And featuring the legendary roots crew. Questlove 668. Steve and now, here he is, jimmy fallon [ cheers and applause ] jimmy i feel the love i feel the love. I give it right back to you. Thank you. Welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the tonight show. Baby, this is it. [ cheers and applause ] you made it. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for watching. Heres what people are talking about. Some big news out of washington. Today the house voted to pass the republican healthcare bill before taking an 11day recess. They say theyre going to use the break to kick back, relax and finally read the bill they just voted for. And you go, thats good. [ cheers and applause ] at least, they should read it. Steve a lot of paperwork. Jimmy actually when republicans in congress were rushing through vote on the bill today a reporter was there asking if they read it. And check out some of their responses. Watch this. Congressmen, have you read the bill . Have you read the healthcare bill . Have you read the healthcare bill . Have you read this bill, congressman . Congressman, have you read the bill . No, were in a hurry. Well be back. Jimmy seriously, i did a a better job lying on my book reports. [ applause ] get this. I actually saw that two democrats accidentally voted yes on the bill before switching their votes to a no. When asked if they were embarrassed, they said, no, yes. [ laughter and applause ] i saw that democrats are calling for the new republican healthcare bill to be called trumpcare. Experts say thats the first time the words trump and care have ever been said together. [ laughter and applause ] actually, Reince Priebus said that trump helped pass the bill by punting the ball into the end zone. [ laughter ] when told that analogy didnt quite make sense he said, i meant that he hit a grand slam into the net and slapped the puck right into the hoop. Is that better . [ applause ] of course, the other big story is that trump is scheduled to come back to new york city today. [ audience boos ] thats right. Yeah, roads were closed, traffic was a mess, everyone was in a bad mood and then it got worse when trump showed up. [ laughter and applause ] but the president s been keeping busy. Yesterday, he welcomed palestinian leader, mahmoud abbas, to the white house. All day trump practiced how to say his name by singing the wheels on the bus go round and round round and round round and round the wheels on the bus hello, mr. Bus. Its not mr. Bus. [ laughter ] i screwed it up. Hello, mr. School bus. Steve honk, honk. Jimmy mr. School honk. Mr. School bus. [ light laughter ] today, trump tweeted that the media is out of control saying, that they will do or say anything to get attention. [ laughter ] then he honked the horn of an 18wheeler, posed for a picture with kid rock, and accused obama of spying on him from his microwave. [ applause ] honk, honk. [ truck horn honk ] was that you . Steve no. That was fred. Jimmy was that fred . Was that you . You played [ truck horn honk ] you had a horn sound effect ready to play . Yeah. Jimmy fantastic. [ ding ] steve wow. Jimmy oh, my gosh steve oh [ applause ] jimmy big time. This is the tonight show, man. We dont fool around. We dont fool around. Right, slap sound effect. [ slap sound ] hey [ laughter ] this is weird. Chick, chick. [ gunshot ] steve whoa jimmy all right, im freaking out. Never mind, never, mind. [ laughter ] i didnt know we could do all that stuff. Thats fun. Hey, guys, tomorrow is Cinco De Mayo [ cheers and applause ] steve yes jimmy raise your hand if youve been pregaming since st. Patricks day. Alright. Thats enough. Thats a lot of people. But did you see this though . President trump canceled his white house Cinco De Mayo celebration. Yeah, he made the decision after mexico said they wouldnt pay for it. Steve really . [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, exactly. Steve wow. Jimmy as always, millions of people will celebrate Cinco De Mayo but Many Americans dont actually know that much about the holiday. So joining us now to explain more is tonight show write and selfproclaimed Cinco De Mayo expert, arthur meyer. Welcome, arthur. