Couldnt you have at least tried . I tried. I smiled. I smiled a lot. You were wincing thats my smile. Thats how i smile. Im just not a people person. But what does that mean . What does that mean . Youre not human . Actually, you know what . That would explain a lot. It wouldnt explain everything, but it would explain a lot. [bang] uh did you hear that . That cant be good. Why are we in this car . I told you julie borrowed my car. Shes moving some furniture. We are in the wrong car. This is the wrong car well, its too late now [engine sputters] ugh. Its not the radiator hose. What about that . Thats the radiator hose. Its not that. Its not the battery. Its not the alternator. What about that . Thats the radiator hose, mr. Monk. You keep pointing to the same thing. Here. Call for help. It says no signal. Well, then go try over there. [suspicious music] [randy newman ragtime theme] its a jungle out there disorder and confusion everywhere no one seems to care well, i do hey, whos in charge here . Its a jungle out there poison in the very air we breathe do you know whats in the water that you drink . Well, i do, and its amazing people think im crazy cause i worry all the time if you paid attention, youd be worried too youd better Pay Attention or this world we love so much might just kill you i could be wrong now but i dont think so cause its a jungle out there its a jungle out there cause its a jungle out there its no ordinary nonfat yogurt. K it has twice the protein of regular lowfat yogurt. And at 80 calories, its the lightest greek yogurt with fruit. Its creamy, thick texture helps satisfy you. So you wont feel like youre running low on satisfaction. Light fit greek. Be light and fit. And satisfied. [ man ] excuse me miss. [ gasps ] this fiber one 90 calorie brownie has all the deliciousness you desire. The brownie of your dreams is now deliciously real. Well, for starters, you got a blown solenoid. Thats just for starters. Monk, Everybody Needs their eyes checked. Stop saying that. I dont need glasses. I definitely saw something. It was some kind of aircraft. Im sure you did, mr. Monk. At least you think you did. It knocked out one, two, three routing switches. Fried some wiring. Its gonna run you 300, parts and labor. Ugh. Well, when will it be ready . Tomorrow if youre lucky. Excuse me. Is there an air force base around here . An air force base . Cant say there is, because there aint. Oh. Weather station . No. We got a new puttputt course out on highway nine. Youre probably wondering why im asking. Not particularly. I, uh, i saw something in the sky last night. Some kind of hovering thing. A hovering thing . Like a flying saucer . Not a saucer, no. Okay, yes. Yes, it was sort of. Saucershaped. I know that sounds crazy not to me. I saw a ghost once. Okay. What . Not the same thing. I saw a ghost. It was in my stepfathers barn. Right. Right, right. What you saw was real but i didnt see a ghost . Theres a difference. Im not you. I, uh, i make my living up here. With my head. Youre calling me stupid. No. [nervous laugh] no, thats not what he meant. Well, maybe im not smart enough to fix your car. Huh . No. No, no, no, no. Sir, sir, sir. Mister, um, mister. Boom. What my friend meant to say no, no, no, no. You can fix the car. Youre car smart. Im car smart . Is that what you just said . I dont remember. Okay, you know what . Heres my new estimate. 800. You just said 300 well, i mustve added the numbers wrong. I was confused. You see, im not really smart up here. Ill go write it up. Apologize. Okay, im sorry. Not to me. To the guy. What for . You called him stupid well. You cant say things like that, mr. Monk. Hes a human being. He has feelings. Do you have no empathy at all for other people . Put yourself in his place. You know, imagine being him. Okay, im him. Oh, god, i got to go take a shower and finish high school. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah, me too. We dont accept checks. [phone rings] stottlemeyer. Captain. Hey, its natalie. Hey. Uh, i dont think were gonna be making that Training Seminar today. Oh, thats all right. We can reschedule it. Whats going on . You okay . Yeah, i think so. You think so . Well, im in nevada with mr. Monk. My car broke down. Were in some town called vintonville. Ive never heard of it. Yeah, i dont think its actually on any maps. Whats wrong with the car . I dont know. Theres only one mechanic in town. His name is boom boom and he already hates us. [laughs] hows monk holding up . Not so good. He thinks he saw a ufo. Really . Well, maybe theyre there to take him home. Maybe thats his