Neither rain, nor sleet, nor gloom of night, nor exploding fingers keep these men from their appointed rounds. I will send that to, far away place. All right. Dont forget to put a stamp on it, maybe a couple of them. All right . And post office is closed. I will send it first thing in the morning. laughter tonight, stephen welcomes Zachary Quinto. Natasha lyonne. And 2 chain. Featuring jon batiste and stay human. And now its time for the late show with Stephen Colbert cheers and applause stephen happy friday happy friday hey, everybody everybody back up there. applause thats nice. Thats lovely. Welcome to the show, everybody. Thank you so much. Wow, wow. Im Stephen Colbert, host of the late show. And you know its a friday crowd. cheers only a friday crowd sounds like that. Im glad you you guys in a pretty good mood tonight . cheers and applause wow, wow, that was almost frighteningly happy. Because im glad youre in a good mood, because the rest of the world is still reeling from the brexit. No one knows how it will work. Does england need all new trade deals . Will it ban Foreign Workers . Will we have to pay import tariffs on coldplay . laughter theres just no way of knowing. And theres huge news on brexit. This guy right here, this is Boris Johnson, the former mayor of london, and a man many are calling englands donald trump because hes an antiimmigrant conservative accused of fearmongering for political gain, and like trump, he has a hair graft from a viking corpse. laughter i think. Im not sure. cheers and applause what that is. Yes. He looks like he looks like only a semisuccessful clone of donald trump, like they used a toenail or Something Like that. So after successfully leading the brexit vote, Boris Johnson was the favorite to become britains next Prime Minister. Except he did this. It is vital now in the conservative party that we bring together everybody who campaigned so hard both for the remain and the leave sides. That is the agenda for the next Prime Minister of this country. I have concluded that that person cannot be me. laughter stephen thats leadership. laughter applause excuse me. I have an announcement to make. I have an announcement to make. I have blown up the the bridge. Now, everybody, across the river somehow ill stay here. laughter also, i just heard that on the day of the brexit vote this is true, brexi beat porn as googles most popular search term. That is unbelievable. That there are people who just search for the word porn. You guys know porn is available thats like going to the Grocery Store and asking, excuse me, which aisle has the food . In fact, theres so much porn on the web, i bet that if you google brexit, youll get porn anyway. Maybe a video of a guy going british accents dingdong i say, did somebody order some bangers and mash as british woman yes, i did but however shall i pay for it now that theyve devalued the pound . as british man well, my lady, i could give you a very valuable pound. cheers and applause they dont call me big ben for nothing. laughter then they both close their eyes and think of england. And you know what, guys. Close your eyes right now and think of jon batiste and stay human. cheers and applause stephen sorry. Its friday. What are you going to do. You have to give into it. Im excited. Summer has officially arrived, and i couldnt be happier, because summer means giant hollywood blockbusters. And im a sucker for them. Everywhere you look right now, there are ads for big Summer Movies with clever taglines. You might not realize it, but a lot of work goes into writing each of those little taglines, and they dont always get them right on the first try. So tonight, were going to look at some of the early attempts, in our segment, first drafts no, no stupid, stupid ah. Stephen all right. Lets take a look at some movie taglines before they perfected them. All right. First up. Heres a good example. Heres the poster for Independence Day resurgence. You can see the tagline is we had 20 years to prepare. So did they. All right . But the first draft thats what they came up with. But the first draft said, for 20 years, will smith said no. so we just made it without him. cheers and applause based on a true story right here. You ever see benhur. Jon no, i didnt see that. Stephen theyre doing a remake of benhur. And theyve already got the poster out for the summer. Benhur. The tagline is first to finish. Last to die. Pretty dramatic. Pretty effective. But the first tagline was, ben hur, done that. Accurate. I saw this one this weekend. I saw finding dory. Have you seen that . Jon i havent seen that. Stephen waterworks, absolutely watered works. But you cant tell because theyre under water. This is a great movie. The tagline is she just kept swimming. Calls back the first movie. You love it. But the first tagline said, serve with butter and lemon. Didnt go over as well. Didnt go over as well. They decided not to do that one. They decided not to do that one, though it does sound