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. [ applause ] hello, jimmy, or as we say on Cinco De Mayo, hola. [ laughter ] that means hello. Jimmy i know. So what can you tell us about Cinco De Mayo . Well jimmy, lots of folks think that Cinco De Mayo is mexican independence day. Wrong. It actually celebrates the mexican armys victory in a a battle over france. But the true spirit of Cinco De Mayo is you and me chilling with some coronas at your place. Jimmy wait, what . [ laughter ] chilling at my place . Yeah, no, yeah, no, yeah. Im thinking it will be a low key thing. You know, super cas. Ill bring my girl. Actually, theres no girl, so it will just be me. [ laughter ] jimmy thats not going to happen. Oh, yeah, no, yeah, no, yeah, no. I got you muchacho. Just keep your door unlocked, ill slip in, well party. Super fun. Super chill. Low key. Fun hang. Super key. Chill key. Jimmy stop saying stop saying those things, please. Werent you supposed to be telling us what Cinco De Mayo is . Yeah, no, yeah, no, yeah, no, totally, no. Yeah, no, totally, no, yeah jimmy arthur, arthur. All right, yeah, no. Jimmy arthur . How about you pick me up at 9 00 a. M. , spot me some taco money. We throw back some tequilas may be some sangrias, margaritas, super cas, we go out salsa dancing until 4 00 a. M. , then we get matching jimmy and arthur cinco buds forever tattoos and call it a night. Jimmy no that is not no [ cheers and applause ] whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Im not doing any of that. Especially im not getting matching tattoos. Well, i mean, could you reconsider . cause i already got mine. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy yeah sure. My cinco bud forever, arthur meyer, everybody, right there. Yeah, no. [ cheers and applause ] it will be fun. Jimmy guys, listen to this. I read that japan [ laughter ] i read that japan is trying to hire more ninjas to entertain tourists. Well, we actually have an amazing ninja who works at our show. Dave, come on out here. Yeah, dave jimmy wasnt he great. Wasnt that fantastic . Amazing. [ laughter ] hes the best. Dont do that to me, dave. [ applause ] we have a great show tonight. Give it up for the roots, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy that is Grammy Nominated musician, joey defrancesco, sitting in with the roots tonight. [ cheers and applause ] he knows how to do it. All night long is going to be here. Thank you so much for being here, buddy. His new album project freedom is available right now. Go download it wherever you can get records. Pick it up. I mean, youre the best. Thanks so much for being here, man. Oh man, thanks for having me. You kidding me . Jimmy im so happy youre here. Thank you, very, very much. Jimmy weve got fun show tonight. He is hosting saturday night live this weekend live everywhere and soon you can see him in the blockbuster movie wonder woman chris pine is here tonight. Steve yeah [ cheers and applause ] jimmy we love him. We love him. Steve we like. Jimmy hes great, right . Steve hes great. Jimmy hes funny. He can sing. Its gonna be a good show. He can do characters, yeah its going to be good. Chris and i are going to play a a game of slapjack later in the show. Steve ooh. Jimmy be sure to stick around for that. Im never good at this. Plus i cannot wait to talk to her. Shes funny, she is witty, shes cool. Im so obsessed with her and she couldnt care less about me. Fran lebowitz is here, you guys. [ cheers and applause ] we love fran lebowitz. And weve got great new music from halsey, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] halsey. Halsey. Hey, guys, as everyone knows, today is may 4th, also known as star wars day, may the 4th be with you. And, of course, that means tomorrow is may 5th, which is Cinco De Mayo. Now, a lot of people dont know this but also may 5th happens to be International Tuba day. Did anyone know that . [ light laughter ] it really is. So now star wars, Cinco De Mayo, International Tuba day. Thats a lot of stuff crammed into 48 hours. [ light laughter ] so we thought why not take it a a step further and try to combine them all into one super performance. So ladies and gentlemen, here now to perform an all a a special alltuba slash salsa medley of star wars songs please welcome the Rutgers University tuba section featuring the roots. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy may the 4th be with you. Happy Cinco De Mayo. Give it up for the roots and the rutgers marching band. Well be back with tonight show hashtags. [ cheers and applause ] shop kohls Friends Family sale this weekend and take an extra 20 off sale prices on a great gift for mom like diamond earrings for only 39. 99 take an extra 20 off a ninja coffee bar and new sandals are just 11. 