He might have friends, but he does not have words. cheers and applause and trump is such constant and allencompassing news not even disney world can escape his gravitational pull. You know disneys hall of animatronic president s . You know, where the president s get up and they talk . Well, sources say disney world will overhaul the hall of president s to keep donald trump from speaking. cheers and applause when you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are originally, the only president s who spoke were washington and lincoln, but that changed 25 years ago. Now, whoever is currently president also has a few lines. That started in 1993 with bill clinton. I believe his first words were, hey, sleeping beauty, you up . laughter jon oh oh oh stephen but trump has said so many outrageous things that petitions are circulating insisting that disneys robotrump should not speak. One petition has over 14,000. Another says, even closing down the hall of president s is better than adding donald trump. cheers and applause but then but then what . But then what would they do with the trump robot . Well, you know, if the rumors out of that Russian Hotel are true, hed feel right at home on splash mountain. applause thank you, sir. Thank you very much. Keep it light. One things for sure, if disney doesnt add donald trump to the hall of president s, they should at least add his hands to its a small world. Weve got a great show for you tonight. Gordon ramsay is here. But when we come back, well be reading some first drafts of graduation cards. Stick around are graduate. Well its a perfect nespresso morning here, george. Hold on a second. Mmm. [mel torme sings comin home baby] hey there. Want a lift . Where are we going . No dont tell me. Let me guess. Have a nice ride. How far would you go for coffee thats a cup above . I brought you nespresso. Nespresso. What else . We, the entertainmentloving people, want all our rooms to be tv rooms. Because those are the best rooms. Because they have tvs in them. And, when were not in those rooms, we want our shows to go with us. Anywhere . You got that right, kid show thing. Get a directv allincluded package for 4 rooms. Only 25 a month, price guaranteed for 2 years. Available for at t unlimited plus customers. I. Prilosec otc 7 years ago,my doctor recommended. 5 years ago, last week. Just 1 pill each morning, 24 hours and zero heartburn. Its been the number 1 doctor recommended brand for 10. Straight years, and its still recommended today. Use as directed. The toothpaste that helps new parodontax. Prevent bleeding gums. If you spit blood when you brush or floss you may have gum problems and could be on the journey to much worse. Help stop the journey of gum disease. Try new parodontax toothpaste. band playing cheers and applause stephen hey jon batiste and stay human, right there. Jon yeah oh oh stephen jon, jon, jon are you excited . Jon yeah. Stephen are you excited about that audience Stephen Stephen stephen. Stephen thank you very much. Youre too kind. Youre too kind. Jon, are you excited are you excited about summer taking off here bstarting up the summer . Jon oh, yeah, im looking forward to it, man. I love summer, its my favorite. And the end of the school year. Jon it i it is. Stephen and last week i understand you gave the commencement address at Salve Regina University college. What did you say to the kids . What was your message of hope and leadership . Jon i said you have to figure out who you are, who you want to be, and who you can help along the way. That was my theme. Stephen thats nice. applause yeah, yeah. We like to help people. We leak to help people on this show. Jon oh, yeah, yeah. Stephen we try to, we try to. We do, we do. Stephen and we would like to help some of the graduate right now. In around of all the graduates we would like to do a graduation segment of first drafts. No, stupid stephen whenevery do first drafts i need somebody to help me read the first drafts up here. Got anybody who is still in college right now . Anybody out here who is still in college . Are you . Young lady, are you still in college . I graduated. Stephen you graduated . What is your name . Ashlee. Stephen get your ass up here. Come on. Thank you. There you go. Go all the way up here. All right. Listen, so you already graduated . Just graduate gld where did you graduate from. The university of kansas. Stephen what did you study . Thats a great school. Community health. Stephen Community Health . Do you have a Health Care Plan for america . I wish i did. Stephen to celebrate your graduate, heres a lukewarm keg beer, and a copy of all the places youll go. Thats for you. Thank you. Stephen you can hold on to that. Whats your last name. Thats actual beer. Stephen thats actual beer. Wait, are you 21 . I am. Stephen everythings great then. Got me worried there for a second, ashlee. Can you put that over there . I want you to hold this stack of cards. These are graduation cards, okay . Okay. Stephen that we have two drafts. We have the original draft, and we have the and the phenyl draft, okay. And we show how the premise of this bit that were about to do is i will read the final draft and then read the first draft, to see the mistake they made the first time thigh tried to read the