delicious. All right, all right. This one, i really enjoyed this, too. This has already come out this summer but it was a huge hit. Heres the poster for captain america civil war. It says, united we stand, divided we fall. Strong, american tagline. But the first draft was, the fun kind of civil war, without all the slavery. Its true. Its not as fun. applause jon aaah. Stephen they decided not to go with it. Its a first draft. Thats why they didnt go with it. Your reaction right now is why they didnt do that. Thats why. Thats why. You might have been in the focus group they used. This one i know these guys. We had kevin hart on. Heres one for central intelligence, with kevin hart and dwayne the rock johnson. They got a great tagline. Saving the world takes a little hart and a big johnson. Which is really good. A nice, funny tagline. But it was originally, coming up with puns about the rock is dwayneing. applause cheers the rock is actually an enormous guy. Im very excited about this. Suicide squad is one of the biggest movies of the year. I cant wait for it to come out. They have a really good simple tagline. Worst. Heroes. Ever. Very simple. Sells the idea. But the original one was, the movie will smith did instead of Independence Day. anybody want it . There gu. Thats it for first drafts well be right back, with Zachary Quinto what body aches . What knee pain . What sore elbow . Advil liquigels make pain a distant memory nothing works faster stronger or longer what pain . Advil. Since the beginning of time, there never seemedre is. To be enough of it. People try to beat time. Ahhhhh but time always wins. 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Ive been waiting to get in this. Real people have a lot to say about the awardwinning vehicles at the chevy 20 sales event. Wow the design is great. I love it. Number one in my book. Thats awesome if you could get 20 cash back on this vehicle, what would you do . I think im going to drive it through that wall and take it. During the chevy 20 sales event, get cash back for 20 of the msrp on many chevy models. Thats over 10,000 cash back on this chevy silverado. For the best selection, get to your chevy dealer now , offering the most powerful turbo 4cylinder engine in its class and performance brembo brakes. The cadillac ats. Every moment accelerated. During summers best, get this lowmileage lease on this cadillac ats from around 279 per month, or purchase with 0 apr financing. applause stephen hey, everybody. Welcome back, folks. My first guest tonight is a star of television, film, and stage. His latest film is star trek beyond. I think you should have this back. After all, it belonged to your mother. It is not in the vulcan custom to receive that which was given as a gift. You guys break up . What did you do . A typically reductive inquiry, doctor. You know, spock, an earth girl says, its me, not you. Its definitely you. Stephen please welcome, Zachary Quinto cheers and applause cheers and applause a great theater, huh . Great place. Stephen welcome back. Thank you for having me back. Im glad to be here. Stephen we havent had a chance to talk about star trek before. You were on last time for your play in new york. Im an enormous fan. I know you are. Stephen of your particular rendition of spock. I loved leonard nimoy. I love the movies youre doing. It brings back great childhood memories of how good Science Fiction can be. How forward thinking it can be. How optimistic it can be, how much faith there can be in humanity, especially in the trek. Stephen first of all, im so sorry about the death of your friend. Loss of such a talented actor. Beautiful, beautiful guy. I dont even know how to talk about it. You know, we already knew that this would be a really bittersweet experience because of the loss of leonard last year, but this has just been absolutely devastating for all of us. And stephen you guys have been working together since 2007, Something Like that . We shot the first movie. And, you know, i think our goal has to be to celebrate his incredible life and honor him as much as we can. You know, it was a terrible loss, not only to us, personally, but i think to the industry and audiences. He was such a talent. Stephen its rare in, you know, what you do for, like, movie stars, i understand, its rare to spend that much time with the same group of people because, first of all, you have to have a huge success. Then you have to do multiple versions of it to keep the cast affect. But for the last, what, now better part of a decade. Stephen nine years. You guys have been working together. Is it like family . I think we take it for granted in a lot of ways because we genuinely love each other so much. You hear people, yeah, yeah, its cool. But we are truly intertwined inextricably and i think we always will be in such a great way. We laugh like nobodys business. But were very lucky to have each other. Theres no question. It. And i think we are genuinely connected on a true level as