99. Youll get kohls cash too kohls. Someday youll let me put my way ycomb up there air til then youre beautiful and i just stare neighborhood. One of the victims a Vice President of engineering at Juniper Networks in sunnyvale. The story is on our website. Reveal and the case is now in the hands of the jury. Jurors deliberating the fate of Antolin Garcia torres. He s accused of kidnapping and killing sierra lamar 5 years ago. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy ooh. That was really good. Ooh, yeah. That was fantastic. Was that nice . Steve late night jimmy welcome back. It is time for tonight show hashtags, everybody. Steve yeah jimmy here we go. [ cheers and applause ] Hashtags Hashtags jimmy all right, guys. We do this thing every wednesday where i send out a a hashtag, and we ask you guys to respond to that topic. We like to play with you guys. So since its springtime and prom is just around the corner, i sent out a hashtag called, prom fail. [ light laughter ] i asked you guys to send us funny, weird, or embarrassing stories about your high school prom. We got a giant response. Within 30 minutes, it was a a trending topic in the u. S. So thank you for getting involved. [ cheers and applause ] we love doing it. Dave, do we have my photo of my prom . She was very [ cheers ] that was loudetia. Steve very tan and very pale. Jimmy yes, im very pale in that shot, yeah. She was awesome. [ light laughter ] now i thought id share some of my favorite prom fail stories from you guys. Here we go. This first one is from peytonism. He said, everyone else had their arms around their dates, being the only single one, my friends mom had me hug myself for pictures. [ laughter and applause ] steve oh, come on. Jimmy i wish hed sent a a picture of that one, yeah. Steve yeah. Jimmy this one is from hannahpolakowski. She says, my date decided eating at burger king before prom was romantic. He asked for a crown, placed it on my head, gazed into my eyes, and said, you can have it your way. [ laughter and applause ] steve oh, take me home. Jimmy keep it greasy, man. This is emilypfeifer. She says, when we were getting our prom pictures, my dress was the same color as the green screen behind us. [ audience aws ] this is real. Look at the photo. [ laughter and applause ] steve wow. Jimmy thats fantastic. Steve i wasnt wearing any clothes. Jimmy thats great, man. This ones from stoop0589. He says, i was 52, and my date was 510 and a volleyball star. Look at the photo. [ laughter and applause ] oh, man. This ones from louisvillejenna. She says, i made the same stupid face while dancing at all three of my proms. Theres photo evidence. And [ laughter and applause ] i like that face. Steve oh whats up . [ light laughter ] jimmy i think shes cute. This ones from therappertco. He says, my date showed up on my doorstep with a bike and told me to get on the pegs. [ laughter and applause ] like, the bmx bikes. They used to have pegs on the back. Anyways, this last ones from mealy07. She says, while dancing in a a group, my prom date whipped out two laser pointers and danced with them, shouting, robo prom [ laughter and applause ] that sounds pretty fun. Steve oh, man come on, man. Jimmy that sounds fun to me, man. Robo prom . Steve robo prom. Jimmy can we dim the lights, get some music . Lets do this. [ cheers and applause ] there you have it, guys. Those are our tonight show hashtags. [ cheers and applause ] to check out more of our favorites, go to tonight show. Com hashtags. Stick around. Well be right back with chris pine, ladies and gentlemen. [ cheers and applause ] ugh, no bars. 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Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome chris pine [ cheers and applause ] jimmy thats what im talking about. Yeah, man. Jimmy welcome. Thats how you make an entrance right there. Jimmy lets talk about this. Youre hosting saturday night live. This is a giant deal. This is actually live. I know. Jimmy no, no i dont wanna make ya im not making you nervous, but i am. I know, man. Jimmy its really live, though. Its going live everywhere. I know, jimmy, i know. [ laughter ] jimmy i mean, l. A. At 8 30. Super live, yeah. Jimmy its at new york city at 11 30. L. A. At 8 30. Its a live, live show. Okay, we can stop talking about that. [ laughter ] jimmy are you nervous . Im terrified. [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, i know. Are you excited . What todays thursday. So, its gonna no, im excited. So, yeah. Jimmy i heard that