write the card. Do you understand . Yes. Stephen with me . Yes. Stephen ill take that first one. Heres a lovely graduation card. It says, congratulations class of 2017. Its a big world out there go for it which is awfully nice. The kind of message you wouldnt mind getting for your folks. But the first draft read, mom changed your room into a shoe closet. applause . Something thigh mom would do. Stephen is your mom here . No, shes in kansas. Stephen shes back in kansas . This ones pretty profound. I believe this is a quote from thomas paine. Congrats, grads. The mind once enlightened cannot become dark. Deep stuff, right, deep stuff. But the first draft read, your drunk facebook photos are never going away. laughter applause . Oh, no stephen its true. I better get to deleting then. Stephen what are you planning to do with your degree now that youre now that you have graduated . What do you want to do with your degree . I dont know. Are you guys hiring . Stephen im being told were not. Im being told were not. This ones a bit of a pep talk. It says, congrats, graduates. Now that all stands between and you your dreams is belief in yourself. Thats true. The first draft read, remember, if you have to, you can sell your blood. Oh, no never done that, i can say. Stephen i really like this one. It resident, great work, grad. Your future is up to you. Its true. Its true, ashlee. The first draft read,ing, wee not paying for grad school. Arev you thought about grad school . I thought about it gr i didnt go. Im going to take a break. Stephen i was going to go to graduate school and here you are. Stephen yeah, works out. I am proof that education is overrated laughter heres a card that says, next stop med school that could be for you. That could be for you, ashlee. You never know. But the first draft said, please become a doctor before trump takes away our insurance. This card says theres a lovely graduate right there. And it says, hooray, you did it. What did it really say . Stephen but the first draft said, you can finally tell people youre dating your professor stephen any of that going around at the university of kansas . I hope not that. Not they heard of. Stephen my college loved that. But i went to acting school, so thats to be expected. Right. Stephen its part of the major. Heres one that says theres an owl, kind of charming. And it says, we knew you could do it but the first draft said, we just didnt think it would take you seven years laughter applause did you do it in four years . Four years. Stephen four years . Yeah. I made it. Stephen five, i did five. It took my five years. As a matter of fact, when i graduated, there was no diploma inside of my Little Leather thing. There literally was just a torn piece of legal pad that said from the dean. It said, see me. True story. I got an incomplete, got an incomplete. This is a nice sentiment. It says, way to go, graduate carpe diem but the first draft said thats the last time youll ever use your latin major. laughter applause ashlee, congratulations. Thank you so much. Stephen you can take the beer with you. Oh, thank you stephen and you can take that right over there. Thank you. Stephen well be right back with Gordon Ramsey. Hold on, hold on. Come here you. A world traveler, start by. Oh, is that a galaxy s8 . Handsome screen. Well pack that. Uhop, oh okay were moving fast. Youll need a tour guide. Apparently not. Dont forget a big camera. Or that phone will work. Okay, i guess you have the world traveler thing covered. You might not ever just stand there, looking at it. You may never even sit in the back seat. 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Other side effects include gas, stomacharea pain and swelling. Talk to your doctor about managing your symptoms proactively with linzess. ,, happiness is powerful flea and tick protection from nexgard. Nexgard kills fleas and ticks all month long. And it comes in an easytogive tasty chew. And that makes dogs and owners happy. No wonder vets love it too. Reported side effects include vomiting, itching, diarrhea, lethargy and lack of appetite. See your vet for more information on flea and tick protection you and your dog will love. Nexgard. The vets 1 choice. cheers and applause welcome back, everybody. Ladies and gentlemen, my first guest tonight is a worldrenowned chef are a restaurateur, and a television personality. His new show is the f word. Ive traveled across the country to new york city for a former prodigy of mine and her students. Theyll be cook along a star chef without them knowing. First stop, the makeup chair to become somebody else. Lets go my name is maria. I spent last seven years as an executive chef for the Gordon Ramsey group. My name is james, and i want to learn how to cook. Do you think Gordon Ramsey would be proud of my work . He would be. Stephen please welcome chef Gordon Ramsey. cheers and applause thank you hello thank you very much stephen thank you for being here. Thank you stephen now, you already you already seem more cheerful than im used to seeing your face. This is more smiling than we normally get on one of your tv shows. We do have good days, though, days of utter perfection. But, unfortunately, they may look somewhat boring so i like to spice it up a little bit. Stephen