ride. [laughs] thats what i said that would explain a lot, wouldnt it . Im really worried, sheriff. I can see that, dolly. Its not like her. All her lights have been out for four days. How do you explain that . We both know what margies like. Remember three years ago . She ran off to reno with the accordion player. Excuse me. Yeah, ill be right with you. Unless its an emergency. No. Good, good. Because frankly i wouldnt know what to do if it was. Well, why didnt she ask me to bring in her mail . She always asks me to bring in her mail. Because maybe she left in a hurry. Maybe she got swept off her feet. This is marge were talking about. Cant you go in and look around. I dont have any cause, dolly. Its only been four days. Come on, i will bet you a slice of your awardwinning pecan pie that next week she shows up with a new boyfriend or a new tattoo or both. It is gonna work itself out, i promise. It always does. [sighs] everybodys business is everybody elses business. Thats why we live here, i guess. So, how can i help you, mister, um. Monk. Adrian monk. Mr. Monk. I was at a wedding last night in montville with my assistant. And we were driving home and the car broke down. It was about a mile north of here. There was a bridge. Yeah, west creek bridge. Well, i saw something. Okay. In. In the sky. Ah. Yeah, itit was about 10 30 p. M. And it was all lit up. It was hovering there. And, uh, and it went zipping around. You saw a ufo . No. No, i didnt say that. Oh. [clears throat] so, uh, was it an object . Yes. Uh, could you identify it . No, no. No. And it was flying. Yes. You add that all up, mr. Monk, youve got yourself a ufo. Okay, look. All im asking is this did anyone else see anything last night . No, sir. Nothing was reported. You know, the weather out here can be a little bit tricky. Occasionally we get something called dry lightening. No, this wasnt lightening. It was a vehicle. It was a flying. Thing. Okay. Wherewhere are you staying . Were at the sleep inn out on route four. Okay, well, i will call you if i hear anything. Thank you so much for stopping by. Okay, can i just say one thing here . Okay, i am not one of those, you know, nuts. Im a former detective. I work for the San Francisco police quite a bit. In fact, you can call them. That wont be necessary. I believe you saw what you saw. Let me show you something, mr. Monk. These are the cases that i have pending. Ive got a rabid raccoon on the loose. And ive got teenagers knocking over some mailboxes. And now ive got dolly who thinks that her neighbors gone missing. And this is a busy week for me. To tell you the truth, i kind of hope youre right. I mean, a martian invasion would be quite a nice change of pace around here. [laughs] look there whats that . Whats that over there . Mr. Monk, its a firefly. Oh, yeah. While i was at the library, i did some research on u you know. Ufos. Right. And they said its usually swamp gas. Yeah, you could be right. Except were 3,000 miles from the nearest swamp. I think i was just tired and seeing things. Yeah, thats what i think. Mr. Monk, ms. Teeger, i got your message about your staying another night. Yeah, is that okay . Sure, no problem. Stay as long as you want. Its nice to have the company and the truth is its been pretty quiet. Is there a problem with your room . I couldnt help noticing all your cleaning supplies. Oh, no, no. Its fine. The hotels great. This is just a hobby. He only bought one bag. Thats like giving you a gold star. [laughs] really . Natalie, natalie, natalie. What . Cheese and crackers. You see that . Are you nodding . Yeah, i am. All whoa im halfway to your heart you have to let me know so i dont make my worst mistake turn around and let you go [ female announcer ] when sweet and salty come together, the taste is irresistible. Made with sweet, smooth Peanut Butter and salted, roasted peanuts. Sweet and salty nut bars by nature valley. Nature at its most delicious. Well, inside the brewer, theres a giant staircase. And the room is filled with all these different kinds of coffee. Actually, i just press this button. Brew what you love, simply. Keurig. Oh, just diagramminghey mike. This accident are you up to . With my state farm pocket agent app. You can also get a quote and pay your premium with this thing. I thought state farm didnt have all those apps . Where did you hear that . The internet. And you believed it . Yeah. They cant put anything on the internet that isnt true. Where did you hear that . [ both ] the internet. Oh look. Here comes my date. I met him on the internet. Hes a french model. Uh, bonjour. [ male