you you laugh a lot. You like to enjoy comedy. Like you. Jimmy whats that . You were my huh . Jimmy what are you talking about . [ laughter ] what are you talking about . Jimmy i wasnt going to say that. Yeah, i do like you were my favorite part of the show back you know, because you couldnt keep your stuff together. [ laughter ] [ cheers ] jimmy well be right back with more fran lebowitz, everybody [ laughter ] jimmy yeah, no, i had fun on there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I grew up i grew up a little bit. But i had you know, because i did after college i did a musical in l. A. And it was a very small musical in a very small theater. We didnt get many people. But i was very excited. I was really nervous, it was my first musical. But we had one guy in the ensemble who every time i looked at him, i would start laughing. So i started doing this thing where i would just look past him. Just look right jimmy yeah. [ laughter ] and do an entire like fourpage scene with him. But then i couldnt jimmy that would make me laugh. But then i couldnt do that, because then i started laughing cause i was looking past him. [ laughter ] so there was no real answer. No real answer to the corpsing or whatever. Jimmy well, like, do it now. Just tell me a story about your first car or something, yeah. Does it look like hes looking at me . Jimmy . Jimmy yeah. [ laughter ] thats perfect. Jimmy thats perfect. Im mean, but its the first time hosting saturday night live. But theres a lot of good firsts for you this year. You were on the Barbra Streisand duets. Yeah, indeed. Jimmy Barbra Streisands duets. Yeah. Jimmy you sang a duet with Barbra Streisand. It was just me and barb. I call her barb. [ cheers ] jimmy you call her barb . No, i do not call her barb. Do you call her barb . Jimmy no, i call her miss miss streisand. Jimmy miss streisand. [ light laughter ] absolutely, yeah. Yeah. Jimmy shes the greatest. But how did how did you get the call . And how does i dont know jimmy thats nerveracking. That was well, that was nerverack i mean, and when i got the call, i thought i thought she just wanted to sing with me on the entire album. [ laughter ] jimmy really . Yeah. Jimmy wow. That must have been disappointing. Very, yeah. Jimmy its like, oh, thanks, but no thanks. Sure, sure. Jimmy absolutely, yes. Okay, you know, that makes sense. Jimmy ive gotta start practicing. Gonna start breaking out the old journals. Figuring out what i want to write about. Jimmy oh, you guys gonna write songs wow. No, no, and then they they just pitched me a couple songs and whatever, you know, song i jimmy you nailed it. You were fantastic. Thanks, man. Thank you. Jimmy and the album went number one. Yeah, it did jimmy youre on a number one album. Yeah, i mean, its pretty exciting. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy you know your suff. Easy peasy. But then youre in these number one movies. Your i like a you do kind of you do some smaller movies, but then you do these giant, big action movies. Star trek obviously comes to mind. The first one, but [ cheers and applause ] heres the thing about i dont know how you do the scenes in star trek because i would i just dont know how to do like the shooting and the rolling i dont know how to do that either. [ light laughter ] jimmy how would you how would you audition for . How do you audition first . Did you go in and just roll around the floor in the office . [ light laughter ] well, no forget all cause in an action film with a a gun, they have a blank in it that makes it sound like youre, you know, shooting a a gun. In star trek you have something looks vaguely like a a stapler. [ laughter ] and you know. And youre doing these things and you it doesnt do anything but pew, pew [ laughter ] jimmy but you cant make those noises. I dont make a pew, pew, i try to give it some oomph. So i just [ phaser noise ] you know . Jimmy do you actually say that . I do that. Jimmy you go a [ phaser noise ] well, i mean, to get into the spirit of it. cause at first, your just again, you have just this plastic stapler, and youre like [ phaser noise ] you have to give it a little jimmy i had a fake fake gun. I was in a movie called taxi thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] thank you. Grab my arm as he [ laughter ] that was perfect. That was great. [ laughter ] so we had i had this gun and i had to i had to shoot a a gun, you know, at something, at the robbers or something. And i kept going like poh, poh