a cast and friends even when were not filming the movies. Stephen as i said, i love star trek and that series and these movies give me that hopeful, futuristic feeling. And theres a divide sometimes in the scifi community between star trek and star wars. I have my own opinions about these two different worlds. Yeah. Stephen growing up, were you a star trek or star wars person. I grew up in the star wars generation so i had no choice, you guys, i couldnt my hands were tie gld its not a bad choice. I think star wars especially when i was a kid appeals to the the visceral kind of adventure spirit, the action figures. I got really into that, the ewalks stephen im a hardcore scifi fan from golden age Science Fiction, and to me star trek is real Science Fiction. Star wars takes place in space but seems more Science Fiction to me. Its space opera. Its true. Its been classified as such. But i think Science Fiction indicates a kind of intellectual pursuit, like an ideological exploration of where were going as a civilization, as a species. Stephen exactly. I think Science Fiction is an outgrowth of the enlightened idea of a perfectal humanity. Which sometimes translate tro boring. laughter . Stephen not in this case. Not now. But when i was a kid and that original series would come on, i would be like uck dont get mad at me. Stephen im not mad. Im baffled. Is it the the production is it because its a bubbly green monster, and they go, look, its pure energy. And theyre smashing computers that were clearly made out of cardboard. Stephen but in the future we can make computers out of cardboard, dont you understand . We can 3d print them out of anything we want. Stephen the original, gene roddenberry, the original cast, when they couldnt afford the monster they would just say, its a creature of pure energy and project light. And thats how they would save money. Thats tv, baby. That is tv from the 60s. The great part about being a part of this reimagining of the franchise is this version of it is the opposite of that. It takes these ideological explorations and infuses them with all of the action and all of the excitement that i think the original series aspired to, and sometimes achieved, but notes always. For me it was the motion pictures. The original cast in the motion pictures. The wrath of kahn and then it started to change for me and brought me in, in a way. Stephen you have to do that, you know, on a big screen when shatner is acting that hard. You do. Stephen it wouldnt fit on a tv. Youre also playing Glenn Greenwald in the new movie about snowden. Which comes out just after star trek. Oliver stone directed that one. Stephen greenwald, of course, is a lessknown character in this. Explain to the people who greenwald is. Greenwald is the journalist who joined with Edward Snowden to ultimately release the sensitive n. S. A. Documents that were the subject of all that controversy. And this movie uses that relationship as a portal to the flashbacks to explore snowdens decision and the path that he took to arriving there. Stephen do you think its time for snowden to come back and face the music . You know, ive been theres a lot of press actually right now i was just reading this article. Hes on the cover of new York Magazine this week because of the way the technology has allowed him to circumvent his exile in russia. They have this thing called the snow bot, a maneuverable screen that can go places and represent him. Stephen i have seen it. Its like an ipad on a seg segway, basically. But he can go places and give speeches and interact with people and see what they see and they can see him. And stephen ill tell you what i think upon i think that robots will eventually go to gitmo. Better watch it. Theyll get you. Very true. Gitbot, is. Stephen dont waterboard them. Dont wateraboard them. Congratulations on star trek beyond and the new snowden movie. Stephen star trek beyond will be in theaters on july 22. Zachary quinto, everybody well be right back with natasha lyonne. Caramel on cookie. Wouldnt it be funny if they were all working late just because they thought we were working late . all laughing theyre not that stupid. Try both. Pick a side. Twix®. Has more highspeed data nowthan ever before. Reless. Were talking double the data for just 10 bucks more. Thats 10 gigs of highspeed data. 