every unhappy family is unhappy in their own way as saying goes. You have 31 restaurants, multiple michelin stars . Yes. Stephen multiple michelin stars. Youre a member of the order of british empire, o. B. E. Is that good, is that fun . For cursing. Stephen it just adds a little bit of extra extra class when you drop the f bomb. Order of the british empire, and the queen gave it to me as well, so it was really nice. Stephen is it like a sword situation . No, that is like when you get knighted. O. B. Is under that. So a little handshake and a polite bleep off. She mutters it under her breath. Stephen thats nice. Yes. Stephen okay, when you go into a restaurant, do people freak out because they know who you are . Yes. Stephen and they want to impress you. What happens when you walk into any old place . I mean, first of all, everyone looks behind me to see if theres a camera crew. They think o bleep . Hes filming kitchen nightmares here. Were too late. This place is a confirmed bleep . Stephen so you can say that kind of stuff on tv in england, can you . Oh, what bleep bleep . Stephen js ys jorks one minute past 9 00. Stephen at one minute past 9 00 you can say bleep . Or bleep . Whatever you want. Stephen ive never been to that restaurant. No. They fiend out what im eating and if theyre not watching what im eating here comes the chef and he wants to serve this dish and that dish and im getting spoiled. I want to be treated normal, which you can imagine is important. Stephen what do you think about cooking in america . Because weve got, like, regional dishes that are very special over here . Is there anything you see over here and say, i couldnt possibly eat that . Anything that turns you off. Im not a fan of grits. I find thel hard on 2 stephen really, its a polenta, cornmeal, and butter and salt and pepper. Theyre rich, heavy, and sometimes a bit greasy. And sandwiches stephen english food is filtration organs, isnt it . How dare you judge us. You stuff things an animal and bury it. The sandwiches, you go to a deli and the sandwich is bleep like 12 foot tall. Stephen thats a sandwich. Thats a sandwich. No no no stephen thats the sandwich of a superpower, my friend. Back when you had an empire, sandwiches were much larger, you realize. You cant eat it. Stephen what. You cant eat it. Stephen take your time. You have all the time in the world. Were you always demanding, even as a kid . Did you demantd lunch ladies, like, improve their service put some parsley on there. Of the. I was always worried about the sort of skin that sat on a stew like a liver and bacon stephen again, kidney, liver, all filtration organs. To remove that piece of skin. Come on, im joking. We have an amazing dessert. Have you ever had spotty dick. Its a very delicious, steamed sort of sponge with sort of marinade in there. You dont want a crispy skin on that . Stephen you dont, you dont. You should really have that checked out. Yes. Do you encourage how about your own children . Hoencourage your own how many ciz have you got . Four, three girls and a boy. So they grew up as little foodies. And back in the u. K. , i i sort of became a bit of a mentor for them because i didnt buy them ipads and xbox games. I bought them turkey and sheep and lambs to rear. Stephen to rear . To raise . To expraiz then to eat. Stephen but then they have to like. I come home late one night, and tilly was upstairs stephen thats your youngest. Thats the youngest. I could hear her messing around whats going on up there. Its her turkey. What you aring do . She said, i dont want it to go to the slaughterhouse tomorrow . And i said, dont worry, it will be plucked and ready for the oven. She started crying, and so i broke his neck no, i didnt come on whats wrong with you guys. Stephen she has to grow up sometime. Excuse me, everyone in the audience here deep fries their bleep turkey, right . Stephen have you done that . Do you enjoy deep frying the turkey. I went around to a friend of mine for thanksgiving, and he started going to the garage for preparation of the lunch. I said, where are we going . And theres this big vat and he wheeled this big bird down and deep fat fried this thing and it was bleep disgusting. Stephen oh, its so good. Dry turkey . Theres a reason why we only eat that bird once a year. Stephen oh roast it. Or butter, beautifully done, bacon on top. But not deep fried. From a chef point of view, come on seriously. Stephen i wont. Im from the south. Everything is deep fried. We dip it in concrete and deep fat fry it. No stephen the new series is called the f word. Yes. Stephen the f word. Which i was aloud to say on cbs because youre here. Normally i cant say f word. I cant even say the euphemism . Really. Stephen were very clean here. At 11 35 at night. Stephen yes, yes. So couldnt every one of your shows be called the f word . Why is this one called the f word . This is fun, food, and family. And were live stephen that was a pretape. We sort of got a little bit of naughtiness going on so this will be a couple of b. T. S floating around. Families are competing cooking for the entire dining room. I have kevin spacey next week, james cordon. Theyre serious foodies. Would you like to come on. Stephen i would love to. You know what i would like more than