announcer ] state farm. More mobile than ever. Get to a better state. [sighs] [groans] [grumbles] [sighs] [excited chatter] i bet they came from andromeda from the first or second nebulae, which means theyve been traveling for 5,217 years. There are no inhabitable planets in the andromeda galaxy, nimrod. Dont call him nimrod. Its okay. Its my name. Oh. Hey guys guys, you know there was a sighting here 65 years ago. Government said that it was a weather balloon. A weather balloon . Excuse me. Did you make the video, the one on the internet . That was me. Whered you see it . Over there, right above that tree. Oh. Who are they . Oh, its the internet, mr. Monk. News like this travels fast. Ah, the internet people. Hi. Is this the lobby . Its right over there. Whats going on here . Is there a loser convention in town . Somebody saw a flying saucer. A flying saucer . I know. The image i saw was clearly a class four intergalactic doom freighter. Flying saucer . Theyre coming for the oxygen. Have the negotiations started yet . Uh, we havent heard. Im gonna call the garage, see if the cars ready. Yeah, dial fast. Dial like the wind. Excuse me. The hotel clerk said that you were the alpha contact. The alpha contact . The first to see them. Did the saucer make any noise . Were the lights blinking . And was it like a random blinking or was it more rhythmic . Were you probed . Uh, nahnahno. Are you sure . Sometimes they probe you and give you an amnesia pill. Yeah, id remember. Sometimes they give you a frontal lobotomy. Id still remember. Natalie [beeping] um, pardon me. Pardon me. The parts not in yet. I think hes still mad at you. Call him again. Call him back it was just two minutes ago. Well, offer him more money. Offer to marry him they found the landing site [beeping] excuse me. Dont touch that. That could be evidence. One, two, three, four depressions. Maybe its from the landing gear. Holy moly this one actually might be real a real one finally. Cant wait to tell my stepdad. Hes been laughing at me for 20 years. Look at these burn marks. They must be from the from the from thewhat do you call it . The thrusters. Somebody should get a picture of this. So, what do you think . I cant think. All these internet people. Were going to fan out and look for the rest of the fleet. Great idea. Fan out. Fan way out. Way, way, way, way out. Well, there was something here. I mean, something made these impressions. It had to be last night because it rained yesterday. Mr. Monk, isnt it possible . We both saw what we saw. No no, it is not possible. Of course its possible. As carl sagan said, its pure hubris to assume our tiny blue marble could contain the only intelligent life in the galaxy. The aliens have arrived. Or. Or what . Or anything. Any other explanation. Itit might have been some kind of a prank. Maybe some college kids. Why would they bother . I dont know. All i know is it wasnt from. Outer space. All right . Lets agree to disagree, hmm . Lets agree to not even do that. Wipe. What is he doing . He has a little germ thing. You afraid of our germs . Not yours in particular. Anybodys. Hes not sweating. Yeah, i noticed that too. How come youre not sweating . I dont sweat. Iits a glandular thing. He was the alpha contact. He was going like this. What do you think it means . Its some kind of signal. No, its not a signal. Itit just helps me concentrate. Can we see your belly button . No, you may not. What are you doing . Were showing you ours. Now you show us yours. He has a belly button, okay . Pretty sure. Youre pretty sure . But youve never seen it. Hes not an alien. Are you sure about that . 100 . What do you want from us . How often do you excrete . Oh. See, our cars in the shop. Yeah. So, and we think its ready. And i think theyre calling, actually. Theyre ready. They just called me. Another day . Its my distributor. He sent me the wrong part. I guess hes even more stupid than i am. Heres the thing, bobo. Its boom boom. Boom boom. Sorry. We really have to get back home, so we could pay extra if theres any way we could expedite things. Well, lets see. Well give him a call. Its ringing. Charlie its your old pal, boom boom. Okay, listen, boom boom. About yesterday, im sorry i said you were stupid out loud. Youre not sorry you thought it, youre just sorry you said it . Yeah, im not gonna apologize for thinking just dont say anything else im not shh were gonna check back in with you later, boom boom. Thank you. Over here not so loud. Youll scare them away. I dont think so. Saw a movie once about an extra terrestrial who didnt know he was an extra terrestrial. They