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Because in a world where nothing went wrong, your state farm agent will still be right here. Helping make life go completely right. Stephen hey thank you matty. Thank you, john. Thank you, lewis. You know my next guest from that entire sunday you spent Binge Watching orange is the new black. Please welcome, natasha lyonne. Thank you thank you applause stephen now, listen, let me start out by saying something i tonight think ive said on to a guest yet. You smell fantastic. I have to say i am shocked to hear that. Stephen really . Do you usually not smell good . I mean listen, i cant really smell myself. Which i think is the case with most people. And i think thats how things usually take a dark turn. Stephen yeah. No, i would think i probably smell like, off the record, which is pretty hard to do here, like nicotine. You whan i mean . Stephen no. Do you like that smell . Stephen whatever you smell like right now, give me 5 worth of that. Yeah. I could come to your house. I could just blow some smoke on you and then chew some gum around you. Thats my scent. Stephen thats fantastic. Maybe i just like the smell of new york city. I smell like new york city i smell like the new york subway system cheers and applause i will say whenever i land at j. F. K. , speaking as a real new yorker, i always have such a thrill when i walk into the public bathroom. Im like, ah this is real new york guinto these fancy airports stephen you really are a real new yorker. You sound like real deal. Thank you. Stephen like you have the real new york accent. I wish i had that. Im flavorless, i feel like i come from nowhere. I picked that up but its working for you. And thats whats important. Stephen congratulations on orange is the new black. Thank you, thank you. Stephen heres the thing, i hope this isnt a spoiler in any way, but the fact that youre here means youre on this season. Yes. Stephen and people werent entirely sure because you werent on the show a lot last season. Did you have to keep it a secret that you were coming back . Yes, its a very highstakes situation. Spoilers. Everybody is bananas for spoilers all of a sudden, right . So, yeah, i was doing some, you know, press stuff. They keep asking me, like dodging questions. Are you coming back to the show . Are you coming back to the show . I had to be like, what are you colombo . What are you cagney . entertainment weekli. Requested luck. Of. And i made john snow references saying thing like john snow is the Nikki Nichols of games of thrones. Stop flipping that around. Im doing that guy a favor. I get through this whole day gangbusters. I did not reveal a single spoiler. And i go i was visiting my boyfriend, tiny airport in burbank this story is so long and then its an empty airport. And im really patting myself on the back, like, good job, kid. Stephen you made it through everything and didnt reveal anything. Yeah. And then a nice, lovely t. S. A. Agent says, im such a big fan of the show. Are you coming back this year . And without looking, without blinking, i said, yes, of course. laughter such a weird moment. Stephen he legally could detain you at that point. So, of course, then i go fullscale panic. One thing leads to another nothing happened. Thats the point of the story. Everythings fine. Stephen i got this photograph right before i came out here. Youve been in the business for a long time. Oh, yeah. Stephen youre used to dealing with keeping spoilers. What are you doing here . What are you on . laughter . Yeah. Bigtime spoiler show. Peewees playhouse. Displvment what a fantastic show. Was that your first show. Yes. Stephen what an incredible thing to start on. Nothing better than that. Stephen your dad was a boxing promoter . Thats a fact, yes. Stephen and this is you helping your dad in the ring at a boxing promotion right there. You were the ring girl . Instead of a hot piece in a bikini with the the cards, round 2, et cetera. Thats what i would do. laughter because my father loved me. So thats what i would do. Stephen i understand that you were just orange is the new black had a float in the pride parade here in new york. What was that like . Was that an exciting thing to do . I understand its a very energetic parade . Float, flow, uhhuh, a float is a real event. laughter you know . Stephen was there a theme to it . Were you guys in orange . No, no, no. I was wearing a visor. Make america gay again. cheers and applause i mean, that was a toptier, custommade visor, ill have you displn were you wearing anything else . No, its a pride parade you dont want to overdo it. It was very hot. Stephen did you do one of these parade parades in brazil . Oh, yeah, we did uzo, who plays crazy eyes. And sarah reilly, the three of us we went to brazil. We did it in sao paulo. It was a terrific float. Stephen was this for carnival . It was for a pride parade. It was an inspirational day. Everybody made homemade posters, port you geese. Nikki said bleep great. And cut to the end of the story, bieber mania. Stephen bieber mania . Have you experienced anything like this. Ive been around a long time never in my life have i been that important. Stephen they were treating you like justin bieber. I thought they mistook you for justin bieber. If only, if only, we should all be so lucky. Thats a joke. laughter no, they just when we left they were like people were jumping on us and so excited. And we got in the car, and they were just throwing their bodes. I never experienced anything like that in my life. Ive never been michael jackson. Stephen congratulations on orange is the new black and the the new season. Season four of orange is the new black is now streaming on netflix. Natasha lyonne, everybody. Well be right back with 2 chainz. Rockabye stacy, your day is through. Cause sealys support is perfect for you. 