that. I would like to make a Peanut Butter and jelly sandwich and have you yell at me while i do it. Seriously. cheers and applause . Stephen ready . Okay, right. Spread is nice and evenly. And why are you using white, anemic bread . Wouldnt you toast that first . Stephen theres no time. Youre ripping the bread already. Stephen its tearing. Youre tearing the bread. Stephen its a thicker Peanut Butter than im used to. Its all in the bloody middle, spread it out a little bet. Thats enough. Now the corners. What about the corners. Otherwise the ends are dry. Stephen watch this. No, no corners see, now that that looks a mess. Stephen i cut the corners off. Look at this. Look at that. Stephen right. Right. laughter applause right. Okay. May i . Stephen sure. Please, that looks like a pile of bleep . laughter stephen thats 2 million. Its a helicopter. Stephen in the words of a great man, thats a bleep disaster. The f word premiers next wednesday on fox. Gordon ramsey. Everybody. Well be right back with david sedaris. Since i came to know you baibe ive been telling you how sweet youre. Ive been telling you how good youre. Please tell me how i look. You look so good, fantastic man. Fromi wanted to seeved, this great country. My last wish is for you to do it for me, as a family. Love, grandpa. Let us be lovers, well marry our fortunes together older grandaughter itll be alright. I know. Grandson how did you meet grandpa . Grandmother actually on a blind date. [ laughter ] i wish he was on the trip with us. Hes sitting right between the boys in the back of the car. [ laughter ] america all come to look for america all come to look for america lifes as big as you make it. The allnew 7seater volkswagen atlas with americas best bumpertobumper limited warranty. cheers and applause . Stephen welcome back, everybody. My next guest is an extremely funny writer who has sold over 10 million books worldwide. But before all that, i knew him as my friend amys older brother. Please welcome david sedaris. cheers and applause stephen how are you . Fantastic. Nice to see you. Stephen nice to see you. You have not seen you in a long, long time. I think the last time i saw you was at Laguardia Airport and you had just started doing the daily show. I havent seen it because i was going to be in france. And you were at the stephen i remember seeing thru. That was in 1997, david. That means its been 20 years since you and i have seen each other . I think so. Stephen thats crazy. But ive been following your progress. laughter and its been stephen ive been following your progress, too. And i gotta say, im so proud of you. Im so happy for you. Stephen im very proud of you, too. The funny thing about you, ive known very few people like you in that i knew you a long time ago when you were amys older, quiet brother. And since then, youve become this well, you always were, but i have gotten know you, like the rest of the world, as this brilliant writer. And im a little bit in awe of you . Really. Stephen absolutely. I love your work so much that talking to you now is not like talking to amys brother. Its a famous author who looks like amys brother. If you know what i mean. Because we knew each energy chicago. You were at second city. Stephen chicago is a great leveler. It was interesting back then, with you at second city and i was at the art institute, and you would kind of look around and think, somebodys going to make it, but who . Stephen right, right. Because you never know. There were peopley would think, oh, that person is going to be huge, and i dont know. I dont know what its about. Being in the right place at the right time. Luck, i guess. Stephen well, youve worked really hard, havent you . Yeah, but so are you. Stephen and we both made it, so i guess thats it. I guess thats it. Congratulations to us. cheers and applause i used to like it couldnt happen to better people. Stephen no. We are lovely folks. I used to love to hear the stories that amy would tell about your family going to your beach house in north carolina. Youd have, like, your tanning contests. And you have your emollients we always had a miss emollient pageant. We would go to the beach fair week, and you have a tan a competition to see who has the darkest tan. And my sister gretchen wins. It was we would rent places. But then we got we bought a place. Stephen oh, you are have one there now . Yes, but the houses there, you know, they all have beachy names like clamalot. And duneourthing and the schlitz. The one we got had a dumb name, so we named it to the see section. Im going to get a boat and call it row v. Wave. Im going to paint on the side, semen got you into this. Stephen your new book is called theft and finding diaries, 19772002. First question, obviously do i appear in your diary . Youre not in the book, but youre in my diary. Stephen so im not in this. No. Stephen oh, okay. laughter are you afraid i would come after you with a lawyer or something, david . I spent, i dont know,ic like the last two years going through my diaries. I had 164 books that are all bigger than that. Stephen like your actual diaries is 164 of these. Yeah. And, you know, its leak a crazy person. Its like tiny handwriting on the front and the back of the page. So thats all thats, like, a. Stephen