and they go, that was great, cut. Jimmy, stop making these sound effects. We [ laughter ] i know. Jimmy were gonna make this sound like a real gun, yeah. Lets talk about wonder woman. This is like an origin story for her, right . Yeah, so the idea behind it is that she wonder woman jimmy gal gadot. Gal gadot, grows up on an island called themyscira, which is a land of women, only women. And far from the land of men and the war that takes place in the early 20th century, around world war i. And i crash land on the island, i meet her, and i bring her back to the land of men. And im a spy, a jaded guy whos seen kind of everything. And shes this strong, beautiful, hopeful woman who has many ideas about the future of mankind, about what they can do and achieve. And i think its a bunch of hogwash and then they jimmy there you go. [ laughter ] that sums it up right there. Perfect. I want to show a clip. It comes out june 2nd, is that correct . Yeah. Jimmy is that right . I think. I just want to make sure thats correct. Does it say . Nope. Jimmy doesnt say on there either . It says you were in taxi . [ laughter and applause ] jimmy heres chris pine and gal gadot in wonder woman. Take a look at this. Oh, its the bad guy convention. Give us dr. Marus notebook. Where did i put that thing . Stand back. Or maybe not. Tough luck. Is there anything else you want to show me . Jimmy yeah [ cheers and applause ] lefty lefty its that old south paw. No, i had to do it for the shot. Very awkward. Its very awkward. Jimmy well, which arm are we going use when we when we play slapjack . Right here. There you go. Jimmy cause were about to play a really intense game involving blackjack and slapping each other. Its called slapjack, when we come back. Stick around. Chris pine, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] chevy is the most awarded car Company Three years in a row. Really. Lets see how quickly you can read through all their awards. 2017 motor trend car of the year. Kelly blue book 2016 best resale value. U. S. News best cars for the money 10 best blah blah blah only about 90 more to go 2017 iihs. Top safety. 2017 north american car of the year thats a lot of awards get 20 below msrp on all malibu lt models. Thats 5,200 on this chevy malibu. Find new roads at your local chevy dealer. 100 beef burgers melty goa certain amount of classiness is to be expected. 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And, yes, you can buy it today because the future doesnt start next week, next month or next year. The future starts now. In the hydrogenfueled toyota mirai. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy welcome back, everybody. Im here with chris pine [ cheers and applause ] he is hosting saturday night live this weekend with musical guest lcd soundsystem. Chris and i are about to play a a game called slapjack. It works the same as blackjack, but at the end of each round the winner gets to slap the loser across the face with a a giant prosthetic hand. [ cheers and applause ] the first to win three rounds is the winner. We take turns dealing. [ slap ] if its a tie if its a tie, the dealer loses. Chris is our guest. Youre going to deal first. [ light laughter ] two cards each. Loser gets slapped. Here we go. Up. Jimmy no, up to you. Its the second time ive played blackjack. [ light laughter ] up. [ laughter ] jimmy okay. Okay. [ light laughter ] all right. So i hit me. Dont hit me, but hit me, right . Hit me, baby, one more time. Thats good. Jimmy thats fantastic. 19, im going to stay, man. Great. Jimmy yeah, beat 19. Oops. Its a push jimmy what does that mean . Dealer loses. Dude, youre going to be so great on saturday night live. Im so psyched. I cant wait to watch. [ light laughter ] [ slap ] [ cheers and applause ] i went easy on you. I went easy on you there. All right, here we go. All right. Oh, right. You know how to do it . Jimmy no. [ light laughter ] up. And then down. Up . No, no, up. Jimmy and then down. Down. [ light laughter ] jimmy and then up. Up. Jimmy 12, loser no jimmy wait, ready . Come on. Jimmy ooh. 16. Hit me. 22 jimmy are we only playing to two . [ slap ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy 22. Look at that. Look at the slowmo there. [ light laughter ] all right were playing one more . Playing that was ridiculous. All right lets play one more and then well see whoever wins this this is for worth all the points. Do you can you deal . Can you deal . Jimmy no. Ah, man. [ light laughter ] jimmy this is very good. Ready . Yep, up. Jimmy down. Up. And then down. [ laughter ] jimmy we are the worst at playing blackjack. All right, here we go. Hit me. Gosh [ slap ] [ cheers and applause ] [ slap ] chris pine, everybody. Wonder woman is in theaters june 2nd. You can see him hosting saturday night live this weekend. Well be right back with fran lebowitz, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] shop kohls Friends Family sale this weekend and take an extra 20 off sale prices on a great gift for mom like diamond earrings for only 39. 