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Because you cannot buy this, kind of actually, its just been made nine times in this world. And this whole experience is the ultradiamond Luxury Collection of beverly hielz 90210. What are you paying 100,000 for, brother . Do you see this . Thats 14 karat real diamonds. Stephen please welcome 2 chainz. applause good to see you. Thanks for having me. Stephen come on up. cheers stephen nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too. Stephen youre looking good. I like that outfit. Thank you, i just bought it today. Stephen and that shirt is from your company. The c. E. O. Millionaires. Stephen you bought me one, too. Are these shirts for millionaires or for c. E. O. S . No, this shirt is actually designed to create the next c. E. O. , to create the next entrepreneur, to encourage the millennials, to spark the young lady in the community that has the next big idea. C. E. O. Is about creating every opportunity. Stephen thats what c. E. O. Stands for . Creating every opportunity. cheers and applause yeah. Stephen thank you very much. Thank you very much. And so tshirt is the start. Be looking for big things coming up in the future. applause . Stephen can i ask you a dumb question, please forgive me if this is a question you have heard too many times why 2 chainz . What does 2 chainz mean . I had an original rap name. My original rap name was bleep boy. Stephen do you mind spelling that . laughter am i spelling that correctly . Am i spelling that correctly . With an i at the end. Stephen my apologies. Thats actually like im an only child. Im real close to my mom. It was a childhood name. People in my family were calling me this. Stephen really . When i first got my deal, i was with ludacris, it didnt sit well with everyone. Stephen ladies and gentlemen, bleep boy i knew i always had the juice, you know. So 2 chainz was something that i as a baby, i wore jewelry, a part of my lifestyle. But to put some substance behind it, 2 chainz means this is my second chance. One chain is for who i am now, and the second chain is for who i aspire to be. applause stephen all right. You got a new show called most expensivist bleep . That title is not going to go over with everybody, either. I gotta tell you. Cbs is going to bleep that. But they want it. Stephen but people want it. They want the most expensivist bleep . G. Q. Came to me with the idea. Its basically about improv, meeting someone for the first time that has something that is very dear to them where they spent hundreds of thousands of dollars that was a 100,000 bottle of water. Was it 100,000 fresh . Well, i felt like it made me a better rapper. I went to the studio laughter . Stephen magic water . We need we i need more of this. So i think its, like, i dont know, it might be a placebo. Stephen well, this is an actual this is something that you all brought here. This is a serious can of popcorn. This is one of the things youre covering on the show . Yes, so for the third season im doing the third season right now, ive done everything from the 1500 sun se to the most expensive popcorn. The reason its the most expensive it has the most expensive salt on it. They went way over there. Stephen wow, wow thats a long way, man. That is a long way. You know, i made them give me some. I have some salt they use sparingly. And then it has its something about putting gold on everything stephen can i get a little dpliften as i open this. There it is. Stephen this is carmel corn. This right here. They sell this right here for 5 a kernel. 5. And they put it in a little baggy like youre buying it off an alley. cheers and applause thats, like, 65 worth of popcorn right there. Stephen and where can the budget conscious buy some of this . Where do you get this . Im sure you have the the web site. Yeah. If yall watch the third season youll see this is one of the strange things that i try. Stephen its really good. But its good, though. Stephen you know what it tastes like i know what it tastes like. Stephen it tastes like carmel corn. Crackerjack. A little prize at the bottom. Stephen it is the crack of crackerjack. Anyway, these experiences, like,. This is whats going on. This is what, like, moves me right now. Im actually meeting people for the first time that really care about popcorn and laughter stephen youve got a great job, man. Yeah. Somebody has to do it. Stephen well, congratulations. Congratulations on the new show. Its lovely to meet you. Most expensivist bleep is on the gq channel. 