how long did it take you to whittle this down to this right here if you have 164 of these. What was the last year of your life . What was the last year of my life. Stephen was it just reading this . Oh, yeah. Stephen did you have time to write in your new diary or was it reading the old diaries every day. Thats thing. And youre under no obligation, but you could read that book and then you get to be yourself. You put the book down and you get to be yourself. But i had to read the book and then still be the person in the book. So it was just too much of that person. Stephen well what, did you think what did you think after reading about yourself, your own thoughts about yourself and your life from 77 to 2002 what, did you think of you . I was surprised how little i had changed, i suppose. But do you think youve changed a lot . I mean, maybe your circumstances have changed, but fundamentally, do you think youve changed in 30 years . Stephen ive gained weight. laughter can you explain to pea whats happening, before i show this photo, and then we have to go. Sure. Where we live now, im not saying its all english people but a lot of english people, theyll read a newspaper, finish the mcdonalds, and they throw it out the car window. So the roadsides where we live is really beautiful and the roadsides are carpeted with litter. So i started picking it up. And i spend, i dont know, between four and nine hours a day picking up trash on the side of the road. And ive picked up tons and tons and tons. And so my local council named a garbage truck after me. laughter cheers and applause stephen congratulations. Thats a form of immortality. Well, it was nice to see you again. I certainly hope its not another 20 years before i see you again. And i dont believe that, by the way. I think ive seen you independent last 20 years. Nope. Stephen a play that aimy and paul have done. Like at la mama, or Something Like that. God i have to have seen you. But that was more than 20 years . Was that more than 20 years. More than 20 years ago. Stephen well, you look fantastic. We have makeup on. laughter applause stephen theft by finding is out on tuesday. David sedaris, everybody well be right back way performance by 56ez. soft gasp record scratching excited chatter various whoa mixed exclamations cheering cheering we, the entertainmentloving people, want all our rooms to be tv rooms. Because those are the best rooms. Because they have tvs in them. And, when were not in those rooms, we want our shows to go with us. Anywhere . You got that right, kid show thing. Get a directv allincluded package for 4 rooms. Only 25 a month, price guaranteed for 2 years. Available for at t unlimited plus customers. Its your glass of willpower that helps keep cravings. Far, far away. Feel less hungry with the natural fiber in clinically. Proven meta appetite control. From metamucil. Home of jack daniels. A small town with big dreams of having their own. Nba team. What . We know its not the most exciting place in the world. But we have no shortage of team spirit. And while were not exactly known for our abilities on the court, we do know a thing or two about developing a franchise. Jack daniels the most exciting thing about lynchburg, tennessee. For now. The most exciting thing about lynchburg, tennessee. Well its a perfect nespresso hold on a second. Orge. Mmm. [mel torme sings comin home baby] hey there. Want a lift . Where are we going . No dont tell me. Let me guess. Have a nice ride. How far would you go for coffee thats a cup above . I brought you nespresso. Nespresso. What else . ,whatwhat made them believeace carthat a twoton behemothhop . Could compete in a track race . Or that they could take on the elite in world motor racing, and win . We may never truly understand what drives mercedesamg. But heres to another 50 years of it. Mercedesamg. Half a century of driving performance. The drumsticks were his treasure trove found in the ashes of the Coconut Grove hey, man, can you give me something . Hey, man, did you give me something . Hey, man, nothing comes from nothing hey, man, something came from somewhere hey, man, its a tenement song its just there on the tip of your tongue lets play on a tenement song on and on and on tenement song tenement song tall bottle and one more smoke tenement song she lived through the fire but the piano got broke tenement song hey, man, can you give me something . Hey, man, did you give me something . Hey, man, its a tenement song its just there on the tip of your tongue lets play on a tenement song on and on and on hey, man, its a tenement song its just there on the tip of your tongue lets play on a tenement song on and on and on on and on and on stephen the second leg of pixies north american tour kicks off this fall. Pixies, everybody well be right back. ,,,,,,,,, stephen well, thats it for the late show, everybody. Have a great memorial day weekend now stick around for james corden. Good night i captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org are you ready yall to have some fun feel the love tonight dont you worry bout where it is you come from itll be all right its the late, late show reggie ladies and gentlemen, all the way from barcelona, spain, give it up for your host, the one, the only, james cn