rewired his brain or something. I dont watch movies. Give me bad dreams. Thats funny. In the movie, the extra terrestrial had bad dreams. What are you talking about . Nothing. [horn honks] mr. Monk, you mentioned you were a detective. I took the liberty of calling San Francisco. Spoke to leland stottlemeyer. He spoke very highly of you. I wonder if you could help us out. Edward garcia, adrian monk, natalie teeger. Dr. Garcia and i dont get many cases like this, so we want to be sure that wt it right. Oh, god. Oh, no oh, the poor thing. The missing woman . I owe dolly a big apology. This is, or was marge larkin. Wheres her face . Coyotes, probably. Shes been five days, maybe six in the sun. She was a hiker . Marge was a lot of things. She, uh, she came into a little bit of money a few years ago when her parents died, and so she just dabbled in all kinds of things. Yoga, spelunking, trout farming. And apparently hiking. Wheres her face . We already talked about the face, okay . Where did they find her . A couple of those ufo aficionados found her in the foothills about five miles west. Just lucky break. They were all out there looking for e. T. She couldve been out there forever. I figure she was hiking along the ridge, fell somehow, hit her head, and died instantly. And then the coyotes mustve dragged the body about a mile, maybe two, into the desert. Dr. Garcias written accidental death on the certificate, but i asked him to write it in pencil because i wanted to get a second opinion. Why . Its a very small town, mr. Monk. And marge larkin was as close as we have to an important person. So, like i said, i wanted to get this right. Yeah, please. So, head trauma. She fell face first. Theres no defensive wounds. Nono scratches. So, she didnt put her hands out when she fell. These clothes appear to be new. Sleeves are too short. [blowing] and the treads on these boots, theyre not warn down at all. What was that . Silicon packet. They sometimes put them in new boots. Well, she couldnt have been hiking, not with that in her shoe. Mmmmm. What does it mean . It means that somebody dressed her after she was dead. After she was murdered. It means that somebody dressed her after she was dead. Its no ordinary nonfat yogurt. K it has twice the protein of regular lowfat yogurt. And at 80 calories, its the lightest greek yogurt with fruit. Its creamy, thick texture helps satisfy you. So you wont feel like youre running low on satisfaction. Light fit greek. Be light and fit. And satisfied. Thank you again for calling me. Of course we called you, kyle. Youre her brother. Is there anybody else we should notify . No, it was just me and marge. Cant believe she kept all this junk. Its like a pawn shop. When was the last time you were here . 6 1 2 years ago, my fathers funeral. Its no secret. Marge and i, we werent close. Mmhmm. You. You never spoke. Oh, christmas, birthdays. Families, you know. Its complicated. Excuse me. Her plants are dying. Do you mind . Sure, thank you. Marge loved these plants. Wasnt crazy about people but she loved her foliage. Last i heard you had a shop in san diego. Yeah, it was fun while it lasted. I filed chapter 11 a year ago. Whole mall went under. You need a deputy . What is it . Its doublesided tape. There was a rug here. What is that . Its from a shirt. A new shirt. I think she was killed here in this room. And then redressed. You really think someone murdered my sister . Sheriff, id like to see where they found the body. [beeping] you hear that . What the hell is that . They think that mr. Monk is from outer space. [laughs] hes not. Hey get off the van, you freak whats wrong with you . My sister just died. There he is where are you from . I was born in marin county. Really, hes not alien. Hes just persnickety. What is love . I dont know. What is the frequency . Uh, yeah, i dont know. Really, he doesnt know the frequency. Can we touch you . No, dont touch him our germs are poison to him actually, that ones kind of true. Please, monk, weve been waiting for so long. We just need some answers. You just stay back. Weve got some earth business to take care of. Make him show you his belly button yeah, thats right they found the body here against this rock. The coyote tracks heading west, but theyre gone now. Can they drag a body that far . Oh, sure. Ive seen them drag a deer carcass seven miles. [car approaching] listen. [car door shuts] somebodys here. Thought i saw something following us. Must be one of your ufo buddies. What the hell did you say to them anyway . Nothing. I was just minding my own business. Was being myself. And