2 chainz, everybody. Who wants this . Come on ,,,,,,, applause stephen hey, everybody. Welcome back. Folks, my next guest tonight is a video game speed runner with the world record for beating super mario bros. 3. Please welcome mitch fowler. Mitch, thank you so much for being here. For the uninitiated, mitch, whats a speed runner . Someone who beats a game as a matter of fact you possibly can. Stephen how quickly can you beat super mario bros. 3 . Three minute and eight seconds. Stephen thats your record. The whole thing, save the princess and everything. Yeah. Thats about as long as it takes a track team to run the 4x400 relay. Do you think you could finish all of super mario bros. 3 faster than it takes four athletes to run a mile . Yeah, i think so so. Stephen your time, the 3 08, is about the time it takes a human being to cook and eept a hot pocket, all right. All right. Stephen do you think you could beat mario 3 as a matter of factoas a matteroffaster tha. Yeah. I accept that challenge and its time for the inaugural late show threelegged race welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the late show threelegged race where we promise someone will be fastest at something. For playbyplay, lets turn it over to cbs sports own ian eagle. Iain. Stephen, thanks very much. Welcome to an unprecedented cbs sports event. I have never, in all my career, enjoyed this many adult beverages before a job. Thats true. At the tube television, we have mitch fowler, a. K. A. Mitch flower power, the super mario bros 3 worldrecord holder. At the microwave, we have Stephen Colbert, with a box of standardissue pepperoni hot pockets. And at new york citys armory track and field center, we have the Columbia University mens 4x400 team. cheers and applause is everybody ready . Stephen yes, im starving racers, to your marks. gunfire its a clean start its noah larteeg on the first leg, as mitch starts his game at level one. Stephen colbert tears open his hot pocket box like a man possessed. No surprise, mitch is flying through this first level. This is like a College Professor dominating kindergarten. Larteegs setting a nice pace, entering the home stretch on that first lap right as mitch completes level one. The venue is the armory. Its an indoor track, so each runner will actually complete two laps before handing off the baton, eight laps total for just over a mile. And everyone has their own pitfalls to avoid. Mario could die. A runner could drop the baton. Colbert could set the timer instead of actually starting the microwave. Makes you wonder how mario would do on a real track. First handoff for columbia this is crucial and they nailed it. Brian browne takes over with a new head of steam. We are neck and pixelated neck here so far. Third level is a big one for mitch. Its where he collects his first warp whistle. He needs two for his run. We have some breaking news. Stephen has picked a noncarousel microwave. He has to stop and rotate the hot pocket by hand. Thats a huge mental error from colbert mitchs first major move is the white platform trick, to disappear behind the scenery. This is no holds barred. Hes pulling out all the stops. Browne starts his last lap, taking that turn right as mitch collects that first warp whistle. Again, this is one of two that he needs. Browne setting a very nice pace on that back stretch, digging deep. Mitch will now make his way to the castle, as browne comes around the bend into his final stretch. Mitch is still cooking. Colbert is cooking hot pocket. The second handoff is to ron busby, who grabs the stick with no issues. Mitch leaps over some lava chasms. Colbert, still waiting for his hot pocket to reach peak temperature, appears to be enjoying the hot pocket, but it is hot. Busby sprinting to the end of the lap. Mitch zeroes in on that second whistle. Mitch now has both of the columbia is cruising. Columbia looking to make the final. Y this is going to be very tight. Here comes calvin. Mitch, hes got to be careful. Very precise series of movements to trigger the gamewinning pledge. Calvin entered the turn before the final lap. It all comes down to this, ladies and gentlemen. We are waiting to see if it is columbia, is it mitch, or is it colbert . Its the final lap. Columbia pushing hard. Mitch triggering the secret door. Yelnats calvin screaming down the back turn as Stephen Colbert shovels pipinghot dough and filling into his mouth. Colbert wins it stephen wooo wooo audience Stephen Stephen stephen. Stephen colbert an upset winner. Stephen its over, baby. Its over. Incredible incredible display in the inaugural late show threelegged race. Stephen iain eagle, everybody. Mitch, thanks very much. Iain eagle, always a thrsh to have you here check out summer games done quick, a 24hour live stream for charity, featuring mitch fowler. It will be through the tenth of july. My tongue might have to be surgically removed. Well be right back, everybody. , late show. Happy fourth of july good night. Captioning sponsored by cbs captioned by Media Access Group at wgbh access. Wgbh. Org reggie are you ready to have some fun feel the love tonight everybody lay back, relax. Its the late, late show. Ladies and gentlemen, all the way from west glassier, montana,