99 take an extra 20 off a ninja coffee bar and new sandals are just 11. 99. Youll get kohls cash too kohls. I believe in me too. I am the unicorn of your confidence but the rare few can inspire them. S. With a naturally aspirated 5liter v8 engine, and a 10speed directshift transmission. The firstever lexus lc. Experience amazing. New degree ultraclearnt saving black white. Othes. No yellow stains on white clothes. No white marks on black clothes. New degree ultraclear black white. It wont let you down. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy our next guest is a a celebrated writer and a a new york legend. We love having her on the show. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome fran lebowitz. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy fran, you look so psyched to be here. My gosh, i cant wait to get into it. [ laughter ] i cant wait to get into it. How are you . How are you doing . How is everything going . For me . [ light laughter ] jimmy how is your new apartment . Didnt you get a new apartment . Yes, i did get a new apartment. Jimmy yeah, well its good. It must be cool. Are you moved in . [ light laughter ] i didnt get the new apartment i wanted to get. Jimmy thats an interesting story. Who did . Its the one you got. You, you, you got it. Jimmy oh, is that right . You got it, yes. Jimmy did i get the apartment . You got it. Jimmy sorry about that. Yeah. Frans mad at me because she wanted an apartment, but for no other i didnt know that you wanted the apartment. I ended up getting the apartment you wanted. [ light laughter ] ended up, thats a nice way of putting it. [ laughter ] he ended up. And i have a new apartment now. Jimmy yeah. Its twice as expensive as the other one, and i like it half as much. [ laughter ] it worked out perfectly. Jimmy im so happy. You know, i have a painting of you in my house. Yes, youve told me that. Jimmy yes. Ill tell you what. Give me back my apartment, and ill put a painting of you in my apartment. [ laughter and applause ] jimmy youre such a a new yorker. I want to know what are your thoughts of spring in new york. Do you enjoy it, new york city during the springtime . Spring in new york city is, like, three days. [ light laughter ] jimmy its a threeday week. Spring is three days, you know. Fall is three days. Then the rest of the time its summer, and then, a few days of winter. Jimmy yeah, exactly, yeah. Thats it. Jimmy and do you but do you how about now with trump being in town . Does that bother you . Does it bother me . [ light laughter ] jimmy yeah, no. I guess putting it mildly, yeah. Jimmy yes, yes, of course. It more than bothers me. He came later. I dont know if you know this, since youve been working all day jimmy yeah. Which is the down side of having a job. [ laughter ] but i will tell you that he was supposed come earlier. Jimmy oh. But he didnt, because the Republican Congress passed the no Health Insurance for anyone bill today. Jimmy is that what theyre calling it now . So he stayed, he stayed so they could celebrate. And they showed all the members of the Republican Congress getting on a bus and being brought to the white house. And i thought this bus, it looks so familiar, and i said, this is the access hollywood bus. He got it. [ laughter ] jimmy he kept it and then, they congratulated each other on taking away everyones healthcare. And paul ryan, especially, was you know, prominent in it. Because paul ryan, as you know, is always called the conscience of the republican party. And i always think, when i hear this term, i think, the conscience of the republican party, what is that . Is that, like, being the quarterback for the new York City Ballet . [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy how do you get your news . Because you dont have a a smartphone or a phone or a a cell phone, or anything. Thats true. I dont have a smartphone. Jimmy do you watch the news or read the paper . I dont