suddenly everybody wants to know the frequency. [gunshots, bullets ricocheting] ah for the love of god, mr. Monk show them your belly button never get down get down its sandy. Well, just squat squat [gunshots] stay here. Ow oh, no oh, god look, youre bleeding its probably from the bullet. Ow. [engine starts] wait, listen, listen. I think hes leaving. [vehicle driving off] come in. This is sheriff fletcher. Hello, anybody . What about the cell . No signal. Well, at least he didnt kill us. Are we sure about that . Lets revue the situation, shall we . Were in the desert. No car, no radio. And coyotes faceeating coyotes and things that eat the faceeating coyotes, and things that eat the things that eat yeah, we get it. He left us for dead. So what do we do . Well, i would very much like to disappoint him. One of us is gonna have to go get help. The highways about 15 miles that way. All right, natalie and i will go. Mr. Monk, we cant leave him. Hes been shot. Okay. Natalie and i will stay here. Mr. Monk, he cant walk. Well, what do you suggest, natalie . Do you have any ideas at all . Yeah. You get help. I stay here and take care of the sheriff. Any ideas at all. Because if you do, id really like to hear them. So, no ideas. Not a one. [quirky mysterious music] uhn [heaves and groans] are you okay . Just keep going, mr. Monk. You can do it what are you doing . Thats the only water you have. Dont waste it theyre all sandy. No, mr. Monk. Save the water. Just go go [sighs] thats better. Heres what happened. [laughs] who are you talking to . Who are you talking to . Its evidence. Lets take it with us. I usually have some candy in here. Here. Heres some breath mints. Is that it . [coyote howls] im gonna ask you if that was a coyote and you say no. Was that a coyote . No. Really, was it a coyote . Yeah. [howling] im sweating. Look, im sweating okay. Im human. Not particularly proud of it. Im human, okay . Oh, this is it. This is where it ends. This is it. Surrounded by dirt. Covered in dirt. You win, dirt congratulations, dirt well played. Oh, natalie, you were right. You called it. Im dying alone. I dont want to die alone. I want people. People. [crying] who said it. I like people. Gimme a chance just give me once more chance. Ill be nice. Ill beill be good. Ill beill be empathetic. Ill be the empathetic detective. Just. Just send me some people please i need people. People. People mr. Monk not these people. Youre always on, so were always ready. Tyson grilled ready chicken. No preservatives, 98 fat free, and fully cooked. Well take care of dinner, you take care of everything else. Discover card. How can i help you . Oh, uhuh. Youre real . You know im real with our new card, were always here to talk. Well thats good, cause i dont have time for machines. Some Companies Just dont appreciate the power of conversation real people. Mmhmm. Its like im calling the land of machines and with that robot voice oh, i dont like those machines. Oh now, how can i help you . Oh. laughs i dont even remember. At discover, we treat you like youd treat you. Talk to a real person. Get the new it card at discover. Com. Your doctor will say get smart about your weight. Thats why theres glucerna hunger smart shakes. They have carb steady, with carbs that digest slowly to help minimize blood sugar spikes. [ male announcer ] glucerna hunger smart. A smart way to help manage hunger and diabetes. [grumbling] doctor, doctor, i think hes awake. Mr. Monk . [moans] what did he say . Floss. Floss . He means his teeth. Mr. Monk, you flossed your teeth last night in the hospital for about three hours. Then you took a fourhour shower. I dont think theres any hot water left in the whole state. Lets try this again. Adrian, when they found you, you were carrying this bag. You wouldnt let go of it. I think its important. Im looking at batteries, engine lubricant, eye glass wipes. I know what happened. You mean about the ufo or about marges murder . Both. Its all connected. The eye glass wipes, theyre kyle larkins. He killed his sister. For the money, of course. He put her in a hiking outfit and dumped her body in the desert. It would look like an accident. Like she was out hiking, lost her footing, and fell. As soon as anybody found the body, hed be rich. He went home and waited for the call that his sisters body had been discovered. But something was wrong. The call never came. He realized the coyotes mustve dragged it away. Without the body, he couldnt prove she was dead. He had to find it, but how . You said kyle owned a store. I could make out some of the lettering on the door of his