need a phone to be smart. [ light laughter ] jimmy no, but do you have a a landline phone, like a i have a yes, i do. Jimmy yeah. They still make them. Jimmy thats the way yeah. [ light laughter ] yeah. Jimmy and you get the news from just reading the paper or watching the news . Yeah, just. Just from reading the paper. Jimmy just reading the paper . Just reading the paper . Jimmy not watching the news . Yeah, yeah. Jimmy you just read the paper . Well, thats good. And thats where you get all your what if you dont you feel like if theres an emergency or something, dont you need a phone . People say that to me all the time. They say, its dangerous not to have a phone. Jimmy i agree. And i always think it depends, i guess, on your life. I mean, its not dangerous for me not to have a phone. You know, i dont know if you remember this, but several years ago there was a movie based on the true story of a a guy who was hiking and fell down a crevasse which is some endless, like, you know, huge hole in the mountain of colorado, whatever. Jimmy mmhmm. And he didnt have a phone. So he cut his arm off with a a pen knife to get out. Do you recall this . Jimmy i do remember this movie, absolutely. And when this happened, people get to say to me, would you do that . Would you cut your arm . Could you do that . And i kept saying, no, no. Of course, i couldnt do that. But it wouldnt even occur to me to do it. You have to first imagine that your arm is expendable. [ light laughter ] you know . You have to first think to yourself, like, well if i only didnt have one arm, i could get out of here. But i never would have thought of that, because i think of the arm as something, like, actually, i need. Jimmy yeah. [ laughter and applause ] but truthfully, if i caught my hair, i wouldnt have thought of that either jimmy yeah. Because i would think i need that, too. But this would never happen to me because i would first, you have to go hiking. [ laughter ] okay . Jimmy you dont see with he went hiking alone. They said, first he went hiking alone. Jimmy you wouldnt go hiking . He went hiking alone. Jimmy oh, yeah. So, first of all, i would only go hiking if i was a a hostage. Okay . [ laughter ] in which case i would not be alone. [ laughter ] jimmy thats true. Second of all, to fall down a crevasse like that jimmy yeah. I would have to fall off my sofa, down the crevasse. [ laughter ] jimmy there would have to be a crevasse in your apartment. Yes, it would have to be right next to the sofa. [ laughter ] jimmy what is your most ideal new yorker . Me. [ light laughter ] jimmy you . Im the ideal new yorker. Jimmy you are . Yes. Jimmy why . I cant believe you would even ask me that question. [ light laughter ] im the ideal new yorker, because i am the same things that make me the ideal new yorker make me the ideal neighbor. In other words, i would always love to live downstairs from myself. Jimmy really . Yes, because i am quiet. Jimmy yeah. All i do is sulk, which is silent, right . [ laughter ] and quiet. And i have no interest in other people. [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ] jimmy yeah. I mean, im the opposite of the nosy neighbor. Jimmy yeah, the opposite of a nosy neighbor. Im not nosy. I dont care what youre doing up there, as long as i dont hear it. I really dont care. I dont care at all. Jimmy well, ill let you know if theres an apartment opening in my building. [ laughter ] you are not the ideal neighbor. Jimmy wait, what are you talking about . I so am. You seem a little too rambunctious, jimmy, to me. [ laughter ] jimmy im very cheery. I do say hi, but i mind my own business. I dont care what youre doing. But are you dancing around in your apartment . [ laughter ] you may be having a little too much fun to be the ideal neighbor. Jimmy you think so . Yeah. Jimmy you think used to have like, dance, like, parties and stuff . I never really thought about you much, jimmy, but [ laughter ] jimmy sorry to make you do this tonight on television. I wouldnt think of you having parties, but i just think of you as, like, a very lively person. Jimmy yeah, like just hop from like our mutual mover tells me, jimmy fallon, hes such a a nice guy. We have the same moving company. Jimmy he moved your stuff into your new apartment. Yes. He is such a nice guy. He came down. He made us breakfast. And he looked at me. I said, im not making breakfast. [ laughter ] i think, maybe, you know, how about the 30 million im paying you. Thats not enough for you . Jimmy yeah, exactly, yeah. Im not making you this. Jimmy fallon made us breakfast. Jimmy im just saying, i wouldnt go in your apartment and make you breakfast. Thats good. Jimmy i wouldnt. Because youd have to break in. [ laughter ] jimmy im waiting to be invited over to see the new pad. I cant wait hang out. Any minute. [ laughter ] jimmy any minute. Fran lebowitz, everybody i love this person. [ cheers and applause ] were gonna be right back with a performance from halsey. Stick around, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] jack vo things get a lot more interesting at night. Jack vo vampires wake up. Jack vo werewolves come out. Jack vo the boogie man gets his boogie on. Jack vo and my hashbrowns turn into my new munchie mashups. Jack vo they come with crispy hashbrowns and tasty white cheese mashed up with your choice of savory egg and bacon, buffalo chicken and ranch, or jalapenos and bacon. Jack vo so you can keep going until the sun comes up. Jack vo ouch, thats gotta hurt. Jack vo introducing my new munchie mashups. Only at jack in the box. Come on dogs just wont quit. Neither does frontline gold. Its triple action formula is relentless at killing fleas and ticks for a full 30 days. Good boy. Go for the gold. [ cheers and applause ] jimmy she is a Grammy Nominated multiplatinum selling artist whose new album hopeless fountain kingdom is out june 2nd. Here with the Television Debut of her new single, now or never, give it up for halsey. [ cheers and applause ] i dont wanna fight right now know youre always right now you know i need you round with me but nobody waitin round with me been through the ups yeah the ups and the downs with me got a whole lotta love but you dont wanna spread it around with me yeah never pick up never call me you know we running outta time never pick up when you want me now i gotta draw a line baby i done enough talking need to know that youre mine baby we done enough talking gotta be right now baby gon love me now now now now now now now or never i want you to hold me down down down down down down down forever said you know i wanna keep you around round forever i want you to love me now now now now now now now or never im turning off the light right now im calling it a night now wishing you were round with me but you in a different town than me weve been through it all but you could never spit it out for me tryna talk to a wall but you could never tear it down for me yeah yeah never pick up never call me you know we running outta time never pick up when you want me now i gotta draw a line baby i done enough talking need to know that youre mine baby we done enough talking gotta be right now baby gon love me now now now now now now now or never i want you to hold me down down down down down down down forever said you know i wanna keep you around round forever i want you to love me now now now now now now now or never [ cheers and applause ] mmm draw the line up dont take no more time up make your mind up i need you to make your mind up draw the line up dont take no more time up baby you gotta decide something lemme know now now now now now now now or never i want you to hold me down down down down down down forever said you know i wanna keep you around round round round round forever i want you to love me now now now now i want you to love me now or never ohh [ cheers and applause ] jimmy fantastic. Thank you so much. Halsey, everybody. Come on. Now or never. Plus theyre on a u. S. Headlining tour this fall. My thanks to chris pine, fran lebowitz, halsey once again. Joey defrancesco right there. And the roots from philadelphia, pennsylvania. Stay tuned for late night with seth meyers. Thank you for watching. Have a great night. I hope to see you tomorrow. Byebye, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] [ cheers and applause ] announcer from 30 Rockefeller Plaza in new york, its late night with seth meyers. Tonight wanda sykes, comedian chris gethard, music from devin dawson. Featuring the 8g band with josh dion. [ cheers and applause ] ladies and gentlemen, seth meyers. [ cheers and applause ] seth good evening, everybody. Im seth meyers. This is late night. Hows everybody doing tonight . [ cheers and applause ] so wonderful to hear. In that case, lets get to the news. House republicans today voted on and passed an obamacare replacement bill without knowing how much it could cost. Though im not surprised they also voted on an obama
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