van. It said models and hobbies. Thats right. He sold kits for model trains. And airplanes. And airplanes. [weakly] more. He needed somebody else to find that body. Anybody else. So he build a ufo. It was a just a Remote Control model. Then he made what looked like a landing site. He knew somebody would see it and the news would spread. He knew the internet people would come. They believe anything. So basically he was putting together a search party. He just needed people out there looking around the desert. He knew someone would eventually find his sister. It has been an honor to watch you guys work. Mr. Monk, ms. Teeger, i am going to be forever grateful that your vehicle broke down in my neck of the woods. But if you will excuse me, i have a suspect i need to go arrest. Heh, your fan clubs here. [beeping] theyre gonna be mighty disappointed that none of this was real. Ill tell them. Let melet me talk to them. Okay . Okay. [theme from 2001 a space odyssey] okay, natalie. Watch this. [cheering and excited chatter] hello, again. Hello. Hello, again. I have some good news. The object we saw was not a ufo. It was just a toy. I Remote Control model designed by a man who murdered his sister. Youll read all about it tomorrow in the newspaper. So you can all go now. Please, go home. Go, please. Stop wasting your time. Live life. Find, you know, employment and. Fall in love. Youre human. Right . Its a gift. Its a precious, precious thing. You want to appreciate it. Okay, thank you. Wow. Mr. Monk, good for you. That was great. You were sensitive and respectful. Thats the nicest thing ive ever seen anyone . Not anyone, but you. The nicest thing ive ever seen you do. Is there a problem . Youre not fooling anyone . Excuse me . We dont believe a word of that. Yeah, that was no model. And its obviously a coverup. Youre just trying to manipulate us. [people agreeing] yeah, we want the truth. Okay. Okay. [robotically] earth people of the net, you were right. I am not. Human. I traveled here to your how do you say . Planet. On a class four intergalactic doom freighter. I knew it i was sent to, you know, prepare the way and to. Observe things and probe things and do alien. Things to everyone. Because the portions were much larger. And i just felt like i needed to eat it all because it was so yummy. Weight watchers online worked for me because it lets me live my life. I can still go out with my friends. I can still enjoy my Favorite Foods and drinks. Its just a smarter way of eating. I lost 40 lbs. Wow its amazing. My most favorite part of my new body is my bottom. [ laughs ] [ hudson ] Weight Watchers online. The power of Weight Watchers completely online. Join for free today. Antiaging . Make mine triple power loreals new revitalift triple power. For the three dimensions of aging. One. Repair wrinkles two. Refirm contours. Three. Replenish facial volume. Loreals new revitalift triple power. [ female announcer ] now your best accessory can be your smile. With colgate optic white toothpaste. It whitens over 2 shades more than a leading whitening toothpaste. So with colgate optic white, the only accessory you need to look fabulous is your smile. Colgate optic white. Whiter teeth in 1 week. Now try new colgate optic white mouthwash. For a whiter smile even faster, use the whole whitening line. Whiter teeth in 5 days. Hello . Hello. Youre in the paper today. Kyle larkin confessed to killing his sister. He confessed to everything. I guess he didnt have any choice after all that evidence theyd found in his van. What about the tinfoil brigade . Are they still out front . Just a few. Most of them went home. You need some help . No, no, im fine. Just cleaning. I havent dusted up here for two or three hours. What are you doing . Nothing. Were you trying to look inside my shirt . No, no. Oh, my god. You dont think i have a belly button. No [scoffs] no. Its just ever since we got back, ive been having crazy dreams. About me, natalie . Im not from outer space. I know. Im sure youre not. Can i see it . No, you may not honestly. I am as human as anything in this room. See, right there. Right there when you say things like that, it doesnt make sense. Anybody would be curious. Just a peak just a peak no get away from me come on, come on, come on no why not . Because its an outie . Come on, mr. Monk. You cant stay in there forever. Leave me alone. Mr. Monk, come on leave me alone or i will destroy your whole planet. Ah [laughs] mr. Monk, come on. Little peak. Little one, come on. Captioning by captionmax www. Captionmax
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